Vincent looked in the mirror. "I want to die."
"Oh you don't mean that!" Yuffie called from outside the dressing room. "Come out here and let me take a look at you."
Vincent sighed. "Okay, okay." He stepped out of the small dressing room and stood with his hands at his sides. "Please end my life." He was wearing a shiny silver shirt and black leather pants.
Yuffie smiled. "You look so cute, Vinny!" She looked him up and down. "Hmm, turn around."
"Do I have to?"
"Yes."
Vincent sweatdropped. "I am not one of your Blargie dolls, Yuffie. Please, for the love of all things sacred, don't make me do this!"
"Stop complainin', I think you look cute." Yuffie said. "Now turn around."
Vincent sighed and turned around. Yuffie laughed. "What's so funny?"
"They're butt-less pants, Vinny!" Yuffie said, giggling.
Vincent covered his bare behind. "Well, you could have told me that! No wonder I felt a draft!" With that, he ran back in the dressing room. Yuffie was on the floor, holding her stomach, laughing hysterically.
Sephiroth sat in his living room in his favorite chair when his doorbell rang the opening notes to 'Celes' Theme'. "It's open!" He called from his living room. The door swung open and Sephiroth looked like he saw a ghost.
"Hello Sephiroth."
"AGH! Why are YOU here!?!? You weren't even IN this game!" Sephiroth said, trembling.
"I know. But if you're going to have a band... you'll need a manager."
"I'd rather have Celine Dion as my manager than YOU!" Sephiroth wailed. "AAAGH! Don't get so close!!!" Sephiroth extended a hand to keep the person away.
The person grabbed Sephiroth's hand. "I can have that arranged."
"NOO! I was only joking! Please don't make Celine Dion my manager!!!" Sephiroth said.
"So does this mean I can be your manager?"
Sephiroth sighed. "Okay Kefka, but keep your distance."
"Mwahahahaha!" Kefka did his kick-ass laugh.
Outside the Crater...
"Damn, it's cold! Hey Rude, gimme your coat."
"Hell no, Reno! You already got Reeve's, you're not gettin mine, too." Rude protested.
"That's only cuz he DARED me to take my coat off!" Reeve shouted. "He said 'Be a man and test the cold, Reeve.'."
Reno laughed. "You were dumb enough to listen to me."
Reeve went to go punch Reno, but he fell into the snow instead. "Waah! I'm coooold!"
"Will you two shut-up? We're almost there." Rude said, trying to be the reasonable one.
The three men trudged through the snow until they reached Sephiroth's house. Reno rang the doorbell. Rufus came to the door. The three Turks' jaws dropped. "BOSS?!?" The three cried.
Rufus flipped his hair. "Hey guys."
"We didn't know you'd be here." Reeve said.
"You haven't seen the TV commercials?" Rufus asked.
"Nope." Reeve said.
"Just this pink flyer here." Rude said, handing Rufus the flyer.
"Hmm. I'm not mentioned ANYWHERE on this thing." Rufus read it over. "I'll have to talk to Sephers about this one. Come inside." He let the Turks in and they followed him down to the living room. "Please take off your shoes, Sephers is very paticular about his carpet."
The Turks took off their shoes. Reno and Reeve sniffed the air. "RUDE!" The two yelled.
"WHAT?" Rude answered.
"Nevermind, Rude, you keep your shoes ON." Reeve instructed.
Rude sweatdropped. "Sorry guys... they were the only socks I had left once the ShinRa building exploded."
Rufus fell anime style. "IT EXPLODED!?!?"
"Yeah. You didn't know?" Reno asked.
"I've been living in a sewer! There's a LOT I don't know!" Rufus yelled, shaking Reno.
"WeEeE tHoUgHt YoU dIeD, sIr!" Reno said, being shaken. Rufus threw him to one side.
"Do I LOOK dead to YOU?" Rufus asked.
"Well no, but-"
"BUT NOTHING!" Rufus shouted. "You blew up my home, my workplace, my liiiife!"
"Actually sir, it wasn't any of us." Rude confirmed.
"It wasn't?" Rufus asked.
"Nope. It was Sephiroth." Reeve said.
"Sephiroth?" Rufus asked.
"Yeah. He was goofing off in the main control room and ignited the self-destruct mechanism." Reno explained.
"I KNEW it was a bad idea to have one of those put in..." Rufus said. "Damn you Hojo and your crazy ideas."
Rude cleared his throat.
"What is it?" Rufus asked.
"Don't you find this strange, sir?"
"What do you mean?" Rufus asked.
"Look at us." Rude said. "We're what's left of the ShinRa empire... Rufus, Reno, Reeve, Rude... don't you get it, sir? We all have 'R' names."
"So...?"
"So isn't that just freaky?" Ruda asked.
The three other men sweatdropped. Sephiroth walked into the living room, followed by Kefka.
"Ooh, company. How nice." Sephers said, placing a tea tray on the table. "Please have a seat." Sephers pointed to the couch. The three Turks sat down and looked at eachother with confused faces. Sephiroth sat down in his chair. "Gentlemen, this is Kefka. He's going to be the manager of Groovy and Sexy. Did you three come here for an audition?"
"Well, not really but-"
Reno elbowed Rude in the stomach. "That's right. We're here to audition."
"Okay, just step over here and I'll go get Florence." Sephiroth said.
"Florence?" Reeve whispered to Rufus.
"His karaoke machine." Rufus whispered back.
"Ohh." Reeve said.
Sephiroth emerged from his bedroom, wheeling in a huge karaoke machine. "Here she is. Meet Florence." He patted the huge machine lovingly as if it were a beloved pet. "So, who wants to go first, hmm?"
Reno shot up out of his seat. "MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEEEEE!"
Sephiroth sweatdropped. "Okay, Reno." Sephiroth handed Reno the microphone. "What song would you like to sing for us?"
"Hmm." Reno thought. "Do you have 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'?"
"Do I ever." Sephiroth said. He programmed the song in and the music started.
"Once upoooon a tiime I was falling in looooove, now I'm only falling apart..." Reno put on a tragic face. "Nothin' I can do, Total eclipse of the heart... Once upon a time there was light in my liiiiiiiiife... Now there's only looove in the dark." Reno raised his arm up and made a fist. "Nothin' I can say, Total eclipse of the heaaaaaaaaaaaart!"
Later...
Rude twirled the mic in his hand. "GOTTA CATCH 'EM AAAAAAAAAAALL! Pokemooon!" He finished his song. Everyone looked strangely at him. Who could sing a TV theme song with more soul than Rude?
It was Reeve's turn. He got up and looked at the people in the room, blushing. "I'm really embarrassed."
"Aw, c'mon Reeve!" Reno cheered.
"Yeah, we're all friends here!" Rude shouted.
"I'm not." Kefka said.
Everyone looked at Kefka and looked back at Reeve.
"Okay, I'll try... here goes." He gulped. "Sephiroth... do you have the song I want?"
Sephiroth smiled. "Oh yeah. You bet I do." Sephiroth programmed the song in and music started playing.
Reeve danced around the room. "What a girl wants, what a girl needs..."
After he was done, everyone was looking at him with sweatdrops on their heads. After a long silence, Rufus broke the silence.
"What the hell was that?"
Reeve shrugged. "It's just... oh, NEVERMIND!" He threw the mic down on the floor.
"FLORENCE!" Sephiroth shouted, picking up the mic.
Outside...
"Are you ready, Vincent?"
Vincent looked at Yuffie and sighed. "Let's get this over with."
Yuffie smiled and slid her arm around Vincent's as she rang the doorbell.
>Ding Ding Diiiiing Doooong<
"I'll get that." Rufus said. He walked up to the door and opened it. "Oh dear God no... it's those AVALANCHE guys."
Sephiroth looked up. "HEY GUYS! COME ON IN!!!"
Yuffie and Vincent stepped past Rufus, who they were almost sure was dead, and walked into Sephiroth's living room. "So, what's up, Sephers?" Yuffie asked.
"Nothin' really. Interviewing these guys for my cool band. You two here for an audition?"
"Vincent is." Yuffie pushed Vincent toward the karaoke machine.
Reno eyed Vincent with jealousy. "Where'd you get those cool clothes?"
Vincent sweatdropped, remembering the pants he'd tried on. "Just some mall store."
Yuffie snickered. "Well, sing for 'em, Vinny."
"Oh, all right. Just promise me that as soon as we're done we can go home."
"Okay, I promise." Yuffie made a cross motion over her heart. "Now sing for 'em."
Vincent cleared his throat and did an accapella rendition of some Backstreet Boys song. It doesn't really matter which song. Sephiroth raised an eyebrow.
"Hmmmmm..." Sephiroth said.
Kefka knocked Sephiroth over and jumped infront of Vincent. "WOW! Do you need a manager!?!?"
"No, becuase I'm not going to be in some boyband. Come on Yuffie, you promised." Vincent grabbed Yuffie's hand and walked out of Sephiroth's house.
"Vinceeeeeeeeeent! You just gave up fame and riches!" Yuffie screamed.
"No, I saved my sanity." He replied, dragging Yuffie through the snow.
"But don't you want money?!!?"
"Yes. I will earn it though. I'm not going to capitalize on my great looks and gorgeous voice. That's why I left the Turks." Vincent said.
"I thought you left the Turks becuase of Hojo."
"I'm talking about a few minutes ago!"
"Oh." Yuffie said, being pulled along. "Where'd that chocobo go?"
"Shit, if we lost that chocobo, we're screwed." Vincent said.
"And it's getting colderrrr." Yuffie shivered.
Vincent pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back. "It's okay. You won't freeze. Here." He pulled off his coat. "Wear this, you'll be warm in no time."
"But what about you? Aren't you cold?" Yuffie asked.
Vincent smiled. "I'll be okay. I'm more concerned about you."
Yuffie blushed.
WallMarket...
"Finally, a WHITE dress." Aeris said, snatching the wedding gown from the dress girl's hands. The girl looked down and headed to the backroom. Cloud watched her trudge by.
"How does it fit, sweetie?" Cloud called from the waiting room.
"It's too biiiiiig!" Aeris cried.
Cloud got up and peeked over the door. "Oh honey..." He said in a sad voice.
Aeris was sitting on the floor of the dressing room, sobbing. She covered her face in her hands. The dress she wore was 3 sizes too big and hung off her in every direction. Other than that, it was a beautiful dress. She looked up at Cloud. "I-it's too big. >sob< Oh Cloud! Just when I find the perfect dress for our wedding, it's too >sniff< it's too damn big!" She threw her arms around her fiancee and sobbed hysterically.
Cloud kissed her forehead. "Don't cry. We'll get it altered, okay?"
Aeris looked at him and smiled. "I love you, Cloud Strife."
Cloud smiled back at her. "I love you too, Aeris." He kissed her and got up. "Now get out of that dress and back into your regular clothes. I'm taking you out to dinner."
Aeris smiled and nodded. Cloud left the dressing room and winked at the dress girl. "It's okay. I've calmed her down."
The dress girl wiped her brow and walked into Aeris' dressing room. "We'll alter it immediately."
In Nibelheim...
"You are cordially invited to WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?" Tifa read the invitation. She threw it on the ground. "NO! THIS ISN'T FAIIIIR!"
Barrett watched Tifa stamp on the wedding invitation. "Wha's wrong Tifa?"
"They're getting maaarriiiieeed!" Tifa wailed.
Barrett scratched the back of his head. "Well, yeah."
"This isn't fair, damn it!" Tifa punched the ground. The inn shook a little.
Marlene came running into the room. "DADDY! It's another earthquake! I'm scared!!!" She clung to her father's massive leg.
Barrett stroked her soft hair. "It's okay sugar bear. Antie Tifa was just upset again."
"Oh okay, Daddy." Marlene detatched herself from her fathers leg, allowing the blood to flow once again. She ran up the stairs into her room.
Barrett looked down at Tifa. "Y'know, y' gotta knock this off. Why doncha jis get over him?"
Tifa wiped her eyes and sniffled. "Maybe you're right. Perhaps I should go out tonight and meet some guys."
"Tha's mah girl!" Barrett patted her shoulder. "Now, go git dressed and have some fun tonight. I'll take care of the bar."
Tifa got up and walked out of the inn. "Thanks Barrett!" She shouted as she ran to her house.
end part 2