A Conversation with Owen

She found him in his office. He was at his desk surrounded by piles of paperwork.

"Hey," she said, walking into the room.

"Hey," he replied, looking up to meet her gaze.

"So what was that all about?" she asked, putting her arms around him.

His blue eyes looked troubled as he pulled her closer to him. He sighed wearily.

"I'm really sorry about that. I had some concerns about Teddy…how she was handling this case and your involvement in it … I shouldn't have disrupted your surgery. Hell, I probably shouldn't have even gotten involved, but …I don't know. I'm protective of you, I guess. I'm sorry."

"You already said that. And it's ok. Turns out you were right," she continued.

His eyes widened. "Really? She said that?"

"Oh, she said a lot of things," Cristina answered, arching an eyebrow.

Owen felt a sense of foreboding and took a deep breath. "Like what?"

"Like the reason she's angry with you is because you're in love with me and not with her."

Owen winced. "So," Cristina continued. "Were you planning on sharing that little tidbit with me? I kind of need to know that my mentor is in love with my boyfriend."

Owen scratched the back of his neck absentmindedly as he replied, "I hadn't decided what to tell you, truthfully. I mean, what good was going to come of it?"

"I assume this all happened New Year's Eve?"

"Sort of. She actually talked to me about how she felt the very first day she got here…after she found out that I'd broken up with Beth and that I was with you." Cristina flinched.

He went on, "She made it seem like her feelings were pretty much in the past, though, so I tried to just let it go, but as the weeks went on it became pretty clear that it wasn't just in the past and I didn't know what to do, frankly. By then, you'd grown so attached to her as your mentor and that look I gave her on New Year's Eve… the one you saw…well, that was just me wondering how in hell I'd managed to get us into such a mess."

"So did you talk to her?" Cristina was genuinely curious now.

"It turned into more of a confrontation, actually. Things got a little heated. She basically told me she was in love with me and I told her I was in love with you."

"And?" She waited.

"And, nothing," he said firmly. "That was it. Then I waited for you to finish with your patient and you found me in the ambulance bay." He smiled a little at the memory, blue eyes snapping. He grinned wickedly and whipped her around on the desk and kissed her fervently, running his hands through the unruly black curls. Finally, they broke apart.

"So what are we going to do about this?" He continued, "I think she should go."

"Well, that's going to be a problem, because I've already asked her to stay," Cristina said.

Owen groaned. "Really? You did? After everything? After she admitted having feelings for me and that she was basically undermining you in the OR today?" He looked incredulous.

"We worked it out," she replied. Owen looked skeptical.

"We did," Cristina insisted. "We like working together and she assured me that she'll stay out of our way, respect our relationship. I believe her. I need her to stay, Owen. She's the best teacher I've ever had. Plus, I already have a reputation of running off the cardio attendings. If another leaves, I really think I'm going to be done here and I don't want that."

"OK," he said simply. "I want what you want, so if you want to keep trying with Teddy, that's what we'll do."

"OK," she answered, settling into the crook of his neck. "And no more barging into my OR…got it?"

"Got it." He smiled. "So did you see who turned up today?"

"Owen Hunt! Are you going to gossip?" Cristina laughed, feigning shock.

"You know I don't do gossip," he responded a bit testily, "But Mark Sloan waltzed in today with Addison Montgomery. I guess she's here for his daughter. Some problem with the baby."

"And…" Cristina probed. "What's the big deal?"

"Well, the last time she was here I had to break up a fight between Mark and Derek. Literally pull them apart and keep them from beating each other to a pulp. And today, it was like it was nothing. Derek seems delighted to see her. I just don't get it."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "It's complicated."

"I guess so. Is she really that great of a surgeon?" he asked.

"Actually, she's pretty great." Cristina considered for a moment and then continued, "She saved my life a few years ago."

Owen froze and then slowly looked at her, concern etched on his face. "What? Cristina!"

He saw her hesitate and then spoke very deliberately. "I love you. There is nothing you could tell me that would change that. And if you don't want to tell me, that's ok, too."

She seemed lost in thought for a moment…far away. Then, abruptly, she was back in the present. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything you want to tell me," he answered.

"OK. But you can't interrupt. If you interrupt I don't know if I can do this…"

He nodded solemnly and pulled her closer to him.

"So you know how I told you that I have a reputation for running off the cardio attendings? Well, Dr. Dixon was just Dr. Dixon. She had her own issues and that was just the way it was. And, much as Dr. Hahn loathed me, she left because of Callie. And that transplant fiasco. Whatever. But Dr. Burke is a different story. Dr. Burke left because of me." Owen tilted his head and his eyes were unreadable.

"When I arrived at Seattle Grace for my intern year, Preston Burke was the Head of Cardiothoracic Surgery. He was my teacher and my mentor and before long he was my lover. It started out as an affair. I was drawn to him. He was very charismatic and a cardio-god and in the beginning it was just sex, but then things started to get complicated. He wanted more and I didn't know what I wanted … and then …I got pregnant. I wasn't planning to keep the baby. I scheduled an abortion. I didn't even know if I was going to tell Burke about it, but I finally decided I should. Except before I could, he broke up with me and I just figured…well, fine, then…it's for the best. A few days later I collapsed while observing a surgery. I had an ectopic pregnancy and my left fallopian tube had burst. I was bleeding out. Addison Montgomery saved my life that day, but I lost the baby and I lost the tube…." Owen squeezed her a little tighter, but didn't speak.

"I was handling it pretty well, considering I had to be in the hospital for several days. Considering I couldn't work. Considering my mother came to town to take care of me…" She shuddered at the memory. "I was fine. I had everything I needed until I didn't." He looked at her with love in his eyes. "I just broke down. I lost it. And Burke came to me. He comforted me. He made things better. And so we began again."

"We were a couple. He keyed me. We moved in together. Things were good. And then he got shot…" Owen flinched, startled by the sudden turn in the story. "Yeah, that was bad. I freaked out, having lost my father. I backed away when he needed me in the beginning and then I overcompensated by trying to be there afterwards. Derek operated on him and we thought things were ok, but he was having trouble with his hand… a tremor. His career was in jeopardy, so I helped him cover it up."

She paused and looked directly into Owen's eyes. "I'm not proud of it. But I loved him. So I helped him. I became his hands. I helped him manage his surgeries. We were playing a dangerous game and by some miracle no patients ever were harmed because of it. I finally couldn't take it anymore. We were risking patients. We were risking our careers. And our relationship was suffering because of it. I finally went to The Chief and told him everything."

"Well, you can imagine how well that went over. Burke and I didn't speak for ages. Literally did not exchange a word. I finally spoke first. I know, right? But someone had to do it. Anyway, he asked me to marry him. And I said yes. But with conditions. No ring. No fancy dress. No veil. At city hall with Meredith as a witness. And then he planned a wedding. In a church. With a lot of people. And tuxedoes. And a white dress with an heirloom choker necklace. It was out-of-control. Seriously. I wigged out. Needed to cut. To feel like myself again. Went into the hospital on my wedding day."

Owen smiled in spite of himself.

She went on, "But I got it together. I really did. I didn't want the wedding, but I wanted the marriage and to get the marriage if I had to put up with the wedding, well, fine. But here's the kicker. I was just an instant too late. I pulled it together too late, because Burke saw my hesitation and instead of seeing it for what it was … a momentary hiccup… he saw it as a deal-breaker. So he left me."

Owen drew his breath in sharply and then, recovering himself, kissed her forehead and stroked her hair. He rubbed her back as she finished the story.

"Umm, hmmm. In the back of the church. In the dress. With no eyebrows. Don't ask. And when I got back to the apartment, his things were gone. And when Meredith and I got back from the honeymoon…" Owen shook his head and bit his lip. She glared but pressed on, "he'd resigned from the hospital. I never saw him again. And he sent his mother to get his stuff. Nice, huh? So now you know. Still love me?"

"More than you will ever possibly know." He looked at her tenderly. "Can we go home now? This day needs to be over…"

"Agreed," she replied. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Come on, let's get out of here." He pulled her to her feet.

And, arm-in-arm, they headed toward the elevators.