Disclaimer: see chap. 1

A/N: You knew this would come...

Can't go without thanking Colie – you da best, girl! (in case you forgot)

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Harm indeed came to say goodbye and to remind Mac that she too needed to leave soon; threatening laughingly to lock her out of her own home if he got there before her.

Grudgingly, and not without a few choice words under her breath, Mac locked up about an hour later, making sure to take plenty of work home to keep her busy both before Harm got there and after he left.

She had every intention of making him leave right after dinner. She was still too shaky. She needed to regain her footing. She couldn't yet deal with Harm's overpowering presence on a personal level. At this point in her life, the breeze from a butterfly's fluttering wings made her stumble, and in her book Harm was a tornado.

In a part of her mind that still thought rationally and logged the details of life for delayed scrutiny, she knew what Harm was doing. She knew the man of action couldn't stand back while someone he cared about seemed to be in need of help. She knew that eventually waiting wouldn't be enough for him.

Every day, that part of her mind wondered if today was the day Super-Harm would emerge from the phone-booth, intent on saving her from herself.

Coming home, she straightened out her apartment a bit, and took a shower. It was already a quarter to seven; no point in starting to work on anything. She had a feeling that Harm would break habit and actually be early for once.

Mac sank down to the couch and brought her knees up to her chin. She'd closed all the lights beforehand, welcoming the darkness.

Sure enough, five minutes later came the knock on her door, but she was already lost. A minute of leaving her mind free was enough for the carefully constructed walls to wobble and shake.

As if completely detached from her body, she heard the second knock a minute later. She sat in stunned silence, staring straight ahead, as a key turned in the lock and a tall figure carrying bags entered her apartment.

Harm grumbled as he struggled with the key. "...thinks I won't really lock her out. Well, we'll just see about that, Marine..."

Arms still full of bags, door still open, he suddenly stopped. It was dark, and it was silent, and he could sense her... "Mac...?"

Nothing.

Slowly, he eased the bags to the floor, and closed the door. Turning back towards the room, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the lack of light. Her outline became apparent on the couch.

"Mac..." He tried again, softly, as he carefully sat beside her. She seemed awake but in some kind of trance – unaware of her surroundings.

He wasn't sure what he should do – he was afraid touching her would invoke some killer reflex and he'd end up disabled.

Finally deciding he simply had to do something, he caressed her cheek gently with the back of his fingers. Her entire body shuddered as her breath caught, and she leaned into his touch.

Turning his hand, he cupped her face, and accepted the weight that shifted onto him. "Mac?" He decided to try again.

She blinked once, twice, then stiffened and moved away. "Harm. I-I'm sorry.." She stammered and shook her head; trying to clear it. "I-"

"Don't worry about it, Mac." Harm threw a smile he didn't feel. Seeing her like that shook him to the core. "You gonna help me with dinner?" He got up to retrieve the discarded bags by the door.

"Uh, yeah, sure. Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute." Mac forced herself off the couch and to her room, to splash some ice water at her face.

Harm watched her every move. Mac had yet to look him in the eye since he had entered, but he wasn't about to start pushing. Yet.

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"..finally, Mattie told me to butt out of the whole thing. Sometimes I get whiplash from that girl." Harm chuckled to himself. Actually, he was also talking to himself and by almost any standards, sharing the evening with himself.

Mac had her eyes focused solely on her plate, but not much food was making its way out of there and to her mouth. A mouth that was set in a tight line, which occasionally loosened slightly to allow a sigh or a non-comitial "Uh-huh".

Giving a tired sigh himself, Harm gathered his dishes and went to place them in the sink, returning to find Mac still sitting staring at her plate. He was reaching his breaking point.

"You haven't touched your food, Marine. I thought my swearing there was no tofu in it would be enough..."

He was towering over her, arms crossed across his chest, a playful little smile on his lips, but she didn't even look up. The tight line of her mouth curved in a fake and completely unnatural smile, and after a fraction of a second reverted back to its previous state.

"I guess I'm just not that hungry." She pushed back from the table, setting to pick up her plate, but Harm grabbed it before she could take it.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" He asked, already headed to the kitchen with her full plate. She threw a "Sure." in his direction and got up, suddenly too agitated to remain seated.

Okay, she counseled herself, only a cup of tea, then he'll leave and I'll get some work done. No problem. I can do this. It's just a cup of tea.

But she knew that the night was drawing to an end and her nerves were beginning to unravel. She hoped Harm would leave without forcing any unwanted topics of conversation, but knew the chances of that happening were pretty slim. Even so, after he left, she'd be once again alone in her dark apartment. Alone with her fears, her tears and her sleepless night.

Harm observed Mac from the kitchen for a few minutes, then strode out determinedly with the two cups of tea, marched straight to the couch and sat down. It took Mac a minute, but she joined him, sitting as far away from him as possible.

A few quiet sips later, Mac heard Harm take a deep breath and all her muscles tensed to the point of cramping. Harm, please don't.

"Mac, listen, I know you asked me to give you time and I don't want to push you-"

"So don't." she cut him off. Please, please, Harm. She added silently to herself.

"I can't just watch you suffer from afar, Mac, what kind of friend would that make me?" His tone was insufferably calm, which only served to make her more nervous, but also held her back from blowing up. There was a plaintive note of supplication in his voice, that almost made her cry out in pain.

"The kind that respects my wishes?" she knew she was being cruel, but then, so was he.

"I respect your wishes, Mac, I'm just worried about you." He was still calm. She gave a decidedly haughty snort, never meeting his stare. "So you respect me only when it suits you, that's nice."

"Mac, you know that's not true." He was getting exasperated; she still wouldn't even glance his way. "Damn it, Mac, look at me!" He'd only raised his voice in the slightest, but it was all she needed. She exploded.

"What for, Harm?! Huh? To see the pity in your eyes? The 'oh, poor little Mac is in trouble again, someone's got to do something' look?" He looked appalled but she went on. "Yes, I asked for time, and no, you're not respecting my wishes! I will deal with it. On my time-table, on my own!"

"Yeah, 'cause you've been doing a wonderful job of that." He muttered, and immediately wanted to slap himself. Not helping! He risked a glance at her, and found the picture of shock. A second later it vanished, to be replaced by pure rage.

"Get out." She said it quietly. Seething.

"Mac, I'm sorry, I didn't meant it-" He tried to backpedal.

"Get the fuck out!" Mac approached him and he got up defensively, coming to stand toe to toe with her.

"Mac, you know I-"

But he had no chance of finishing any sentences he started. "No, Harm, what I know is that for someone who claims to be a friend, you're a lousy one. I know I want you to get the hell out of here before I physically kick you out!"

She was in his face and his mind was working a mile a minute trying to figure a way out of the grave he'd dug himself. Must remain calm, you knew this would probably happen, proceed to plan B.

Harm forced his muscles to relax, he demeanor to become conceding. "Alright, Mac, I'm leaving." He received no response, and so turned around and walked to the door, leaving her rooted to the spot, glaring after him. "But I am your friend. Good night, Mac." And he closed the door behind him.

Could've gone much worse, he mused on his way to the car. No, he realized after a minute, no, it couldn't have. Shit.

-----

As Harm closed the door behind him, Mac's mind was trying to come to grips with what had transpired in the space of a minute. What had she done? Why'd he have to be so aggressive? Would he now, at the very least, stop bugging her? Would that be better?

Finally, tiredly, and practically on auto-pilot, she cleaned up all the dishes and leftovers and then climbed into bed. Thus started another restless tearful night.

God, give me strength.

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TBC