Chapter 2
Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my first chapter! I was very unsure of how this fan fiction would be received, and I am overjoyed at your words of encouragement! Also, a special thank you to "Left Side," my beta reader.
Chapter Summary: Jack learns something about Will's marriage, and Will remains unaware of Jack's not-so-subtle intentions. And also- some actual PLOT toward the end of the chapter! Yeah!
Warnings: Same as before, OOC, slash, swearing, attempts at humor, obscure Weird Al references, and so forth.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Black Pearl glided silently through the Caribbean waters, its dark sails filled with wind. A large yellow moon illuminated the sky; the same moon was reflected in the black ocean below. (Well, actually, it wasn't the same moon; see, because it was a reflection. The real moon was up in the sky. But nonetheless there was a large yellow moon, and it did have a golden reflection in the black waters below. The Caribbean waters, in fact.)
A solitary figure stood on deck, staring out toward the unseen horizon. Shortly, he was joined by another solitary figure, and their combined solitarity was actually no longer so solitary. That is to say, there weren't alone any longer, as there were two of them. The original figure was Captain Jack Sparrow, and second figure was Anna Maria.
Jack turned slowly and regarded the woman in the previously discussed moon light. "You still owe me a ship, you know." She teased him, walking over and joining him at the rail.
"I thought we called it even when I made you first mate."
"I don't feel like much of a first mate, since you gave 'that boy' my cabin."
"Well," Jack paused, "I gave him that cabin so that Laurensue April would have some place to keep her toys-"
If "First of all," Anna Maria rolled her eyes, "her name is Laurentina May, second, she doesn't have any toys, and thirdly, the only reason you gave him that cabin is because there is a door connecting it to yours."
Jack's hands began to move, and his eyes to roll, but it was a few seconds before his brain could think of something to say. "Well, you see, um, that's because if there were a fire, then Laurentina May could escape and not be burned to death." Jack was rather proud of this excuse.
"And if it were your cabin that were on fire, you wouldn't be helping her any."
"Look!" Jack whirled around. "This has everything to do with safety and nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with my desire to tie Will to the mast and rip off his clo-" Jack stopped.
"That's what I thought." Anna Maria stated calmly. Honestly, the Captain might as well sew "Jack's Bitch" on Will's shirt, for all the subtlety he employed. Not that the shirt would be seen, since Will never wore one (as Jack requested.)
"You know, Captain," she began again, "I'm really glad you found someone to have a lasting relationship with."
"Yeah, a relationship which consists of me and my Vaseline." Jack muttered under his breath.
"What?" Anne Maria demanded. "You mean you two aren't.er.you know...?"
"If we were, would I have him spend so much time swabbing the decks?"
"Cleanliness is next to Godliness?" she suggested. When she saw that her friend's mascara-rimmed eyes were downcast, she gingerly patted him on she shoulder. "Look, why don't you make a move on him when we go into port tomorrow? I'll take Tina for the day, so you won't have to worry about that."
Jack dried his eyes with the back of his sleeve, smearing eyeliner all over his face. "But what should I do?"
"Just start by getting him drunk."
"But how do you know he can't hold his alcohol?" Jack asked.
"Um." There was a pause. "It just.sort of.makes sense?" she said hopefully.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Actually, she was quite wrong. Will could hold his alcohol. Very well, in fact. Well enough that Jack was peacefully blitzed beside him, while the young black smith was only a little impaired.
"Hey, you," Jack said, gesturing toward a particularly unattractive woman (his rum goggles were fully on by now.) The woman walked over and regarded Jack haughtily.
"Yeah? Whaddya want?" She demanded.
"Do you have any bear claws?" Will asked happily, wanting to eat something other than peanuts.
"Naw, we're outa bear claws!" said the Woman Employee, Not Currently Happy (also known as w.e.n.c.h.)
"Um, seeing as how you are a whore and all," Jack began.
"Excuse me?" The w.e.n.c.h. demanded angrily. "Excuse me? Just because I have rather large breasts, and happen to work in a tavern serving alcohol to pirates, you just assume I am selling myself?"
Jack and Will blinked. This had never happened before.
"Um, I know there is a right answer here, but I am not seeing it," Jack said, eating more peanuts in the vain hopes that the key to sobriety could be found in one.
"Well, it just so happens that I AM a lady-of-the-night, but I am certainly not going to sleep with either of you!" She screamed, and then went off to complain to her Union representative.
"I didn't want to have sex with you!" Jack yelled after her. "I just wanted to be able to call you a whore!"
Will sipped his drink. "I've had sex before," he said happily. (The alcohol was finally starting to take effect.)
Jack spun his head tiredly toward Will. "Yeah, I noticed," the pirate grimaced at an image of Laurentina May which popped into his head.
"How did you know?" Will asked.
"The little whelp who looks like you in a dress, minus the facial hair, kind of tipped me off."
"Oh, yeah." Will stated cheerfully. "But, you know, it wasn't that great."
Jack picked his head of the table and regarded Will drunkenly. "What wasn't that great?"
"Sex. When I had sex, it wasn't that great."
"Yeah, with Elizabitch I wouldn't imagine it would be." Jack dropped his head back on the table. "But I imagine it would get better with time," Jack said sadly, mentally conjuring images of HIS Will and THAT woman making love in all sorts of interesting places. The kind of places HE should be with Will in.
"No, not really. Why, does it really get better after the first ten minutes?" Will asked innocently.
"No, I mean, each time, you know, each time you," Jack forced away an image of Elizabitch wearing a black negligee and passionately kissing Will. "Each time, as you get used to her," and here Jack put maximum disdain on the word 'her,' "it should get better." Jack finished the sentence in his mind, 'unless you are secretly gay, and so could never enjoy sex with a woman.'
"What do you mean, each time? Oh, you mean the second time it will be better!"
Jack pulled his head off the table so quickly that the dreadlocks hit the chair behind him audibly. "You mean," the pirate couldn't disguise the glee in his voice, "that you only had sex once?"
"Well, yes." Will said happily, as though two young people making love only once in their first four years of marriage was the most natural thing in the world.
"This is the happiest day of my life!" Jack giggled drunkenly to himself.
"Why is that, Jack? Is the rum that good?" asked the young, slender, tall, attractive, thin, effeminate, good-looking metal worker.
Jack promptly passed out on the table, a gleeful smile across his face. Will sighed and picked up the pirate, casually throwing him over one shoulder. As Will trudged back to where the Pearl was moored, he wondered why everyone thought it was he who passed out, and Jack who was always carrying him back to bed. Will took the slumbering Captain to his lavish, expensive, exquisite, quarters and laid Jack on his large, massive, enormous, gold-plated bed with silk sheets and rubies and diamonds imbedded in the headboard.
'Wow, this is sure a fancy bed' thought Will, as he gently dropped the older man onto the aforementioned bed. 'it must be because he's a pirate and he steals all this stuff from other ships.' Will pondered this for a few minutes. 'that's kind of creepy.Arrrrg!' Will added happily, still inside his head. Feeling suddenly empowered, Will whispered the word Jack had forbidden him to use, 'Arrrrg?' Seeing that the Captain didn't wake up, and that nothing terrible seemed to be happening as a result of using 'the word,' Will tried again, only louder. "Arrrg!" Soon, he was jumping up and down in Jack's quarters (also known as a room, but as this is about pirates, we need to be fancy about it) shouting "Arrrg!" at the top of his lungs.
Picture it for a moment. Because that's exactly what Anna Maria saw when she opened the door to see what was the matter. Will spun around quickly, abruptly stopping his "Arrrgs."
"What in the hell are you doing, boy?" She demanded.
"I.was..uh..putting Jack to bed?" Will's pathetic excuse was really more of a question than an answer.
"So you two are together then?"
Will pursed his lips while he pondered the question. His face slipped in to that oh-so-sexy confused look. "Yes.I suppose now we are together in this same room." The blacksmith answered decidedly.
Anna Maria rolled her eyes. "I mean, are you going out?"
"Yes, I think we are going back into the city together tomorrow." Will was wondering if Anna Maria was drunk, asking him all these silly questions.
"I MEAN" she screamed, loosing patience with the man before her. She began to wonder if he had somehow inhaled an interesting combination of metal vapors while working as a blacksmith. That would explain why he was so dense. But pretty nonetheless. "I mean, are you together in a gay sort of way?"
"Yes, we are certainly happy, thank you for asking." Will was confused by the look that crossed the she-pirate's face. He was even more confused when she slammed the door, leaving him alone with the Black Pearl's Captain.
The gorgeous, slender, youthful orgasm-inspiring crafter of metallic objects was just about to exit through the door connecting the Captain's quarters to his own, when the bedreadlocked man in eyeliner awakened from his alcohol induced slumber. "Will, where are you going?"
Will turned around at the sound of his old friend's voice. "Oh, I was going to my quarters." (Also known as bedroom.)
Jack sat up, but had apparently not slept off all of the alcohol, as the next think he said proved. "Will, you are really hot."
"Yes, I am," Will agreed, feeling his shirt, now damp with perspiration. "How did you know? Why don't we open a window in here and then I'd cool off?" the blacksmith suggested.
"Or you could take off you shirt?"
"Good idea!" Will promptly removed his white, billowy pirate-esque shirt.
"You know what always cools me down?" said Jack, who was quickly regaining sobriety and knew an opportunity when he saw one. "It always helps me to take off my shoes." Jack mentally finished the sentence 'because once your shoes are off, you can take off your pants.'
Will nodded his head, and removed said shoes. "Here, Will, why don't you sit down on my bed here." Jack encouraged, gesticulating toward the side of his bed that was not occupied.
"Why thank you Jack!" the younger brunette sat down on the edge of the bed. "Would you mind if I also took off my pants?"
Jack could barely believe his luck. "I was just about to suggest it!" He sat up and moved closer to Will, while Will continued to give the room his happiest smile.
Will undid his belt buckle. (which had a rhinestone skull and cross bone image on it. He had bought it to be more pirate-like. Under the picture was the word "Matey" in red glitter. Will thought it was pretty, and so did Laurentina May.) Jack began tapping one of his feet, willing the young man to speed up. Next, Will began untying the laces on his breeches. Jack leaned forward unconsciously. Lastly, the effeminate man slipped off his breeches very sexily. (You see, Will is the only person who can take off his pants sexily. Which is why the verb "slipped off" is used. Any other person would have been described as "jumping around on one leg while trying ungracefully to remove his pants, and falling flat on his face." But not Will. No, Will was very sexy when undressing.)
The artist-whose-medium-was-metal was sitting on the corner to Jack's massive, gold-plated bed, now wearing only a pair of black silk boxers.
"What the hell are those?" Demanded the ship's Captain, gesturing toward the black silk boxers.
"These are black silk boxers," explained the chocolate-eyed young man.
"What the hell does that mean?"
Will decided now would not be an appropriate time to say "boxers made from black silk," nor would it be an appropriate time to say "savvy" or any other piratey words Jack didn't approve of him using. So instead he said, "They're underwear for men."
(In fact, black silk boxers have not yet been invented at the time of Jack and Will's conversation, but Will owned a pair nonetheless. Let me endeavor to explain how it is that Will came to be in possession of such a fine pair of black silk boxers. He had found them in the wash one day, and had assumed they were a gift from his lovely wife. In actuality, they belonged to Raul, but as Raul owned lots of interesting underwear for men, he didn't really miss them.)
Jack, who was viewing the black silk boxers as though they were his greatest enemy, was growling at the offending material.
"Wow, I feel so much cooler Jack!"
"Yeah, that's nice." the older man was having all sort of interesting images running through his mind, such as Will seated next to him in a tavern, his hand on Will's inner thigh. "Huh?" Jack's mind had just registered that Will had been speaking to him.
"I said, 'Goodnight, Jack,' I'm going to bed."
"You could just sleep in my room tonight?" Jack suggested hopefully to the black silk boxer wearing young man.
"Jack," Will giggled, "You're so silly. My room is right through this door!" And with that, the iron artisan left his Captain's quarters (room).
* * * * * * * * * *
Even as the Black Pearl glided silently across the caliginous liquid (water), another being named Jack was hard at work. This dark creature was working tirelessly on a plan, a plan for revenge, revenge for the death of its Captain! Suddenly, and idea came to this Jack. A piercing and evil cackle escaped his lips, then he turned to his first mate and said "Set sail for Madrid!"
Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed my first chapter! I was very unsure of how this fan fiction would be received, and I am overjoyed at your words of encouragement! Also, a special thank you to "Left Side," my beta reader.
Chapter Summary: Jack learns something about Will's marriage, and Will remains unaware of Jack's not-so-subtle intentions. And also- some actual PLOT toward the end of the chapter! Yeah!
Warnings: Same as before, OOC, slash, swearing, attempts at humor, obscure Weird Al references, and so forth.
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Black Pearl glided silently through the Caribbean waters, its dark sails filled with wind. A large yellow moon illuminated the sky; the same moon was reflected in the black ocean below. (Well, actually, it wasn't the same moon; see, because it was a reflection. The real moon was up in the sky. But nonetheless there was a large yellow moon, and it did have a golden reflection in the black waters below. The Caribbean waters, in fact.)
A solitary figure stood on deck, staring out toward the unseen horizon. Shortly, he was joined by another solitary figure, and their combined solitarity was actually no longer so solitary. That is to say, there weren't alone any longer, as there were two of them. The original figure was Captain Jack Sparrow, and second figure was Anna Maria.
Jack turned slowly and regarded the woman in the previously discussed moon light. "You still owe me a ship, you know." She teased him, walking over and joining him at the rail.
"I thought we called it even when I made you first mate."
"I don't feel like much of a first mate, since you gave 'that boy' my cabin."
"Well," Jack paused, "I gave him that cabin so that Laurensue April would have some place to keep her toys-"
If "First of all," Anna Maria rolled her eyes, "her name is Laurentina May, second, she doesn't have any toys, and thirdly, the only reason you gave him that cabin is because there is a door connecting it to yours."
Jack's hands began to move, and his eyes to roll, but it was a few seconds before his brain could think of something to say. "Well, you see, um, that's because if there were a fire, then Laurentina May could escape and not be burned to death." Jack was rather proud of this excuse.
"And if it were your cabin that were on fire, you wouldn't be helping her any."
"Look!" Jack whirled around. "This has everything to do with safety and nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with my desire to tie Will to the mast and rip off his clo-" Jack stopped.
"That's what I thought." Anna Maria stated calmly. Honestly, the Captain might as well sew "Jack's Bitch" on Will's shirt, for all the subtlety he employed. Not that the shirt would be seen, since Will never wore one (as Jack requested.)
"You know, Captain," she began again, "I'm really glad you found someone to have a lasting relationship with."
"Yeah, a relationship which consists of me and my Vaseline." Jack muttered under his breath.
"What?" Anne Maria demanded. "You mean you two aren't.er.you know...?"
"If we were, would I have him spend so much time swabbing the decks?"
"Cleanliness is next to Godliness?" she suggested. When she saw that her friend's mascara-rimmed eyes were downcast, she gingerly patted him on she shoulder. "Look, why don't you make a move on him when we go into port tomorrow? I'll take Tina for the day, so you won't have to worry about that."
Jack dried his eyes with the back of his sleeve, smearing eyeliner all over his face. "But what should I do?"
"Just start by getting him drunk."
"But how do you know he can't hold his alcohol?" Jack asked.
"Um." There was a pause. "It just.sort of.makes sense?" she said hopefully.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Actually, she was quite wrong. Will could hold his alcohol. Very well, in fact. Well enough that Jack was peacefully blitzed beside him, while the young black smith was only a little impaired.
"Hey, you," Jack said, gesturing toward a particularly unattractive woman (his rum goggles were fully on by now.) The woman walked over and regarded Jack haughtily.
"Yeah? Whaddya want?" She demanded.
"Do you have any bear claws?" Will asked happily, wanting to eat something other than peanuts.
"Naw, we're outa bear claws!" said the Woman Employee, Not Currently Happy (also known as w.e.n.c.h.)
"Um, seeing as how you are a whore and all," Jack began.
"Excuse me?" The w.e.n.c.h. demanded angrily. "Excuse me? Just because I have rather large breasts, and happen to work in a tavern serving alcohol to pirates, you just assume I am selling myself?"
Jack and Will blinked. This had never happened before.
"Um, I know there is a right answer here, but I am not seeing it," Jack said, eating more peanuts in the vain hopes that the key to sobriety could be found in one.
"Well, it just so happens that I AM a lady-of-the-night, but I am certainly not going to sleep with either of you!" She screamed, and then went off to complain to her Union representative.
"I didn't want to have sex with you!" Jack yelled after her. "I just wanted to be able to call you a whore!"
Will sipped his drink. "I've had sex before," he said happily. (The alcohol was finally starting to take effect.)
Jack spun his head tiredly toward Will. "Yeah, I noticed," the pirate grimaced at an image of Laurentina May which popped into his head.
"How did you know?" Will asked.
"The little whelp who looks like you in a dress, minus the facial hair, kind of tipped me off."
"Oh, yeah." Will stated cheerfully. "But, you know, it wasn't that great."
Jack picked his head of the table and regarded Will drunkenly. "What wasn't that great?"
"Sex. When I had sex, it wasn't that great."
"Yeah, with Elizabitch I wouldn't imagine it would be." Jack dropped his head back on the table. "But I imagine it would get better with time," Jack said sadly, mentally conjuring images of HIS Will and THAT woman making love in all sorts of interesting places. The kind of places HE should be with Will in.
"No, not really. Why, does it really get better after the first ten minutes?" Will asked innocently.
"No, I mean, each time, you know, each time you," Jack forced away an image of Elizabitch wearing a black negligee and passionately kissing Will. "Each time, as you get used to her," and here Jack put maximum disdain on the word 'her,' "it should get better." Jack finished the sentence in his mind, 'unless you are secretly gay, and so could never enjoy sex with a woman.'
"What do you mean, each time? Oh, you mean the second time it will be better!"
Jack pulled his head off the table so quickly that the dreadlocks hit the chair behind him audibly. "You mean," the pirate couldn't disguise the glee in his voice, "that you only had sex once?"
"Well, yes." Will said happily, as though two young people making love only once in their first four years of marriage was the most natural thing in the world.
"This is the happiest day of my life!" Jack giggled drunkenly to himself.
"Why is that, Jack? Is the rum that good?" asked the young, slender, tall, attractive, thin, effeminate, good-looking metal worker.
Jack promptly passed out on the table, a gleeful smile across his face. Will sighed and picked up the pirate, casually throwing him over one shoulder. As Will trudged back to where the Pearl was moored, he wondered why everyone thought it was he who passed out, and Jack who was always carrying him back to bed. Will took the slumbering Captain to his lavish, expensive, exquisite, quarters and laid Jack on his large, massive, enormous, gold-plated bed with silk sheets and rubies and diamonds imbedded in the headboard.
'Wow, this is sure a fancy bed' thought Will, as he gently dropped the older man onto the aforementioned bed. 'it must be because he's a pirate and he steals all this stuff from other ships.' Will pondered this for a few minutes. 'that's kind of creepy.Arrrrg!' Will added happily, still inside his head. Feeling suddenly empowered, Will whispered the word Jack had forbidden him to use, 'Arrrrg?' Seeing that the Captain didn't wake up, and that nothing terrible seemed to be happening as a result of using 'the word,' Will tried again, only louder. "Arrrg!" Soon, he was jumping up and down in Jack's quarters (also known as a room, but as this is about pirates, we need to be fancy about it) shouting "Arrrg!" at the top of his lungs.
Picture it for a moment. Because that's exactly what Anna Maria saw when she opened the door to see what was the matter. Will spun around quickly, abruptly stopping his "Arrrgs."
"What in the hell are you doing, boy?" She demanded.
"I.was..uh..putting Jack to bed?" Will's pathetic excuse was really more of a question than an answer.
"So you two are together then?"
Will pursed his lips while he pondered the question. His face slipped in to that oh-so-sexy confused look. "Yes.I suppose now we are together in this same room." The blacksmith answered decidedly.
Anna Maria rolled her eyes. "I mean, are you going out?"
"Yes, I think we are going back into the city together tomorrow." Will was wondering if Anna Maria was drunk, asking him all these silly questions.
"I MEAN" she screamed, loosing patience with the man before her. She began to wonder if he had somehow inhaled an interesting combination of metal vapors while working as a blacksmith. That would explain why he was so dense. But pretty nonetheless. "I mean, are you together in a gay sort of way?"
"Yes, we are certainly happy, thank you for asking." Will was confused by the look that crossed the she-pirate's face. He was even more confused when she slammed the door, leaving him alone with the Black Pearl's Captain.
The gorgeous, slender, youthful orgasm-inspiring crafter of metallic objects was just about to exit through the door connecting the Captain's quarters to his own, when the bedreadlocked man in eyeliner awakened from his alcohol induced slumber. "Will, where are you going?"
Will turned around at the sound of his old friend's voice. "Oh, I was going to my quarters." (Also known as bedroom.)
Jack sat up, but had apparently not slept off all of the alcohol, as the next think he said proved. "Will, you are really hot."
"Yes, I am," Will agreed, feeling his shirt, now damp with perspiration. "How did you know? Why don't we open a window in here and then I'd cool off?" the blacksmith suggested.
"Or you could take off you shirt?"
"Good idea!" Will promptly removed his white, billowy pirate-esque shirt.
"You know what always cools me down?" said Jack, who was quickly regaining sobriety and knew an opportunity when he saw one. "It always helps me to take off my shoes." Jack mentally finished the sentence 'because once your shoes are off, you can take off your pants.'
Will nodded his head, and removed said shoes. "Here, Will, why don't you sit down on my bed here." Jack encouraged, gesticulating toward the side of his bed that was not occupied.
"Why thank you Jack!" the younger brunette sat down on the edge of the bed. "Would you mind if I also took off my pants?"
Jack could barely believe his luck. "I was just about to suggest it!" He sat up and moved closer to Will, while Will continued to give the room his happiest smile.
Will undid his belt buckle. (which had a rhinestone skull and cross bone image on it. He had bought it to be more pirate-like. Under the picture was the word "Matey" in red glitter. Will thought it was pretty, and so did Laurentina May.) Jack began tapping one of his feet, willing the young man to speed up. Next, Will began untying the laces on his breeches. Jack leaned forward unconsciously. Lastly, the effeminate man slipped off his breeches very sexily. (You see, Will is the only person who can take off his pants sexily. Which is why the verb "slipped off" is used. Any other person would have been described as "jumping around on one leg while trying ungracefully to remove his pants, and falling flat on his face." But not Will. No, Will was very sexy when undressing.)
The artist-whose-medium-was-metal was sitting on the corner to Jack's massive, gold-plated bed, now wearing only a pair of black silk boxers.
"What the hell are those?" Demanded the ship's Captain, gesturing toward the black silk boxers.
"These are black silk boxers," explained the chocolate-eyed young man.
"What the hell does that mean?"
Will decided now would not be an appropriate time to say "boxers made from black silk," nor would it be an appropriate time to say "savvy" or any other piratey words Jack didn't approve of him using. So instead he said, "They're underwear for men."
(In fact, black silk boxers have not yet been invented at the time of Jack and Will's conversation, but Will owned a pair nonetheless. Let me endeavor to explain how it is that Will came to be in possession of such a fine pair of black silk boxers. He had found them in the wash one day, and had assumed they were a gift from his lovely wife. In actuality, they belonged to Raul, but as Raul owned lots of interesting underwear for men, he didn't really miss them.)
Jack, who was viewing the black silk boxers as though they were his greatest enemy, was growling at the offending material.
"Wow, I feel so much cooler Jack!"
"Yeah, that's nice." the older man was having all sort of interesting images running through his mind, such as Will seated next to him in a tavern, his hand on Will's inner thigh. "Huh?" Jack's mind had just registered that Will had been speaking to him.
"I said, 'Goodnight, Jack,' I'm going to bed."
"You could just sleep in my room tonight?" Jack suggested hopefully to the black silk boxer wearing young man.
"Jack," Will giggled, "You're so silly. My room is right through this door!" And with that, the iron artisan left his Captain's quarters (room).
* * * * * * * * * *
Even as the Black Pearl glided silently across the caliginous liquid (water), another being named Jack was hard at work. This dark creature was working tirelessly on a plan, a plan for revenge, revenge for the death of its Captain! Suddenly, and idea came to this Jack. A piercing and evil cackle escaped his lips, then he turned to his first mate and said "Set sail for Madrid!"