The apartment door swung open to reveal the visage of eight-year-old Jack Cox gripping a game boy in one hand and a banana in the other.
"Hi dad!" the boy chirped, staring up at Perry with a cheery grin. It was easy to see the similarities between father and son; Jack was developing his father's red hair, but it was straighter and flatter like his mother's. His face was covered in small freckles, and he had a pudgy nose like Perry's.
"You're early! Mommy said that you wouldn't be here until four!"
Perry squatted down, suit folds falling behind his legs as he grinned at his son. "Mommy underestimates my driving abilities. I got here extra fast so I could spend a little more time with you before we have to leave. Can you go get her for me?"
Jack nodded and rushed off as Perry stood, gripping his travel bag in one hand and the shoebox under the other arm. He stepped inside the apartment and kicked the door shut behind him, glancing around the room.
Jordan and her new husband, Chris, had taken Perry's nihilistic-like apartment and transformed it into a homier little place; they'd pulled up the carpet to expose the floorboards underneath, and gotten stuffed blue couches and a teak-wood coffee table to sit between them. There were little knickknacks all around and a general sense of the place being lived in, unlike how it had been when Perry had occupied it. Jordan had destroyed his wet bar; informing him that she wasn't going to let Jack be the alcoholic, self-hating bastard he'd turned himself into.
Frankly, Perry agreed with her.
Perry glanced over from looking at the pictures on the fireplace mantle to see Jordan coming out of the bedroom, fixing one of her earrings. Jack was towing along behind her, face down into his game boy. "You're earlier than I expected, Per. Traffic okay?"
He nodded, stepping over to give her a cordial hug. They'd never quite been at ease around one another since he'd left, but were always civil in front of their son and still cared a little about one another.
"How's it been with you?" he asked as they broke apart.
Jordan shrugged and moved to a mirror hanging on the wall, using it to check out her appearance. "Same as always. Chris is on a business trip, and he's fine with you staying here; even says to say hi."
Perry maintained about the same civility to Jordan's new husband as he did to Jordan. The other man seemed to understand Perry's desire to be in Jack's life, and didn't resist it; he just went with the flow. Perry had been satisfied with Jordan's choice for a new husband, and they all managed to get on well.
Perry felt a tug on his shirt and looked to the right to see Jack holding a plastic model dinosaur up for his inspection.
"See?" Jack said, pointing a finger at the teeth in the T-Rex's mouth. "I glued them all in by myself!"
"Nice work, Jacky," Perry said, ruffling his hair and giving him a small smile. "I bet they're all jealous of you in art class." He got a rapid head nod in response, and Jack shuffled away to put the model back in his room.
"So, want to put your stuff in the guest room?"
Perry nodded at Jordan and picked up the travel bag from where he'd dropped it on the floor before, following her into a small side room that held a neatly made bed and a few other furniture pieces. He tossed the bag haphazardly onto the bed (he'd already gotten dressed for the wake back at his apartment), and placed the shoebox on the dresser top. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jordan quirking her eyebrow at him in the dresser mirror.
"What have you got there?"
"It's…" Perry hesitated and turned to glance at her, not really wanting to say. "It's just some things I need to return to someone; I took them when I left and never gave them back."
Recognition seemed to flit across Jordan's face, and she nodded.
"Well, our babysitter Katrina will be here in about ten minutes to take care of Jack, so you might want to grab him while you can." She gave him a slight smile as she walked out, seeming to say that she wouldn't press the issue and assuring him that it was okay.
Perry let out a whoosh of air and looked back down at the box. Discussing the contents inside with Jordan would not be a good idea. It would bring back too many painful memories and issues that he didn't want to deal with, and he didn't want to screw up the decent relationship they'd managed to set up.
His hands drifted over the shoebox lid, and before he knew what was happening, he had it off and was drifting his fingers over the contents. He stopped on a movie ticket stub in the corner and lifted it up, realizing what exactly it was.
()
It was turning out to be the worst week of Perry's life.
Jordan and he had gotten into another horrible argument; she was yelling about how often they actually spent time together, and he was berating her for thinking he could up and drop all of his obligations to do things with her all the time. He'd been sleeping on the couch for the past two days, the air of the household filled with tension.
Then there was the fact that he'd been having a horrible streak of coding patients; he'd lost three people in the past seven days. They'd all only had about a fifty-fifty shot of survival, but he'd be damned if it wasn't tearing him up badly inside. With nobody to go home to and vent at, he was bottling everything up.
Finally, as if that weren't enough, and he just had to find one more way to screw up part of his life, he'd made the horrible mistake of coming onto JD in the middle of a shopping mall. Perry had fled the photo booth after their little 'incident', and had been carefully avoiding the kid in the hospital however he could: making sure to have different shifts, ducking down hallways whenever JD came into view; basically being a cowardly bastard.
Not that he'd ever admit to anyone but himself.
Perry had also been agonizing over what he had done. It wasn't right; he'd cheated on Jordan, he'd fucked up his relationship with JD, and now he was afraid that he'd never be able to face the kid. He, the 'great' Perry Cox, was afraid of a scrawny little hang-on leech like JD.
Yeah, he'd done just a 'fabulous' job there, really 'amazing' effort on his part.
Crap, I'm an idiot.
Going to the movies was a way for Perry to relax. The latest action flick and a giant bucket of popcorn were what he needed to unwind, and it would free up his mind to do some hard thinking. So Perry had driven to the ten-thirty showing alone and sat in the back of the theatre, waiting for the movie to begin.
Just as Perry was about to pop the first handful of greasy, buttered, artery clogging snack-food into his mouth, he glanced to the entry door and drew in a strangled gasp.
JD was standing at the doorway, looking around inside the theatre for a seat. It was mostly deserted, with only a few people closer to the front. When he caught sight of Perry, his eyes widened in shock, apprehension and fear seeming to radiate out of him. Surprisingly, however, he didn't come over, and Perry watched him shuffle over to the seats on the right, and settle in the middle of a row three ahead of Perry's.
Perry's body filled with relief; JD wasn't going to try and confront him here about what had happened. Still, he could see the kid glancing at him every once in a while, so Perry kept his sight off of JD while the lights were on, wanting the other man to not feel awkward and hoping he'd ignore Perry for the course of the movie.
The lights dimmed, and the pre-movie commercials began playing. Perry munched on his popcorn, finding it harder and harder to stop watching JD's dark form across from him. He was still wondering exactly why JD wasn't trying to talk to him about the incident; it just didn't seem like a JD 'thing' to do. Perry would've thought he'd be yelping at him like a freaked-out gerbil, trying to wheedle answers out of him.
And now Perry was getting antsy. These thoughts were distracting him from the movie.
Damn that kid, how could he be sitting there, so calm, when there was this giant 'thing' between them; huge enough to fill the entire theatre! It wasn't right; something was off. And it was driving Perry crazy. He needed to know why.
Finally, Perry stood and grabbed his popcorn, shuffling out of the back row and moving stealthily down the aisle.
JD let out a loud yelp when Perry plopped down in the seat next to him and several people looked back at them, giving them dirty looks. Perry rolled his eyes and ignored them, turning to look at a wide-eyed JD, his expression partially hidden by the dimness of the theatre.
"We need to talk."
JD let out a gulp, staring up at him with that naïve look that plucked at Perry's heartstrings again. "W-what about?" he whispered, and Perry could tell that he was trying to put on an innocent act. Well it wasn't going to work, and the kid should've damn well known that.
"You know what; that little photo booth disaster from last week."
"I… I don't know what you mean!" JD squeaked.
Perry was momentarily stunned; since when did JD not want to talk about something? He stared down at the kid, finally noticing the desperate look JD wore on his face.
And then Perry realized something that shocked him; JD really didn't want to talk about what had happened. Maybe the kid really did want to forget what had happened; maybe he was scared of what it meant, the same way that Perry was.
It was something he'd never considered before; that JD might not want to understand what had gone on between them, might want to chalk it up to something random that would never take place again.
Perry pulled back from JD, sitting up and looking back at the movie screen. "Never mind then."
JD seemed hesitant at his reaction, but in a few moments had sat back up and had his eyes on the screen as well.
Perry thought he'd be filled with the same relief that had come to him before when JD hadn't chosen to confront him. But there wasn't relief, and he realized that maybe he did want to understand what was going on.
Truthfully, what they'd done in that booth had scared him. But it wasn't enough to make him wish to be ignorant of whatever was happening between JD and himself.
Perry looked back over at JD, waiting for the younger man to realize he was being stared at. Finally, JD turned his head to look back at Perry, who felt a surge of guilt when he saw the fear in JD's eyes; fear that Perry knew he had put there.
"JD," he said, voice softer and less threatening than before, "what's going on with us?"
"I don't know," JD admitted, chewing on his lip and glancing to the side. "I… I didn't want you to hate me even more than you do, so I didn't try and bother you about it."
"I don't hate you, Newbie." JD looked back up at him, surprised expression evident even in the darkness. "And maybe you should've bothered me about it."
Before JD could say anything, Perry had leaned over and caught his mouth in a kiss, pressing him back against the armrest of his seat. He heard the younger man's sharp intake of breath, and felt his hands grasp onto Perry's shoulders tightly, as if the older man was a lifeline in whatever insanity they were falling into.
Perry held onto JD's waist, deepening their lip lock and gaining entrance to JD's mouth with his tongue. Oh god, Perry thought, pulling the other man out of his seat and into his own lap, what have I gotten us into?
But then JD was pressed up against him, sliding against his groin, and Perry didn't care to have his question answered.
()
The drive to the funeral parlor was unsurprisingly quiet. They'd taken Jordan's little Honda, heading back onto the deserted highways and toward their destination. Perry glanced out the side window, watching the trees being whipped by the wind as droplets pounded against the glass.
"You didn't take the box with us?"
He glanced over at Jordan, who had her eyes trained on the road. The question was presented casually, even though there were tense implications lying beneath.
"I'm not going to do it there; I figure maybe I'll take him for a drink and do it."
Perry watched her nod slowly and looked away again, suddenly wishing he had brought the box; he was worried now about whether going out somewhere with JD would be the best idea in the world.
"You could always bring him by the apartment and do it."
He tried to not whip his head over to look back at her in shock. Jordan was offering Perry an out… a chance to do what he needed to in a place where he knew nothing would take place between himself and JD.
"…it's okay; thanks for the offer though."
Jordan shrugged, and Perry groaned internally, cursing himself for finding it so easy to sabotage his own best intentions.
()
Perry had a momentary panic attack when he left the theatre with JD and realized that Jordan was at home in his apartment.
Apparently, though, JD had sensed what he was thinking. "Carla and Turk are gone for the night to a friend's," he said, touching Perry on the shoulder gently. "We could…"
Perry nodded quickly, causing JD's face to light up. "We're taking your scooter."
Now JD looked confused.
"I- my car shouldn't be showing up in front of your apartment this late at night, should it?"
JD nodded quickly, and Perry almost felt his arm ripped out of his socket as he was pulled over to the tiny blue thing that was JD's transportation. He gave a little annoyed grunt when JD sat on it and patted the seat behind him, but took the proffered helmet and sat. He gripped his hands onto JD's waist and attempted to keep them from straying anywhere; they did need to get home without the kid crashing, after all.
In ten minutes they were back at the apartment, and JD pulled Perry inside by the collar of his shirt, drawing him into a breathless kiss. They reversed positions, and it was Perry who pressed JD back against the wall, planting kisses down the younger man's throat that left him moaning.
Somehow, they managed to not crash into the couch, and made it into the bedroom. Perry pushed JD back as the younger man's calves hit the bed, causing him to fall on top of it, panting and staring up at Perry in a way that made his breath catch in his throat.
He knelt on the floor, watching JD's eyes widen, and tugged at the younger man's belt, hands straying over the buckle. "Perry, you-" JD started, but Perry interrupted him.
"Newbie, for once in your life, zip it."
JD finally gave a tentative nod, and Perry finished undoing the belt. He popped open the button on the fly and unzipped it, dragging his fingers under the waistband of both boxers and pants to draw them down to JD's ankles.
Perry heard JD suck in a breath as the cool night air hit his erection, and gazed up to see lustful, slightly nervous pupils meeting his own.
"You're a newbie at this too, aren't you?" JD nodded slowly, suddenly looking ashamed. Perry thought he really didn't have anything to look ashamed about; it wasn't like Perry was an expert at this. He'd only done it a few times, and was starting to feel traces of his own nervousness. Still, the kid was looking like he needed some encouragement.
JD had gone silent, gazing off to the side; face not lost in daydream, but in anxiety. Perry reached up and grasped his chin.
"Hey," - he turned JD's face towards him. "We'll take it slow, okay? Just follow my lead and it'll be fine."
However new the situation, there was something oddly familiar about it. Perry finally realized what it was later when JD was sleeping exhaustedly against his chest; he needed merely to assure Newbie that everything would be alright, and JD would believe him.
Perry had his complete trust.
He would be damned if he ever lost it.