Disclaimer: Not mine.

Old Friend,

It's been a long time since we talked, hasn't it? Yeah, I think we last talked before the End. Meaning when I joined up, of course. I thought one thing, you thought another, and it's as simple as that. But at least we didn't end up killing each other, hey? Though that's the kind of thing I'd say, not you. You'd probably say something like 'you could have changed.' But that's just the thing, isn't it? We're so different we probably shouldn't have been friends to start with. I did what I thought was right, and you thought I was wrong. I was in a Circle, you were in an Order. And we lost touch.

But you know all that already. I'm just reliving the past. Now that the End of the End is over (meaning the Final Battle), we can be friends again.

Haha. Yeah right. I wish. I miss being friends. But now that we've picked our sides, we can't go back. Even though the war is over. Do you remember when we were at Hogwarts together? We were Ravenclaws. Of course, you knew that already. But I can't help it, you know me. I like to talk about the past. It's why bloody first years always hated me. No one ever wanted me to tutor them, not the way they'd want you to.

Do you remember how we won the Quidditch Cup in our 5th year? Normally Slytherin and Gryffindor were back and forth as the winners. But we showed 'em all, hey? And then the time we tried to prank Professor McGonagall and she caught us Transfiguring all her books? Guess we should've known better to try and use Transfiguration on her. We were so normal, though.

Funny, isn't it? Back in the old days we never called the teachers 'Professor.' I don't remember why. Now that we've graduated and fought a war and decided who to hate, we call them the respectful names. Maybe it's because we do respect them more, though. Back then they just gave out useless bits of knowledge and a lot of detentions. Now I've seen them in action as witches and wizards. I've seen them fight for what they believed in, just like me. So different from the old days, my friend. We used to mess with them all the time. We could of given Potter and Black a run for their money, if we were Gryffindors and gave away everything we did. We were just smarter than them, we actually covered our tracks.

I wonder, though, if your last words are true. I hate you! Do you really? Could a differing opinion change years of friendship? No, but a Death Eater could. There. I've said the words. Death Eater. That's what I was. What I am. I still haven't renounced the old views, despite our downfall. No, I don't think the Dark Lord will ever rise again. I'm glad. I hated him. But I needed his leadership. He was cruel, but he was efficient. And I still believe it, that Purebloods are best. We have to be; it's all I have to be good at. It's all I have going for me. If I believed that I wasn't better for my blood, I'd be dead by now. I'd have nothing left. I'd've given up ages ago. You know that. You know what I was like. What I am like. But like I said, you know all that. I'm just reliving the past.

You know, even if I could go back, I don't think I would. I'd make the same choices over again. I'd never give up. I'd never go to the Order of the Phoenix, I'd never help Harry Potter. I did what I did and I'd do it again. I believe everything I did was right and I was on the 'good' side.

Maybe that's the thing, friend. Maybe there isn't a good or bad side. After all, everyone who does anything worth mentioning thinks they're doing the right thing. Knows they're doing the right thing. When two such people think two different things, which side is the good one? Whichever one you agree with, surely. So how do you know which one's the truth? By whatever, I don't know, Dumbledore says? Or whatever the Dark Lord says? Or in a less extreme case, between Professor McGonagall and Professor Sinistra? Merlin knows they disagree all the time, though I hear that it's Professor Trelawney she can't stand now. Word travels pretty far, hey? Here I am, definitely out of the loop, and even I know what the old teachers are up to.

Future, present, past. Where will I be in the future? I'm scared, old friend. Everything I've done, right or wrong, will catch up with me eventually, even if I'm safe for now. Will I be sent to Azkaban, or perhaps executed? I don't know and that's what scares me.

Right now, I'm a lonely outcast with no friends, not even my old comrades; they're all too frightened to be seen near an old Death Eater. They've all got tattoos as real as mine, I don't see why they're ashamed of it. Even if they really have changed, shouldn't they be proud that they're different? I can understand not spouting about it, but going to the lengths they do just to keep it hidden...they're as good as announcing their past. Stopping to talk to me once in a while wouldn't change anything they've done.

And oh, the past! The glory days, when I was doing something worthwhile, changing the world! We were like soldiers, you know. We were fools, of course, but we were doing something right, for once. Many of us joined up for a family. Those that joined for nothing but the glory were killed sooner rather than later; those that were utterly loyal got thrown into Azkaban. The ones like me, who were loyal, lonely, and wanted glory, we were kept around but never trusted. So different from Hogwarts. Where did I go wrong? I've heard people ask it. I was popular, talented, and I had it all, even money. And I had you, the best friend anyone could ask for. But you already know all that. I'm just reliving the past.

Another Lonely Soldier

A/N: Edited: 12/14/10