Chapter 1
All Shinji Matou felt was pain, unbearable torturous pain. His body ached all over down to each individual cell. The nerves of his physical form were blistering with pain. If he were asked to explain what he was feeling words would surely fail him.
He wanted to scream, to call out for help. But he could not, he couldn't even cry. Why? Why did he have to suffer? Why him?
He was so happy at the beginning of everything because of the fantastic opportunity that the Holy Grail War presented him with. He felt so powerful when he finally had the strongest heroic spirit on his side, as a servant no less. But it all fell apart so quickly.
It wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault he was born in such a shitty magus family. It wasn't his fault everyone in his life was against him. That he wasn't able to inherit the the legacy that was rightfully his. Everything was always taken away from him and now he would die without ever achieving anything, Without reaching his dream.
As Shinji's mind drifted in and out of consciousness he could feel a pulling sensation from the left side of his body. Something was pulling him out of the pit of agony and despair. As he slowly opened his eyes he could see that he was draped over the shoulders of a light but strong girl determined to carry him for some reason, out the the fleshly mountain that encased them.
"To-hsaka..." he said barely audible.
If the brunette haired girl heard him she didn't acknowledge it. She quietly pushed forward stepping the the fleshly mass trying avoid geysers of cursed mud spewing from the sides of the mountain like burning hot lava. As Tohsaka carried him away from the pit of arms that entrapped him the pain from his body began to dissipate. The center of his chest still hurt but the pain was bearable enough that he could actually comprehend what was going on. He tried to shift his body off Tohsaka but he couldn't move at all. His legs and arms were numb to any sensation or feeling.
As Tohsaka carried Shinji to a cliff on the mountain of flesh he began to remember what had happened to him. His second servant had killed the homunculus and stolen its heart to finally prepare the Holy Grail. Tohsaka was captured and given and presented to him as a gift by that useless Archer. He could barely contain his glee at the thought of finally having his way with her but in the end she still rejected him. He would have given the bitch everything she could have ever wanted if she would only have submitted to him like a woman should.
Everything was ruined as he was stopped by that crappy lancer and played as a fool by the fake priest. To top it all off he was betrayed and killed by his new servant and used as a sacrifice to compete the grail. What a failure of an ending.
That didn't matter to him anymore though. He could feel the darkness calling him, lulling him back to sleep. He glanced at Tohsaka face with his half opened eyes and his vision blurred. She continued on, grimacing with each step she took though the fiery landscape. He could hardly see but even he could tell that she was struggling.
Ah...I see...So she decided to save me?
Although he would never admit it, Shinji was grateful that she had gotten him of the flesh pit of called the Holy Grail. Even at the end unable to escape Shinji feared death more than anything. But as he thought of the peace that would be granted with death he began to realize it might not be so bad after all.
Tohsaka observed the lake of mud from the cliff and cussed with a frown. Gathering herself she breathed in deeply and then slightly smiled.
"Alright...Here we go Shinji!" she exclaimed.
Jumping off the cliff Tohsaka plunged with Shinji into the burning lake below. As his body hit the muddy water Shinji lost himself in the void of darkness once more.
~o~O~o~
Shinji could hear sirens as he hopped between the world of the unconscious and conscious. He had many incoherent visions of what was happening around him but he could understand parts of them.
He was carried onto a cool surface being plugged up to medical equipment. Medical personnel moved around him like a swarm of bugs. Their voices filling his mind drowning his head in the sound of static.
With his mind fading away he found himself in soft hospital bed. Something warm and soft was grabbing a hold of his left hand. Blue eyes meet violet as he turned his head around to face the direction of that feeling.
Sakura? Shinji tried to speak but no words leave his lips. As he failed to turn away from her sorrowful eyes he realized that he lacked the energy to move around much.
It occurred to him that Tohsaka must have actually succeeded in saving his life. Even though he was grateful that he was saved from the pit of torturous death, he was somewhat pissed that it was Tohsaka who saved him.
Shinji turned away from Sakura and glanced out the hospital ward window. He didn't want to look at her at all. Sakura reminded him of how much of a failure he was. He couldn't use magecraft and was jealous of her because of it. She had taken his birthright becoming the heir to the Matou family. Even when he had borrowed her power taking her servant Rider for himself, he failed and got her servant killed. His grandfather was right- he was useless after all.
Shinji flinched as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. Sakura almost stood up seeming worried but her expression softened as she looked over Shinji's face.
As she smiled at him, Shinji felt a pang of guilt surprising himself. Everything he had put her through and she still cared for him? Even after he almost killed her? Even after the unspeakable things he did?
Maybe she was planning of a way to secret way to kill him or something. But she hadn't done anything to imply that and she seemed genuinely happy that to see him. She would have looked terrible if Emiya or Tohsaka died. He guessed that the grail war was over and that both Emiya and Tohsaka survived. He had no idea what they would have wished for but it looked like his dream of become a true magus was over. It didn't matter anyway he decided. He was done with magecraft for good.
"Nii-san..." Sakura said softly. "Thank goodness you're okay Nii-san."
Shinji grunted a response acknowledging her then closed his eyes tired of everything. Drifting off to sleep he could feel his sister holding his hand tighter with her warm grip.
~o~O~o~
In a deep resting state Shinji's body was floating in through a void of space. With a peaceful expression on his face he laid in the ocean of darkness far away from the worries of the world. His thoughts were fuzzy and his mind unclear, however Shinji knew he wouldn't mind staying like this for eternity.
Opening his eyes he saw two women standing up besides him in the darkness. He had a hard time seeing them clearly but he could tell the difference in their hair color, they looked like spirits and were glowing like angles. They whispered to each other quietly.
"This is the one?"
"Yes."
Shinji tried to maneuver his body upright to face the women but he was held in place by an invisible force. The spirits who seemed to be in control of the force noticed this and faced him.
"Hey kid, do you want the Holy Grail?" the redhead asked as her voice vibrated through space.
Shinji closed his eyes once more refusing to answer. He desired it greatly and one time and would have done anything to get it, but now...
"As you are now you may die at any moment," She continued.
Shinji still didn't respond. He didn't want to be bothered with such petty things. He wouldn't mind staying in the void and resting forever.
"You are needed." The blonde haired woman said.
The redhead held up her hand revealing a unrecognizable seal. Saying something inaudible hurricane of light spouted from her hand engulfing the darkness. An incomprehensible force pulled Shinji into the whirlpool of light as his mind was blank with shock. He could here the voice of the blonde woman as he vanished into the vortex.
"Remember this Shinji Matou, If you really wish to win the grail you must master love first."
Author's Notes:
Yeah that's it. If there's any mistakes regarding characters or plot be sure to let me know. What kind of Gil would you guys prefer? I've been flirting the idea of going with FemGil. Just wrote this and I'm real tired. If there are spelling errors and such I'll edit later.