I hope you like this chapter =]

When I Was Once Happy

Scrubbing away vigorously, making the tiles of the marble bathroom floor spotless for a rich manager is how Kendall spends his days off. It's not ideal, but just like any hard working American, single job's salary is never enough. But as arduous the job is, at least the pay is good, wonderful in fact. New York is the center of the rich and powerful. Those who kept their riches stayed rich and that is great for the folks who need money. For where there are rich, lazy fat managers, there is a plethora of jobs, just not jobs a young blonde would want.

Focusing on the same bathroom for the last four hours, Kendall cleans up every single imperfection; spotless and clean to the boss' liking. Kendall is not the type of person to do a half job. If you are halfway there, you might as well finish the race.

He wipes the beads of sweat from his forehead with his exhausted arm, exhaling deeply with a content smile. At the restaurant, he can't really tell if he did a great job that day but when cleaning the floor, if he can see his green eyes on the tiles, he is happy. Something he thinks about to pass the time away.

"Dog!" Kendall jerks from marveling, and jumps up in a soldier position, straight bladed hand to his forehead. The manager swings in the bathroom, his angry nature softens at the job well done. "I mean Kendall, good freakin' job." He nods contently, turning three sixty, appreciating the hard labor. "Kelly!" He yells for his secretary to run to him. He snaps his fingers, obviously annoying the heck out of her but probably her pay is good so, she has to grin and bear, right? "Pay Mr. Kendall Dog and give him a bonus."

Kendall wants to retort that his name is Kendall Knight but the ka-ching sound of money resonances with the word bonus silencing his rage. Dog, knight, whatever. A bonus is a bonus.

"Here, Kendall." The nice lady, a few years older than him, gives him the envelope, scribbling the finances to her notepad. "Are you free next week too? Gustavo is having a party and I figure you would want to earn extra cash being a waiter at his party. They give good tip."

"Thanks Kelly." Kendall hugs her. She is the reason how Kendall got this second job. She does all of Gustavo's business arrangements and office works. She doesn't really knows what her manager does per se but the pay is good, you have holidays, pensions and get to give friends work too. It's a good, stable job. "I would love to work. You're the best."

"Yea yea. I know." She answers, not so modestly. A scream is heard down the hall. She groans, eyes rolling. "Sorry Kendall. I got to go."

Kendall waves bye and giddily jumps, counting his paycheck. Four hours of cleaning one bathroom is the equivalent of waiting tables for eight hours. Who said Gustavo is a horrible boss? Not Kendall that's for sure.

So happy with the salary, Kendall decides to treat himself, nothing special, just something he hasn't done in a long time.

…

Walking through a warped wooden door, Kendall takes his seat at the lonely bar. It's not that he drinks, in fact he hates drinking but it's the calm atmosphere of this particular, familiar bar he finds peaceful and inviting.

"What you have?" The bartender asks with his broken accent, cleaning a tall glass. He eyes Kendall, judging him for being too clean. Compare to the rest of the men in the bar, Kendall is the cleanest. No tattoos, no leather, no rips or jagged-ness, just a clean, pressed white polo and pants from working.

"Coffee. Strong black coffee." Kendall orders, again the man furrows his brows, judging him. Kendall had drunk alcohol before; with James and who he I,s alcohol is not a stranger to the blonde but coffee is better. Well, better in the sense of its nature to help. James is a strong alcoholic but give him coffee and the addiction temporarily goes away. Sometimes, just a cup of coffee can help James resist the bottles of beer he normally consumes. That's why Kendall owes a big part of his life to coffee. Anything to help James deserves Kendall's complete devotion.

"Here, coffee, no rocks." The cup slams on the table, stream rises, mixing with the air. Kendall whiffs the strong aroma, a content smile replaces his tired lips, enticed by the coffee's powers. He wraps his hands around the cup, accepting the warmth transfer to him, reminding him of the warmth and love he used to gets in James' arms every night.

His ear perks as music notes echo in the room. A man taps his feet, gaining the crowd and Kendall's attention. Holding the soothing cup in his lap, he stares at the beautiful man in the center of the stage. He is gorgeous with his brown hair, the cut bangs drifting across his flawless profile. He is perfect but one thing is wrong. He is not James. He is not Kendall's lover, the one that should be on every stage in New York, singing his hearts out; not this James impersonator.

"I hope you all enjoy this song." The man says, fingering the pianist to start.

Kendall sways his body to the familiar melody. Fond memories of him and James sitting by a piano, Kendall humming the tune to James singing the words of this song flow through his head.

It's sad and it's sweet but I knew it complete, when I wore a younger man's clothing.

His voice is... good. It's ok for a piano bar but what does he have that James doesn't? A job, but that's it. No matter how many ways Kendall looks at him, the only thing this imposter has over his James is a job. James has better hair, beautiful hazel eyes, a body as enticing as his voice and that's definitely what James has over everyone else. James can sing the heavens.

That's how Kendall fell in love.

One day after school, Kendall went to the park and sat on a bench to watch the birds chirp. He was tired of being home to a father abandoned family. He was just sick of all the drama and fights that ran through his head every single time he walked through the white door of his home.

"Blue birds. Nothing but blue birds do I see."

Kendall turned and saw a smile on the boy sitting next to him. The boy continued singing the blues, roping Kendall into his imaginary world where tension doesn't exist; a world where he can just be happy. That's when he decided he loves him and wants to listen to the sweet voice everyday. It made him happy.

But why can't the world see this gift? Why does this second rate singer have a job and not James? James is the answer to this troubled, depressing time. Is Kendall the only one that sees how much James' voice can do for the world?

"Thank you. Thank you." The singer bows, eyes individually thanking everyone in the room. Kendall fakes a smile, applauding out of courtesy. He returns his eyes to the full cup of now cold coffee. The stream stop raising and the aroma stop comforting his nose, signalling it is time to leave. Staying here will only depress Kendall more. It isn't like the old days anymore when Kendall can happily listen to others with James sitting by his side. How Kendall misses those days.

"Thank you." Kendall pays the bartender, leaving the glass of the beverage on the table as if it was untouched. Kendall sighs and gets up, realizing he has to go home and cook dinner. He wouldn't want James or Carlos to go hungry.

...

Returning home after a walk down memory lane, Kendall sees Carlos passed out on the couch, laying on his stomach comfortably. Work must have been hard. It always is to him. All the stories he tells Kendall of his boss giving Carlos the challenging task because he "thinks" Carlos is capable of doing them. No. It is because Carlos is expendable. The moment Carlos dies in a fist fight, gun fight, or whatever it is, the police force won't care. Another gay man died, hardly a worry of the police force to throw him a funeral. A celebration for the closed minded but Carlos will never think of it that way. He is too optimistic, too gullible, too saint-like for this lifetime. If there is ever a mold to follow to be the perfect human, Carlos was that mold.

His nose twitches, body jerks and lips lap a silent sentence. Kendall smiles; even in sleep he knows Carlos is dreaming about his Logan, the reason why life is worth living or dying for. The moment Kendall walks closer, getting a better look, he notices cuts, slashes across his face. The smile fades, a frown grows as Kendall searches if there are any other rips and tears. He feels like crying when he counts the bloody rips on Carlos' hands, his over worked, two jobs working hands.

"I fell down the stair, Logie." Carlos mumbles, eyes still closed, scrunching tightly forming wrinkles. Even in a dream, Carlos lies to Logan. How many lies does Carlos have to make to keep Logan happy? There is no way falling down stairs or even ten flights of stairs can cause this but this is Carlos, loving, lovable and self sacrificing.

Reaching his hand out, Kendall carcasses the warm cheeks, comforting Carlos from his dream. At first, Carlos winces at the touch but soon affectionately accepts, rubbing against Kendall's warmth. Kendall shakes his head, watching a smile forming on the sweet, innocent face. "Why do you do this to yourself, Car? How are you so strong?"

Blinking a few times, stretching his arms and legs, Carlos wakes up to the smell of hearty pasta on the coffee table in front of him. Steam still raising from the plate as Carlos registers where he is. He rubs his eyes, hearing gentle footsteps approaching him.

"Morning Car. You look terrible. Your hair is everywhere." Kendall jokes, playing with Carlos' short spikes.

"Maybe you need a better couch." Carlos playfully punches Kendall's arm, laughing and smiling in the process.

"You don't have to be here." Kendall taunts, grabbing his plate from the table.

"Kendork. I didn't come for your house. I came for you food. You're the perfect housewife." He quickly grabs a fork and gobbles up huge portions of the stringy pasta. Kendall smiles, staring at the spattered tomato sauce pooling around Carlos' pink lips.

"Slow down Carlos. I don't want to clean the floor, you, and my couch again." Kendall says to the messy eater.

The rest of the dinner ends with their typical topics, Carlos trying to prove that the world is haunting him; everywhere he goes, he sees Logan. Right now, Carlos shoves the finished plate at Kendall's face, screaming that the tomato sauce looks like Logan. And just for fun, Kendall presses his plate at Carlos saying it looks like James. They laugh as if it was any other dinner.

"Hey Kendall." Carlos anxiously says with a serious tone as Kendall returns from washing the dishes. Kendall sighs and throws his arm around Carlos, roughing him. "Do you like college?"

"Well, I never went to college. It's a waste of time and is bor-" Kendall grits his teeth before even finishing his answer, feeling remorse about what he said to Carlos yesterday. "But I bet after Logan finishes college, money is never going to be an issue."

"I guess. Do you think he is happy, you know, about going to college?" Carlos shifts in his seat, eyes adjusting to varies objects in the room.

"Why do you ask?" Kendall hands him his glass of water to which Carlos rejects. "I think Logan is the happiest guy in the world. He is pursuing his dream. He is fully capable of being a doctor and he has you." Carlos turns around, a weak grin overlapping his dimples. "You know, you're the reason why he is happy. I can tell. Everyday, you do all these crazy things just for him. There is no way Logan doesn't notice what you do. He is a doctor to be isn't he?"

Carlos laughs softly. "I guess I should be happy."

Talking to Carlos is like reading an open book, an easy read. He isn't one to hide secrets and when he does, it's easy to tell. Kendall found out Carlos was dating Logan before he told him, which wasn't that long. Carlos told him two minutes after Logan joined their conversation but Kendall knew the minute he saw Carlos laughing at Logan's math joke. Who laughs at math? Only Carlos with Logan.

"Carlos, you should be happy. But..." Kendall thinks about if he should tell the happy boy what he thinks. It's bad enough to hide his true feelings about his friend's relationship but to say "you have to crush your boyfriend's dream" is a whole other story. "But do what makes you happy."

"Ok." The leader knows that tone. It's rare but Carlos sometime does a low, slow ok when he is conflicted, probably thinking about breaking Logan's dream. "Hey Kendall, I think I got to go." He points to the door, almost rushing to leave. "I have fifteen loads tonight so I should get started.

"Let me help." Kendall offers, walking to the door with the Latino.

"No, it's ok. James is going to be home soon and you should be with him." Carlos counters, reaching for he doorknob.

Kendall grabs it before Carlos can and locks it; the boy pouts in return. "I am going to help you and that is that, Car." Kendall pretends to be forcefully, making Carlos chuckles.

"Well if you put it that way." Carlos sings happily, following Kendall down the hallway.

"Hey what are friends for? You can't possibly do all the work, after you fell down the stairs." Kendall laughs while Carlos blushes, rubbing his neck.

"For being there for me." Carlos answers the rhetoric questions. Kendall stops to listen. "For giving me advise on how to run my life."

"Carlos..." Kendall faces him, a serious look in his eyes. "I didn't say you have to-"

"I know but thanks Kendall. You're the only person I can go to for help and stuff." Carlos sighs, deep in thought about his personal turmoil.

Kendall punches his shoulder suddenly, knocking him out of his trance. "Come on Carlos! We have work to do, you bum."

Carlos laughs and chases Kendall down to his door. Kendall, faking the same enthusiasm, smiles back, still regretting all he told Carlos about being happy. He wishes he never told him or at least hinted for Carlos to destroy Logan's dream but Carlos deserves to be happy right?

Like how Kendall deserves to be happy, right?

This story is written as I go so update will take a while... sorry. And I like to finish my prom story first before continuing.

Anyways, please review. :)