Alice's Point-of-View
Nov. 28—I just heard that Charlie was sent to Warren a week ago. I'm not sure what I think about it. Of course I'm going to miss him, but he's back to what he had been or he's worse. No one will tell me. I had gone to the university to talk to Dr. Strauss and Professor Nemur when they told me what had happened. I asked about his condition but they just shook their heads and wouldn't say anything more about the subject.
What right do they have to keep me from him? I love him and told them as much but they told me it would be better if I didn't go see him. They probably think I couldn't take seeing him in his state.
I'm a strong woman. I have to with my job at the Beekmin College Center for Retarded Adults. It's so sad to try to teach all these grown adults what first and second graders already know. I have to use all my strength to keep from running out of that classroom crying sometimes.
I decided after talking to the Professor and Doctor that I'd go see Charlie before my class that night. I went back home to change into a professional suit I save for times where I feel I need all the professionalism that I can get. I then drove to Warren. Since most of my students live there I knew my way around.
I asked Mr. Winslow where Charlie Gordon was. He smiled and looked through their files for where he was housed. His face fell when he told me Charlie was in Cottage K. It took me a moment to realize what that meant.
"Surely you must be mistaken. Charlie can't be there. He's too calm and gentle," I said thinking he was confused.
"I'm sorry Miss Kinnian. Here, look for yourself."
He showed me the file and surely enough in the box labeled Cottage was the letter K.
"Can I see him?"
"I'm not sure Miss Kinnian. Visitors aren't usually allowed in that cottage."
"Well then bring him here. Please Winslow. I really need to see him. I need to see how he's doing."
He looked uncertain but he said, "Okay, give me twenty minutes to fetch him."
I sat down on a straight-backed chair in the lobby and watched as Winslow left to go to Cottage K.
Those twenty minutes were the longest twenty minutes of my life. I kept turning every other minute to look at the clock behind me. The second hand was terribly slow. Finally Winslow came back and led me to a room near the back of the administrative building. He showed me to a door at the end of a hall and left me to mind the desk.
I took a deep breath, exhaled, turned the knob and went into the room where my Charlie sat. The man sitting in the chair (if that thing could be called a man) was sitting in a frightened posture with his eyes darting all over the place. His face was screwed into suspicion when he saw me in the doorway and I quickly closed the door thinking he might make a break for it.
"Hi, Charlie. It's me Alice. Remember me?"
I thought I saw a flash of recognition but his face stayed suspicious. I guess it must have been a trick of the light. The lighting was poor in this room so I guessed it wasn't used often.
"Mind if I take a seat Charlie?" He said nothing so I took the chair across from him. "How are you doing Charlie? You look well."
He said nothing and did nothing though his eyes were darting everywhere like a squirrel cornered by a fox. His eyes fixated on a corner behind me when he started to moan a low moan. It sounded like as if he was in agony about something. I looked behind me and when I saw nothing I got up and went to him hoping to comfort him in some way. He started when he saw me coming closer and he started to try to get away from me.
"It's okay Charlie. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise," I said hoping to be soothing but he just scrambled into a corner and went into the feral position. "Charlie it's me, Alice," I pleaded with him as tears started burning my eyes.
I stopped five feet from him and watched helplessly as he started rocking and moaning again. He could hear him moaning something and could barely hear it. It sounded like, 'misk in euin'.
"It's going to be okay Charlie. I'll leave now if you want." When he didn't say anything I started walking back to the door with tears finally loose on my cheeks.
As I got to the door I thought I heard him say something and when I turned I saw him standing up with the smile that I loved so much.
"Bye, Miss Kinnian," he said.
"Bye, Charlie. I love you," I said through my tears that were drying on my face. I smiled back at him but when I stepped back toward him his face fell and he shrunk back again.
I retracted my hand that I had held up in friendship but he had shied away from. I could feel the tears again as I quickly left the room without another word. I said goodbye to Winslow and if he noticed my tears he said nothing about it. I went back home to change for class and gathered my material for my lesson that night. I put on a smile and went through my class with little difficulty. When everyone had left and the janitor had been through his rounds I sat at my desk and cried.
I cried for Charlie and his condition. And I cried for my heart. Poor Charlie in his condition of an emotionally unstable retardate. Thank goodness he wasn't aware of what was going on any more than a fly. And it just hurt me to see him that way. No wonder the Doctor and Professor didn't want me to see him that way. He wasn't even the Charlie from before. I wish I hadn't let him or even told him about that operation opportunity.
I dried my eyes and looked down at my hands. Well I can't do anything about what had happened now. But I could try to help him. Maybe if I came around enough times and help him he'll start to remember our time together. I smiled hopefully, gathered my things, got up to leave and turned off the light.