A Roommate for Christmas 2/3

AN- Continuation of the holiday ficlet...This little fic got away from me a bit, so, this is part 2/3 Also again, not beta'd (not because I don't love y'all, but because of the stupid holiday party and time and…)

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The very first night in Alex's home, Casey was unable to sleep.

The adrenaline had worn off, and she was left exhausted, shaken, and with a gnawing fee in the pit of her stomach.

It hit home, just how unfair the situation was, and for as much as her life had been derailed and invaded, she was now doing the same to Alex. She didn't want to wander around Alex's apartment and invade her privacy more just to find some distraction, but she was going to go crazy keeping herself cooped up in the guest room much longer.

Alex's home was beautiful. This didn't surprise Casey one bit. It was all understated elegance, and was immaculately designed, certainly. But it was also warm, had a vibrant color palette, and livable, open feel to it. And thanks to the gorgeous, large, perfectly decorated Christmas tree in the center room, it smelled like a pine forest in Winter.

Mostly, the entire apartment felt a lot like Alex; only more of herself than she ever showed anybody.

She walked into the kitchen as quietly as she could, and found Alex in silken pj perfection that made going to bed or waking up a thing of stylish contentment, sipping from a mug at the small table in the corner, built-in for the views.

She looked up. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

Casey laughed ruefully. "I don't really know what chance I have of sleeping tonight. But I don't know what to do with myself. They didn't even return my phone or laptop, they're still searching through them."

"I meant what I said earlier. Feel free to use the entertainment system, or books, and let me know if you need anything. I want you to feel as comfortable as you can."

She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, trying to stop a sigh. "So, you can't sleep either, or are you a night-owl?"

Alex shrugged her head to the side. "A little of both," she said. "Sit down," she indicated to the remaining chair. "This is a good spot to sip something warm, when you're up too late."

"I don't want to intrude," Casey said, sitting down as directed though, as Alex got up.

"I was just having some tea, would you like some?"

"Uh," she said, and brushed her hair behind her ear. "Sure," she said, "that actually sounds pretty good."

"You're had quite a day."

Casey snorted this time and cashed Alex to laugh with her.

"Should I adjust this to something stronger?"

Casey shook her head. "No, just the tea will be fine tonight."

She didn't know if they had run out of small talk, or if it just wasn't necessary in the calm of the night, but they sat there, without an ounce of awkwardness, drinking their tea, and Casey's stomach quieted.

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Casey had way too much time on her hands to think.

It reminded her of her time on suspension, when she poured over each and every mistake, each part of her life that she had fucked up and the relationships broken; when everything felt like it might never be right again, that she might not get a second chance.

She hadn't been joking when she likened her situation to house arrest. She could hardly appreciate surviving the attempt on her life, and whatever joy in life and loved ones such a thing was rumored to inspire.

She was trying to act as if everything was normal, but it had never been more difficult. The situation was ridiculous. She was "escorted" everywhere. Anything public or spontaneous was severely limited. She had plenty of work, only her caseload had her pretty much cooped up in her office too. Her home was still off limits, and she was more worried than she cared to admit. She was agitated and anxious and did not want to show it, but she knew it was bleeding through. She was snapping at the squad, and flat out arguing with Olivia every other turn.

She'd never been good at staying still; and Alex -

Alex was everywhere.

Alex shared her coffee with her in the mornings. She'd see her when she came home. She was gracious and kind and trying to fix things left and right. She'd arranged for a new work laptop and phone, for Casey's triple-checked mail to be redirected, and any other thing she could to make things easier. Alex had even helped her finish her online holiday shopping, sharing funny opinions about all of the choices that could actually get to her family's home in time.

She shared her own little private insomnia corner at night, along with a cup of tea.

She really didn't want to take her bad mood out on Alex.

Thankfully, Alex's building had a full gym.

It was one of the things keeping Casey sane.

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"How was the workout?" Alex said.

Casey knew she was still flushed and sweaty, and had way too-little on, in her workout gear, to be comfortable in front of her boss.

"Good," she said, adjusting the strap to her jog-top and finishing off her water bottle.

"It must have been," Alex said. "You're actually smiling."

"Endorphins."

"Endorphins? How hard were you running?"

Casey laughed. "Pretty hard. One of your neighbors was having a pretty strange face-time conversation while she was on the elliptical. I was trying to pretend I couldn't hear, but even my earbuds weren't strong enough."

"Ah," Alex laughed. "That would be Mrs. Gomez. She has no worries of personal space."

"Speaking of personal space," Casey pointed at the table in front of Alex. "What is going on over here?" There were shreds of wrapping paper, all different, obviously uneven and ill-sized, and two pairs of scissors and three kinds of tape.

"What does it look like?" She said. "I'm wrapping a present for my friend's party tonight."

"Okay ... "

"What?" She eyeballed Casey's obvious glee.

"It's just nice to know you aren't perfect at everything."

Alex rolled her eyes and then sighed. "I know better, I should have had the store wrap it. This happens every year. I should just beg out of the party, I'm tired anyway. "

"Don't cancel all your plans," Casey said. "I can take care of myself, and I've already interrupted your life so much."

"I cancelled exactly one dinner that I didn't particularly want to go to."

"You must have more... Christmas parties or people to spend it with. I don't want you to worry about me. You've done enough." She sighed and moved over to inspect Alex' gift. "Let me help you with that."

Alex pulled her hands out of the way and let Casey take over. "December kind of got away from me. I don't really have many plans this year. I have this party, and a rumor of a Christmas Eve party. On Christmas day I usually go to my Uncle's home to have dinner with family."

Casey practically leaned over her shoulder to reach the scotch tape. She didn't realize how close they were until Alex's elbow brushed across her bare abdomen, her running tank having ridden up when she stretched forward. She cleared her throat and moved back a bit.

"If I could borrow your finger," Casey indicated the center of a bow she was starting for a finishing touch.

Alex bit her lip and placed her finger in the middle of the present. "I know you've had to cancel everything," Alex said. "What are you missing out on?"

"Yeah, I've had to cancel a few plans. Not to mention, I was supposed to go home, which now I won't - but that has a little bit of relief along with the regret. At least I can avoid some of the traditional family holiday arguments and nagging."

Casey finished tying the bow and released Alex's hand for her. She smiled and laid her hands out in front of her, palms up in a 'there you go' gesture.

"That looks amazing," Alex said. "It looks even more professional than the store."

"Hidden talents." Casey.

"Really?" Alex said slowly.

Casey's ears started burn, so she smiled and winked and ran off to take a shower before she could say anything to embarrass herself.

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Alex's kitchen was huge. Well, the whole apartment was palatial for New york, but the kitchen was a work of art. It was well equipped, methodically laid out, had room to move around it, and looked pristine, or at least, hardly used.

The lack of cases in court ensured that she was able to "leave" early. Her escorts didn't mind though, as long as she promised to stay inside like a good girl.

After a couple of nights sharing takeout, she thought she'd prepare Alex dinner, trying to be a gracious guest. She was dicing vegetables when her mother called. She didn't know exactly how long she had listened to her mother rant, but by the time Alex came in, she'd sliced, diced, and julienned every vegetable in the place, and her mother was still going.

"Mom… mom!," she said. "I'm sorry. - No, you are right. - No, of course I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to worry you."

Alex looked at her and winced apologetically.

"Well, who taught you how to set up a google news alert on my name?"

Alex laughed at that, and stole a julienned carrot.

"Well, then, tell JohnPatrick he's off my Christmas list."

Alex shook her head, again, unable not to be entertained by Casey's side of the conversation as she opened the refrigerator for a sparkling water.

"It sounds worse than it is. I am somewhere completely safe. You wouldn't even believe me if I were allowed say it over the phone. But yes, I am sorry I am probably not going make it home for Christmas, but I'm shooting for New Year's. - No! that wasn't a bad joke!"

Alex flat out laughed at that.

"That was my boss. - I've told you about her. - Yes, that one - No. Stop using google. - You are no longer allowed to use google." Casey could feel her face blush with embarrassment. "Yes, I know, Mom. - No, - I don't know, - I'm not even going to answer that, - I have to go. - I love you. Bye."

"Tough phone call?" Alex said.

"You have no idea." Casey rubbed at her forehead.

"Whatever that last thing she said, it must have been interesting. Your ears turned red."

Casey closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Let's just say that my mother thinks she knows everything."

Alex let her off the hook though. "Most mothers do."

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Casey always had been thankful that part of her job involved learning to control her reactions in the face of surprise.

Because, she didn't know how to feel about Olivia Benson, apologizing to her.

She was left with an update on her case, that wasn't really much of an update, a hug, and an offer to bury the hatchet and try and ease the tension between them.

Casey handled it graciously, she thought. She had missed the friendship between them, and things had been strained between the two since Casey had come back from her suspension.

She was even more thankful for a suitcase-full influx of new clothes from her apartment that Olivia brought with her.

She rode that high until she sought out Alex in her insomnia corner that evening, when it hit her.

She furrowed her brows as the looked at the woman ask said, "You made her apologize to me," as she joined her tea again.

"What are you talking about?"

"I think you know," she said. "You talked to Olivia. Got her to apologize."

"You two have to work well together in the past. It would have been a shame, if you were to continue the way you were going. Not to mention it wasn't helpful with your case."

"We were working together fine."

"But it should be better than that. She told me you two used to be close."

"Woah, that's, uh, - that's not exaclty-"

"Look, the woman has a guilt complex likes of which you've never seen."

"There's no reason for her to feel guilty. Things just happen and don't happen and go off the rails all on their own. The things that happened… they didn't have much to do with her. It's just life."

"Well, she and I go back a long time. I know when she's stuck in a stubborn pattern. She felt guilty so she was taking it out on you. We've always been able to pull each others heads out of our asses."

"Well, she apologized, we worked it out a bit. She even brought me some more clothes. Though I'm not sure I understand what kind of look she thought I was going for… but I'm not complaining. Especially not at this time of year."

"This time of year, the Friends and family… Not to mention, these kinds of situations make you want to hug them and hug them and never let go."

"Well, family isn't necessarily an easy thing for me either. I mean, I love them. I think well of them… maybe not one of my cousins. But, my life is so compartmentalized, and not just because work is not exactly the easiest thing to share."

"Its rare. Finding people you can trust. And then to have it broken."

"You're good at reading people," she smirked and Alex shrugged. "I mean, that's close enough to what happened between me and Olivia."

"So, it wasn't anything from before?"

"Things between us were strained, on an off right around my suspension … For a lot of different reasons." She was very un-proud of the fact that her voice nearly cracked.

"Casey, she hated hearing about your ex-girlfriends, and hated even more any mention of your suspension. It was not hard to see where the line of guilt led. Are you really going to tell me that you two never crossed a line?"

"No. Never."

Alex sipped her tea and looked at her the way she looks at somebody she's trying to figure out how high someone is willing to plea bargain. "But were you tempted. Both of you."

"Did you spike the tea again? I mean, how can you have this conversation?"

"Just because it's complicated, doesn't mean it isn't' also simple enough to be talked about."

"Well, try and sell that to her. I'm going to give you a maybe for an answer. But there were a lot of complicating factors and arguments about cases that let into the general state of animosity that you have noticed."

Alex smiled. "Anyway, I hope you two can work past it, maybe get along better once again."

"Alex," she started. "I… I don't know what to say."

"Just drink your tea," she smiled again.