Young, but I'm Not That Bold

Alec let the hot water of the shower wash over him, relaxing the tension in his shoulders. He'd spent the night losing himself in the hard beat of the music at the Pandemonium, dancing with and kissing strange men he was sure to never see again before going home with a mundane stranger who had been eying him all night. He had been doing that a lot recently. Izzy would have called it whoring around, but somehow the rough, no emotions sex was satisfying in a way he couldn't explain. That and it was better than the alternative which consisted of hysterical tears and constant Magnus memories that he just could not handle right now. As it was he couldn't get Magnus out of his head. His voice, his hair, hiseyes, the glitter, the way he smelled… no wait, that was the soap he was using in stranger man's shower. Sandalwood, lovely,Alec thought bitterly as he rinsed himself off and got out.

He quickly toweled off and dressed. He wanted to be out before Mark woke up. Or was it Mike? Matt? Alec paused for a moment trying to remember before shrugging it off and slipping silently into the bedroom. Whatever his name was he was not in the bed where Alec had left him. "Fuck" he muttered heading towards the door. He hated this part. It usually started with "Good Morning." Morning. "Want Breakfast I'm making (insert breakfast food here)" No. "Oh, well wanna join me for a shower?" No. "But I thought we had a connection?" No, unless you are a tall, part Asian Warlock who wears a lot of glitter and has cat eyes you really are not my type, and I know I just fucked you silly but this is going nowhere, ok? Good bye. It never really went well and he really was not in the mood this morning. He'd had a dream about Magnus last night and still had the Warlock's cat eyes staring at him every time he closed his eyes. With as sigh he headed out into the apartments open living room/kitchen. As expected Mike/Matt/Mark was in the kitchen humming away as he fried up some eggs.

"Good morning sunshine." He said with a wink. "Have a good shower? I made you eggs." he motioned to a plate that was already out and before Alec could respond with a polite no his stomach gave him away. He was starving, but normally that meant heading to the nearest cafe and ordering breakfast that he wouldn't be able to keep down until lunch. Alec gave a weak smile and sat down with at the island with a shrug. "Morning." He mumbled. "Sorry if I woke you." It was early, it was always early. Early meant he could get out while it was dark normally, while the other person still slept. This one seemed to be an early riser. "No worries." He said cheerfully. "I actually didn't sleep much. You move a lot in your sleep." He grimaced. Magnus had complained about that once when they were still getting used to sharing a bed. Something that simple shouldn't have bothered him but, this morning he was particularly touchy.

They ate in silence mostly, and it was awkward as expected. Next time Alec we avoid this by simply saying no, he thought as he finished up. "So, Mark-"

"Matt."

"What?"

"You called me Mark, my name is Matt."

Alec paused for a moment, "Right, um Sorry. Listen Matt-"

"Don't do that." Matt said with a sad smile. "I didn't expect you to remember my name."

"You, um, you didn't?"

Matt shook his head taking both of their empty plates to the sink before leaning casually on the counter. He eyed Alec for a moment before answering. "Well I did at first, and you did remember last night. Then you fell asleep and I realized I wasn't who you wanted to be with." He smiled again. "Whoever Magnus is, I recommend going after him." Alec froze up. It had been weeks since he'd heard the name out loud. Just thinking it hurt, but hearing it said was like a slap in the face and he felt his anger rise a little bit. Who was this guy to think he could talk about Magnus? "Listen, I don't know how you know about him but-"

Matt chuckled. "Chill dude. You kept saying things about him in your sleep. All I'm saying is that from what I heard you should go after him." Matt gave him another sad smile. "If I know anything about relationships its that guys like that want you to fight for them, and if you love him you should want to fight for him."

With that Alec set a scowl on his face. "Whatever, look its none of your damn business." He muttered as he got up and stalked from the apartment without even looking at him again. Who the fuck was this guy to talk to him about how he should handle Magnus? He didn't know what he was talking about. He hadn't heard the pain in Magnus's voice, seen the look of utter betrayal on his face. The stupid Mundie knew nothing so he could just shut the fuck up. Alec stopped for a moment in the alley next to the building and hit the wall. His knuckles split and a pain shot through his arm as his hand throbbed. He'd probably broken it but he didn't care. He had felt the tears coming and this had stopped them. The pain kept him grounded, a lot like the sex did. If he kept his body busy his brain couldn't think. He started walking again, his head bowed in thought. If he were like Jace he would go demon hunting, but he wasn't like Jace. Jace went in head first and beat the crap out of things, Alec stood back with his bow and kept him safe.

Alec let his feet take him where they would. He'd been doing that the past few weeks. He hadn't been home yet, he'd simply kept sending Izzy texts to let her know he was alive, but he couldn't go home. He couldn't face them. He was a horrible person, and they would know it if he did. Muttering to himself he kicked a can. Why was he so damn stupid? Why did he let himself fall for Camille's tricks? He envied Maureen. He had wanted to rip Camille limb from limb for what she'd done, but if he was honest with himself it wasn't her fault. He was the only one to blame. Magnus had done nothing but trust him and put faith in him and he blew it. He kicked another can in frustration and looked up to see where he was.

No. Not here. By the Angel why had he come here?