AN: Okay, so I wasn't sure where I was going with this but a few of you seem to like it so I thought I'd try to carry on for you :) sorry it's been so long.
** 'Bold italic writing is Sarah's thoughts, her inner voice if you will' **
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or plot line...unfortunately :/
Chapter 2 – Sarah POV
Aubrey came hurtling through the door, waking me up and startling Chloe and the other woman who was sitting on the opposite chair. I quickly realised my position lying across Chloe's lap and sat up, throwing my legs off the ouch so my feet where on the floor and standing up, turning so my back wasn't to any of them. My gaze flickering around the room, barely glancing at Aubrey or Chloe, before landing on the brunette watching me from the armchair. She was safe to look at. She doesn't know me, Bree and Chlo always told me that they know when I'm lying because my eyes 'always tell the truth' whatever that means. If I look at them, they'll know something's wrong.
In fact, don't even look at the brunette, just look at the ground. Yes, that's a good idea, don't make any eye contact, look at your feet. Dad always likes that. Don't engage, don't speak, just be spoken to. I can hear my father's voice circling in my head "Children should be seen and never heard."
I'm thrown from my thoughts by a hand coming to rest on my shoulder. I reflexively flinch and jerk out of the way, feeling my back make contact with a wall, I slide down it, making myself as small as possible. Looking up, I see my sister standing to my left, Chloe is creeping closer on my right and the other girl has gotten up from the armchair and is standing between them. I feel frantic, they're all around me, no way out.
'They know. They know everything and they're so ashamed. They don't want you here. Look at their faces. You're a mess, Aubrey and Chloe don't need that on top of all the work they have already. And this girl doesn't even know you!'
I groan and bang my head back against the wall. Opening my eyes, I look into Aubrey's face and see a look I've never seen before on her face. It's a mixture between upset and scared, a tiny flicker of anger passes through her eyes and I look back down. She's mad with me. Making a scene.
"Sarah?" I hear a foot move, they're getting closer. Closing me in. I can't breathe! My hand flies up to my throat, as if that would help me. Panic is setting in and all I can do is let it run its course. I'm trapped. No escape, can't get away, they're going to see, can't run, can't breathe. The bands around my chest continue to tighten until it feels like I'm being crushed in a vice. My vision blurs so I shut my eyes, I feel somebody sit next to me and put my hand round their wrist. My hand tightens, my hold probably hurts but they don't complain. Someone whispers in my ear,
"Can you feel my pulse?" I nod, unable to speak, still flying into a panic. Her voice is so distorted I barely heard it. The blood in my ears roaring, making it even harder to understand.
"Count it. Let it ground you. One, two, three, four...one, two, three, four...one, two, three, four..." I try to do as she says, but it's hard. Still holding tight to her wrist, feeling her pulse, I feel myself being shifted until I'm pulled against something softer then the wall I was against.
"Breathe with me. Feel my breaths" when the thing I'm leaning on moves, my grip instinctively tightens on her arm. It moves again, in time with her counting. I realise it must be breathing. She's breathing, I try to copy her, like she said. It helps somewhat. My head stops spinning so badly and the roaring in my ears has gone down to a dull whine. My breathing is still a little erratic but I know I'm through the worst of it. I don't know how long we sit there, but when I finally open my eyes, both Aubrey and Chloe are nowhere to be seen. I look to the window, seeing it's dark. I rest my head back on what feels like a shoulder. I tense before it chuckles.
"Hey Sarah. You're okay. Do you want to move or are you happy here for a little while?" I turn slightly to see the brunette sitting behind me, one of her arms around my waist, holding me against her, the other being held tightly in my hand. I quickly let go and she hisses at the painful rush of blood to her hand. I see my fingerprints bruised into her wrist."
"I'm sorry. You didn't have to let me do that. I hurt you." I feel her shrug, my gaze still locked on her sore wrist. A faint call from another room makes her shift behind me.
"Are you coming? Aubrey just called dinner. You don't have to. We can go sit on the couch or in your room if you'd like?"
"You want to stay with me? Aren't you hungry?" She smiles at me.
"Of course I am, but I know you're probably tired and whenever I had a panic attack I didn't like being alone after. I can eat later, if you want to go to bed or just sit and recuperate for a little while or if you want something to eat, it's up to you." I leaned back against her again, mulling over the choices. I know if I don't eat I'll be hungry later and if I go to bed now, I'll be awake at the ass-crack of dawn. Aubrey would be happier if I ate something I'm sure.
"Can we go and find some food? I know I'll be hungry later if I don't eat. And I want to see Bree." She shifted to a standing position behind me, leant forward and offered me her hands to pull me up as well. She took my hand and lead to toward what I assumed to be the kitchen. Bree and Chloe were sat at a little table eating chicken carbonara with Garlic bread, my favourite meal and it smelled amazing. Chlo was the first to notice us and she smiled, her eyes were red rimmed, as if she'd been crying.
"Hey Beca, Sarah, would you like some dinner?" She pulled out the seat next to her and patted it, beckoning me to sit down. I watched her dish up some of the pasta and place it in front of me while the girl who I now knew to be Beca, took the seat opposite me. I thanked Chloe and picked up my fork. After a few mouthfuls I was stuffed, I hadn't even made a dent in the amount of food on my plate. I could feel their eyes on me, but I refused to look up and see their faces, staring at my plate instead. The food taunting me. I saw Chloe slide another slice of Garlic bread over and I frowned at it. I knew if I ate anything else I would probably e sick later, but it was pretty clear they wanted me to eat. Fighting my tears, not wanting to disappoint them, I shovelled another mouthful of pasta into my mouth. I kept going, eating like I was a machine. Shovel it in, chew it a few times then force it down, until I was almost done. By this point a few of my tears had broken free and run down my face, but as I was looking at the table they couldn't see them.
I was about to put in another spoonful when I felt Beca's hand on my arm stopping me. I looked at her crouched next to my chair and frowned.
"Sarah, don't force yourself. You don't have to finish. Don't be pressured. We're just glad you ate something. We don't want you to be ill, if there's too much then just eat what you can okay? Promise me Sarah, you'll stop if you're full."
A few more tears leaked down my cheeks, this time in full view of everyone. Beca reached up to brush them away, stopping just before she touched me and looking at me as if to ask permission. I nodded once and she cupped my cheek, wiping my tears with her thumb. I think I like Beca. She understands me, she seems to know what I need, even when I don't. Aubrey and Chloe are lucky to have her around.
"Please Sarah. Promise you won't make yourself ill eating too much." I nodded again.
"Say it Sarah. Please. I need to know you'll stop if there's too much." I take a deep breath and look right into her eyes as I whisper my response.
"I promise." As I say it, I can feel all the food in my stomach churning up, I know I ate far too much and it feels like it's trying to break its way out of me. My eyes widen, Beca catches it and moves out of my way so I can get out.
"The bathroom is at the end of the hall on the left." All I can do is nod, hand clamped over my mouth as I run, sliding to my knees in front of the toilet, not quite managing to lift the seat before I explode. I'm a mess of sobbing and heaving, barely able to take a breath.
"Ssshhh Sarah, it's okay, you'll be okay. Let it all out." I feel Aubrey's cold hands wipe my hair off of my head and pull it back into a ponytail. Her free hand rubbing soothing circles on my back. When I'm finally able to stop heaving, I lean against my sister, my head buried in her neck, crying.
"I'm so sorry. I made a mess, I'll clean it up. I'm sorry Bree, I really am." I mumble into her collarbone. She just shushed me and I feel her running her fingers through my hair humming a lullaby our grandma used to sing when we stayed with her in our younger years. I start falling asleep, so out of it Aubrey has to pick me up and carry me bridal style to a bed. She lays with me, still humming and playing with my hair. I drift of thinking how things could be all right here. Things could work out, I could be happy. But it only lasts a moment before the nightmares start...
AN: so what do people think? I hope it's okay, I don't think I'm too good at writing dark things but this story is going to get considerably darker in the next few chapters before things start to look up for poor Sarah... Review and tell me what you think? Pretty please? :P