AN: I do not own Grey's Anatomy, sadly. If I did, things would go a little differently.
The sun began to peak through the curtains, lightening Meredith's bedroom with its early morning rays. Derek rubbed his eyes as he awoke from his rather peaceful slumber. He looked beside him and realized why he had slept comfortably. Her porcelain body was lying in a deep slumber with her back to him, her gentle breath sounds making him feel more at home than he had in the months since they had ended their relationship, or rather their 'Sex and Mockery'. He was somewhat hesitant the night before to stay in her room, even though she had asked him to. Slowly he raised his arm up towards her shoulder and began rubbing her upper arm with the outside of his index finger. The feel of her skin, and the contact with her caused his heart to race.
He felt Meredith twitch after a few seconds, his hand immediately stopped and shot back towards his own body as if he were electrocuted. Derek heard her inhale heavily and figured she was waking up. Quickly he rolled over and sat up on the bed, grasping for the pants he removed before getting into bed. Suddenly he felt a soft delicate hand on his arm.
"What are you doing?" Meredith said, somewhat raspy. "Lay back down with me."
"I was getting dressed," Derek replied as he turned to look at her, "Don't you still hate me?"
"Derek, I didn't hate you, and I don't now. I was upset, and discouraged. I had to avoid you to keep my sanity. Please, get back under the covers with me," she begged.
"Are you still drunk?" he asked as he checked her forehead for a fever.
"Not really. The vomiting helped with that. "
He giggled a little inside followed by the thought of him rubbing her back the night before to ease the discomfort of heaving. "So you actually want me to stay. If I knew any better, I'd say that you had a hidden agenda Miss Grey," he said, giving her the McDreamy face.
"So what if I do? I'm sure that you'd enjoy it if I did. Now shut up and get back into bed."
Derek dropped his pants back onto the floor and placed himself back under the covers on the bed. She turned to face the window again, and leaned back into him so they were laying together, spooning. Their bodies fit together perfectly. He longed for a long time to feel this comfortable and at ease for a long time. They laid there in silence for a few minutes, both of them content.
Meredith was the first to speak, her voice soft and light. "Derek?"
"Yes Meredith?" he replied, close to a whisper.
"Why did you end things with Rose?"
He knew that question would come up eventually, but he hadn't realized she was going to ask him so soon. It was very much like her to avoid things like this and bring them back up at a time of struggle. It was because of this that made the times when they should have been fighting harder for their relationship to work, seem like everything was falling through the cracks of their fingers. He knew
exactly what he needed to tell her, and he didn't want to say to her back. He gently propped himself up onto his elbow and leaned over top of her tiny frame. He gently turned her onto her back so that she was facing him. This was something that he needed to tell her to her face.
"Meredith," he began, "I made a huge mistake. And I am embarrassed with myself that it took me this long to realize it. I've been an ass. Now, don't say anything, I need to get this out, in one shot." She looked into his eyes and nodded in agreement. "You were trying, trying the best that you could. I don't know why I thought that wasn't good enough. I still can't understand why I kissed Rose, and why I dated her and basically flaunted her around you. But deep down I think that it was because I wanted you, and you were hurting. I turned to what I believed would make me happier.
" I shouldn't have left you alone to deal with the problems in your life. I should have been there for you. You were trying, and I realize that now. It just hurt so much to see that you seemed to be getting along okay without me. It tore me up inside. Whenever I kissed Rose, I thought of you. And I will be completely honest here. I did sleep with her, and it wasn't the same, and it wasn't good. If it was good, I wouldn't have been thinking about you the entire time. I just want you to know, that I will be here for you. And I mean it this time. I will wait as long as you want; I just want you to be in my life."
Derek looked at her, desperate to hear her thoughts. Desperate to find out exactly was going through her mind. He scanned her face, trying to read her expression. She wasn't saying anything and the only thing he knew for sure was that there were tears welling up inside her eyes, but they never left Derek's.
"I've been seeing Katherine Wyatt," Meredith suddenly blurted out.
"As in, psychologist Katherine Wyatt?"
"Yes. As in psychologist Katherine Wyatt."
"Why have you been seeing her? Is there something that I could have done?" he paused for a second before continuing, contemplating the question he was about to ask her, "Where you seeing her because of me?"
Meredith stared at Derek, not knowing what to say. When it came down to it, it was partially because of him, but it also had a lot to do with her mother.
"Meredith?" he asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence, "Was it because of me?"
"No. Well, … partially," she said after sighing. "It was somewhat because of you, and partially because of my mother, and the daddy issues, and the abandonment issues. That whole pile of messy crap."
"I am so sorry, Mer. I had no idea that you were in therapy."
I really am an ass, he thought.
"Well you wouldn't have had an idea. You were with Rose. Which actually was the topic of a couple sessions. But I don't want to talk about therapy, Rose, or anything related to my parents and Katherine Wyatt. I just want to relax, and get rid of my hangover."
"Can I at least apologize?" Derek asked. Giving her the 'McDreamy' eyes once more.
"You've given me your rationale for everything already. You can apologize, but you can't expect me to forgive you. At least not right now. I'm a new person Derek Shepherd, and you are going to have to prove to me that you do want me and love me the way you say that you do." She was looking directly into his eyes, wanting desperately to feel his lips against hers. "I still love you, and I still want you. But you have to prove to me that you want me too." A smile spread across her face.
"I will Meredith. I will prove to you that I love you more than I can possibly love any other being in the world."
"Good," she said, moving slowly away from him.
"Where are you going?"he asked, confused.
"I'm going to get in the bath now."
"Can I join you?"
"Why don't you wait a couple minutes and see if I want you to. I'll give you a hint… check the door." And with that, she bounced out of bed and made her way into her private bath.
Derek looked towards the bathroom. She was closing the door while smiling at him softly. Just the thought of her being naked in the bath, so close to him, turned him on. He listened carefully, not hearing the lock on the door click. He smiled to himself, knowing full well that she was inviting him to join her. He sat up in the bed, anticipating what was to come. Not wanting to wait any longer, he stood up from the bed and made his way over to the door and checked the handle. When it turned fully and opened slightly his heart began racing at the sight before him.
Meredith was leaning over the edge of the bathtub, testing the water with her hand. She was naked, her back to him, so he could see the curves of her lower back leading down to her round ass and muscular thighs. He felt himself growing with excitement and ventured into the room.
Hope you enjoyed the update! Sorry it took so long for it. I've been a little busy. The more reviews I get, the quicker this fic will be updated. So hit the review button and give me some feedback! Suggestions welcome!