A/N: Wow! The response to my story was so quick AND so lovely, you guys truly are great. I had been thinking that nobody would enjoy it and then you guys came along, haha. Anyway, it goes without saying, but some of this story will follow certain events in the show. The majority of this story won't, but some will, so you've been warned! SUPER IMPORTANT: THIS CHAPTER AND THE PREVIOUS ARE BASICALLY LIKE SUMMARY CHAPTERS, SO TIME WILL GO BY FAST UNTIL IT GETS TO THE POINT I WANT IT TO. IT'S BACKSTORY! Also, fun tidbit: every title I use is from a song that reminds me of Santana and Quinn, so there's that :). Enjoy!
You Can't Expect Me To Be Fine (I Don't Expect You To Care)
A sort-of truce follows in the days after their fight.
It's mostly just silence, but all of their best plans have been unspoken, so Quinn chooses to acknowledge it as something other than what it is. She could spot a semi-good thing when she saw it, and she wasn't going to spoil what remained.
The silence should be terrifying, and in a way, it is. But she was born into a silent household, she grew up where it was better to be condescending then it was to be loved. Quinn could handle this as long as she had Santana.
It goes to show that The Fabray line doesn't run as deep as it should because all in all, Quinn would take silence over loneliness, any day. It's so unlike the rest of her family that Quinn almost worries it will be the true cause of her demise. The Fabray genes is what gets her family so far, it's what got Charlotte to Columbia. Charlotte was the live action version of ruthless. She didn't stop for anyone, not even Quinn, because Charlotte believed caring for people dragged you down. Charlotte believed that caring was the difference between the people who made it out of Lima and the people who didn't.
Quinn is ruthless, in her own way, but it's mostly herself that she lashes out against instead of others.
Their fight is brutal, just like everything else they do, create, and burn together. It destroys things because that's what they've always done best.
They meld together harshly now, and it's noticeable to everyone, even the kids they torment. There is this constant pull and push between them, instead of the seamless binding that they used to have. Santana no longer seems intent to follow, and Quinn has to regularly curse Brittany under her breath. Curse her for making and breaking Santana, for making her bold where she used to be a coward, and for making Santana want things instead of just taking them.
There are moments where Santana hesitates and Quinn likes to believe that these are the moments when Santana's at her best. When Santana hesitates, there is no mask anymore. There are no words and no lies, no false promises. There is only her Santana, and it's definitely a sight to see.
In these moments, Santana doesn't have to say anything because Quinn can see that Santana misses her. Quinn doesn't say anything back because Santana knows she feels the same.
The root of this problem, is the fact that they're both far too stubborn to relent. Quinn is too stubborn to try and like Brittany, and Santana is too stubborn to give Brittany up.
It's fitting, in a way, that their similar characteristics is what's keeping them apart.
Everything feels different now, in a way that is worse than before.
It's been three weeks since they fought and nothing about their situation has changed, but everything else has. The loyalty is still there, the devotion is still present (forced into longing glances), and the love still lingers like fingertips. But everything else has changed.
They're not a team, not anymore. Santana ebbs where Quinn tries to flow, and it all just feels like a bad dance routine that neither can remember the steps to. Everything about their dynamic used to be effortless, and it isn't until it's almost gone that Quinn realizes she misses it.
What she's stuck with now is worth a lot less and it weighs a lot more. What she has now is a competition. A rivalry where every moment is another memory that Quinn has to compete with Brittany to be a part of. For Santana, it's all about pretending like she doesn't need Quinn, like she never has.
It's irritating, and Quinn finds herself wanting to shake Santana until she's normal. She wants to grab a hold of her sometime best friend and shake away the girl who's taken over Santana since Brittany arrived. She wants to grab Brittany and stick her thumb in her eyes, she wants to grab Brittany by the neck and throttle her until she gives Santana back, because Quinn can't be alone. Not here, not now.
She wishes she could hate Santana, but she physically can't. And she can't hate Brittany, not outright, because Brittany is good in all the ways that Quinn isn't, and it's only a matter of time before people other than Santana notice.
She doesn't need more enemies, not now. What she needs is to keep Santana, just for a while longer, and the quickest sure-fire way to do that is to promote Brittany to Co-Captain. She despises herself while she's doing it, but Quinn Fabray has always been a girl full of pretenses, so she puts on a fake smile and hugs Brittany like she's the one that actually matters.
Santana looks at Quinn as if she's suddenly found her after hours of looking, and when all the Cheerios leave the locker room to get back to class, Santana sticks behind. It's the first time in weeks that Santana's made the effort to be alone with Quinn, so she takes it.
Santana leans against the lockers, the spitting image of what effortlessly cool is supposed to be. "You didn't have to do that."
Quinn shrugs because they both know that isn't true. "Yeah, I did." Is what she says.
Santana pushes off the locker and rushes towards Quinn, her arms enveloping her tightly. She's practically crushing Quinn, and it makes sense, because Quinn has always figured that Santana would be the only one capable of doing so. "I love you, Quinn. Thank you so much for understanding."
It's the nicest thing Santana has ever said to her, literally, and Quinn realizes that Santana took Quinn's gesture as approval and not as desperation. It's the wrong message to send, but with Santana's arms wrapped around her...well, Quinn can't seem to care. When breathing becomes an issue, she pushes at Santana's shoulders, ignoring how everything about Santana has always been so smooth.
"Just don't come crying to me when she breaks your heart."
It's not an admission of anything, and it'd be stupid for Santana to take it as such. It's seeped with disapproval and Quinn knows that Santana can hear it, but she also knows that Santana's Santana, and she'll ignore the things she can until she can't anymore.
"She won't." Santana says, her voice laced with trust that took Quinn months to earn. Quinn wants to punch Santana, she wants to smack her in the damn face and tell her to stop being an idiot. To stop having faith in something so blind and so stupid as Brittany.
"Okay." Is what she says instead, and it's reminiscent of their first encounter, so Quinn leaves it alone.
The weeks that follow are incredibly difficult. Christmas is rearing it's ugly head and it's a constant reminder of how much her life sucks. Everything has been harder for Quinn since the fight, since the abortion. Quinn finds herself stuck in a weird life of limbo. She spends her days floating through a routine she never even drafted, like she's just waiting for life to start.
It irritates her because without goals and focus, all of this seems useless.
Santana tries to be there and it's nice, sometimes. She brings Brittany around a lot because she thinks that Quinn just needs to spend more time with her. Quinn wishes that were the case, but the real truth is that Quinn could never love Brittany, not while she's with Santana.
It's stupid to be jealous of a girl who confused U.S History for a relationship class, but alas, here Quinn is. She's seething from afar and it feels very unbecoming.
She feels herself coming apart at the seams.
She plots and she ploys and she pushes for Santana and Brittany to break up, but it really only makes them stronger. So a week before Christmas, Quinn just gives up and checks out. She becomes detached and cold, her demeanor constantly rigid and frigid.
If there's nothing left to keep her here anymore, then what's the point of being here at all?
The next month passes by pretty much the same. She focuses her attention on Finn because it's easier to focus on someone who's willing to do anything for her instead of focusing on a girl who can't even focus on anything other than Brittany.
Santana comments about Finn's awfulness constantly, and it almost feels like she cares, so Quinn starts dating him again, just so she can feel something worthwhile from Santana.
It works, and shortly after her reunion with Finn, Santana invites her over to her house.
It's Valentine's Day and Quinn has absolutely no issue canceling on Finn thirty-two minutes before their date. That says more than the box of chocolates that he got her and the cuff links Quinn got him.
Quinn arrives a little late to Santana's. Even though she's practically fawning over her friend, she doesn't want to appear too desperate. After all, appearances are everything, especially in Lima.
Santana opens the door on the second ring and pulls Quinn into a hug. The affection is new, and Quinn doesn't exactly hate it, she just doesn't understand it. She's never been good at accepting affection, and immediately she feels suspicious when Santana pulls away.
"Queen Quinn!" Santana chides excitedly. Quinn grins, she hasn't heard that nickname in a while and Santana's enthusiasm is downright infectious.
"Yes Santa-ana?" Quinn teases back, and for a second everything almost feels normal. Until Quinn remembers what day it is and where she's at. "Where's Brittany?"
Santana shrugs dismissively. "Not here. I told her we needed a bestie night. Plus, she gets it." Santana steps to the side, a gesture for Quinn to come in.
Quinn steps into Santana's house confused, she slid off her shoes and followed Santana into the living room, her eyes noticing the various amounts of snacks scattered across the living room. "What do you mean, she gets it?"
Santana's face heats and she looks away from Quinn. She's in her Cheerio sweats and a tank top and it shouldn't work, but everything about Santana has always worked around Quinn, so it works in wonders. Santana steps to the coffee table, her hair moving in waves, like everything else that Santana's ever moved. She leans over and for a brief moment, Quinn thinks that she checks out Santana's ass.
She doesn't have time to dwell on the what-if's, the quite possibly's, and the what-the-fuck's, because Santana is turning back to Quinn with an embarrassed look on her face and her hand outstretched. It takes Quinn a moment to realize that Santana is trying to hand her something. When she does realize it though, Quinn grabs the object from Santana's hand with a gentle curiosity. It's the first time in a long time that Quinn has ever been gentle with anything, and she almost likes the feeling.
She turns the item over in her hands a few times before Santana pushes a box of chocolates and a rose into her hands too. Quinn is still staring at the Valentine in her hand that has a red haired girl and the caption, "Be Brave, Be Mine, Be Everything, Valentine."
Santana shrugs awkwardly, her eyes settling everywhere but on Quinn. "She gets that there's really only one girl who could ever be my Valentine."
It's not the statement that Quinn wants to hear. Hell, she isn't even sure what she wants to hear, but her stomach flutters at Santana's sentiment anyway. It's nothing like what Santana would say to Brittany, because Brittany likes sappy moments and Quinn can't breathe in them, but it's the "you had my heart first" that Quinn has needed to hear.
It doesn't fix all their problems, not by a long shot. But later, when Santana's curled around Quinn, her arm clutching Quinn's stomach possessively, Quinn thinks that Santana's well on her way towards fixing something.
She decides to give Brittany what she deserves; a chance. She doesn't want to go down the same road with Santana again, and if it takes befriending Brittany...then Quinn thinks she might just have to do it.
She'll be brave, she'll do everything, and she'll be Santana's while she's doing it.
The months that follow pass by quickly, and Quinn finds it much easier to handle the sappiness that is Brittany and Santana.
They aren't out, not really, but they love each other so openly and so freely that it's impossible not to see it. Quinn thinks that she's rather numb to their coupling and she rather likes having it that way. Brittany isn't bad, but she's no Santana, so Quinn tries not to be around her without her best friend in the vicinity.
They rule the school like the should: skillfully. Brittany's all grace and kindness where Santana is all boldness and outrage, and Quinn rounds them out by being all plots and deception. They've got the school underneath their thumb and it's great.
Brittany convinces them to join Glee because they have everything running so smoothly that there's literally nothing else to do, no one else to manipulate. Santana and Quinn immediately object because they're two peas in a fucking pod. Santana gets suckered into it because she can't say no to Brittany and Quinn gets suckered into it because she can't say no to Santana.
They bring along Puck and Finn because they're dumb and Glee Club literally needs the people to compete in Regional's. The first time they attend, everyone is silent and terrified by the Unholy Trinity, and Quinn almost quits on the spot.
This is where Brittany succeeds where nobody else could. Mr. Schue is singing some awful version of Gold Digger during their third meeting and Brittany-in all of her air headedness- just moves. She awes everyone in the room, like she always does when she's dancing. Brittany doesn't think when she's dancing, and it shows, because there's no practice or awkward choreography, everything just works.
It's such a beautiful moment that Quinn almost falls in love with Brittany, too, but then she remembers that she's supposed to hate this girl, so she looks away.
It's too late for everyone else though, Santana included, because they're obviously smitten. It takes two more meetings for Rachel Berry to officially invite them into the club and one solo to Santana for Santana to love the club like she used to love Quinn.
It's gross, how simple minded these kids are. How they could all believe that they're something special with the ability to make it out in the real world, to make their dreams come true just because they love something. Quinn knows better, she knows her mother. Success rates are far and few between in Lima, and she knew that it took hard work for someone to even notice you, let alone get out.
Either way, it's nice to not have to think.
It's awkward as hell when Rachel tries to befriend her, but overall? It's kinda nice. In a Lima Loser kind-of way.
Thanks to Santana and Quinn's assertiveness, Brittany's choreography, and Rachel's voice, New Directions is on it's way to Nationals. It's no big deal to Quinn because she's won two of those already on the Cheerios, and those were with Santana, so they obviously mattered more. Plus, Glee Club sectionals and Regional's, were both before Winter Break, and Quinn often had more spare time than usual during those first few months.
Still, it's nice to feel a bit like a kid sometimes.
In Glee Club there is no hierarchy, there are no feelings of being left out. There are no important couples and kids weren't popular based solely on drive and looks. In Glee Quinn could read again, she could offer insightful opinions that weren't about Zac Efron or James Franco.
In Glee Club she could be Quinn instead of Quinn Fabray.
So when Rachel Berry leaves for Winter Vacation with the promise of keeping in touch, Quinn Fabray decides to hold her to it.
She's on her second week of Winter Vacation and reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower when she hears frantic banging at her door. She's a Junior and sixteen, so Quinn is trying to capture the essence of being effortlessly cool while looking smoky and mysterious.
The banging continues and Quinn remembers that her parents are out of town, again. So Quinn practically slides her way outside of her room and scampers down her stairs. She opens her door quickly, wondering if it's Rachel for round two in Wii Bowling, when she freezes at the sight of Santana.
She's crying, her Santana is crying, and Quinn has absolutely no idea what to do.
She reaches out to pull Santana towards her and her arm hits Santana's breast. Quinn squints her eyes in confusion, noticing how Santana's bust looks abnormally large. Well, that's new.
Quinn carries on, undeterred, and effectively grabs Santana's arm, pulling her into her house and away from the prying eyes of her neighbors. Santana looks like a hot mess. She's in Brittany's favorite sweatshirt and her eyes are red. Quinn wants to comfort her, but she's never really been good at anything like that, so she stays silent.
Like usual.
"Brittany-she-" Santana chokes, tears flooding her eyes. "I saw her kissing Artie, fucking Artie."
Quinn rears her head back, her first instinct is to find Brittany and kill her. Her second is to tell Santana that she wasn't supposed to come crying to her and that she though Santana understood. However, Quinn settles on the third thing, which is of course the wrong thing, because Quinn's at her best when she's acting wrongfully. "Did your boobs get bigger?"
Santana looks at Quinn in disbelief. "What?"
"Um," Quinn looks away. "Nothing. Wait, Brittany cheated on you?"
Santana shrugs helplessly, her hand pulling on her sweats and forcing them to slide down her hips accidentally. Quinn's eyes choose that moment to linger on the sliver of skin that's showing instead of watching Santana, and it takes a couple minutes before Quinn checks back in. "...and so she hooked up with Artie."
"I'm sorry," Quinn says, even though she really isn't. "What did you just say?"
Santana rolls her eyes and Quinn cheers silently because at least she's stopped crying. "Brittany was upset that I didn't want to come out, not yet, and so she fucking made out with Artie."
Quinn jerks her head in irritation, her mood changing quicker than one of those rings. "How does that even make any sense?"
Santana's eyes start tearing up again. "It doesn't, at least, to everyone but Brittany. I think she broke up with me."
"Okay?" Quinn asks, because she sincerely is okay at the idea of no more Brittany.
Santana's shoulders shake and her eyes water pathetically. It's shameful for someone so great to be reduced to something so little, so tiny and powerless. Quinn can't wrap her head around it, so instead she wraps her arms around Santana.
"I have to get her back." Is what Santana mumbles into Quinn's shoulder, and Quinn hates it. It's the wrong decision, Santana is always wrong when Quinn is right, and she never takes the time to pay attention. She never takes the time to notice Quinn like she notices Brittany.
It's wrong, because Quinn should have been selfless, she should have offered Santana her shoulder and her couch. Instead, she thought about all the things she's waited for and the things she could have back. Most of all, she thought about all the things she could take and something came over her.
She pulled away and grabbed Santana's face, her fingertips brushing away the tears from Santana's eyes. "Don't do it."
Santana looked at Quinn bewilderedly. "What?"
Quinn didn't answer, instead she did the thing that's been eating away at her. The thing that hid underneath her thoughts, hardly gone and barely there. She grabbed Santana's face and pushed their lips together.
It was most likely the least romantic, slobbery, awkward kiss that any human being had ever experienced on the face of the planet.
And it was perfect.
Sometimes, people are stupid because they can't help but be anything else. Quinn wishes that she regrets her actions as Santana pushes her way, she wishes that she understands what the kiss means, but at the end of it, she only feels really stupid.
"What the fuck, Fabray?!" Santana practically screams as she scrambles away from Quinn. "What was that?"
"That was me not lying to you."
Santana stared at Quinn, her eyes hardened and her mind remembering their fight from over a year ago. It goes to show how much Santana has changed and how much Quinn has stayed the same, when Santana steels her shoulders and looks over Quinn instead of at her. "Yeah, well, I wish that you had."
When Santana opens Quinn's door and leaves almost exactly as she came into Quinn's life, quickly and blatantly, Quinn almost wishes that she had too.