WARNINGS: Again, there is abuse and rape/non-con, language, etc. It's incredibly different than my other fics. I usually concentrate and lean toward mutual love and respect - and as you can see, so far this fic is not about love at all. If you don't have the stomach for this second chapter, just remember that it will get worse as the story goes on, and it may be best if you stop reading right now. Remember, this is no love story - at least not yet, if it ever will be. I won't know until I get more into the chapters.
Reviews are very much appreciated, and I always reply to them - so if you have any questions or thoughts, do not hesitate to let me know.
Cloud stumbled into the Shinra building, his spirit broken and his body bruised from the trauma that Sephiroth had put him through. His entire body ached and his bones felt as if they would give out on him at any given second, but he tried to hold his head up high as Sephiroth had instructed to him. Before they had approached the building, he had told Cloud exactly how to act, what to say and what not to say. One thing was made clear over and over again: he was to never, ever tell anyone what Sephiroth had done to him. If his injuries were noticed, Cloud was to say that he had fallen down the side of a rock-covered hill or something similar to that. The red welts on his face caused by Sephiroth slapping the living hell out of him while sodomizing him? Simply where branches had smacked him while he was jogging through the forest, before he fell down the hill. Cloud had simply been too careless on his afternoon jog and had not watched where he was going.
He had cringed when Sephiroth had told him what to say. They were the exact same excuses that Cloud's own mother had used when trying to hide the fact that Cloud's father repeatedly beat her on a daily basis. Dinner wasn't ready on time? A backhand across the face. And the odd times that Cloud's mother had talked back to her husband, she was on the receiving end of a thick leather belt - oddly similar, Cloud noted - to the belt Sephiroth wore and had gagged him with.
As they approached the cadet dorms, Sephiroth tightened his grip on Cloud's arm, which he had been grasping ever since they had left the woods.
"You do understand that I could be ousted from the company because of this, don't you? That is just one other reason why you must keep your fucking mouth shut," Sephiroth whispered lowly into his ear. Cloud swallowed hard and nodded, his body shaking with fear from the overall presence of this decorated, praised General. What a laugh. The great, almighty General was a rapist, an abuser and apparently suffered from some type of mental illness. How else could his mood swings be explained? He had swung back and forth between wanting to take care of Cloud and wanting to murder him. Cloud had come up with a few choice words to describe his personal terrorist: bastard, asshole, stupid fucker; but none of them completely described the way that Cloud felt about him.
Sephiroth was a man that Cloud used to look up to, wanted to be just like him and excel at everything he did. Sephiroth was just a sick-minded, twisted coward to him now. Sephiroth was also no fucking hero… and the first chance that Cloud would get, he was going to slash his throat open while the silver-haired motherfucker slept. He would give anything to see the sick bastard clutching at his throat and blood spurting from his jugular vein like a fountain, spreading over crisp, clean and snow-white bed sheets beneath him that slowly turned scarlet-red from his bleeding out. It was his plan. He would go along with this fucking charade until the perfect moment arrived. Until then, he was the pawn on Sephiroth's illusionary chess board, and Sephiroth was the king. He hoped and prayed that it would soon be time to spit in his face and scream, "Checkmate, motherfucker!"
Checkmate, indeed. Cloud shuddered at the thought of even killing another human being, but his hatred for Sephiroth ran so deeply now that only the thought of seeing the actual blood made him nauseated. When they entered Cloud's small dorm room, Sephiroth quickly pushed him inside and locked the door behind them.
"Get all of your shit and pack it up however. Use the bed sheets as a pack if you have to. If anyone says anything to you while we're moving your shit, you are not to say one fucking word about why you are moving. You will let me speak for you," Sephiroth said, looking down at Cloud. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes."
Sephiroth crossed the small room quickly and backhanded Cloud hard enough to knock him backward into the wall, leaving a small crack in the area where he landed. Cloud cried out with shock and pain, then began to furrow his brows at Sephiroth, feeling the anger rise up inside of him once more.
"You will address me as 'Sir' when answering a question, Cloud. How are you going to learn any respect if you can't do something as simple as that? And get that look off of your face," Sephiroth said. His tone of voice softened, then he reached down and held a hand out. "You don't look as pretty when you glare."
Cloud hesitatingly took Sephiroth's hand, knowing that if he denied the gesture, he would probably get hit again. Sephiroth pulled him up and slowly backed Cloud up, pressing him against the wall. Cloud felt the bile rise into his throat as he felt a hard bulge nestle against his thigh. Sephiroth groped him gently, kneading the blond's crotch with one hand while slowly grinding his hips against Cloud's thigh.
"Things would be so much better if you'd just enjoy yourself. Why won't you get hard for me? I bet you'd get hard for Zack, wouldn't you?" Sephiroth said. Cloud shuddered in fear. Was he going to rape him again, right here in his dorm room where others next door might hear him screaming? Even Sephiroth couldn't be that much more stupid, could he?
Sephiroth ran the back of his hand down Cloud's cheek, dragging it slowly down until he reached the blond's neck. He let out a sound that sounded almost like a cross between a growl and a purr, then suddenly grasped Cloud's neck tightly with his hand. He raised Cloud up, sliding him against the wall by his neck, and smiled an evil smile as he watched with glee at how Cloud struggled to breathe, kicking his legs beneath him and grasping onto Sephiroth's wrist and arm to try to pry his hand off.
"You look so beautiful when you're afraid of me," Sephiroth whispered into his ear, quickly delving his tongue inside of it. Then, as suddenly as he had grabbed Cloud, he let him go. Cloud fell to the floor with a thud, grasping at his neck and coughing loudly, grateful to have air back in his lungs again. As he recovered, Sephiroth turned his face away.
"Why do you make me hurt you so? Don't you know that I am very fond of you?" he said. Cloud sat, bewildered at the spewing of lies coming forth from the man's mouth. Clearly the mako injections had gone to his head, or was it the strange experiments he had undergone? Cloud had no proof that the lab incidents had taken place; they were just rumors that the cadets passed around like petty gossip to each other to make the time pass by between classes. His thoughts were interrupted as Sephiroth pulled him up from the floor and drew him into his arms. "I don't want to hurt you. I just want to love you, my angel," Sephiroth whispered, petting his hand over Cloud's hair. His own body was shaking and he seemed to be on the verge of tears, but at once he snapped out of his regret and seemingly false sadness, pushing Cloud away from him just as suddenly as he had cradled him. "Finish packing," he grunted, looking away. "Quickly. We've already spent too much time in here."
Mere minutes later, Cloud had packed what few belongings he had, and they set off toward Sephiroth's private lodgings, Sephiroth pulling and shoving him discreetly along. Luckily, they had not run into anyone, as it was lunchtime for the cadets and SOLDIERs. Sephiroth had no need to go to the cafeteria as everyone else did: he had his own small kitchen, Cloud saw as they entered the massive loft on the fourteenth floor. His eyes swept across the large room. He had never seen such an immaculately clean living space before. There was not a coat of dust to be found, not a single thing out of place except for when Sephiroth shrugged off his long, black coat and threw it over the back of his black leather couch.
"You can take a few moments to make yourself comfortable. Look around the apartment a bit. It's not much, but it's spacious and it's what I've called home for many years," Sephiroth said.
Exactly how long have you lived here? Cloud wondered, but didn't dare speak. Instead, he set his belongings on the floor and clasped his hands behind his back, afraid to touch anything, lest he get the living hell beaten out of him. He let his feet carry him somewhat aimlessly as he began to explore timidly.
The loft apartment was nothing more than one single, large room, with a bathroom off to the side. A large sunken-in bathtub was in the center of the bathroom, its edges flush with the floor. Cloud wondered if any first-time visitors had ever accidentally fallen in, not knowing it was there. He shuddered, thinking of himself taking a head-first dive and cracking his skull open, but he was not about to advise Sephiroth on safety matters in his own home. Candles and various bottles of shampoo and soap were stacked along the edges of the tub. Everything in here was black marble and chrome, much like the rest of the apartment.
The loft was so high from the main floor that Sephiroth seemed to not care about privacy. Large floor-to-ceiling windows without curtains covered every inch of the area where the four-posted bed stood off to the side. It loomed massively and forebodingly in the half-shade of the afternoon sun, sending a chill running through Cloud's body. He turned and made his way across the rest of the room, taking in the black leather couch and matching recliner. A large television hung on the wall. Beside it on either sides were two identical bookshelves filled with encyclopedias and textbooks. His kitchen was filled with the latest appliances and reeked of bleach and other cleaning supplies. There was no table and no chairs to sit upon while eating a meal. At this, Cloud had to break his silence.
"Sir? Where do you eat?" he asked, his voice quiet and restrained, for fear that he was speaking out of line. He had no reason to fear at the moment, though; Sephiroth smiled at him warmly and explained to him in a surprisingly kind voice that he usually ate standing up or sitting on the couch, which Cloud thought was a strange mannerism, considering that the man seemed to thrive on cleanliness and order.
"Are you hungry?" Sephiroth suddenly asked. He cracked his knuckles unconsciously and opened the refrigerator door, browsing through several containers of leftovers. "I have some pot roast with carrots, if you'd like that." He pulled out a large container and set it on the countertop. He peeled back the foil and inhaled. "Mmm, yes. It smells heavenly. Have you ever tried it cold?" Cloud shook his head nervously. Was the food poisoned? Had Sephiroth been planning Cloud's attack for a long time, preparing in advance? "Come here," Sephiroth ordered lightly, almost playfully, tilting his head a bit as he grabbed a fork from a drawer and carefully pulled off a small piece of meat. He took the first bite and sighed with contentment as his eyes closed, chewing slowly. When he swallowed, he pulled off another piece onto the fork and held it out to Cloud. "Try it. I made it myself last night," he said.
Cloud stepped forward cautiously, still not sure if Sephiroth was tricking him or not. Sephiroth raised the fork to Cloud's mouth, coaxing him silently to take a bite. Cloud let out a deep breath and slowly opened his mouth, his taste buds exploding as the beef proved to be tremendously delicious. One of his eyebrows automatically raised at Sephiroth as he closed his mouth and chewed.
"You like it?"
"Yes, Sir," Cloud answered, trying to speak out of the corner of his mouth. He swallowed and finished speaking. "It's one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted. Thank you for allowing me to have some, Sir," he said. Sephiroth didn't reply but pulled down two plates and filled them with large chunks of the roast and carrots. He put a fork on Cloud's plate and handed it to him.
"I'd rather you eat while standing in the kitchen, at least until I can gauge whether or not you are a slob or are clean like I am," Sephiroth said, taking his own plate to the couch and sitting down without giving Cloud a second glance.
"Yes, Sir."
They ate in silence, Cloud making sure not to chew his food too loudly or drop anything. He wanted very much to sit down to eat, especially on this day. His body still ached so badly. Gods, he really wanted a bath as well. Perhaps Sephiroth would be kind enough to allow him to bathe. After they finished eating, Cloud softly asked permission to bathe. Sephiroth gladly let him; the idea that Cloud was still fairly dirty from earlier that day and stank of lake was quite disgusting to him. He showed Cloud where the clean towels were and left the bathroom with strict instructions that Cloud was to leave the door wide open and unlocked at all times, no matter what the circumstances were, no exceptions. Cloud ran an almost scalding hot bath, filling the tub completely before he dared to undress, not wanting to show any skin to Sephiroth, lest he feed the rapist's temptation for another bite of the forbidden fruit. It took several long minutes to fill the tub, then he peered quickly around the corner to make sure Sephiroth was not watching, and quickly began to undress.
As he was peeling off his still-damp clothes, he didn't notice that Sephiroth now stood in the doorway, watching him with lust and bad intentions. Sephiroth felt his hands trembling as he reached out to grasp the doorframe, barely having the will to stay put. He yearned to reach out and take the pale-skinned angel in his arms and kiss him so deeply that it hurt them both and made them bleed from their mouths, so hard that they couldn't breathe. All rationality told him that Cloud would never love him, especially after all he had done to him in the past few hours. He knew he couldn't force him to love him back, but the drive was too much for him to handle. He had to push all of that energy outside of his body, feeling like electricity dancing across his skin. The lust and love he had for Cloud, it burned inside of him and raged like a fire out of control, until it burst free - and Sephiroth quickly made his way to the bruised blond before he had a chance to get into the bathtub. He wrapped his arms around Cloud's chest from behind and pulled him closely to himself, gently swaying as he felt a rush of vertigo hit him from the actions he knew he was about to take.
He would take his sweet angel again, whether Cloud liked it or not.
Cloud knew deep inside of him what was about to happen. He felt it in his heart and began to panic again.
"No… Oh gods, no. Please, Sephiroth! Please!" Cloud pleaded brokenly, his voice coming out in short gasps and beginning to crack as he started to sob. He twisted his body in Sephiroth's arms, crying out and trying so hard to get away, but the man was still much too strong to get away from. He held Cloud steadfast and began to send burning kisses trailing down the back of Cloud's neck.
"I just want to love you, Cloud. You're my angel, you know that," Sephiroth whispered heatedly, his hands groping and stroking in places that made Cloud cringe, reliving his earlier nightmare all over again. It was happening once more, and Cloud was powerless to stop it. Sephiroth pushed him quickly toward the bathroom sink and hitched Cloud up roughly, setting him on his knees on the large counter. Yanking his hips toward him and raising his ass in the air, Sephiroth quickly pushed his pants down and spread Cloud's bruised ass cheeks. He grunted and bit his lip as he pushed himself into Cloud, slamming into him with all he had. "You're still so fucking tight, Cloud," he growled, then reached up and grabbed a handful of Cloud's hair. He yanked hard and pulled Cloud's head back as far as it could, making Cloud stare at himself in the mirror directly in front of him. "Look at yourself, Cloud. You're such a fucking slut, letting me do this to you. Look at yourself!" he ordered.
Cloud panted and looked at his face in the mirror. What he saw reflected back at him was the portrait of a scared, abused young man without control over his situation. He was so disgusted with the image that he suddenly spat at the mirror and began to sob harder. The humiliation of having to watch himself being raped was suddenly more painful than the action of being raped again while he was still torn and raw from the first time.
"You bitch!" Sephiroth yelled when he saw Cloud spit on the mirror. Through blurry eyes, Cloud barely saw Sephiroth's other hand come up from behind him. A balled-up fist slammed him hard in the back of his skull, his forehead crashing directly into the mirror and causing it to crack like a glass spider web. Cloud screamed from the pain, trying to slowly raise his head up and away from the mirror, hearing shards of glass falling into the sink below him. He felt blood dripping down his forehead and trailing slowly down the tip of his nose, drops of warm, scarlet liquid falling onto the counter.
Sephiroth kept fucking him, harder now, and in return the action kept pushing Cloud's forehead back into the mirror. Small shards of glass were now digging underneath his skin and making the bleeding worse. He hollered and screamed within an inch of his life. He just wanted this to be over with. He wanted Sephiroth to kill him now. He should have let him kill him earlier, just to escape this living hell on earth. Finally, he felt Sephiroth stop moving and pull out of him; Cloud had not even noticed when he had finished, and quite frankly, he didn't care - just as long as he was done.
"My poor baby," Sephiroth whispered, pulling Cloud off of the sink counter and into his arms. "What did I do to you? Why did you make me do this, Cloud? You know I dislike dirtiness. You blatantly disobeyed me when you spit on my mirror. Why did you do this to yourself?" Cloud trembled and kept sobbing, weak and defeated, though angry still. Sephiroth sat him on the closed lid of the toilet and held a clean wash cloth to Cloud's forehead. He gently picked out the shards of glass and threw them in the wastebasket. "My sweet angel, I'm so sorry you got hurt," he whispered, finally picking out the last shard and holding the cloth firmly to his head. "I should let you bathe now."
Sephiroth calmly opened Cloud's balled-up fists that lay in his lap, placing the bloody wash cloth in his turned-up palms, then left the room. Cloud said nothing and did not even bat an eyelash at anything that Sephiroth was saying to him or doing to him. He was mainly numb from hatred. His veins burned with the desire to get even, but he would wait until the man was asleep tonight. Only then could he have a chance in hell at revenge. He hoped to the gods that Sephiroth slept like a rock and would not catch on before nightfall.