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Play List: Every Heart - Sara Haze

Chapter 2

Bella

Mission accomplished. I thought as I tossed my purchases into the passenger side of my midnight blue E92 coupe. As I climbed into the cab and started up the engine I relished in the soft purr and the comfy texture of the dark leather interior. Inside the safety of my BMW, I slunk back in the drivers seat and sighed with relief. The darkened tint of the windows left me feeling safe from detection and wandering eyes. Despite my paranoia, I knew I had nothing to fear, it was just my nerves creeping up on me like always. I let out another deep, cleansing breath and shifted into reverse. Slowly, I backed out of the narrow spot I'd parked in at in the Northgate Mall parking garage and made my way out of the parking garage and on to the main road.

It wasn't long before I found myself on I-5, heading back to my small two bedroom loft I'd kept since I'd transferred to and graduated from Seattle Pacific University a few months ago.

The loft wasn't anything special. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was nice.

All right, it was spectacular. The best part about it? It was home.

Honestly, I was lucky to own real estate in Seattle. To not have rent or have a mortgage to worry about paying on time was a relief. The settlement had left me with plenty of money to live comfortably, and I was more comfortable there then I'd been anywhere for quite some time.

Even though I didn't have many friends here, I found that I enjoyed being alone for once. The solitude was something I discovered to be beneficial and I took full advantage. After all, I was still healing physically and mentally. And although I found it wasn't always easy or that some nights were harder than others, I was surviving here in Seattle. I was learning to deal with my life now in the best way I could. When I promised myself a fresh start I meant it and I did everything I could to uphold that promise.

Being so close to my dad was a huge relief too, it was great only having him just a few hours away knowing that I could jump in the car and see him when I needed his silent comfort.

Charlie, my dad was the police chief of a small town here in Washington called Forks. Growing up I'd never been close to him, after he and my mother divorced I'd only spend a few weeks in the summer with him at a time, the rest of the year I lived with her in Arizona. By the time I was fourteen I'd stopped making the trip alone to the Pacific Northwest and spent my time in the dry heat of Arizona studying and preparing for an illustrious college education. My dad was supportive of my choices and stood by me. The two of us had never needed more than a few words to express ourselves. Our relationship was and easy one, awkward at times, but conventional of a father and daughter. We had always silently understood each other, which was something that always drove my mother Renee crazy.

Anyway, the important thing was that I always knew if I needed my dad he'd be there in an instant. In his own way, he gave me exactly what I needed to thrive into the adult that I am. He taught me to trust myself and reminded me even now, that despite what had happened to me nothing could ever deter me from being successful in life. When I'd told him I was accepted to Dartmouth with a full ride he was ecstatic and proud. When everything happened, I had been devastated that I'd let him down.

He and my mother knew nothing of my lifestyle. When I was…injured- Ugh...I wasn't happy about lying to them but I knew I couldn't tell them the truth of the situation and some things were better left unsaid.

When everything went down, I didn't give them the details despite dad's forceful insistence. As far as he and my mother knew, I had been the victim of domestic violence. Neither of them were happy about it, but they respected my wishes and stayed out of it.

I was so thankful for that.

Even thinking of it now makes me cringe. In someway, I wish I could confide the truth in my dad especially, but the truth was that I was afraid of what he would think. And while I wasn't ashamed or embarrassed of myself, I didn't think it was something he or my mother could handle knowing. Besides, what I did or didn't do behind closed doors wasn't exactly something I think my father wanted to hear about to begin with. My mother on the other hand...well, lets just say she's a wild one. I love her to pieces, but sometimes she feels more like a little sister to me than a mother. Go figure.

Most people would claim that I have mommy and daddy issues, but honestly, I didn't. I was just a woman making her way through life, learning my lessons that there would be ups and downs and dealing with the consequences of the mistakes that I'd made.

Having been lost in thought for so long, I hardly registered that I was pulling into my gated underground parking garage. Sighing from another wave of relief, I approached the gated entrance to my building and entered my security code to pull past the guard shack. When I pulled into my spot, I put the car in park and turned off the engine. Gathering my bags, I did a quick glance around before I opened the door and hopped out of the car before I quickly made my way to the bay of elevators that would take me up to my loft.

Pressing the call button, I waited for the elevator to descend. Once inside, I pressed the button for the top floor and entered my security code for access to my floor. When the elevator lifted to life with me thankfully alone inside, I relaxed against the wall and patiently waited for the car to travel to the top of the building.

All the while I pleaded with the gods that I wouldn't bump into my new neighbor Michael. The past few weeks he had been persistently trying to court me. He was a sweet guy.

Harmless. I thought, but he couldn't take a hint to save his life.

The doors pulled open to my floor and when I stepped out in the softly lit hallway, I was glad to finally be home for the evening and ready to strip down and have a nice long soak in the tub. As I turned right to head to my side of the penthouse floor, I caught sight of Michael exiting his loft from the corner of my eye and cursed under my breath.

"Fucking shit." Speak of the devil.

When he heard the elevator and noticed me stepping out, he wheeled around and greeted me with a large toothy smile.

"Bella," He breathed in excitement.

I could practically imagine him doing a jig and the thought made me smile. Stupidity on my part, of coarse he would take my openly happy expression as an invitation to conversation.

Oh well, just go with it. After all, mom always said I should play nice with the other kids.

"Hi Mike," I said, restraining the giggle that wanted to burst forth. I made my way toward my loft to open my door, juggling my bags. "How are you?" I asked over my shoulder while I kept walking and shifting weight around.

Despite my lack of fear of him, his footfall quickening toward me still instinctively put me on edge. "Hey, let me help you with those." He reached for my bags with a smile. "I'm doing good, how are you? Therapeutic shopping trip?" He asked gesturing to my bags with smile and a raised eye brow.

"Thanks," I said as I handed a few off to him, making it much easier to slide the key into the dead bolt of my front door. "I guess you could say that." I smiled at him politely. "I've haven't seen you since earlier this morning, how'd your day go?" I wondered if he would here the sarcasm heavily dripping my tone.

"Oh you know, work's work. How about you, good day?" he asked me with genuine curiosity.

"Yea, I'm good. Keeping busy, starting to get ready for the holidays and all that." I smiled, inwardly laughing at him for being so oblivious but wanting to be kind to him regardless of my aversions to his advances.

"Wow, you start early. I could use a few pointers if you wouldn't mind giving me the advice."

I swung my door open and plopped the few bags I had down on the smooth beech wood floor and quickly deactivated the alarm.

Mike stepped just on to the threshold to hand me the remainder of my bags.

"Thanks." I set the rest of the bags down but didn't venture further in to the space. Not that I feared for my safety with Michael, but I didn't want to give him any false impressions. "My best advice, start shopping now." I chuckled. "There's always a lot of good bargains and I find it easier to start brain storming gifts now. I mean, after all they say that it's the thought that counts, right?"

He smiled widely and shook his head in agreement. "Yea, that's true." Then he got that look in his eyes and I suddenly hoped that this wouldn't take its usual course.

"Maybe you could help me sometime?" He asked hopefully.

Damn.

"Sure, maybe sometime." I offered begrudgingly, this time though I think he could sense my hesitance.

I stood there awkwardly for a few moments and I wondered if he was internally working up the courage to ask me out again. I really hoped not, it was getting harder and harder for me to turn him down.. and not because I had some weird sense of need to accept his invitation out. I just hated to see the obvious disappointment on his face when I ultimately declined. Even though Mike was a sweet guy, he just really wasn't for me. Not to sound conceited or anything, but I knew he could never fulfill my needs or desires.

"So Bella, a few of us were going out tonight…" He trailed off suggestively.

Aw hell he was working up the courage.

Son of a bitch.

Fuck it all to hell.

Damn it.

"Do you…I mean would you like to join us? It's just a few of my buddies from college are meeting up, they're bringing some girls with them, so it wouldn't be a bunch of dudes or anything like that-" He started rambling.

How could I let this boy down easily-again, for the hundredth time in three weeks?

"I'm sorry Mike, I'm just not really up for it tonight. It's been a long day." I watched as his eyes fell in disappointment and like an idiot I quickly added a 'maybe next time' teasing him with false hope.

"Oh, that's ok." He smiled, but I could tell he was downtrodden at my denial. "Raincheck then?"

"Sure." I smiled and inwardly winced.

Idiot, you just couldn't resist could you? Why was the hell was I such a damn masochist?

Before I could make it any worse, I bid him a good night and told him to have fun with his friends.

Slowly, I closed my door sort of forcing him back, but in a polite sort of way and latched the dead bolt. Content by my narrow escape, I armed my security system and gathered the bags from my shopping excursion before trudging up the steps to my bedroom. I flopped the collection of bags down on top of my bed and began emptying their contents so that I could sort and put them away. The gown I'd found needed to be hung so I could use the steamer to smooth out the tiny travel wrinkles.

When I was finished, I wandered back down stairs and dug through my fridge to throw together a snack. With the dim lights on in the kitchen I quickly sliced up a granny smith apple and added it and a dollop of peanut butter to a plate and I wandered over to my living room. Plopped down on the plushy comfortable bench seat, I snuggled up to the long wall of glass over looking Elliott bay and enjoyed the soft glow of lights that cast my living room in a pretty twilight glow.

The view I had was breath taking from this height. I had the most beautiful view of Bainbridge Island and Mt. Olympus. It was the sole reason I decided on this loft in particular, I loved to sit and relax and watch the ferry boats glide in and out of the bay. I often found myself imagining that I was a passenger making my way home to an beautiful house on shore of the illustrious island.

As I took a bite out of my apple slice, my mind started to wander to tomorrow night. I wasn't quite sure what I should expect and I wouldn't be being honest with myself if I said I wasn't nervous. I hoped I could find a conservative Dom.

After all, the last thing I needed was a wolf in sheep's clothing again or someone that was going to push me too far too fast.

I as fearful as I was that I would have poor judgment again, I tried my best to remain optimistic of what my future held. Even though Tanya had been very reassuring when we spoke, it still didn't quiet calm my natural anxieties. However, I thought this would be a good a start as any. A safe one too.

I always found myself wondering if I should give up on maintaining this lifestyle and if it was it really worth all this trouble to keep up with something I thought I wanted and needed despite my lack of success at it.

My body and mind had been put through hell these past two years, but I still needed to live this life like I needed the air to breath. People I'd spoken to hard told me that this feeling was natural and that I shouldn't second guess myself if something felt like it could be right.

Sure, I had participated in a few scenes, but it wasn't enough. The moment my release came I was hungry for more. It wasn't as though my needs weren't met, they were. There was always that need I had to be possessed by a man. A Dom, to be more precise and that needs was too overwhelming to deny. Dabbling from scene to scene with other D/s couples I had met and continued to play with wasn't working out as best as I though it would. I needed something more stable.

Truth be told, I knew it would be hard for me to devote my full trust into another Dom, but I had to keep reminding myself that they weren't all like him.

I couldn't let that fear rule me, it just wasn't being fair to myself to deny something I knew wholeheartedly that I needed.

The relationship we had shared was anything but what a real D/s relationship entailed. Sure it started out normally, but it wasn't long before I figured out he wasn't exactly honest with me or what I thought he was.

I still had nightmares of that night, they were few and far between but they were still there and my scars, both mental and physical were all the proof I needed as a daily reminder.

I just hoped I'd be able to find a conservative Dom in the greater Seattle area. I was lucky to have gotten Tanya's contact information and I was certain that meeting her was a step in the right direction. I just hoped that she was right about me being able to fit in easily. I hated that transition period and the mingling. I just wanted to find a good guy to have fun with.

That wasn't so much to ask for, was it?

I was pulled out my reverie when I suddenly heard the jingling of Bob Marley's 'Bad boys' coming from my purse in the kitchen. huge smile spread across my face and I sprinted over to the counter top. Digging and fumbling through my bag I hoped I'd get the call before it went to voice mail.

When I finally found the phone at the bottom of my bag, I quickly answered.

"Hi Dad!" I said brightly.

"Hi sweetheart, how are you?" His voice reserved but happy.

"I'm doing good, you?"

"Good."

Ever since I decided to relocate to Washington he'd been ecstatic to have me so near. He was also relentlessly trying to set me up with his best friend's son. I half expected our conversation to go there at some point each time he called.

I knew he was trying to be a good father, but it was getting annoying. At least Renee hadn't pushed me to settle down, but I knew she avoided matrimony like an infectious disease.

I knew Charlie was worried for me; he just didn't want me to be alone. I almost forgot I was on the phone with him since he'd fallen silent.

"So… how's the crime rate holding out up there?" I gaged him in easy conversation wondering why he'd called. Dad wasn't really one for gossip or small talk. I was used to our conversations having a purpose or point.

He chuckled. "Down twelve percent this month."

"Well, they're sure lucky to have such a good chief of police protecting them." I said smiling.

"Actually, that's why I was calling. The Puget Sound Chapter of the American Society of Industrial Security is presenting me with the Leadership Award for Excellence in Police Administration and Management." He said like he couldn't believe it. "They're hosting a dinner and ceremony there in Seattle at the end of September for me and a few other officers receiving other awards. I was hoping I could have you be there…you don't have to speak of course."

"Are you kidding, Dad that's so incredible and I'd be honored to say a few words for you! This is great news, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks honey, I don't have any of the information yet but when I get it I'll give you a call and we can plan it out."

"That sounds fine. Congratulations Dad, I'm so happy you're finally getting some recognition up there, you deserve it. You're the best police chief in Washington." I said excitedly.

I wasn't exaggerating, Charlie would do as good a job if not better than the chief here in Seattle. No one deserved the recognition of a job well done more than him. He was kind and caring and served the people of forks well.

"I wouldn't go that far, but thank you sweetheart."

We talked for about fifteen more minutes before he informed me that the Sounders were coming on and he needed to go. I never would have pegged Charlie for a soccer fan, but I suppose it shouldn't surprise me. He loved all sports and I think he just watched anything sports related. I wasn't sure his TV ever had anything else on it besides ESPN, NESN, and Sports Center.

I was also happy to be getting off the phone with him before he could bring up Jacob, his friend Billy's son. I think he'd finally given up for now, which was a welcome relief on my end. Dad could be pushy and persistent when he wanted to be. Occupational hazard I suppose.

Once I'd finally hung up with promises of a visit soon, I made my way up stairs to draw myself a bath.

My master bath was my other favorite part of the entire house, next to the kitchen that is. It was lavish and expansive. Entirely white from ceiling to floor and adorned with silver fixtures and accessories. This master bathroom was my retreat. The ceilings were vaulted with a glass skylight that I could enjoy the beauty of the stars under. The best part, nestled in the far right corner sat my nine thousand dollar Jacuzzi Allusion Salon Spascustom bath tub.

When I'd first closed on the loft I hired an interior decorator to re-do the bathroom. I needed it to accommodate my needs and rather than use a local gyms whirlpool, I decided to have my own installed. Well, the designed I used was amazing. Without little effort she talked me into it really, but I couldn't be more thankful for her persistence or the prices she was able to get me for the redesign. I mentally made a note to call her again soon. I had a feeling she could help me with a holiday setup when the time came.

As I sunk down into the warm water I smiled in contentment, the jets soothed my protesting muscles every night and I couldn't have been happier. Even though soaking here every night was a constant reminder of my past, it took the twelve whirlpool jets and ten air jets to calm the anxiety I felt every night before it was time to sleep.

Once the water finished reaching the adequate level, I turned the jets on before adding my freesia bath oil and slipped deeper into the comforting warmth. Letting myself relax into the water, I rested my head back and peered out through the two large square skylights directly above the bath. Star gazing in here had become a favorite past time of mine. Reaching for the switch on the wall, I muted the lights and sat at total ease bathed in the natural glow of the moonlight.

It wasn't long before I was ready for bed, completely relaxed and warm. I slipped a silk night gown on, triple checked my security system, took my nightly dose of medication and crawled into my plush king sized designer bed. I pulled the floral blue comforter practically up to my nose and settled in, praying for an undisturbed, full and restful night of sleep.

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