CHAPTER 2

Meredith sat on the counter, staring at the phone, but trying not to let it be too noticeable. George had already gone to sleep on the couch and Alex had never made it home, so it was just her and Izzie in the kitchen. "Can you hand me the…?" Izzie started and then paused, realizing that Meredith wasn't paying attention. "Oh, why don't you just suck it up and call?"

"Hmm?" Meredith asked, catching the tone of her friend's voice if not the words.

"Call Derek." Her voice had lost the harshness it would have had earlier in the year.

"Izzie, I can't call him." She realized the simple act of dialing would be the easy part.

"Why not?" She turned to face her friend. "Look, I'm sorry I've been, well, a bitch about some stuff this year." She looked at George asleep on the couch and then back at Meredith. "I went through some stuff, just like you and Cristina. But it doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention."

Meredith gave the prerequisite "You weren't a bitch," statement, knowing that what Izzie was saying was true for her as well. While Izzie had gone through her own mini-drama, she and Cristina had been trying to help each other survive their own. "Paying attention to what?"

"You've been staring at the phone like that for a month. Since he went home with his surgical nurse." Everyone at the hospital knew that Derek had took his surgical nurse home one night a month ago and, from that, grew a rumor that they were having a torrid affair, maybe even getting married. Only a handful that had knew Meredith before hadn't changed their attitudes towards her, almost like the wronged wife, no one wanted to approach it. "I don't think it meant anything. After all, he took Sloan home for Christmas, not the girl. Who in their right mind and in a committed relationship wouldn't take the girl?" Or in a noncommitted one, she wanted to add.

"Mark's parents live in New York too," Meredith answered, knowing Derek had taken Mark to his home, not Mark's own, knowing that Mark had felt much more comfortable with the Shepherd clan. "You really think…"

"He's still as miserable as he was with Addison. If he was actually happy, you'd know it." The last time she could remember Derek actually looking happy was when he was with Meredith and, as she looked at her friend, she realized the last time she remembered Meredith being happy was before Cristina's wedding, with Derek.

"It's probably too late to call New York anyway. They're hours ahead of us. If it's late here, it's almost morning there." It was the last reason she had to put off calling.

"So get some sleep. Call in the morning. Couldn't imagine you giving him a better Christmas present." She watched Meredith's face as she almost agreed and then hesitated. "Oh, please, like you've been that much help tonight anyway," she teased. "Go. I'm almost finished here anyway."

Meredith knew what her friend was saying was true and was grateful for the out, having felt guilty about not doing anything, but knowing Izzie was in her element when she was cooking, preparing for the holidays. "Thanks." She retreated to her room and Izzie smiled. While she and George hadn't been able to work things out together, Izzie was still having her version of a family Christmas with her closest friends. Meredith deserved to have a family Christmas as well, her first ever.

"Derek." Kathleen Shepherd came out to the front porch swing where her brother was sitting in the dark, wrapping a blanket around him. "It's too cold out here. You should be sleeping."

"So should you." He said, his eyes concerned, sharing the blanket with her.

"Mom and the others will be up in a little while. I wanted to get up before the house got too chaotic." It was Shepherd family tradition that all the kids who could come home, did come home, and sleep in their same rooms along with their families so they could have an old-fashioned Christmas morning. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I think so." He remembered the early years of his marriage to Addison, when it had been her he'd brought instead of Mark, how she'd fit in with his family. He actually thought it had been harder on his mother and sisters when he divorced than it had been on himself.

Kathleen read his mind. "I'm glad you and Mark are friends again." She knew how he needed a friend at the moment, especially living all the way across country from his family.

"Me too." He smiled at her.

"Have you heard from Addison?" She broached the subject carefully, something no one else had bothered to do.

He nodded. "She called to let me know she'd gotten to LA all right, but nothing much since. I think Mark hears from time to time." His friend's affair with his then wife no longer brought the emotions it once had.

She nodded. "What about Meredith?" He turned to look at her. "What? Nancy has a big mouth. Plus you seem to be missing someone."

He took a long breath and slowly let it out, watching as it made vapor in the cold New York air. "It's complicated."

"I've got a few hours." Like him, she had no family of her own, just the one they were born into, the one that meant everything to both of them.

He smiled. "It won't take quite that long." He paused. "What did Nancy tell you?"

"That she was slutty, but you loved her." She baited him, waiting to see his reaction.

"She's not slutty. She's made some mistakes, but we all have." As he defended her, he remembered saying the same about her, out of pain than anything else. "And I do love her, Kathleen, but…" He paused. "She doesn't always make it easy."

"They never do, Derek. They never do." She'd had her share of failed relationships as well, even a recent divorce, and could commiserate with him. "So why isn't she here instead of Mark? Not that we don't love Mark around here." He felt like another brother to most of the girls.

"Her father left her mother when she was five. He had another family, another wife and two girls, Lexie and Molly. Lexie's a new surgical intern at the hospital with us, which has led to Meredith discovering her father's now an alcoholic. Did I mention that Meredith's stepmother is dead and she's never completely forgiven herself for that?" He looked over at his sister to find her eyes opened wide, not knowing exactly where to start. "Not to mention that she has two best girl friends, Izzie and Cristina. Izzie's fiancée died the night…the night I broke up with Addison. And Cristina's walked out on her on her wedding day. So she's not feeling like we have a chance."

"But you do," Kathleen asked after a long pause.

He nodded. "I can't have a chance with any other woman. I tried with Addy. I loved Addison, she was family, I wanted it to work, but…she wasn't Meredith." Kathleen nodded. "And I tried with this nurse I worked with…I felt too guilty, like I was cheating on Meredith." He looked towards the house. "I want this. I want a loud, noisy family that love each other. But the only way I want it is with Meredith." He paused and then confessed something that had been eating away at him for over a year. "We were fighting…little over a year ago…and she said that she was healed, until I picked Addison over her." Kathleen looked at him. "When Addison stayed here with Mark, not long after I moved to Seattle, was when I met Meredith. I thought that Addison and I were over…and I really loved Meredith. Still do."

They sat in silence for awhile, Kathleen thinking silently before finally speaking. "You said what you want. What does Meredith want?"

"I don't think even she knows the answer to that." He wasn't being mean, simply honest.

"Exactly. Derek, you have your whole future planned, probably even your kids' names picked out, the same as you did with Addison. What if your future and Meredith's future isn't the same? Could you live with part of yours changed? What's the most important part? The marriage, the kids, or Meredith? If it's the marriage or the kids and she can't go that far, then you should do the fair thing for you both and move on to someone who can. But if it's Meredith, you have to accept that she may not change, especially if this is the only thing she knows. If she never changes, can you live with the Meredith that you know right now? Is it really Meredith you love or the idea of the Meredith you want her to be?"

The phone rang insistently in the wee hours, causing Meredith to grab for the receiver in her room and three lights to come on, the one in the living room, one in Izzie's room, and Meredith's lamp by her bed. "Hello?" Meredith asked, still disoriented.

"Meredith."

Meredith sat up in the bed, hearing something in her sister's voice that she had never heard before, pain, like she was hurting. "Lexie? Lexie, what's wrong?"

"It's Dad." Meredith could hear the sounds of broken glass and yelling behind her and put a hand to her own cheek, remembering Susan's death and the imprint of her father's hand on her face.

"I'm coming, Lexie. Hold on, okay? Just try to stay out of his way. Hide somewhere if you have to, go the neighbor's, just…stay out of his way. I'm coming right now." She hung up, pulling on jeans and a sweater, slipping shoes on and grabbing a coat, making sure her keys were still in her pocket.

Izzie was standing in the hallway, only half-awake, when Meredith walked out. "What's wrong?" She asked, seeing Meredith leaving. "Did you get paged?"

"Sort of." She paused, not wanting to give away too much information. "Call Alex. Tell him to meet me at Lexie's. He'll know the address."

George appeared in the hallway as well, having heard part of it. "Do you want us to come?"

"No. Just call Alex and go back to sleep. It shouldn't take long." She was hoping that it would go as smoothly as she was saying, but had a feeling that it wouldn't as she hurried out of the house.

Alex Karev had been driving for hours, his mind considering his options, wanting to call Izzie and have her kick his butt into gear, wanting to call Lexie and ask for forgiveness, something he'd only ever done with one woman before. He didn't know why he ruined every good relationship he'd ever had by cheating, but figured it didn't matter the reasoning, just that he did and it could never seem to be put right again. He realized what a fool he'd been, chasing after a ghost, a figment of his imagination, a woman that had never really existed. Ava had been gone from the moment Rebecca had realized who she was; he was just another way to escape from her life, the life she'd been planning on throwing away anyway when he met her. He'd taken risks, both personally and professionally, ended up coming close to ruining his career and had thrown away his relationship with Lexie just when it became promising. They'd fought, didn't mean she wouldn't have forgiven him. All his years of friendship with her sister should have taught him that; they acted just alike sometimes. He thought of calling Meredith, figuring she'd still be upset about Derek and be up, but also knew how hard it was to convince her to let him have a chance with Lexie to start with. She'd been afraid that her sister, the one she didn't really know and kept claiming she hated, would be hurt by him…she'd been right.

He found himself on Lexie's block, which made him slightly embarrassed, all that driving to end up here, but when he saw Meredith's SUV there, embarrassment flew out of the window, replaced by fear and worry. He remembered Christmas when he was growing up, just another time for his father to get high, only intensified. He could never remember a holiday season with both of his parents where they hadn't fought, where his father hadn't beaten his mother. That, combined with the facts that every light in the Grey household seemed to be on and that he couldn't think of another reason Meredith would be there in the middle of the night, made him stop his car and go up to the front door, hoping he was wrong, actually hoping to be proven a fool, but not wanting to leave and hear that Thatcher had done anything to either of the two girls.

His heart was in his throat when he saw Lexie open the door, seeing the damage on her face. His blood pressure rose and he tried to stay in control, tried to stay calm. "C'mon, Lex, I know you're pissed at me, you have every right, but let me in. C'mon. Open the door." He tried the door, finding it unlocked, not surprising remembering how often his own father had forgotten to close the door, much less lock it. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "Meredith…She couldn't breathe…She was trying to help me…"

"Where is she? Where's Thatcher?" He asked, wanting so badly to hug her, but not knowing the extent of her injuries or even if she'd let him.

"The den." She walked with him, finding Thatcher on the floor, Meredith on the couch.

He paused, seeing the damage on his friend's face and arms, bruises and cuts everywhere visible, except on her neck. "Lexie, I need you to tell me where he hit her."

"He didn't hit her in the chest," she said, knowing what he was thinking. "He slapped her, jerked her around, but…nothing where she couldn't breathe. I don't know what happened…"

He turned to look at Thatcher, who'd obviously gotten his share of injuries too, although nothing like the girls, mostly cuts although there was liquid on the ground beside him. Lexie followed his gaze. "She was fighting back, trying to keep him from hurting us anymore, and she couldn't breathe." She paused. "I grabbed a bottle and swung." She paused again, her breath shaky. "He's not dead, is he?"

Alex felt for a pulse on the man's throat. "Dead drunk. Although the crack to the head probably didn't help much." She nodded. "Go call Seattle Grace, okay? Tell them we need an ambulance." He knew Shepherd would have to be called as well, but was hoping Bailey or the chief would handle that, at the very least Cristina, anyone but him. He followed her gaze back to her sister. "I'll stay with her. Just please call now." His voice was gentle, unlike himself, as he checked for a pulse.