The Pilots of the Dark Gundam
By wsprs*nda*drk
Chapter 02
Heero Yuy
I never remember how beautiful the moon truly is until I'm surrounded by the stillness and peace of space. I surrender to the calm that seeps from behind my rib cage and flows into my blood stream. As the orbital nears Earth, my body tenses slightly with the returning prickly sensation of weight. Numb relaxation returns to my limbs quickly, though. I can never be far from tranquility when Earth fills my vision. I sit comfortably staring out the shuttle's window. Serenity all but is torn from me as the com buzzes and instructs the passengers to take their seats. It's not the harsh rasp of the computerized voice, it's the body shift from my father next to me that caught my real attention. I miss him. I cannot dislike the time he spends away because I know the sacrifices he makes to help our battle stricken planet. He wishes peace no more than I, and I will gladly give up all that I can if it will help. But I see the hurt in his eyes when he thinks he has disappointed me.
I understand, father. But I still miss you.
I smile at you when I notice you are looking at me.
"Next time we're in space, we'll have to schedule free time."
You grin at my joke. I'm glad. I love your smile, even though I see sadness inside it.
Don't worry. There will be a next time. There will be plenty of birthdays, but there are few chances for peace negotiations.
*****
I look out the window again.
I blink once, but to be sure, I blink again.
And my eyes snap open so hard I feel they will stick. I feel my chest freeze painfully and I press my face close to the window.
Is that - ? Is that a military shuttle?
From my side, I hear you breath catch and I feel the heat of your body pulse.
"Operation Meteor.."
It's not the words, it's the sound of near panic shushed in your voice that alerts me.
Operation Meteor...?
I search my brain for those words. They tug at my memory - a phone call late at night for you.. I pick up the phone because I'm curious if you will leave again.. and.. YES!
NO! The colonies are sending a secret demolition squad? No wonder you were called home early! I only hope the UESA (United Earth Sphere Alliance) will be able to do something. I can't think that after all of your efforts, Father, the colonies still wish war. The colonies... how desperate you must feel to do something so severe. What is being done that would drive you to such measures?
I shake my head.
I am sorry. I wish I understood.
*****
"Father! There are mobile suits! They're trying to destroy - "
"SHHH! Don't speak, Releena. Don't say anything at all."
You grasp my hand tightly in warning or fear, maybe both. I look at you, but your face does not invite conversation.
Yes. I will be silent. I do not understand enough to ask you the right questions, anyway.
So I look through the window once more.
I wish I understood, father. All I have is question after question, though. If we were listening to the colonies, why are the colonies going to such length to get a faction to Earth? What do they wish to accomplish? Why must Earth perceive it as aggressive? Why are we trying to shoot that pilot down? I know what you have told me, father. "Any hostility from the colonies will result in extreme retaliation" - but why?
That realization finds me heated. I might not understand this war, but somehow I want the pilot of the military shuttle to make it to Earth.
Survive, pilot. I don't know who you are or what you want, but I do know that I want you to SURVIVE.
*****
We land. I didn't realize I was so apprehensive until you touched my arm to get my attention. I wasn't even aware that we landed, though I watched the approaching landscape grow bigger below us through the window. I suppose my mind is still on the colonies. I also suppose my mood has turned sour because when I see the men waiting to escort you before we even complete disembarking, I feel myself scowl. I'm not sure if I want to cover it up before you see it, or If I just don't feel like talking with them, but I hear myself speak before I know what I'm saying.
"It's alright, father. You don't have to get a separate car for me. I'll find my own way home. Besides. I'd like to breathe the fresh air. Shuttles always make me groggy."
I turn to leave and feel your stare burning my back as I walk away.
********************************************************************************
The beach walk near the shore will take me home. I love walking there. It clears my mind. It's the ocean. The waves are quiet, yet have a strength that alludes to an unseen power hidden within them. They have a depth that promises the answers to secrets if you can only think of what questions to ask. I never feel so powerless and hopeless when I hear them sing. I've never felt such longing as when I hear their song. Anything so vast and beautiful, yet so utterly unfathomable inspires a search. And tonight, I am looking for something. Maybe understanding, maybe the right questions. Maybe nothing. I don't know what it is, or where I'll find it. I just know I will recognize it when I locate it. And it feels... close. It is - I can't explain. It's something outside the capacity of comprehension. Maybe it's a feeling outside of thought all together. I know that I have always searched for it. But I also know I have never felt it quite like this before. Maybe it was what happened on the shuttle, but... This time it feels so familiar ! I can't begin to explain. It's like a dream you wake up from and haven't forgotten all the way, but can't quite recall precisely, either. Or a smell from a misplaced childhood memory. So close but far away because you're helpless to remember.
*****
And all at once, I'm disrupted from my contemplation as a rubber band snaps inside my head. That same icy feeling from the shuttle forms inside my chest.
There's a PERSON over there in the water!
I can't seem to remember how to move, and my limbs feel numb. Somehow I get my legs to work and carry me into the ocean. I either misjudge the distance or I'm going even faster than I thought because I almost crash into you. Even so, I stop right as I reach you, just to loose my balance in the current. Face down in the water, I almost choke.
Whoever you are, you're heavy!
The strength of the pulling waves adds to your weight and makes it even more difficult for me to get a good grip on you. I can hear myself grunt with strain.
I can't seem to drag you to shore.. you're just too hard to hold on to!
While Fumbling around for a sturdy hold, my head breaks in and out of the water and I am able to see that your air hose is punctured. Sea water is flooding in.
If I don't remove your helmet, you will die. I only hope that someone wearing a military uniform will be forgiving of the intrusion.
I laugh at that. I can barely get you out of the ocean to save you, why am I worrying about your reaction?
Well, if I can't get you to land, I'll pull your helmet off here..
My temporary giddiness fades and panic races through my fingers as I turn you over.
Mother of God, I hear the water gurgling in your tube. PLEASE, live! I don't know where the strap is! God, help me! It's melted onto the helmet! The release!? Where is the release?? Welded shut! I have to pull it off! Dear God, I can't do it!
"Please! Somebody HELP me! …" "Please!!… please…!"
I hear myself sobbing the words, too weak to carry above the sound of the sea.
I will NOT give up. I will NOT let you die.
A distant thought echoes outside my consciousness. Seams I'm telling a lot of people to survive, today. Some far away part of me smiles. The rest of me is trying to ignore the tears that stream from my eyes, the salt water that burns my nose, and the sand that tears at my skin. My throat is raw. My fingers are frozen from the chill of the water. I ignore the pain and push them brutally through the cracks in your helmet.
I HAVE to pull it off. I must!
I tear at the cracks and push my fingers deeper into the crevices. I pull against the fibers until I feel the flesh being pulled from the bones of my hands. I can actually hear the meat of my palms squish above the pounding of my heart and the beating waves on the rocks.
I... can't... do... it...It's no use!
I push that away and shriek with effort.
"AAAUUUGGGGNNNHHuuhuuhhuu!!"
And in my terrified frenzy, a surge of strength comes to me and I frantically force that blessing into my shredded hands. I hear the groan of strained plastic give way and crack. Your helmet comes into my tattered hands in halves.
"WHHUAAAA HAA!!!"
My eyes fly open in surprise as my body is thrown backwards in the water. I let the helmet pieces fall to the current and struggle to gain my footing once again. It's now I realize you are free. In sheer relief, I whoop and loose my balance again. Reality slaps me across the face and I realize you aren't safe yet. My man handling your head gear was the only force keeping your head above water. Quickly, I push my way through the waves to where you are. To where you were.
"DAMN!"
I feel around for your sinking body.
This isn't working..!
I dive into the water, grope hysterically for appendages, and grab the first body part I could find. Your hair, I think. With a suicidal grip, I muscle you onto the shore.
I've never fumbled so much in my life, but at least I know you won't die from my lack of trying.
I turn you onto your side and put my ear to your mouth. You sound like you are violently trying to suck air into your abused lungs, so I do the first thing that pops in my head. I hit your back as hard as I can. And immediately wince and cradle my injured hand.
OOOHH! That's going to hurt in the morning.
After the bite of pain eases, I check to see if your breathing has eased. And instantly fight off a wave of queasiness.
Eww, yuck! Whatever that was you just coughed up is NOT pretty.
I take a big, much needed breath and scold myself for being trivial.
But at least you're breathing now.
I try to look you over quickly to see if there are any other major wounds or obstacles that would be detrimental to your health if not addressed immediately. I don't see anything nasty. The water has acted as a glue and your uniform has adhered to your body.
There's no way I can remove it to see if there is damage present underneath. I don't have the strength and my hands are useless, anyway. You're just going to have to stay alive without me long enough so I can call for an ambulance.
"Do you hear me? Stay alive!"
And I run as fast as I can for the phone I know is right up those stairs on the beach walk.
*****
Good. You're still alive.
I kneel down and turn you on your back to make your breathing easier. It's now that I have a real chance to look at you. I move your hair out of your eyes, and..and.. I feel that I've just been shot in the stomach.
You - you can't be any older than I!
And from nowhere, you roar awake and vault away from me. A moment ago, I would have bet my soul you were near dead. And now you're moving so quickly, I'm having trouble following one movement to the next.
And why are you hiding your face?
Behind your hand, I can see the confusion leaping from horrified, panicked eyes. A quiet hiss escapes your lips, almost to faint to detect.
"Did you see!?"
Baffled at why you would react this way, I can only ask,
"See what?"
My eyes grow cold inside my head and my chest aches from the sudden departure of a heart beat.
A GUN? Where did you get a gun? And why are you pointing it at me?
*****
I don't know who you are, but I do know you just saved my life. I wish you had not.
White dances before my eyes and I feel my head grow heavy. I pull my thoughts tightly around me to keep sleep at bay.
But at least I will have the chance to destroy Wing Gundam. And you...
My body wants to give in. To collapse. To surrender.
You do not have my gratitude. You will not invoke compassion with that look in your eyes.
I blink wearily as I attempt to stare through your gaze, try to see into your thoughts. Something is there.. something - my mind begins to fade and your eyes become ghosts burning in the back of my skull. I shake myself mentally.
I.. can't.. see inside you. Too weak.
I stumble forward, but catch myself.
No matter the thoughts inside your eyes. You have seen more than you should have. For that, I will terminate you.
I draw the gun I have hidden and point it at your head. Or rather, I move the mark back and forth between your heads.
I will.. I.. I, I will..
Something is wrong with me. I can't see straight. Blurry – The ghosts of your eyes.. I feel the weight of the gun pulling my arm and try to wrestle my thoughts back under control.
I will.. destroy you. You've seen me. You've seen... inside..
I rally my remaining strength, raise the gun once more, and point it between your eyes.
Don't look at me.
The gun is shaking. It's pulsating with a raging thirst for blood. The trigger longs to be squeezed –
Stop looking at me!
I narrow my eyes. I can feel my jaw clench, my lungs grow tight, and my body strain for control. Plead for control.
I... Can't. Do. It. Your. . . eyes. . . are burning me.
My ears scream at me as sirens announce an approach. An ambulance? Something whispers in the back of my mind.
Escape...
My eyes still on you, I allow myself to fall into instinct. My rigid body relaxes and wills survival mode to take control. The whisper snaps inside my brain and becomes a command.
ESCAPE.
A burst of adrenaline courses through me as the order takes effect. I run past you, whoever you are, and dump you in the sand.
We will continue this, I vow. And when that time comes you will not have my sympathy and I will not hesitate. You will die. Not only for what you have seen, but also for what you have given me.
Regret.
*****
I see the gun, but it is as if it did not exist. I know time has not slowed or stopped, but I feel like we are inside an endless eternity. What happens right now will determine which path our lives will take in the future. And I cannot escape the haunted look in your eyes...
Why are you afraid of me? What is so important that you would kill me to hide it?
I can tell you are still weak. You've almost fallen twice, and your eyelids are fighting to close. Don't worry. I will not move to help you while you stand. You do not want me to help you.
But if you fall, I will do what I can to care for your wounds. You know that, don't you?
You are fighting two battles. Duty to hide your secret from me, and instinct to give in to healing.
You will not give in to your body, though, will you? That is ok. I know you will not kill me, either. At least, not right now. I can see that in the way you're looking at me. You know I see that, too, don't you? It's almost as though you are afraid of that as much as you are of me.
You respond to my thoughts with a look of such helpless confusion and intensity, I find that I have neglected to function. I've allowed my mouth to hang open and my eyes to become saucers. My heart breaks.
What kind of hell have you seen to have that kind of pain swimming in your eyes? What strength can I give you so that you will not suffer?
You blink and shake your head.
Is THIS what I was looking for tonight? Are you going to show me what questions to ask? Are you the answer I've been seeking?
I don't understand who you are, but I know somehow that you are going to teach me.
And if you must kill me, I will not fight you. But please. I want to understand first. That's all I ask. Can you see that? Can you see that I am not your enemy? Can you see I'm not afraid?
You tear past me and vault up the stairs. I hadn't noticed the sirens, but I certainly see you plow down three med techs and steal the ambulance. I pick myself off the sandy shore and gently place my bloodied hand into the air.
Damn. What stings now will be unbearable tomorrow.
"My name is Releena. What's yours?"