Chapter 2

Aaron had planned to go for a long run and drink something in the pub after he'd taken a shower, but after bumping into Robert outside, he didn't feel like doing either of those things. All the pent up energy he usually trusted into running, had completely left him upon the sight of Robert. So instead of going for his third run that day he went home.

But not through the pub this time. He didn't feel like having to talk to anyone, especially Chas or Paddy. He knew they were starting to become worried about his obsessive running. At first they had encouraged him, after months of barely exercising at all, they had seemed to find it a good way for him to spend his time, and they'd seemed to think that it would help him get over Robert. But as days turned into weeks they had realized that his running behavior had become obsessive and that he was taking it out of proportion.

The only funny thing about the whole situation was that they seemed to think that he was running to get over Robert.

If only they knew the true reason behind his behavior.

In less than five minutes he reached the house and got in through the front door as to avoid the pub, and the people in it.

He closed the door behind him and for a moment he stood in the darkness of the hall. He tried to make out any noise, but it seemed that he was alone for now. Which suited him just fine.

He got into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water and gulped it down. The water doing little to calm his nerves after seeing Robert. Which seemed stupid, but he couldn't make his feelings disappear. Something about the man, always left Aaron with a feeling of unease. He couldn't really explain it, but he figured it had something to with the fact that Robert was so unpredictable. Usually Aaron had no problem reading people. Most of the time they acted the way Aaron expected them too. He wasn't wrong often. But with Robert he found he couldn't predict whatever the man was thinking, let alone do.

It was like he was faced with a complete different language. One he hadn't stumbled across before. It was something that had drawn him in from the beginning. That thrill of not knowing what he could expect, of not knowing whatever Robert would do next. After Jackson's death he'd found that the world had turned blank and his life had been lacking any higher purpose. He'd moved on, but something had been missing from his life. Until he'd met Robert.

And even though going behind Chrissie's back all those months had left a bad taste in his mouth, it hadn't been enough to discourage him from going back for more. Cause being with Robert had made him feel alive. Robert had brought that thrill of excitement back into his life.

Aaron just passed through the hall again to go upstairs and take a shower, when he heard a knocking on the front door.

Sighing, he made his way down the few stairs he'd already climbed and opened the door.

He was greeted by the unwelcome sight of Robert. Again.

"What do you want?" he snapped, irritated for no other reason than it being Robert standing on his porch and the unwanted shiver of want at seeing him. He immediately pushed those feelings down, telling himself it were just remains of all the times they had been together.

Robert, seemingly unfazed by the unkind tone, said: "Since you didn't even give me the chance to say hello earlier, I thought I'd come by and do it anyway."

"Well, you've done it. So you can go now," Aaron grunted, already moving to close the door, but before he'd the chance Robert pushed him aside and barged in. Aaron turned to face him, his irritation now folded into anger. "What the hell are you doing? You can't just barge in here."

Robert smirked, arcing an eyebrow. "Well the fact that I'm actually inside right now proves otherwise."

Aaron rolled his eyes, despite himself amused. "Robert-"

"I just came to talk," Robert interrupted, his voice taking on a softer tone.

Aaron simply shook his head. "I've got nothing to say to you." But he did close the door behind him, entering the kitchen once more, fully aware that Robert wouldn't leave him alone before he'd said whatever he wanted to say. He knew he could try to make Robert leave, but it seemed easier to simply let him talk. He heard the soft footsteps of Robert following him into the kitchen.

For a moment Aaron thought about sitting down. He was tired and his feet and legs hurt, sitting down seemed rather tempting. But he didn't want to give Robert that kind of advantage over him so decided to keep standing. Robert had too much height on him as it was.

"Don't think I don't know what it is you're doing."

Aaron turned to face him, shrugging his shoulders, casually leaning back against the counter. "Apart from avoiding you, you mean?"

Robert took a few steps towards him. "Don't play stupid, people are worried about you."

"Right," Aaron answered, his voice filled with sarcasm. "And I'm guessing you're one of them. Well don't worry Robert, I'm fine. And now that we're being completely honest with each other, I'm indeed avoiding you."

Robert snorted. "I noticed."

"Don't tell me you're actually bothered."

Aaron knew it was a long shot, but a part of him hoped that Robert would say that he actually was bothered. That Robert would admit to care about Aaron.

"Would it change anything if I did?" Robert returned.

Aaron duly noted that Robert didn't actually deny his words, before he slowly shook his head. "I guess not."

Robert cocked his head to the side, his eyes solemnly focused on Aaron. Aaron shivered and turned away under Robert's piercing gaze, suddenly aware of what he must look like in Robert's eyes. His sweaty body and the barely fitting sweatpants. He was anything but an attractive appearance. Additionally, his body was quickly cooling down now that he was no longer exercising. It was an uncomfortable feeling, and he wished he'd had the chance to take a shower before Robert knocked on the door. It shouldn't matter to him, since he and Robert were a thing of the past, but he still wanted to look at his best for Robert. It was a feeling he'd never experienced before, and it irritated him immensely. Generally he didn't care about his appearance and what other people would think of it, but Robert seemed to become an exception.

When it became clear to Aaron that Robert wasn't going to say anything anytime soon, he snapped: "So is there actually a point to this visit or did you just come here to stare at me?"

Robert crooked a smile, putting his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. Aaron wondered if Robert was aware of this habit of his. "Well I can't deny that you're a pleasure to look at, but you're right that's not the reason I came here."

The compliment did little to calm Aaron's nerves. It only made him more aware of the way he looked and he scolded himself for the blush that crept upon his cheeks. It was rare that people complimented him. "Then what Robert? What the hell do you want?" His unease made his words sound harsher than he'd intended.

Robert sighed like he'd rather not speak the words he was about to say. "I know what you're doing."

It wasn't hard to guess what Robert was talking about and Aaron's unease disappeared and turned into anger. One word was on repeat in his head. Deny, deny, deny. "What are you talking about?"

"This," Robert gestured at Aaron. "All the running you've been doing. Don't think I don't know what it's really about."

"I'm not talking with you about this," Aaron snarled, deciding he was more than done with this conversation. Who the hell did Robert even think he was? Why the hell did he think he'd any right to even have an opinion about the matter? Just because he was the only one that knew the truth about Katie's dead, didn't mean he'd right to judge Aaron. Didn't mean he suddenly had a reason to care.

He moved towards the door to tell Robert to get out of his house, but before he could pass, Robert had grabbed Aaron's arm and put him to a halt. Aaron looked up at Robert, trying to pull out of the man's grip, but Robert was too strong and he couldn't get Robert to release him. "You're punishing yourself for what happened to Katie."

"I don't know if it slipped your attention, but all I'm doing is training for the marathon." Aaron moved closer to Robert, which seemed to surprise the taller man, his eyes betraying his confusion. As Aaron had expected Robert's grip on his arm loosened and Aaron managed to pull away from Robert.

He needed Robert gone, now. He didn't want to have this conversation. He could feel his anger boiling, taking the rationality out of his thoughts. Robert needed to leave before Aaron would do something he surely would regret later. Even now he still didn't want to hurt Robert.

"We both now that's just an excuse," Robert spoke behind him, his voice no longer lacking emotion, but Aaron was too upset to identify them.

Aaron turned to face him, his anger now clearly showing on his face. He moved his hands in an uncontrolled manner. "Even if it is. It's none of your goddamn business. So just stay out of it. Stop interfering in my life."

Robert moved closer to him once again, seemingly unable to realize that Aaron needed to keep some distance between them. "I get that you don't want anything to do with me. It's fine. But what you're doing to yourself. It's not helping anyone and it's definitely not going to change anything. She's dead Aaron." The last words were barely a whisper.

Unwanted tears burned behind Aaron's eyes. "Exactly Robert, she's dead. Dead!"

"And what you're doing…" Robert's eyes moved over Aaron's face. "This obsessive need to run, this new way of punishing yourself. That's really helping? Cause as far as I can tell all it does is harm you."

Aaron didn't realize he'd moved till his face was inches from Robert's. "Don't you fucking dare."

"What?"

"Don't you dare judge me for what I'm doing." He grabbed the front of Robert's shirt in his fist, to push him away or to pull him closer, he didn't really know. He was so close to Robert he could clearly make out the different colors of blue in the man's eyes, he could almost make out the different emotions shimmering beneath them too. Robert might seem awfully calm about everything, but his eyes betrayed that he wasn't as unaffected by this conversation as he tried to appear.

"I'm not-"

He backed away from Robert, letting go of his shirt. His breathing uneven, his blood pounding in ears. "You really don't get it do you. All of this, it's my fault. She died because of me. Because of what I did. What did you expect? For me to just be okay with it? That I would just move on and forget it ever happened? Well you know what, that's just not who I am. I can't just pretend it didn't happen, I'm not like you. I just… I can't," his voice hitched at the last words and he wiped away the few tears that had escaped his eyes.

"And you don't have to, okay. I get it, I do," Robert paused and his expression changed, his voice taking on a much sharper tone. "But what you're doing, it isn't helping anybody."

"Why do you even care, Robert? We're done remember?" Aaron grimaced, his voice bitter. "You don't have to pretend to care about me anymore."

"Aaron-"

"Look I get it. You feel some kind of responsibility because you are the only one who knows what really happened. But I'm not your concern. Just go, alright. I want to shower and catch some sleep."

Aaron moved out of the kitchen and towards the front door. After a beat he heard Robert's footsteps following him. Aaron pulled open the door and knocked his head to the side, telling Robert to get out without speaking.

Robert frowned at him, and Aaron wondered what was going on in the man's head. He decided that he didn't really want to know. When Robert didn't make any move to leave, Aaron sighed and said: "Go home to your wife, Robert."

Robert licked his lips before he suddenly nodded, seemingly making a decision. "Fine, but this conversation isn't over."

After a lingering look Robert passed the thresh hold and disappeared into the darkness of the early evening.

Aaron closed the door behind him and leaned against it. In the safety of his lonesomeness he ran a hand through his hair and sighed. His anger quickly dissipated and left him with an empty feeling of weariness.

xXx

He was way too late. He'd wanted to be home around six, but it was close to eight by the time he got home. Chrissie would be pissed. Robert sighed as he put his key in the lock and opened the front door. The room he entered was shrouded in the darkness. Robert placed his car keys on the shelf near the coat rack, where he hung his jacket. His conversation with Aaron kept turning circles in his head. He'd never met anybody that stubborn. And he couldn't shake the sense of worry about Aaron's behavior. When he'd confronted Aaron about the running he'd known that Aaron was way too focused on the running for it to be healthy. But only during the conversation had he realized how much Katie's dead was truly affecting the younger man. Much more than Robert had initially thought.

If he'd known beforehand what an effect Katie's dead, and the truth about what had truly occurred that day, would have on Aaron, he would have never involved him in the first place. It hadn't been his intention to involve Aaron, but at that time he'd panicked and his first instinct had been to call Aaron for help.

But he couldn't change what had happened. The best he could hope for was to find a way to stop Aaron from hurting himself further. He just had to figure out a way to do get through to him, cause talking about it obviously hadn't worked.

As he entered the kitchen Robert found Chrissie reading a book at the dinner table. She didn't look up, but he could tell she'd heard him by the stiffening of her back.

As he walked over to her he said: "Chrissie, I'm so sorry I couldn't be here earlier. I got held up at work." The lie easily slipped out of his mouth. It sometimes scared him how much of a second nature it had become to lie to her.

She sighed as she looked up, closing the book after checking the page she was on. "And you couldn't have called?"

Robert pulled back a chair and sat down opposite of her. "I know. I should have called to let you know I wouldn't make it in time. It completely slipped my mind. I'm sorry," he finished, taking her hands to hold them in his own. For good measure he added: "Forgive me?"

Chrissie glanced up at him, searching his face, before smiling tentatively. "Fine, but you have to make it up to me big time."

"Promise," Robert answered, getting out of the chair and walking to the counter. "I'd planned to cook for you, but I guess it's a little late for that. Do we have any leftovers?"

Robert looked over his shoulder at Chrissie's laugh. "You cooking? Well that is new."

Robert leaned over and gave her quick kiss. When he pulled away he answered her grin with one of his own. "Yeah well, maybe there are some things you don't know about me."

Chrissie shook her head, still laughing. "Robert, I'm your wife. Do your really think you can keep anything from me?"

Aaron's face flashed through Robert's mind, his crooked grin and his shining blue eyes. He gave Chrissie a quick glance. After a beat of silence, he said: "I guess not."

"Don't you forget it," she said, getting out of her chair and walking over to the door. "And to answer your earlier question, there's still some lasagna in the fridge from yesterday. I'll go get us some wine."

Robert watched her go. He couldn't shake an unfamiliar feeling of unease at her words, but he pushed the feelings down. As he walked over to the fridge he muttered: "Lasagna it is."

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