When I wasn't spending time with Anna or doing paperwork, one of my favorite things to do was look out the window. Sometimes I would stand there and watch people go about their daily business and I would make stories up about what their lives could be like. I spotted a scrawny man walking quickly though with a sack in his hand. I imagine that he's probably got a beautiful wife back home, two children perhaps. A boy and a girl probably. The boy probably takes after his father with his red hair and freckles, the girl probably takes after her mother. I imagined she would have strawberry blond hair. In my head he was on his way home because it was his daughter's birthday and in the sack was a gift of some sort for her. Maybe it was...
Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar knock at the door. I bit my lip. It had been a couple of days and I still hadn't come out to talk to Anna. I knew I was avoiding it, but I couldn't figure out why it bothered me so much. I didn't want to confront her until I figured it out. It was pretty bad that she had been intimate with Hans, who tried to kill us and take the kingdom, and the thought that my little sister was pregnant in the first place was enough to upset me. She was too young to have children. She wasn't a child anymore, but she still had a lot of living to do before having to care for a child.
"Elsa?" Anna asked softly. "I know you're in there. Come out please?" She sounded so upset. Part of me really just wanted to open the door and let her in. Part of me wanted to hug her and apologize for shutting her out. The other part of me was just too upset and afraid. I had to think about it a little longer, I just didn't know what to say to her. The feeling were all so very new and confusing.
"You said you'd never shut me out, remember?" Anna tried. " I know I made a mistake. Maybe we could just talk about it." I couldn't say anything. I walked over to the door and placed my hand on it. Ice started to spread from my fingers so I removed my hand and made a fist by my side. My sister was out there. My pregnant sister. I promised not to shut her out, so why was I?
"This is why I didn't want to tell you." Anna suddenly sounded angry. "I knew you were going to hate me, Elsa!" There was a bang on the door like she slammed her fist on it and I heard her footsteps leaving.
"But I don't hate you." I finally said after it was too late.
Anna returned the next day. I closed the book I was reading when I heard her special knock and got up to go stand by the door. I listened carefully but Anna didn't say anything and I almost wondered if I just imagined it. Then one quiet, barely there, knock sounded through the door.
"I'm sorry." was all Anna said. I wanted to open the door and let her in, but I didn't. I spent what seemed like forever thinking about why I was so upset and I still couldn't figure out all the different emotions. There was anger, of course, there was worry and fear, but was there a hint of jealousy too? Why would I be jealous? That was just stupid. She was pregnant with Han's baby.
"I wish we could just talk. It doesn't even have to be about the baby." Anna said. I heard her slide down onto the floor so I did the same. "Marshmallow has been kind of cranky lately." I raised my eyebrow, she wanted to talk about Marshmallow? That was odd, but I shrugged. I was willing to listen.
"I remember when I found your palace and you created Marshmallow to get me and Kristoff to go away. We were outside of the palace and Marshmallow calmed down a little but I was mad so I threw a snowball at him, even though Kristoff told me not to." Anna said. I smiled, that was so like Anna. "Oh, did that ever anger him! He ended up chasing us to the end of a cliff. Kristoff made a snow anchor and we started to go down it but then Marshmallow started pulling the rope up. When he got us up to his level he yelled in out faces to not come back." Anna took a pause. It had been a couple of weeks and I still hadn't heard all of her stories. I thought they were interesting and while I put her through so much and I still felt really horrible, I still liked hearing about her adventure.
"I cut the rope and we fell. To be honest, I was a little afraid but I tried not to act like it. Kristoff said it was a 200 foot drop." I felt my heart squeeze. She fell 200 feet? How on earth did she make it alive? " There was a lot of soft snow, it was like landing on a pillow sort of." Anna went silent for awhile.
"It's kind of weird, but I think Marshmallow feels the things that you feel. You wanted us out that day, so he wanted us out. When you're happy, he's happy. When you're worried, he's worried. When you're upset...he gets upset. Right now he's upset. Nobody is getting through to him, he just stomps around all grumpy." I bit my lip.
"I don't understand." Anna said. "People have been wondering where you've been. I don't know what to tell them. Things were going so well. I'm sorry if I ruined it." I heard her stand up and walk away, leaving me alone to my thoughts.
I jerked awake but it took me a moment to realize what woke me up. For a moment my heart pounded and I whipped around to see if there was somebody standing there. There wasn't anybody anywhere in the room so I calmed down. Maybe I was dreaming. Then I heard it again. Anna's special knock. I frowned, it was only a little after five in the morning, what was she doing up so early? We didn't have to be up for a couple of hours. I pushed the blankets back on my bed and went over to the door.
"You don't have to let me in, but could I just talk to you?" Anna asked. Was I supposed to say something? "I had a nightmare." I frowned. What was her nightmare about?
"I've been having them almost every night. Most of them aren't that bad and are more uncomfortable than scary, but usually you're there in the morning at breakfast and that makes the bad ones seem not so bad." Guilt flooded me. How had I not noticed? I should have been there for her.
"Normally they're of when I got turned into ice. Sometimes I dream that Hans got to you before I did and he killed you before I could stop him. Those are the worst. Sometimes I dream that you lock yourself away from me again and I never see you again and those are pretty bad too." I frowned. That's what I was doing again. I was locking her out, just like in her nightmares.
"I'm sorry I got pregnant with Han's baby. It happened on Coronation night. We snuck away where there was nobody." Anna said, her voice cracking. "I didn't mean to. I didn't know I would get pregnant. I didn't even think of that." Of course Anna didn't think of that. She never really thought things through. "Please...please just come out."
I couldn't handle it anymore. It sounded like Anna needed me to be there for her. I took a deep breath and placed my hand on the doorknob. I closed my eyes for a minute, then turned the door knob and pulled the door open. Anna was standing there, looking lost and out of place. There were dark circles under her eyes and she was still wearing her night gown.
"You opened the door." She stated confused. I nodded.
"It seemed like you needed me." I responded.
"I'm really sorry." Anna said quietly. "I shouldn't have let him...I shouldn't have had sex with Hans. He just kept saying how it was true love and that he loved me, I thought it was right." My mind raced, she sounded very nervous.
"Shouldn't have let him? What do you mean?" I demanded suddenly angry. "Did he force you?"
"No!" Anna answered too quickly. "I wanted it. But...now I'm not sure if I wanted it because he loved me and I thought I loved him, or if I really actually wanted it."
All I heard was that she wanted it. She wanted it? What was I feeling? I wasn't sure what it was but it was starting to boil. I could hear my blood pounding in my ear. My hands started to shake and I turned around, I couldn't look at her right then.
"Elsa?" Anna asked, "Are you okay?" The wall that I was facing started to ice over. I took a deep breath and tried to control my feelings. Conceal, don't feel. Suddenly there was a hand on my shoulder.
Surprised, I quickly moved away from the warm hand that landed softly on my shoulder. Images flashed through my mind. Hitting Anna in the head with ice, hitting Anna in the chest with ice, creating a deadly winter storm...Combined with all the feelings I had raging inside, it was too much. I threw my hands down almost in desperation to get the feelings to go away. I then heard something that sounded like cracking and a gasp come from behind me. I was almost afraid to look
I turned around quickly to see what happened. I was right to be afraid to look. A good chunk of the hall where we stood was frozen and there was icy spikes were along the wall. I looked towards Anna and gasped. She stood hunched over with her hands on her stomach, she was looking at me with a pained expression.
"Anna!" I called, rushing to her side. I did it again. I let my powers get out of control and I hurt my sister. Just as I reached her she fell to the ground with her eyes closed. I called her name and shook her but she wouldn't wake up.
"My dear! Whatever happened?" I heard from behind me. I turned teary eyed to find the maid who cared for us since we were young, Greta. Thoughts rushed through my mind, what was I supposed to do. Trolls. They would be able to help, wouldn't they?
"I need to take her to the trolls. They would know what to do." I said. I noticed how confused and worried Greta looked, so I looked away. "Can you get Kristoff?" I didn't hear her response as I reached forward to pick up Anna. She was heavier than I expected but I managed to get her into my arms. I made the long walk to the gates with her in my arms.
"I need a horse." I told one of the guards that was standing there. He immediately left to go get one just as Greta and Kristoff showed up, Sven at their heels.
"I need you to take me to the trolls." I told Kristoff. "I accidentally hit her with ice." The worried look on his face made me feel even more guilty than I already was. I deserved all the guilt and then some. This was the third time I hit Anna with ice.
The guard came back with the horse I asked for and I handed Anna off to Kristoff. He got on Sven, Anna securely in his arms. We took off running. I felt numb, I couldn't feel anything and I couldn't hear anything except the hoofs pounding on the ground and the blood pulsing quickly through my veins. My eyes were fixed on Anna's head bouncing up and down from the movement of Sven running.
It seemed like an eternity but we finally made it to the Trolls. Like last time, big boulders rolled up to meets us and they all took form.
"It's the queen and princess." I heard one of them say. "Kristoff, what is this about?" Suddenly they all split as the one that healed Anna before came through. Pabbie looked at me, his face scrunched up but didn't say anything to me.
"Hold her down here, Kristoff." He said. Kristoff knelt down and I moved closer.
"Can you help her?" I asked after a moment, I was scared. What if he couldn't help her? I hadn't thought of that until right then. What If I killed Anna? What if I killed her baby? The thought was devastating. I was such a monster. Pabbie placed his hand on Anna's stomach and scrunched his face in concentration.
"She's with child." He stated, almost sounding confused. Kristoff's head snapped over to look at me, complete confusion all over his face. I just swallowed, realizing that nobody knew yet and looked back at Pabbie.
"Yeah." I said. "Is the baby... Is it okay?" Pabbie nodded slowly.
"I can save it and your sister, but it has a cost."
"What is it?" I asked, relief flooding me. I didn't care much what it was, as long as Anna and the baby would make it out alive.
"This will be the only child she will ever be able to carry." Pabbie said. Oh... That baby was going to be the only heir. I bit my lip. Of course we would have to live with that, wouldn't we?
"Just...Just do it, please." I said, my voice shaky. Pabbie nodded and placed his hand on Anna's stomach. With a look of concentration on his face, he removed the ice from Anna's stomach. I breathed a sigh of relief, the color was already coming back to Anna's face.
"Elsa, you need to control it." Pabbie said with a stern look on his face. "Fear only makes it worse. You can do such beautiful things with your power, if only you would learn to let the fear go."
"I know! I never wanted it to happen again." I said desperately. I had to figure things out. I couldn't risk hurting Anna, or anybody for that matter, ever again. "Thank you so much for helping her and the baby."
"I think we should take her home now." Kristoff added. Anna was still out, but she was looking better every minute. I agreed, getting Anna home was an excellent idea. But, what was I going to tell her? I almost killed her baby. I hurt her again, even after all the trust she put into me. I ruined things again. I couldn't risk it anymore.
Anna woke up before we made it back to the castle and asked what happened. She was confused and didn't really seem to remember much. Kristoff told her we would talk about it when we made it back to the castle. I dreaded making it back, but we eventually did.
"So is somebody going to tell me what's going on?" Anna asked once the horse was put back and we were standing outside. I bit my lip and glanced at Anna, I felt ashamed of myself for what I did. "I remember trying to talk to Elsa...Then cold."
"I...I threw ice into your stomach." I said quietly. "It was an accident. We took you to Pabbie to have it removed."
"What about the baby?" Anna suddenly looked worried. She placed her hands over her stomach.
"The baby is fine but..."
"But what?" Anna questioned anxiously.
"But you can never have any other children ever again." I said. "I'm so sorry, Anna." I didn't stick around long enough to hear if she responded, I fled to the castle. Before going inside I looked back for just a moment, and saw Kristoff hugging Anna. I couldn't see Anna's face, but by the way he was rubbing her back and the look on his face, he was soothing her. She was upset. I quickly shut the door and ran to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I realized, she was best off without me. All I ever did was hurt Anna. Things would seem to be going well and then I would find some way to ruin it. Anna and Kristoff would be better off together.