2010 July 4th 12.02 EDT

I was born in the labs beneath Cadmus or at least I think I was, the further back I go the less I remember but in my head or mind or soul or whatever it is tht is my memory I know that I have always been down here in the depths of the Earth.

I don't know why but I feel like there's something missing down here, though I certainly don't complain about it, well not out loud, I mean I can't, I literally can't as I currently have no mouth.

I'm not sure if they would even listen if I did complain, I'm not exactly myself at the moment.

'Haha, fusion joke' says the Voice in my mind.

I startle a little at hearing that, my head had been quiet for a long time before that sentence.

The voice in my head has been with me for as long as I can remember, I think that maybe there was a time before we were together but I can't remember.

I don't mind the Voice, for as long as there's been me there's also been the voice. It whispers in my mind to stay calm, to be happy. When I'm feeling low there she is to talk to, well mostly at, she doesn't really reply so much.

Mostly she whispers that I need to grow.

She's just called Voice, I can't remember her real name, though I'm fairly sure it isn't Voice. I'm not sure how she even got that name as I don't remember giving it her like some of the made up names I've given other things I've made up, it has simply always been her name.

For as long as I can remember there had been me and the Voice I can't quite remember my name anymore but I think Voice might. She doesn't talk much anymore, not when we're really small and we've been small for a long time now.

My memories only really start two white flashes ago, when I was trying to grow again and all I managed to form was a tiny eye.

I don't know why I can't remember much from before I got my eye, I suppose it was because there wasn't really anything to remember other than me and Voice and that after the white light came pain.

I try not to focus on the pain instead making up names for the poles that hold me down like this one called the Big G because it's bigger than the rest and holds me up in the air,

For a long time I had nothing to look at with my eye but eventually I found somewhere in my prison through which I could stare at a bit of floor just below where I was being held.

I know a lot of things that I don't think I'm meant to know, I can't quite see but if it's really close to me I can look out and get a blurry look of the world around me, mostly it's been grey and gold needles that I'm only really able to see when the light comes. I hate the light, it only causes pain and its promise of growth is never really true, I always end up having to shrink again back to my previous shape.

For a while now I've felt like I've been waking up as I've been given more space in my cage. I don't quite know why but over the last few weeks I've slowly been given more and more space in my prison as the sharp golden points have backed away from where I rest.

The extra space has made me feel smarter I can nearly remember things now at will , occasionally I see a bit of movement and then I remember something important.

Like shoes, I remember shoes now, I saw them on a man only a few weeks ago, at least I think it was a man as the hole in my prison points towards the ground at a weird angle and doesn't really give much room to look around. I know shoes used to be important to me and I remember his stylish black slightly heeled shoes the stitching standing out as darker ribbons of thread running through the landscape of leather.

I remembered shoes that would always become to small for me to wear I remember that I never wore shoes.

I tried to talk to Voice about the shoes but all I felt was confusion. It was nice to have something new to be confused about, before that I only remember being confused about everything which is only one thing whilst now I had two things to be confused about, it was such a good day.

I remember other things as well now, not just shoes, after the last burst of light which twisted me and set my flesh ablaze before slowly retreating I'd made a tiny set of ears pressed towards my tiny eye. I would take it in turns to press my ear and eye to the hole which leeds outside my cage trying to catch any extra signs of the outside world.

Everything sounds wrong through my little ears, like its a little to deep but I got used to it.

I nearly wept from hearing a voice talking the first time someone cam to check on me. The strangers speech was not loud or soft and his voice was a little crackly and he was mearly going through a checklist.

I think that if I heard music now I wouldn't be able to stop crying.

The reason for my strong reaction was that I had forgotten that things could talk outloud, I had forgotten sound and music and noise and laughter, though I've only heard that once here. Anyway the first thing I heard was a clang as though something large and metal had just moved and then I heard footsteps.

"Click click click click click click click"they went across the floor slowly growing louder until they stopped near me with a final "Clack."

It was then I heard the noise of locks being shuffled and opened in clicks, ticks and clangs as I felt vibrations against my cage as the locks on my prison fell open.

I remembere how it was to feel nervous, all butterflies in a stomach though I had none but I felt them all the same. What if the noise didn't like me, no it would like me it had to. I hadn't had a friend in so long.

Voice reminds me that she's always there for me and I offer her I quick apology saying that of course she's my friend.

I feel light on my skin and on my gem on the core of my being for the first time Ican now remember, it felt hot.

"Continued release of restrictions has shown once again a increase in growth" said the voice as it touched me and prodded my gem with lay in the centre of my body, it sounded slightly bored like what had happened was expected.

I remember these words even now seven weeks later, I've repeated them so often in my head that I don't think I could ever forget them.

"Subject now weighs at " I felt a hand grab me, I couldn't remember this ever happening before but I think it had. "2723.4 grams" the man pauses for a second as I here the scratch of pencil on paper "a increase of 62.7 grams" said the voice after I had been placed down outside my prison.

The voice picked me up again and turned me over and I looked apron the face of the voice, it was a huge face covered in a acne and with large glasses that reflected back at me my own image.

"Small white milky globes spotted on the flesh surrounding the orb again" spoke the voice in a slightly more interested tone before eventually placing me back in my prison

I wasn't particularly listening to that voice at that point as I was looking into his glasses at my mirror image, I looked horrible. If I'd had a voice I think I might of cried so it was a good thing that I didn't and that if any liquid leaked from my white milky eye it went unnoticed as I thought that I looked horrible like a monster. in the centre of my body I saw my gem strong and pink like it should be but all around that everything was wrong.

I don't really have the right thoughts to be able to describe how looking apon your body can be wrong but it was, this wasn't me. Around my gem lay a ring of flesh a few cms out and beyond that were five tentacle spreading out in a general shape remissent of a starfish. i was about 12 cms long from legs to my head limb on which my tiny ears and tiny white orb of a eye sat.

For the first time in my memory I looked at my shape and felt unsatisfied.

I remember what I should look like as I looked at that mans face. I never saw my shape again after that I wasn't let out my prison between then and now but I don't want to see it.

I don't think I can look at this body until I'm back how I should be.

On the way back into my prison I notice how small my actual prison is whilst the sphere that contains me is fairly large, the size of a very large beachball the actual area I can move in is determined by a number of gold spikes that prod at me and keep me in a very small section of the ball.

The clicking of my prison closing and the sudden shift to darkness make me realise that I'm missing so much in this little prison.

'Like a frog in a tiny pool up a tree' says Voice 'now there is a ocean' she says pointing to just how big the room outside my prison is, it must go on for tens of metres at least, I mean I couldn't even see the far walls with my tiny eye!

I've got a plan now, I've been holding this shape for seven weeks, the time only able to be measured by the dimming of the lights outside my spherical prison between day and night cycles, the difference being only about a thirty percent reduction in the outside light but I don't mind as only have to move my eye from the tiny hole to somewhere else in my prison and then I get no light at all.

I've been building up my power, in seven weeks I would normally have reformed at least twice by now and today would be about the time for a third reformation I'm sure it's unusual for me to not reform in this much time but the noise outside have been as quiet as ever I've only heard them twice more and only the clicks of shoes before the slamming of a door.

I not really sure how long I can hold this form but it feels like some sort of power has been building up within me, now I only needed to wait for the perfect time to release it.

Today was not going to be that day being like any other I Had known since I started to remember, the faint light of the day cycle switched on and then nothing happened.

There is no sound of anyone coming to check up on me and the only noise is that of a faint buzz from the lighting, the relative silence is suddenly broken by a loud mechanical whir.

My prison retreats all along one side of my shell, the gold bolts disappearing from where they normally rest just slightly pressing into my flesh.

I now have room to move and grow which I slowly do casting a faint pink white glow as I increase in size into a much larger starfish shaped creature before I remember that shape is wrong.

It's still too small but now I can finally think, I can think! and I remember that I used to have bones and fingers and those form slower still than the relatively simple increase in size.

My new form is about the size of a shoe box 'shoes must be really important' says Voice ,but it's so much bigger than the small tennis ball sized area I used to be cramped in, my limbs used to be rapped around my gem in a tight ball so they wouldn't be caught against the metal spears that contained my size. I'm now much bigger, it feels so good to be bigger!.

In a rush I add little details as I remember them slowly adding more and more to my tiny form as I try to take advantage of the tiny shape I have.

Eyes, I need a second eye I think, though is it only one more or three? I go for one for the time being and start working on my bones. I have hands soon enough and feel the energy around me grow as I keep trying to find my perfect form.

It's about this time that i feel and hear a siren going off in the distance but I ignore it in my prison, it's not that loud compared to the blood pounding in my ears though if it was compared to what I've heard before now it would be near deafening so I move my head away from the hole to the outside.

Shortly after I've formed the bones for my arms and legs , which aren't too difficult as I only need remember them and my body starts to form them I feel movement and noise around me as my prison is picked up and shaken around. I don't understand it but if this gets me more space then I'm all for it.

By the time I start working on the finicky stuff like the hair and fingers we've stopped moving for at least twenty minutes and the last noise I heard was the clang shut of one of the great doors.

I don't know at what point it happened but over time I had became both uncomfortably hot and I've become able to see in the prison due to the faint pink light all around me. I can't see much but I can see my own form compressed in the sphere.

Im still the wrong shape but now it's because my head is to big and so is my hands and feet, I think I look like a baby though I can't quite remember what one of those looks like, 'I guess it looks like me' I think.

"I just need a little more room" I cry out in a high voice, the first time I've spoken.

The pink light that surrounds me glows brighter and now it feels like it's more than just a light, it feels comforting and warm and the voice says to embrace it and trust and love it.

I always trust the Voice so I try to hug the light with my little hands and that doesn't work but still it grows brighter and that makes me happy.

In a final flash of blinding white light the pink light expands from my body in a wave of energy sending the gold probes that still make up most of my prison shooting out and away into wall and floors. The light doesn't stop there though it pushes my cage itself trying to expand in a sphere away from me it twists the prison like a ballon that has just popped seems of hot metal split in orange fire leaving only a shell of my prison behind.

The light fades and as it does I realise that while I'm curled up like a contortionist inside the tattered she'll of my prison It feels right, I am finally the right size.

with the pink glow gone I know time that there is no light outside only darkness and I know time that in the finally seconds of my transformation as the pink glow spread so did my form. I'm now bigger I feel right and I can feel Voice agreeing with me more than she has ever before with near actual words she says yes this is how we should be.

I'm completely spent, but finally I feel right. I go to sleep with the sirens of the above floor ringing hollowly into the elevator shaft towards my floor only a slight noise passing through the vents.

The sound of the surface of Cadmus burning is my lullaby as I drift to real sleep for the first time I can remember.