Devil's Hotline

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Jack ducked back behind the couch before the intruder took notice of him. Daniel watched him with an expectant look on his face, pressed up against the back of the couch as though he was trying to somehow merge with it. "Well?" He whispered softly, the archeologist's ears straining for any sign of them being detected.

Jack took a deep breath, soothing somewhat jittery nerves. After all, it wasn't every day he was assaulted in his own house. "Well…the way I see it, we have one of two things in my living room. Either the Wicked Witch decided to get a make over, or a vampire Jaffa popped out of that damn CD of Carter's." He muttered, his voice equally soft as he moved to take another peek at the stranger.

Looking up from around the corner of the couch, he watched as the woman slowly descended from where she was, quite literally, hovering over the Enka Hit's CD. A slight frown was etched onto her face, and she was muttering softly to herself and revealing to Jack that the woman did, indeed, have fangs that would have been at home in any vampire movie. The red eyes that scanned the room in irritated curiosity only seemed to add to the affect.

The stranger herself was fairly tall, a fact that didn't change as her booted feet hit the carpet. Long, blonde hair fell in waves over her back while two overly long bangs framed each side of her face, partially obscuring the odd, red, triangular tattoos that lined her brow and cheeks.

Her manner of dress was odd as well, consisting of a thin, black cloak with a gold trim along the front and a matching long sleeved shirt. Brown gloves covered her hands, matching the large boots that partially covered her black pants. From Jack's point of view, the woman looked like a villain reject from the Ren Fair. Wonderful.

A quick glance over to the upturned table told him that he wasn't the only one staring. He caught Carter's eyes as the woman cautiously looked around the table, a frown on her face as she observed Ms. Fangs. As her blue eyes met his brown ones, however, he sent her several hand signals, being careful not to make the motions to obvious, and thus, draw the intruder's attention to himself.

The Major gave a quick nod before disappearing once more behind the table, no doubt explaining their situation to Teal'c and readying the plan he had in mind. He risked another glance at the woman. Nope. Ol' Fangs hadn't noticed them yet. If anything, she seemed to be admiring the disarray her Evil CD of Doom had caused to his house. And she was still muttering indistinctly to herself. Oh well, all the more time to put his plan into action.

The silver haired man ducked back behind the couch, meeting Daniel's gaze with a smirk. "Alright Danny-Boy, it's time to retake what's ours. So here's what I need you to do for me…" Daniel, while unsure if he liked the gleam that had entered his older friend's eyes, none the less leaned in closer as Jack laid out his plan.

They were, after all, SG-1. One woman, even if she had popped out of a CD, was not going to change the fact that they were battle-hardened warriors.

However, there was one thing no one in the quartet took into consideration. And that was the fact that while the team had gone up against aliens, robots, secret government agencies, and a whole plethora of other things, there was one thing they had yet to go up against. And that just so happened to be a demon with a first class, unlimited license.

Mara, as it was, happened to be a demon that held such a license, though for most people, such as SG-1, for example, it was more then a little hard to tell. She didn't exactly have that intimidating aura most people would associate with demons. In fact, had it not been for her red eyes, fangs, and the red markings that showed her status as a demon, she could have passed for any regular human being. A human with an odd sense in fashion, true, but a human none the less.

However, Mara was a demon, and a rather irritated one at that particular moment. First she'd been shanghaied into sealing a contract with some miscellaneous guy (and right when she was in the middle of her latest project too. If it had to be her, couldn't they have waited until she'd finished it first? Granted, she'd done nothing but play tetris while she waited for her minions to finish it up, but that was beside the point.) who, while having quite the track record for chaos and destruction, still seemed like too much of a goody-goody to really be anywhere in Nidhogg's database.

When she'd brought the subject up to the System's Administrator, she'd been told, quite frankly, to 'shut up and quit whining. If you don't like it, take it up with the Boss.' A typical response that came from demons who just really didn't give a flying hoot on how she felt about the matter. (Mara could recall several incidents where she had given a similar response to weaker-classed demons who didn't appreciate her working conditions. She'd found them annoying and had threatened to blast them if they interrupted her again when she was in the middle of beating the game she was playing through.)

But none of that was important at the moment. "First I'm forced to do some lame job in the middle of a project, then it takes forever for this 'O'Neil' guy to open that CD I was using for a catalyst, and now the bastard doesn't even have the guts to show himself to me." Mara muttered angrily, scanning her new surroundings in obvious displeasure.

"Well, at least I know how to make an entrance." She murmured, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth as she surveyed the various objects thrown about the room. Though she had to admit, the overturned table had surprised her a bit. She hadn't know the vortex wind that had come with her arrival had been strong enough to flip it on it's side like that. "Eh, oh well, it doesn't matter." She said aloud, shrugging her shoulders lightly as she bent down to retrieve the CD she'd used as her means of transportation.

Picking it up, she snapped the case close before stuffing the CD behind her, presumably in some sort of convenient pocket dimension that Gods, demons, a mad scientist by the name of Washu, and a young martial artist by the name of Akane always seemed to have on hand now-a-days.

"Well, at the very least they were kind enough to give me some form of insurance." She stated, completely oblivious of the silent conversation happening between the couch and table. She folded her arms over her chest. "I'd love to see Urd try and pull a one over on me now!" She chuckled darkly for a second, no doubt earning several odd glances from the concealed members of SG-1 as they slowly shifted into position.

"Now then, back to the matter at hand. Where's this O'Neil guy hiding?" Mara asked aloud, running a hand through her thick blonde hair.

Someone clearing their throat from somewhere behind her caught her attention, and Mara turned, a venomous smile on her face. "There you ar-." The man who stood before her was not O'Neil.

The smile left the demon's face, an irritated scowl replacing it. "I don't have time for this." She muttered to herself. "Who the hell are you?" She demanded. "And where the hell is O'Neil?"

The man blinked owlishly at her from behind his glasses, his blue eyes wary. "I'm sorry?" He asked, apparently not all that intimidated by the first-class demon. He also didn't quite seem to understand what she was saying.

Oh damn. Mara thought. Since the assignment had begun, most of her words had been spoken in Demon's tongue, the residential language of everyone who resided within Niflheim, otherwise known as Hell. And, aside from a few words that CEO of Hell had picked up on her few trips to Earth (all in Japanese, apparently. It was, after all, where her daughter and the other Norns were located.) the language was entirely incomprehensible to a mortal. Even one who knew over twenty languages, such as the man standing before her.

With an irritated sigh, Mara quickly switched over to the man's native tongue (at least, she thought it was) and spoke again. "Who are you, and do you know where I can find a…" She closed an eye, mentally calling up her client's name. "…a Colonel Jack O'Neil?"

Daniel blinked again. Well this was somewhat unexpected. "Ah…I'm Daniel Jackson…" He said hesitantly. The woman hadn't shown any signs of aggression yet, but he knew he didn't like the smile that had been on her face when she'd turned to greet him. And that language she'd first addressed him in was like nothing he'd ever heard before, be it on Earth or not. "Jack is…a little busy at the moment." He said, ignoring the blur the suddenly moved past Mara, ducking from the shelter of the couch and to the cover of the La-Z-Boy.

The woman frowned, narrowing her red eyes at him. He felt a small shiver race down his spine at the action. Even with her mouth closed, he could still see the peaks of the woman's fangs. Jack, I swear to God, if I end up a vampire because of you… "So what about you?" Daniel asked, changing the direction of the conversation in the hopes of stalling for time. "Who are you, and how did you get in here?"

The red-eyed woman raised a golden eyebrow before smirking, crossing her arms over her chest in a somewhat arrogant fashion. "Who am I?" She asked, repeating his earlier question. "I am Mara, demon first class, unlimited." Small sparks danced across her outfit, as though trying to prove her claim while an invisible wind began to blow around her, sending both her cape and hair dancing wildly.

However, several years as a member of the infamous SG-1 had left Daniel somewhat jaded to such displays, and while the display and declaration was surprising, he found himself more concerned with one of the many tiny sparks leaving Mara's form and setting fire to the house.

"Ah…that's all well and good and all…but could you please stop with the sparks?" The brown haired man asked, trying to as polite as possible without the fear of being set on fire by the unpredictable 'demon'. "I don't think it'd be a good idea to let the house catch on fire, after all…"

The woman, Mara, snorted, but none the less complied with Daniel's wishes, the sparks fading away and the wind dieing down into nothing once more. "Don't insult me. Only a lesser-ranked demon would be so unskilled as to set a house on fire accidentally with such a minor spell." She said, sending a somewhat miffed glare his way.

Daniel quickly nodded his head, agreeing with the woman even though he had little understanding of what it was he was agreeing about. "Right…so why are you here? What do you want with Jack, of all people?"

Sure the man had the devil's luck when it came to getting in and out of bad situations, and had, at times, made certain situations worse rather then better, but Daniel had never thought it would warrant the attention of an actual demon. If that really is what she's supposed to be. Daniel thought silently to himself. After all, he faced off against aliens that declared themselves as divine beings on a day to day basis. That didn't actually make them gods, though.

Mara frowned, and Daniel caught a hint of uncertainty in her red eyes. "I'm here to grant this 'Jack' guy a wish." She said, breaking his gaze as she stared down at the carpet, her eyebrows furrowing together as she muttered, "though why it's him, I'll never know…" The last part came out as more of an after thought, one Daniel was sure he wasn't supposed to hear. As if sensing his gaze, her eyes snapped back to his face, narrowing slightly. "After all, he did contact us, didn't he?"

Unconsciously, Daniel took a step back, his mind traveling back to the conversation he'd had with Jack. You ever hear of something called the 'Devil Dealer's Hotline'? "Ah…"

Fortunately, Daniel was spared from answering the question in the form of Jack appearing behind the blonde 'demon', a scowl on his face. "You know what? I honestly don't remember seeing your number in the phone book. Maybe you got the wrong Jack?" The silver-haired man's words came out biting and cold, and Daniel saw Mara's eyes widen in surprise before she whirled around to face the Colonel.

"What?" Mara asked, her mouth parting slightly as she stared at the man who was supposed to be her client. He stared back, brown eyes hard as he took in her appearance. Then he flashed her a smile; a big, toothy grin that held little to no warmth, which was quickly replaced by a scowl once more.

"Ya' know, I really don't appreciate it when people I don't know think they have the right to come storming into my house like they own the place. I get that enough as it is when I'm on duty. I swear, you people are worse then those damned door-to-door salesmen that are always pestering me." Behind her, Daniel recognized the tone of The Colonel growing close to anger, and wisely took several steps away from the oblivious woman, a grimace on his face as he retreated from what was no doubt about to become a battlefield.

Mara, sadly, failed to recognize the warning signs for what they were, nor did she notice Daniel's retreating presence. Sadly, the demon could only blink at the man before her in confusion, wondering what the hell it was he was rambling on about and what that had to do with the current circumstances. "What are you-"

Jack lashed out, his expression dark as he launched a fist into her gut, effectively knocking the wind out of her and causing the fanged woman to kneel over in pain. "Carter! Teal'c!" Jack cried out, taking advantage of the woman's stunned state to knock Mara to the ground.

Daniel turned towards the kitchen as the sound of pounding footsteps became audible. From the hallway came Sam and Teal'c, the Major holding a decent coil of rope in her fist, Teal'c armed with a hockey stick, of all things. And just where had they found the time to raid Jack's stuff for those things? He hadn't even noticed them bolt past him.

Before Daniel was given the time to ponder such questions, there was a groan and a thump, and Daniel turned back to Jack and Mara just in time to see the older man sail into the recliner as though he were little more then a rag doll. The man let out a drawn out curse, struggling to right himself in the chair even as Mara picked herself up from the floor. She didn't look happy, he noticed.

A snarl on her face, she advanced on Jack, completely ignoring the other two combatants as she brought her complete and devote attention to her 'client'. "What the hell!?" She roared, red energy crackling at her finger tips. "I'm here to grant you a damned wish, not drag your soul to hell!"

Jack glared up at her, finally moving into a position that would allow for an easy evasive maneuver at the cost of his bum knee should Mara decide to send that red energy his way. "Well you could have fooled me!" He snarled, holding the demon's attention as both Carter and Teal'c advanced on her from behind. "And what the hell am I going to do with a wish from a demon?"

"How the hell would I know!?" Mara growled. "I'm only here to make a contract with you, not give you an in-depth guide on what to wish for!" Baring her teeth at him in an angry, almost animalistic snarl, she whirled around, discharging the energy from her hands and into the unlucky forms of Sam and Teal'c, the latter of which had the hockey stick raised to bring down upon the demon's head.

The two combatants were sent flying backwards, smashing into and over the couch and causing a yelp from Carter and a grunt from Teal'c. Daniel, who had already retreated to a safe distance away from the others, moved to his fallen comrades' sides. "Are you guys alright?" He hissed, carefully maneuvering Sam off of Teal'c from where she laid sprawled on top of the larger man's form.

The woman groaned, but none the less nodded, crawling off of the stationary Teal'c and leaning up against the back of the couch. "I'm fine. The only thing I hurt was my pride." She muttered, rubbing her forehead and retrieving the rope from where it had fallen at her side. Teal'c responded with another grunt, moving into a crouching position. "Indeed." He muttered, likewise retrieving his weapon but otherwise remaining behind the couch.

Mara and Jack, meanwhile, stared with almost identical faces of surprise at the space that had once held Sam and Teal'c. "What where they doing behind me?" The fanged woman asked aloud, her anger temporarily disappearing with her 'attack' on the Major and Jaffa.

Jack looked from the now-vacant space to the surprised Mara, his mouth opening and closing several times, a retort on the very tip of his tongue that fought for escape against an unusually sudden sense of self-preservation. You mean to tell me that she didn't even know Carter and Teal'c were behind her? He thought to himself, taking Mara's distracted moment to crawl out of the recliner and onto the floor.

"You mean to tell me that had been an accident?" Jack demanded, a flare of anger rising once more in his gut. The woman looked over at him, her expression sheepish. Sheepish. Of all the things Jack expected to see on the face of a being claiming to be a demon, sheepish was not one of them.

"Uh…yes?" Mara replied, as though she herself was unsure of the answer to Jack's question. "Oh for cryin' out loud…" Jack took a moment to stare at the woman. And stare. And stare. Mara cringed. This was getting ridiculous, and the Colonel was fairly sure he wasn't alone in that thought.

Behind the couch, Jack caught a glimpse of Carter, Teal'c, and Daniel peering at the two of them, their expressions ranging from respectably weary to down right lost. Not that he could blame them. This woman was becoming more then a bit of an anomaly, and he'd like nothing more then to find out her true intentions and get her the hell out of his house. The soldier had already decided on one thing. There was no way this Mara was a demon, even with the crazy magic trick of hers.

"This is getting ridiculous." Sam muttered, glaring at the woman who had knocked Teal'c and herself over the couch. She slid back down the backside of the couch, disappearing from view and looking over at Daniel and Teal'c. The archeologist looked over at her. "You're telling me." He ground out, taking a brief moment to message his temples. "One minute this 'Mara' is at Jack's throat, the next minute she turns into an embarrassed girl after throwing you and Teal'c into the couch. We need to do something about this before things really get out of control."

Sam nodded in agreement, fingering the rope she still held tightly in one hand. "Well, she seems to have calmed down a little. I kind of want to see if we can get the jump on her now that she isn't trying to rip the Colonel apart." She said, her voice lowering to a soft whisper. "What do you think, Teal'c?" The major looked past Daniel and over to where Teal'c was.

"Teal'c?" 'Was' being the key word. The space that the Jaffa had once occupied was empty, and both Sam and Daniel turned to one another with matching alarmed expressions on their faces, before quickly turning and peering once more over the couch.

Sure enough, there was Teal'c, hockey stick in hand and rushing towards Mara, whose back was, once more, turned to him.

"When did he-"

"He's not going to-"

"Teal'c!"

"What are you all yelling abo-"

Mara turned, confused at the sudden chaos of voices and adding her own two cents worth to the mix. Sadly, the demon didn't even have the time to finish her question as the ex-first prime of Apophis brought the hockey stick down upon her head. With enough force to knock out a battle-hardened marine.

There was an almost sickening 'crack' of wood hitting bone, and a pause that seemed to stretch on for eternity as everyone in the room waited to see the result's of the Jaffa's action. The pupils of Mara's eyes dilated as she stared at Teal'c's chest, before slowly moving upwards to look the taller man in the eye. (Teal'c would later compare it to looking into the eyes of a xan'thal, a legendary creature on Abydos that was said to haunt the night and attack unwary men with an eerie howl and eyes that glowed an angry red in the darkness.) The woman's mouth parted in surprise, revealing her fangs, and for a second it seemed as though Teal'c's attack did not have the desired results. Then her eyes rolled up in the back of her skull, her eyes closed, and the demon known as Mara crumpled, unconscious, to the floor.

For several seconds, no one said a word, all eyes drawn to the fallen form on the carpet. It was Jack who broke the silence, as the man shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other before walking over and kneeling down at Mara's side. After taking a moment to examine the demon, the silver-haired colonel looked up at Teal'c. "Ah…good work, Teal'c. Looks like she'll be out for a while."

Teal'c nodded stiffly, lowering the hockey stick that had become a temporary weapon down into a more dormant-if still somewhat guarded-position at his side. Jack nodded. Better safe then sorry, after all. Taking charge once more, the man stood, the Soldier in him taking over as he looked over at Carter and Daniel.

"Carter, get over here. I want this woman bound up as tightly as possible." He barked, a small sliver of satisfaction running through him as his 2IC jumped to obey his command. "Daniel, get General Hammond on the line. I think he might want to know just what it is that happened here." The archeologist nodded, bolting out of the living room without so much as a word of argument.

Jack looked up at Teal'c. "If she so much as twitches before Carter is done with her, bash her brain in with the hockey stick." He turned off into the direction of the hallway. "As for me, I'm getting my gun. I'd rather be armed with something a little more affective then a hockey stick when this so-called 'demon' wakes up."

~*~

A/N: Well, this has to be a new record for me post-wise. Usually it takes me months to get the next chapter of a story up. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed the new chapter. Feel free to ask me any questions you might have in regards to the fic. I'll be happy to answer them if I can.