They had sat like that, crying on the floor, for what seemed like hours, yet still not enough time. Not nearly enough to properly comprehend what had happened. Not enough to heal. To feel better. Finally, April stopped crying enough to look up at the largest turtle, who had been holding her so that she wouldn't fall to the floor, for at the news she had lost all of her strength, her legs failing as she limply hung onto Raphael's neck, her body trembling with each wracking sob. Her vision was blurry because of both the tears that claimed them and because of the tiredness she felt coming over her. She knew though that she wouldn't be able to sleep. Not just that night but ever. Her best friend- her BEST friend-was-was… she began to weep again at the thought even as it trailed off.
"R-raph?" she whispered, hoping he would answer. She knew it was insensitive. She knew he shouldn't ever have to relive, to even think about it again, but she wanted- no, NEEDED- to know.
"How di- Who- What hap-pened?" she stuttered, whimpers and tears causing her to pause. She looked up at him, her eyes betraying no blame, no intent to hurt him with the question, just pure hurt- pure PAIN- and a certain underlying brokenness that fit so well with the vacancy in her voice that he couldn't NOT tell her. She was there friend, Donnie's BEST friend, she- She deserved to know.
"We- we were patrolling around town, y'a know, like always,"
except it wasn't like always
"When we heard a noise. A scream. Female, sounded like a kid. We couldn't just ignore it."
but we shouldv'e
"We turned the corner, and there she was. 'Cept it wasn't no little girl, April, it was- some kinda alien. It was waiting for us. We rushed in, thought we could handle it."
we couldn't
"It fought like a caged animal, wanted us dead."
Guess it got its wish
"I jumped in, didn't realize that it had grabbed Leo."
i should have
"Don did. He jumped in front of it, got Leo away. That thing got his battle shell, threw it off. He couldn't fight without it. No protection. One hit, he'd be out."
One hit that i couldv'e stopped
"He got away, hit it with his tech-bō. It didn't really like that. It cornered him. Got em' knocked us back. I was on the other side of the ally."
Too far away
"Leo w-was out, and Mike c-couldn't g-get close. I was too slow."
Too far
"All we heard was the crack. Sh-shell hitting t-the wall, thrown at f-full force. Shell, I w-would'a felt that. B-but Don? He-he-h-... It should've been me April! I could handle that, I'm bigger, tougher, my shell could stand that. I've been thrown at walls a MILLION times, and I- I always got out with b-barely a scratch, and he- he died." Raph was bawling like a little kid.
"I'm the oldest! I shoulda' been able to protect him. ALL of them. Instead, Mike got beat up, Leo almost got squashed, and Don, he's … gone." Gone. The word seemed harsh, cold, but it was the best way to describe it. He couldn't force out the word dead, and all the usual replacements weren't enough. He was just- gone.
"Raph?"
The red-eared terrapin looked up at his red-banded older brother in disbelief.
"Do you really blame yourself?" Raph was caught off guard by the question.
"L-leo- I, yes. Yes I do. I made a promise to Dad, to YOU, that I would protect you. Today, I- I broke that promise. I failed."
Leonardo gasped. "No! No, Raph, you couldn't do anything, trust me, I know that if you were close enough, you woulda let that thing have it! I-in fact, t-the only reason Donnie was in any danger at all was because he was saving me! I always knew I was immature, b-but i-if I h-had kno-own t-that I w-would ge-get s-som-ene k-k-killed, I-I-I w-would-a t-tried h-harder I w-woulda f-f-fought b-better, I w-would of Been ABle TO DEFEND MYSELF SO THAT YOU GUYS DIDN'T HAVE TO! If-f I c-could-da g-got out-ta t-the way, h-he'd s-st-til b-be h-he-er-re…" the words trailed off as the blue clad turtle whimpered and sniffled, trying to fight back the tears. April sniffled. She was just glad that Mikey had fallen asleep after crying so hard. He wouldn't want to hear his brothers blaming themselves for something like this. Especially when they both would torture themselves over it.
And they did. They went back, looking for revenge, ultimately ending in Mikey losing his arm, and Raph and Leo blaming themselves- and each-other.
They tried again. Raphael lost an eye. And he and Leonardo never spoke to each-other again, not even when Leo was blinded in an attack. Not even when Splinter died. If anything, in act, it got worse, until finally they both decided to leave the lair for good. Only Mikey stayed, knowing he could never part with his fallen Sensei. April tried, but the three never spoke to each-other again. That is, until that night. The night when something unexpected happened.
Their lost brother came back.
Still fourteen.
And still alive.