Tales of the Irrepressible Sirius Black
Disclaimer FAQ: Q. What is Harry Potter? A. Something I don't own. Q. How do you know I don't own Harry Potter? A. I don't live in a fantastic mansion in Hawaii. Q. Who does own Harry Potter? A. JK Rowling, literary extraordinaire. Q. Do you own anything Potter? A. Only if my cats Sirius and Remus count, but they're real cats, not fictional characters, so that would be a no.
Thank you for participating in my disclaimer FAQ!
Chapter 2 – A Personal Challenge (aka. Sirius gets a snog)
"What do you think about that Hufflepuff girl?" Sirius asked his friends and looked over at the Hufflepuff table in the Great Hall of Hogwarts, where they were currently eating their dinner, "reckon she'd be up for it?"
"Sirius, you are absolutely beserk, do you know that?" Remus snapped.
"A guy's got to have goals in life, Moony, mine just happens to currently be a snog by midnight. You didn't answer my question." Sirius raised an eyebrow at his friend.
"She'd be nuts if she was 'up for it' as you so eloquently put it." Remus took a swig of pumpkin juice.
"Hmmm, maybe I should try one of the Ravenclaw girls instead. You know, the ones from the train?" Sirius pondered, "I've kind of already got an in with them and Arabella was talking about my wand!"
"I do not want to know." Remus muttered.
"But how are you going to find time to snog them tonight, Padfoot?" Peter asked, "Won't they go straight back to their house common room?"
"A rare moment of insight, Wormtail!" Sirius announced, "If I hope to snog a girl by midnight, I should probably start looking in my own house. Who do you reckon, Prongs?"
James looked up and down the table.
"Dunno, Padfoot, Elena Catherwood's not bad looking and she's a third year, so she might be more...how can I put this? Susceptible to your amorous advances!" James said in a tone not unlike Remus's and winked at Sirius.
"Well reasoned, James, I'd been thinking about Evans maybe. Feisty little redhead that she is!" Sirius and James both looked down the table to where Lily Evans was sitting with her fellow fourth year friends.
"I wouldn't try it, Sirius, she doesn't seem like the easy type and she'd probably jinx you so bad you'd end up in the hospital for a week." Remus interjected.
"She's looking good this year, though." James considered, "I wonder if she'd go to Hogsmeade with me."
"I just said she doesn't seem like the easy type, so now you want to ask her out?" Remus quizzed in an exasperated tone.
"Not for a snog by midnight like Sirius was talking about! I meant, you know, a date. Okay, and a snog, but a date!" James pointed out.
"Still don't like your chances, Prongs." Said Remus.
"All very well, but what about my dilemma!" Sirius interrupted.
"I say Catherwood. She drools over you all the time." James pointed out.
"She does? Never noticed. Okay, Catherwood it is then. I'll snog her by midnight." Sirius announced. He called out to a sandy-haired sixth year a bit further up the table.
"Oi, Desmond, what's the password?" the boy looked around, saw Sirius and smiled.
"Mi casa es su casa, but don't take that literally!" Desmond Randal quipped.
"Thanks Des," Sirius called and as he stood up from his seat, he spoke to his friends. "I'll see you blokes later."
--
Sirius wandered casually over to Elena Catherwood and her friends with his hands in his pockets and smiled at them, causing all five of them to laugh nervously. The group consisted of three third year girls and two second years, all seemed dumbstruck at the sight of him.
"What's happening, girls?" Sirius asked rhetorically as he approached them, "got room for one more?"
One of the girls at the end moved to make room for him, but he turned to Elena instead.
"Move up a bit, babe, so I can sit down." She blushed furiously and moved over, stiffening as Sirius sat down closer than was necessary.
"How was your train ride?" Sirius was still talking to Elena and all but ignoring the other girls at the table.
"It was, ummm, it was okay. Errr and yours?" Elena stuttered.
"Great Catherwood, just great. Would've been better if I'd been in your carriage, though!" He winked at her and she turned a further shade of crimson. All of her friends were gawking at her, as well as a few other people in the vicinity. Luckily there was a distraction just then as the table filled with all sorts of imaginable desserts.
"What would you like for dessert tonight, Catherwood?" Sirius asked her. "Treacle tart? Ice cream? Apple pie? A stroll up to Gryffindor tower with the delectable Sirius Black?"
"Ummmm, I'll ummm have, ummm, I'm ummm-" she couldn't seem to say much more than the non-word 'ummm' and Sirius grinned at her.
"I'm going to assume that translates to the walk option, come on." Sirius grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the table. She looked at the floor as he led her out of the Great Hall, trying to avoid the staring eyes around her and did not notice Sirius give his friends a wink as they walked past them.
--
"So Catherwood," Sirius let go of her hand and put an arm around her shoulders, "was summer good to you?"
"It was alright, I guess." She mumbled and blushed again. Sirius threw his head back and laughed.
"You know Catherwood, I like it when you blush, you're very pretty." He pulled her closer to him as the stair case they were standing on began to move.
"Hold on gorgeous, we're in for a wild ride!" Sirius proclaimed.
"I errr don't know how wild the stair case moving is, exactly." She stated.
"Did I say I was talking about the stair case?" He winked at Elena and she blushed once more. "See? Very pretty."
As he led her along the corridor to where the portrait of the Fat Lady hung, he stopped suddenly and backed her against the wall, standing very close and looking down into her brown eyes.
"You like me, don't you Catherwood?" He smiled at her and she blinked up at him.
"Ummm you're ummm okay ummm I guess..."
"Just okay?" Sirius asked, "not devastatingly handsome?"
He didn't wait for an answer, instead pulling her along again to stand in front of the Fat Lady.
"Mi casa es su casa." Sirius said, looking directly at Elena. The portrait swung forward revealing a hole in the wall through which they climbed into the circular Gryffindor common room.
"Now, where were we?" Sirius asked as he pulled her towards him in front of the fireplace.
"I don't errr know." Elena stammered, sounding frightened.
"You don't need to sound so worried, Catherwood. I was just wondering something, though." He tilted his head and looked at her again, reaching his hand up to push her hair back out of her eyes. "Want to know what I was wondering?"
"Ummm, I suppose so." Elena replied.
"I was wondering, if I wanted to, whether you would kiss me or not. Would you kiss me, Catherwood?" Sirius queried.
"I would." She squeaked in reply.
Sirius leaned his head down and covered her mouth with his. He snaked one hand around her waist and pulled her close, reaching behind her head with his other hand and increasing the pressure on her mouth. His tongue flickered out and licked her lips. She opened her mouth with a sigh and he began to kiss her passionately. He explored her mouth with his and just as he had begun to move his hands around her body, the portrait swung open again and people began to file in.
--
There was the sound of wolf whistles and cat calls as people started to take in what they were seeing.
"Nice work, Black!" Called out the voice of a burly seventh year boy.
"It's never too early in the school year for a snog, apparently!" A fifth year girl commented, sounding amused.
"Break it up, break it up!" Came the voice of Desmond Randal. Sirius and Elena sprang apart, Elena running for the cover of the girls' dormitories. Sirius grinned widely at his audience and took a bow.
"Geeze Black, I didn't realise you wanted the password in order to get some 'private time' in before bed!" Desmond laughed at him.
"Well it was private till you lot intruded, you know!" He sought out his friends and amidst delight and some scowling from the crowd around him, they headed towards the stairway to the boys' dormitories.
"I think I shall take my leave now," said Sirius loudly, "good night folks, see you in the morning!"
Sirius took another bow and turned to walk up the stairs.
--
As they burst into the room, Sirius and James were doubled over with laughter.
"That was bloody brilliant, Padfoot!" James snorted, "I honestly didn't think you could do it, I was going to ask for proof but I don't think it's really needed now!"
"Proof, Prongs? You mean like her bra or something?" They were clutching each other and laughing harder than ever, "I think this was much easier, don't you?"
James couldn't reply as he continued to howl with laughter.
"You two are absolutely awful," said Remus coldly, "girls aren't objects, you know. They have feelings and if I'm not much mistaken, you've completely humiliated Elena." Sirius stopped laughing and looked amusedly at his friend.
"Awwww, Moony, she won't take it that hard. I reckon that was probably the best snog of her life!"
"Charming though girls seem to find you, Padfoot, I warn you that you have a lot to learn about them." Remus turned his back on them and began getting ready for bed.
"What did you think, Wormtail?" James asked, "you seem awfully quiet."
"I want to know how to get some of Padfoot's luck with the ladies! Wasn't that the first time you'd even spoken to her?" Peter sounded slightly resentful.
"Sure was, Wormy, sure was. I'm just that damn irresistable!" Sirius smirked.
"That damn arrogant, you mean!" James retorted. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him.
"Arrogant, you say? Have you seen me? I'm seriously hot and I think girls have finally discovered this fact!"
"I don't know about 'finally discovered', girls have been checking you out for as long as I've known you." James stated with a shrug.
"Really? They have?" Sirius sounded gobsmacked.
"Yes Padfoot, we've all noticed and perhaps if you weren't so self-involved, you might've realised this before now along with the rest of us!" Remus rolled his eyes at him.
"Wow Moony, you're sure in a bad mood tonight. Tell me why you think the girls love me? Is it my biceps? I reckon it's my biceps!" He flexed his muscles, which was pointless as he was still wearing his robes and they couldn't see his arms.
"Yes Padfoot, it's definitely your biceps...that robe really sets them off!" Remus laughed despite himself.
"I always thought it was his eyes," said Peter, "I was walking down the corridor one day and some girls were talking about his eyes." Sirius paused in the midst of changing into his pyjamas.
"I don't know what disturbs me the most about what you just said, Wormtail. The fact that you remember this or the fact that you didn't tell me about my fabulous eyes for yourself!" Peter looked embarrassed.
"I didn't say it! Some girls did!" He protested.
"Oh sure they did, Wormtail!" James snickered.
"Shove off, both of you." Peter spat.
Sirius lay down on his bed. He leaned back with his arms behind his head.
"You know, boys, as far as snogs go, I think that was a great one. In fact, I really do think I'm pretty damn good at it."
"Just go to sleep already, Padfoot, or your head will be so big you won't be able to fit through the doorway in the morning." James warned him as he settled himself into bed.
"Meh, if that happens, I'll just have Moony levitate me down through the window!"
And with a wave of his wand, Sirius distinguished the lights in the dorm and drifted off to sleep, content with the successful completion of his personal challenge.
A/N: I almost hate Sirius being so cavalier about women, but at the same time I'm certain that a boy as good looking as him almost surely would be. As for poor sensible Remus, I should imagine it would get a bit tiresome being around somebody so arrogant all the time! Anyway, I'm not sure what will come next but I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did.