A/N: Holla people. I'm not really back it's just the update fairy leaving you a surprise.
So I haven't actually watched Criminal Minds since Paget left for good but I did watch 200. My interpretation of the events is probably skewed and biased because I missed two seasons but guess what, its fanfiction. If you can't tell I'm feeling a little sassy today… Just kidding, but not really.
Sorry for the change in writing style from the first chapter. That one didn't have any dialogue but I had to add some or it would get more boring than it already is…Also I have a beta now so hopefully I'll stop spelling simple words wrong. So a massive thanks to Spani. (Look, I added you in! Not that anyone will care but whatever.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds.
Also I thought I should throw in that the lyrics from below and the previous chapter are from the song Touch by Shura. Here is part 2 and I think I might end it off here, but alas that's what I said last time. Maybe it would be better if you all just ignored my little rambles. Okay start here. GO!
"I want to touch you but I'm too late. I want to touch you but there's history."
JJ realised that over an hour had passed as she sat at her desk thinking about the mistake that is her marriage. It was the ringing of her phone that finally jarred her from her musing. It was Will; of course. She hit ignore and noted that there were three other missed called from him as well. The blonde shouldered her bags; although she didn't want to go home she really wanted to see her son.
She flicked the lights off on her desk, as she walked towards the door. Soon she was blanketed by darkness and noted that all the other desks of the bull pen were empty. Everyone else had rushed home to their loved ones, or to that half empty bottle of wine. JJ was feeling the opposite. She had been having these thoughts for the past year.
She dragged her feet all the way to her car dreading that each brought her closer to Will, closer to her mistake, to her biggest regret. Her car started with a rumble as she turned the key. With a deep exhale, she put the car into reverse and started her commute home, her thoughts filled with Emily.
Emily. The wedding hadn't been the last time that JJ had seen the other woman. The woman that she considered to be her best friend, one of the only people she could reply on. She had seen her only once more before the ex-FBI agent had left for London.
xXx
The packing of her belongings had taken less than a day, most of her stuff was going to be sold with the apartment and the few sentimental possessions that she wanted to take to London with her were quickly boxed up.
Emily had planned to make a clean break. The simple, yet slightly cryptic goodbye to the team had been all she wanted. Anything more could have swayed her to stay, one look from crystal blue eyes could have kept Emily at the BAU and that was not something she could put herself through.
Being in love with one's best friend is one thing, but Emily knew that she wouldn't be able to survive seeing JJ and Will together; married, with a child, and their white picket fence. All they needed would be another child and that dog that JJ had mentioned and it would be the perfect American family. She was able to handle the relationship before as JJ had told her many times that she did not love Will, but had the blonde been lying to her this whole time?
Emily lay awake in the middle of the night staring at her ceiling, and as it often did, her mind drifted to JJ. She had hoped that being across the ocean from the blonde would help her get over her but instead she just seemed to long for JJ more. Emily's mind settled to the last time she had seen those clear blue eyes.
xXx
"You're leaving?"
Startled from packing her final box, Emily whipped around to stare into a pair of eyes that she would never grow tired of, eyes of the deepest blue. JJ was in tight blue jeans and long sleeve white sweater. Her hair was in a simple pony tail and although Emily had thought she was beautiful as a bride, nothing could compare to how gorgeous JJ looked standing in front of her at that moment. So much so that Emily could hardly stutter, "Ummm, I…"
"Were you even going to say goodbye?" JJ demanded as she pushed herself through the front door of Emily's apartment. She placed her keys down on the table next to the door, the set that had a spare key to Emily's place.
"I thought I already did last night. You know, at your wedding." The two women stared at each other, both of them waiting for the other to break the tension as they circled around each other.
"So you took the job, you're actually going to London," it was statement more than a question, to which Emily simply nodded along.
"It's a great opportunity and I'll be running my own field office, moving up the chain-"
"Don't give me that bull shit. You hate politics; you hate the bureaucracy of the business. You want to be right in the action solving cases and saving people," JJ took a step closer to the simply clad brunette pushing her back against the door frame.
"You know what? Maybe I just need a change of scenery. I can't have the thoughts and images of Doyle haunting me wherever I go. It's why I left the CIA in the first place."
JJ just shook her head and with a sarcastic laugh, "I thought after all of that, the Doyle case, and faking of your death you'd be tired of lying." She barely cringed as she saw her words slap Emily right in the face.
"I'm not lying!" Emily defended herself in a quiet tone, as she brought her thumb nail to mouth.
JJ's eyes softened and she stepped forward pulling the hand from the taller woman's mouth and lacing their fingers together. "Yes you are, Em I know you. Please just tell me the truth."
Chocolate and blue eyes locked, "you know why," Emily whispered as they looked at each other with only centimetres separating them.
JJ's mind flashed to the Tobias Hankel case, where they had sought each other out when they had thought they had lost a friend, finding comfort in the other's arms. To when they shared a hotel room and bed after Emily had returned to work with Hotch in spite having "resigned" from the BAU. Or even after Colorado when JJ had thought she had lost Emily but the only contact they could make in the sea of people was to graze fingers to reinforce that Emily had made it to safety. Or the cold night when Emily had called her from a church to be picked up after her battle with childhood demons. And then to JJ's own last case in the BAU; staying up together all night on a couch even though a career change would not prevent them from seeing each other.
These were not the only moments that they had shared, there had been more along way but the thoughts flooded JJ's mind and took over all her senses. She could remember the feelings of hopelessness and loss to the smell of gun fire and smoke.
JJ lunged at Emily to close the remaining distance between them. She pressed her lips to the taller woman's.
All JJ could think about was that she had been so close to losing Emily. She had remained in the building with Will.
All Emily could think of was staying. If she stayed she could have the blonde in her arms like this for the rest of her life. But reality hit her, she couldn't. JJ was married. It was one think to seek solace with each other while JJ and Will were separated but it was another to kiss a married woman.
Emily pushed JJ from her arms. The blonde's eyes were still shut and her lips swollen and red. She couldn't be more stunning.
"JJ…we, I…"
"But I don't want you to go," JJ whimpered as wrapped her body around the taller woman's.
"I have to, I can't see you with him, I, I think this might be the thing that actually kills me."
JJ hugged Emily tighter, almost to fuse their bodies together, to become one, "I'm so sorry."
Emily brushed her lips against JJ's temple and breathed in her scent as a reminder of the blonde to carry with her over the ocean. With a pause to hold back tears she looked into tear filled blue eyes for one last time, "I just thought you wold have chosen me."
With one final squeeze, Emily released JJ from her arms she shouldered her bag and picked up her last box. Without looking back, she left the blonde with tears silently racing down her cheeks.