I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Wherever you go

March 2004:

Izzy wasn't sure how he managed to get through the days following the sealing of the final Digital Gate. It was as though his very soul had been ripped from his body, leaving him empty and alone. He hadn't even been able to turn on his computer, the very thought of the screen powering up and leading him... nowhere.

The first day after, he'd lain in bed, silent tears running down his cheeks. His mother had fretted herself sick over him, but it was as though she was miles away. The only thing he could focus on was Tentomon, his precious partner that he would never see again. He wasn't sure if he slept or not, only that he couldn't move, couldn't feel. And he'd only so recently opened himself. It had gotten to the point that the middle school had even called Kae, wondering if Izzy was dropping out. She'd quickly informed them that he had taken ill, and that he would be back soon, just give him time.

"Sweetheart?" she called softly, looking into his room. He hadn't turned on his lights in a few days. She sat on the bed next to him, placing her hand on his shoulder. He didn't even turn to look at her. "Izzy, I know you're hurting, but... you can't let this overwhelm you. Tentomon wouldn't want you to be like this."

Izzy took a breath that was more like a sob. "I... I don't think I can, Mom. It, it hurts. Like I've never hurt before. But, at the same time, I'm so... numb. As though I'll never feel anything ever again."

"I understand." She pulled him up, letting him collapse bonelessly against her shoulder. "When I lost my son, I went through the same things. Your father went out of his mind trying to console me. But you know what really helped?" Izzy looked up at her with bloodshot eyes, begging silently for anything to fix this nothingness that was consuming him. "When you came into my life. I realized that, though I would always love my son, he wasn't the only one I would ever love. And that there were people that needed me, not just the shell I was becoming." She squeezed him tight, wanting to take away all his pain, but only able to share her own.

"But it's so hard. How can I go on when another piece of me is gone, locked away forever?" It was the first time he'd said it out loud and it almost sent him back to the same shell shocked state as before. "I'll never see Tentomon again. He's gone forever, and I'm all alone again."

"He'll never be gone, as long as you remember him." Kae kissed him on the top of the head. "And besides, you're not alone. You have friends, here in this world, who you can share your hurt with."

She was right. Matt, Cody, Mimi, Kari, all of them. They were in just as much pain, he wasn't the only one to feel this swirling emptiness, and just as his mother opened herself to him, he could be open with them.

And that was how he found himself, sitting in class for the first time in weeks. He had always been ahead in his studies, staying after school to gather the next weeks' homework, so he wasn't as far behind as, oh say, Davis was, so he still found himself able to put his head on his desk and look out the window. Miss. Akami eyed him suspiciously, but left him alone. He'd always been a good student, and she'd heard he'd been ill recently.

His classes passed by in a blur, and he could feel himself withdrawing, shutting down, turning back into that same nine year old he'd been long before that fateful summer. He could see the others, lost in their own depression, trying to cling desperately to any shred of normalcy. Matt and Sora threw themselves into their relationship, cutting out everyone else; Ken, Joe, and Cody dedicated themselves to their schoolwork so as to prove that they were still worth something to someone; TK took up Confirmation classes at the Catholic Church down the street from his complex, disappearing every Sunday to try and find the angel he'd left behind; Yolie began working at the Ai Mart, wanting to lose herself in mindless tasks so she wouldn't have to think about her loss; Tai and Davis immersed themselves in soccer practices, working themselves to such exhaustion that Kari was forced to keep her eye on them; and Mimi vanished into the bustle of New York, barely remembering to send a post card even once a week.

Despite his mother's words, he couldn't see how he was supposed to find the friendship he so desperately needed. Any time the Children found the time to pretend to be happy in, he could see it – the haunted look in the depths of their eyes, the tears so precariously held back. Though they were all together, none of them had ever felt so alone.

April 2004:

Izzy was drifting down the sidewalk, not really walking with purpose, though he knew he needed to get home. Even with finals coming up in just two months, he still had a five-page paper due for his English Literature class. He debated stopping by the Ai Mart, to check up on Yolie. She would be taking the entrance exams for Odiaba Middle school soon, and he wanted to know if she needed any help. But the last time he'd gone to tutor her she'd opened her book and they'd started crying together, unable to stop.

He was carrying his book bag low, almost dragging it on the ground, when he heard his name being called, a joyous noise that somehow felt right in his ears.

"Hey, Iz! It's been a while!"

Izzy turned, watching as Tai ran up to him. He was in his soccer uniform, covered in mud and grass. Though he was smiling, there was that same mirrored agony hiding behind his eyes. Izzy had a brief moment, a flash back to that spring five years ago where he'd finally realized just how his heart fluttered at the sight of his brunette friend, and he suddenly wished for that overwhelming sadness to come back, to rid him of the sudden warmth of his cheeks.

"Tai," he said softly, trying not to let the sudden elation he felt invade his voice. "How are you today?"

The boy shrugged, easily falling in line next to Izzy as they continued to his apartment complex. "Trying to get through. I didn't realize just how much I would miss Agumon. Even last time, when we said goodbye, it didn't make me feel so... off."

"Last time there was the possibility that the gates would open again." Izzy paused to wipe his eyes. "But with BlackWarGreymon's will being so strong..."

"Emo asshole," Tai grumbled. "God, even Apocalymon would have told him to cheer the hell up."

Izzy couldn't help himself.

He laughed.

He covered his mouth, almost dropping his bag as he threw back his shoulders and laughed. It wasn't the first time Tai had insulted a Digimon before, and probably wouldn't be the last, but somehow it was funniest thing in the world. It made him feel somewhat normal again after the long weeks of simply existing. He felt Tai easily slide an arm around his shoulders, leaning against him and laughing just as hard. He felt warmth fill him and for this first time in a long time, he didn't feel so completely and utterly alone.

He didn't even realize he'd reached his complex, so busy idly chatting with Tai as though everything in the world was right. The brunette's arm was sill lingering on him, and Izzy didn't want anything about that moment to change.

"Aw, man," Tai realized, looking around. "I didn't know we were already here." He pulled away and the redhead bit back the longing sigh. He still wasn't sure how much to show around his friend. "It was nice catching up with you, Iz. We should hang out again soon."

"We should," Izzy agreed, smiling at his feet. He wasn't sure what expression he was wearing, and didn't know if Tai would be able to see through it. Tai waved, taking off down the street and Izzy practically floated into his apartment.

"Sweetheart?" his mother called, stepping into the hallway. He looked at her and she gave him a warm smile, the most relaxed look he'd seen her wear since that fateful day. "Is everything all right?" She already knew the answer.

"I think I'm finally feeling better." He bowed politely. "I have homework to do, Mom, but I'll be out soon."

He closed his bedroom door behind him and Kae smiled when she didn't hear the small lock shoot home. She'd heard Tai at the door, and knew that her son was going to be ok.

The days passed easily, and Izzy found himself spending less and less time in the darkness of his room. He stayed after school, actually enjoying Computer Club again now that he wasn't completely depressed, and even managed to find the time to stay and watch the Soccer Club in their final practices. Tai was more willing than ever to spend time with him, even despite suddenly finding himself surrounded by girls.

"How are you able to achieve so much?" Izzy asked him one day as they relaxed in the living room. Tai was settled on the couch, not really watching the movie he'd put in earlier. "Soccer, school, all those dates..." He didn't want to admit how jealous he was every time he saw Tai with another girl on his arm.

"And yet I still have time for my best bud," Tai laughed. He stretched lazily, maneuvering himself to lean against Izzy. The redhead blushed, wanted desperately to read further into the touch, but knowing it was just how Tai was. He thrived on physical contact, no matter who it was with. "Why do you ask?"

"I know that you are energetic, but even I get exhausted watching you go from activity to activity." Izzy eyed the brunette who was now nuzzling sleepily against his shoulder. "Do you take the time necessary to rest?"

"Rest?" Tai laughed. "I don't need to rest. Not when I'm around you."

Izzy was definitely blushing. Tai obviously didn't realize how that sounded, or how it affected the redhead. He'd been very careful, all these years, to hide the way he felt about the brunette. To prevent him from realizing that friendship was just the surface. He still harbored those secret thoughts, the ones where Tai confessed to those same feelings, the ones where he was able to be himself without fear or rejection.

And it was as though he could see those images, hear those words, the way that Tai continued to shift against him, pressing warmly until they were both laying back on the couch, the brunette sprawled on top of Izzy like a lazy cat.

"T-Tai!" Izzy yelped, though it came out as more of a whimper. His weight was heavy on his chest, but Izzy couldn't bring himself to complain. He'd rather suffocate under Tai than tell him to move. "What are you doing?"

"You're just so... comfortable." A hand slid over his waist, and Izzy fought to tell himself that it was all platonic. Tai looked at him with warm oak eyes, sparkling with something he'd never seen before. "Don't you think so?"

Izzy closed his eyes, screaming at his body, demanding it not react to the soft lips that were moving against his throat. Tai's hand was still sliding, reaching up to toy with the buttons on his uniform. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, when Tai was suddenly nose to nose with him, that impish grin curving his incredibly soft lips.

"I know," he whispered breathlessly. "I know how you feel, how you are."

"You can't," Izzy murmured so softly he wasn't sure if he'd spoken or just thought the words. "There's no way you can know."

Instead of replying, Tai just lowered himself those agonizing inches, and Izzy felt warmth flow in tingling streams from his lips. It was as though his mind was in a fog, and the only thing he knew was that this felt right. More than that, it felt perfect.

He gave a strangled moan as Tai moved against him, teeth nipping his lips apart and a warm tongue invading his mouth. That damned hand of his was still exploring, unbuttoning his uniform jacket and pulling his undershirt from where he'd had it tucked in. Part of Izzy wanted to push him away, tell him it was moving too fast, that he wasn't sure if this was what he wanted, but the other part wanted to pull him closer, offer up everything he had, give in to what he'd wanted since he was ten.

And that was how he found himself with his hands running through Tai's hair, kissing back with a surprising passion. Their tongues swirled together and Izzy shuddered as he felt his shirt being slipped over his shoulders. The room was cold on his heated skin, but Tai didn't seem to notice. The only thing the brunette cared about were the muffled noises Izzy was making as he tried to pull Tai as close as possible.

Tai chuckled, an echoing noise that cleared Izzy's mind of all thought and pulled back. The younger whined, a noise he never thought he'd make, and tried to blink back to reality. Surely, this wasn't happening. There was no way this was happening. Tai had come to his senses and things were going to go back to normal, right?

Tai moved, adjusting himself, and kissed Izzy with a renewed fire, nibbling and licking down the redhead's throat and it was all Izzy could do to try not to scream too loud. He didn't know when Tai's shirt had come off, his jacket already hanging over by the door, but the feel of his skin against Izzy's chest was driving him crazy. Over the sounds of his own whimpers and moans, he could hear a soft voice, a heated chanting, and it took him a moment to realize it was him, murmuring the taller boy's name over and over like some kind of spell. As though, if he stopped, everything would vanish.

Those hands, hot and soft and leaving rivers of cold tingles everywhere they went were now at his waist, toying with his belt. He couldn't see anything but dusky oaken eyes, couldn't hear anything but his own voice, couldn't feel anything but those lips on his chest. But he knew when Tai's hands had found his zipper, and he knew when his pants slowly started to descend.

"Tai," he whimpered. He was pressed into his sheets, tossing his head into his pillow, trying to hide his burning face. "Tai, I... I love you."

Tai was between his legs, fitting neatly between them with a wonderful, steady movement that he never wanted to end. He leaned down, once more hovering just above the redhead's lips. "Izzy, I..."

With a gasp, Izzy shot up, almost falling out of bed. His alarm clock glowed in the darkness of his room, blinking 12:00 over and over. He was shivering with cold, though he had sweated through his nightshirt. He could feel his body aching, wondering what had happened to the wonderful dream-boy that had been on top of him. He put a hand over his mouth, feeling the last remnants of Tai's kiss amidst the hot tears rolling down his cheeks.