...
As suddenly as the awe came, it went. Her eyes pulled back into her head and she opened her mouth for the questions what wouldn't be suppressed. "How?"
He shrugged, the wings following suit as his shoulder muscles contacted. "As a mortal, when I died, I was innocent. The demon's sins had been wiped clean from my soul when I was made human. My last act on Earth was to give my life to save a child…for that, I was given the choice of eternal bliss…or this."
"And what exactly is this?" She questioned towards his wings.
"I'm a Guardian." He answered with a tone of pride.
"Like, guardian angel, type guardian?" She questioned.
The smirk returned. "Exactly like that."
"Who's guardian are you?" The question seemed rational.
He leaned in closer, his lips nearly touching her ear. "I'm yours."
A shiver ran up her spine and she stepped back, looking wonder struck up at him. "Mine?"
"Yours" He repeated with a smile that melted her heart.
Pulling back from him and adding a good body length of distance, she shook her head and countered, "Great, so my ex vampire ex just decides to show up one day, alive, and try to get back together…just to drop dead hours later and leave me mourning for six months. Then he just figures he'll pop back into my life and tell me he's my guardian angel. How about no. I don't need you lurking around me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...not again."
He recoiled from the venom in her tone. "Buffy, I…"
"You what Angel? Expected me to drop everything and run into your arms? Wanted me to jump at the chance of being stalked and treated like a child? I can take care of myself, I don't need anyone to fight my battles for me! I've made it this far on my own, I don't need you of all people to play body guard." Anger was flaring in her, outraged he'd come back like this and screw with her shattered heart again.
The guy just couldn't stay dead...or alive...or undead...
He backed away from her as she yelled her frustrations out at him.
"The only thing you've ever been good at is leaving me alone! Don't try and change that now!
He reeled in his disappointment, and slowly nodded. "If that's what you want, I'll go."
"It is." She shot back, unable to leash her emotional backlash.
Only his wings replied with a light breeze as they carried him up into the sky and quickly out of sight.
The moment he vanished, so did her anger.
She stood standing alone in the alley, the bodies of the demons already melting into goo.
Tears pricked at her eyes again and she swallowed the cry that threatened to break out of her throat. 'What the hell just happened?' Her spinning mind demanded, trying to process what she'd experienced.
'I'm going crazy.' The thought explained almost everything.
Grasping tight to that idea, she went home and took the hottest shower she could.
Afterwards she dragged her tried body into bed and wept herself to sleep.
…
Buffy walked down the empty side street, eyes dancing along the skyline and back, silently hoping to find any traces that her mind hadn't been playing tricks on her last night.
She'd had a whole 24 hours to let her temporary insanity dis-spell and after hours of telling herself she'd blacked out and dreamed it, she was pretty confident that was what happened.
Her voice had called out her dead ex-lover's name for a good half-hour now, in a vein attempt to assure herself she was still on the top side of sane.
So far it was working out pretty well.
She pushed the tears back again, refusing to let her emotions run away with her as they had the last few months since Angel's death.
"I imagined it." She told herself, voice not quite carrying the strength she wanted to give her words. "I either bumped my head…or spontaneously went crazy."
"You're not crazy"
The words made her jump as she spun around, eyes not immediately seeing the source of the familiar voice.
"Sorry." An apology came from above her, for startling her.
Craning her neck to look up, she saw a badly neglected fire escape balcony and staircase. Perched on the railing, was Angel.
He stood from his crouch and took a step onto empty space, falling roughly 25 feet before his wings snapped open and caught hold of the air.
His feet touched down on asphalt soundlessly.
Buffy swallowed hard as his wings tucked back behind him, nearly invisible as they folded up tight like a birds.
"You took long enough." She forced her mouth to say, wanting to make him uncomfortable…to even the playing field. Even if she was talking to a figment of her imagination.
"I got held up." He replied cryptically.
"Meaning what?" She demanded.
He shrugged. "A demon, ancient prophesy... you know the drill."
"Still atoning then?" She asked, wondering if he was still trying to pay back all the lives he took as a demon by saving others.
He shook his head, "No, I don't save people for my own selfish redemption anymore. I help because I can, because I want to."
"Oh" She said, cheeks slightly reddening in embarrassment. "Well, as long as you're happy about it."
"You're not." It wasn't a question.
She shook her head, turned and walked away from him, "Ok, I really don't need to be having a conversation with a dead guy right now...or worse, a dead guy I'm hallucinating in my own head."
'Why the hell did I come out here anyways, the last thing I need for my sanity is to have 'Angel' show up and my life, scramble my head and leave again…like he always does.'
In her hurry, she didn't notice him move until she walked straight into him, suddenly finding herself pressing against his navy blue silk shirt.
A very real and solid form beneath her fingers.
'Ok, so defiantly not a hallucination.'
"You used to enjoy it." He responded, hooking a finger under her chin and raising her eyes to meet his. Referencing both saving people and speaking to him.
"Past tense." She gritted out, prying herself off and increasing her steps away from him.
When she rounded the alley corner she stopped dead in her tracks as Angel leaned against the wall across from her. She turned her head back into the alley where he'd been a second ago then back where he'd appeared a moment later.
He shrugged, "Wings." The pearly white appendages fluttered in mock flight.
She rolled her eyes and let out a breath. "I don't care to be followed." She bit out.
"You called me here." He replied, his face and voice neutral.
"Wrong number." She shot back. "I was bluffing myself, hoping I really was crazy."
For a moment, she thought she saw him deflate a little, a slight frown pull at his lips.
'Really, really nice lips…I wonder if they still feel the same…Whoa, ok pulling out of that train of thought. Just keep walking Buffy. Last thing you need is to be having daytime fantasies about dead guys...again.'
He called after her retreating steps, "I'm not just going to disappear."
"Like I haven't heard that before." She countered back, turning but not seeing him. 'As I was saying.'
She faced forward and again he was only two feet in from of her. "Stop doing that!" She yelled, holding her hand over her pounding heart.
"Buffy, it's not set in stone that I be your guardian. If this isn't what you want...then you have every right to say no." She thought the words sounded forced from his lips, like he didn't want her to know.
The words did made her steps falter, part of her wanted to just shout 'Yes, go away' another part wanted to scream 'No, stay.'
She'd been mourning him for months, and now here he was again. Buffy knew she couldn't stand to have that carpet pulled out from under her again.
"Even if I say yes, what would that mean for me? I can't have you just popping in and out of my life, I can't take that. Its…it's too much."
"Buffy, being a guardian isn't a part time job." He stepped closer, "We're always close, you just don't normally see us."
"That gets us right back to the 'you can see me and I can't see you' argument." She threw back at him from Thanksgiving a few years ago.
"Except you can see me." He rationalize.
"So I'll only get to see you when I'm fight demons or otherwise in danger?" She questioned back, not exactly loving that idea.
"You can see me whenever you want. I'm here for as long as you want me here." He said sincerely.
That made her retreat pause, "What if I want someone to walk me to the ice cream shop? Or see a movie when the gang doesn't have time? Or have a picnic?" 'What if I'm lonely and just want you around.' She thought the real meaning.
Angel had an idea where she was going with her question. "If you accept my guardianship, I can choose to live on Earth more or less like a mortal. I'll be able to go anywhere or do anything you want me to do."
"Just like that?" She stated, folding her arms over her chest.
"Just like that." He assured back.
"For how long?" She questioned, still feeling like this was one of those 'too good to be true' offers and searching for holes.
His lips turned up a little, feeling like he was winning her over, "For as long as you live, which I'll make sure is a long, long time."
"Until I die? Is that the only escape?" That sounded like a shittly job, til death do you part.
Shrugging, "Either that, or until you tell me to leave."
"What if you got sick of being my guardian, could you quit?" She wanted to know if he could back out on her, vanish again or if he'd be more of less forced to remain with her. Neither would be appealing. If Angel was going to be with her, she didn't care for it to be because he had to be.
"In theory; I suppose, but unlikely." He answered.
She turned away from him, tempted but still worried her heart would get ripped to shreds again as it always did when Angel was around.
"I…I don't know. Can I have time to choose?"
"You can have all the time you need." He assured.
...
Buffy sat on her couch with a cup of hot chocolate. She remembered her mother used to make it for her when she needed a pick-me-up. A lot of little worries dissolved as easily as mini marshmallows over a cup of thick liquid chocolate, but apparently not Angel related issues.
'You can have all the time you need.'
It had been almost a week since she left him standing in that alley.
She hadn't gone out looking for him specifically and he hadn't appeared during any of her patrols.
Granted nothing had really appeared lately.
The demon populous of LA seemed to have suffered a sharp decline in the last week, and she knew neither her or any other slayers had anything to do with it.
'I guess Angel took his city back.' She thought idly, swirling the melted marshmallow bits in her cup.
Honestly, she still wasn't sure how she felt about that.
Angel was back. Not exactly alive, but here. Physically interact-able with...and she hadn't done much but yell at him.
She took a sip but barely tasted it. Her mind was too distracted by all the indecision's to bother with something as minuscule as flavors.
'Can I let him back in to my life? Can I really live with him being around me all the time? Would we be able to have a relationship? Or is that a huge proverbial 'No-no' just waiting to get us both sent to hell? Can an angel even have a love life? Should I even be thinking about a love life before even knowing if we can be friends? Or can we even be friends?'
The conversation in her mind repeated daily, the answers never finding their way into her head.
Pouring her now cold beverage in the sink, she retreated upstairs to get dressed and head out for a walk to clear her head.
...
Buffy had gone less than a block when she'd spotted him leaning casually by an Oak tree in the park, his dark gaze studying her as she moved past.
'Great, just what I needed.' She thought with a mix of relief and annoyance.
"And here I'd hoped you'd gone and fluttered off again." She mumbled casually as she passed by him without stopping. He took a few long steps and walked at pace along side her. "I'm sorry. Had some things to take care of."
"Apology not necessary." She stated blankly, "It was just like old times."
"I would have come if you'd needed me." He defended, growing tired of the cold shoulder routine.
"Well I didn't, you know, cus I'm the slayer and perfectly capable of handling everything that gets thrown at me." 'Which usually happens to be a lot.' she added mentally.
"I know you are, but it doesn't mean I don't worry." He told her softly.
She stole a side glance at him but kept her gaze off his eyes. Something told her not to look into them. She was afraid of what might be there. She knew from experience how quickly she could drown in those dark chocolate pools.
"Why isn't anyone noticing your wings?" The question popped out to keep her mind off other things, like his lips. She had though it odd no one passing him stopped to comment on his large feathery wings. LA may be a weird city, but people usually noticed obvious stuff like a guy standing in the park with a 6 foot wingspan.
"They aren't of this world, mortals can't perceive them. Most don't even notice me." He took advantage of being able to actually speak with her, even it the question was a dodge.
"No one sees you?" She asked, looking around at the people around them and wondering if it looked like she was talking to herself.
"Angel's are dim to this world. Mortals acknowledge us enough to avoid walking into us, but never really become fully perceived. We go unnoticed." He informed her.
"So how come I see them? Because I'm the slayer?" She questioned, wondering why she was special.
"No, you only see them because I gave you the sight." He answered.
Her brow furrowed a moment in confusion over when that would have taken place…then she thought back to when she first encountered him in the alley, he'd kissed her eyes.
"Does this 'Sight' go away, or so you have to keep refilling it?" She blurted, wondering if he'd have to keep kissing her eyes on a monthy basis or something.
He grinned a little at the image, "No, it's a one shot deal. Good or bad, your eyes will be able to perceive all beings from my plane that come to Earth."
"Or bad?" She shot back, wondering what that meant.
His eyes darkened a little. "Not everything from my world is…easy on the eyes."
She could have sworn he shuttered a little.
"Ok, great. Well as fun as this has been, I'm running late." She turned and headed the opposite direction.
"Late for what?" He asked, interest peaked.
"Dancing, drinking, dinning out…the triple D's." She said with a smile, "You know, fun things, the kind you shy away from."
"I do not." He shot back, even if he knew it was pretty much truth.
"So what, now you want to come along?" She challenged.
…..
Buffy stole a quick glance across the table at Angel, still searching her mind for a rational and sane reason for this to be happening. She'd planned to meet Willow and Xander here, and mentioned it to him purely as a means of escaping from those deep alluring brown eyes that she really needed to stop thinking about. Actually having him accompany her had certainly not been her first intention. In fact, she'd pretty much banked on the idea he'd make up some reason that angel's couldn't as a rule enter a nightclub and flutter off before she could pretend to feel apologetic for asking.
Apparently he hadn't caught on she was trying to ditch him.
"There's Willow." He spoke from across the table, almost making her jump. Quickly turning her head she saw no one recognizable, then a moment later the witch's bright red hair came into sight, closely followed by Xander, unmistakable in his eye-patch.
She waved them down and after a few minutes of them navigating the close knit bodies, she was wrapping her arms around her best friends again in a happy little reunion.
Once all the 'hello' and 'how are you' had been said, they settled into the chairs at the table and picked up on small talk.
Buffy had nearly forgotten Angel was there when Willow looked past her where he sat across the table and nearly jumped off her chair in shock. She was about to start rapidly pouring his name from her lips before she sealed her mouth tight, remembering how his name even mentioned had made her best-friend cry every time it had been spoken over the last few months.
Xander looked around alarmed at Willow's expression, the fact he looked right though Angel and didn't react made her think she was just imagine him, or perhaps as a witch she was seeing something like a ghost or a magical construct?
"Willow? What's wrong?" Buffy asked, and then noticed where her gaze was focused. "Oh, so you can see him too?"
Willow's head whirled around to face Buffy, "Too? As in you know Angel is sitting right there and failed to mention it?"
The blond shrugged, "Was kinda hoping I was crazy. Guess that's off the menu."
Xander looked between the two a moment, hearing the conversation but confused at all hell. "Umm, would someone like to explain, cus I'm feeling like the time in History when the professor was talk about something I slept though."
Buffy pointed, and rather non-descript addressed, "Angel is sitting in the chair beside you."
Xander raised his eyebrow and looked at the empty chair; at least it had been a moment ago. For a second he thought his eye was playing tricks on him, but suddenly he blinked saw who they were looking at.
"Whoa!" Xander yelped and jumped back, as if he'd just discovered a snake in the chair beside him.
Angel was frowning at them, obviously not feeling welcomed by the lack of positive feedback.
Both Willow and Xander bombarded Buffy with questions, but she ignored most of them to direct one to Angel. "I thought you said no one could see you? They do."
"I said I was dim, unnoticed to most people, not invisible. Willow's sight is greater than most being a witch, and once pointed out, people can notice me. Usually I fade back out, but being adapt to the supernatural, it's unlikely for them."
"Buff? What the hell is that?" Xander snapped. Turning towards Angel his eye narrowed, "Don't come any closer, whatever the hell you are."
"You…you're really Angel? Aren't you?" Willow asked, sensing his aura, feeling it was familiar.
He nodded, slightly smirking, "In more ways than one." Neither Willow nor Xander could see his wings, only his mortal appearance.
Rolling her eyes, Buffy grumbled, "If you mean he's a dead guy stalking me, vanishing and reappearing at random moments and being annoyingly cryptic, then yup, he's the very same."
Hurt flashed across Angel's eyes before it disappeared behind a stony front. "Alright, I get the point. Sorry I bothered you." With that said he rose and quickly vanished into the crowd, leaving the three left around the table blinking.
Willow and Xander turned to Buffy and demanded and explanation. Feeling she really needed to unload all that had happened over the last few days, she relaxed now that he wasn't hovering near her and told them everything.
...
"Oh, how romantic, he came back from Heaven for you!" Willow practically bubbled after Buffy's story, but then her smiled faded and turned focused, "So why are you being so mean to him? He's just trying to do his job and help you."
"I don't need his help." Buffy snapped, still incredibly annoyed at the idea. She didn't want to be a job.
"But you could still just spend time with him." Willow countered.
"Yeah, that usually turns out so well." Xander jabbed, always reserving a special hate for the now former vampire.
"Xander!" Willow scolded, then tried a different tactic. "Get me a club soda please and thank you."
The one eyed man glanced over at the bar and cringed at the number of people surrounding it.
"But Will, there's like a hundred people…" He whined.
She glared her resolve face.
He sighed, "Anything for you Buff?" He offered to the blond. When she shook her head no, he grumbled, "One club soda coming right up" and wandered off towards the bar.
As soon as he was gone, Willow turned back to Buffy. "What's wrong? I thought you wanted to be with Angel? I mean, not to be blunt, but you've been mourning him for months, now suddenly he's back and you can be together and you don't want to? Why not? Did something happen? Is he different now?"
Buffy shook her head, "It is different, he died!" She exasperated. "And he's not just back, I'm some kind of mission now, and he's all popping in and out and I can't take that Will….I can't…"
"You can't lose him again." She supplied.
"No, that's not...I just…" The blond countered but lost her drive, "I don't know. Probably."
Willow gave her a sad smile, "Buffy, he's the love of your life…you two never got a chance before and now maybe you can."
"How do you know? I mean he's still an angel, technically dead and not really even a part of this world."
Willow upraised a red eyebrow and looked at her, "And since when was that ever an issue for you?"
"He's not just here to hang out with me or date me, he's supposed to protect me, be my guardian…"
"Still not seeing a difference here." Willow grinned.
"No one said we could be together…what…what if we can't? He and I don't work well like that, it's…it's too hard." Buffy flustered, working herself up.
"Have you talked to him about it?"
Buffy shot her an almost scandalous look, "No! Nor will the subject ever be broached."
"Why? Because you think he'll say no?" The redhead ventured.
"No, because I think he'll say yes. I can't deal with that right now…" Buffy admitted.
She really couldn't let her heart be broken by him again.
…..
Dancing and happiness hadn't occurred after her chat with Willow. Feeling like her brain was on fire; Buffy called it a night and headed home.
Angel didn't reappear that night.
Nor the next.
After how she'd treated him, she really didn't blame him.
She just wasn't sure it she was glad, or disappointed.
After pacing restlessly in her house for a good part of the day, Buffy grabbed her purse and headed out for a walk.
...
A stroll downtown seemed like a good idea at the time.
Watch the bustle of people moving about, to let her see life as usual playing on.
Feel the warm sun on her face, the lightly breezy air in her hair. Southern California at it's best.
It didn't help, in fact, it made her feel even more alone.
She sighed and stuffed her hands into her jean pockets, trudging absently off the sidewalk and following the crowd across the street.
Suddenly she paused and looked around, actually seeing where she was for the first time.
The very spot Angel had died.
She hadn't notice the crosswalk sign turn to 'Don't walk' or the light changing to green.
"Trust me, bad place to stand." Someone said as they grabbed her arm, pulling her out of the street before a horn blaring car could angrily drive over her for standing in the middle of the road.
"You would know." She didn't need to turn around to know it was Angel that grabbed her arm.
She forgotten he wasn't a vampire, sunlight was not an issue for an angel.
"So, are you trying to get yourself killed or did you just want to talk to me?" Anger was clear in his tone.
"Neither." Buffy shot back, pulling her arm from his grip.
When she turned, she could clearly see worry flashing in his deep brown eyes, his tone tight out of concern for her. "Buffy, you're been too reckless lately. I understand you were grieving but let's be frank a moment, you need to stop morning a guy who's standing right in front of you."
Her eyes watered at the thought, remembering seeing him lying in the road, broken, dying. "You left me alone." She whispered.
"You're not alone anymore." He assured, pulling her against him and into a more secluded part of the sidewalk.
The emotions she'd had bottled for half a year suddenly broke open, flooding her with everything she'd kept locked away.
Her legs weakened as her arms wrapped tightly around him, tight enough to crushing a human, and wouldn't let go. Sobs threatened to choke her as she cried into his chest.
All the pain and loss from the last six months was hitting her all over again.
"Shh, it's ok Buffy, I'm right here." He soothed, holding her tight and letting her unload as he rubbed her back and whispered soothing words into her ear. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."
She felt her hair blowing in the wind but didn't pull back from him to find out why. Not long later she felt her mattress pressing against her back as he laid her down in her bed.
"No." She cried when she felt him pulling away. She didn't want to stop touching him, couldn't.
"I'm still here." He soothed, "Just taking off my coat." A moment later she felt him slip into bed beside her.
In an instant she wrapped herself around him and let her eyes slip shut.
"Just rest Buffy." She heard him say, feeling his fingers brush down her hair and her back. "I'm not going anywhere."
And for the first time in six months, she slept a deep and dreamless sleep.
…..
To Be Continued?
...
Anyone like it? Hate it?