Disclaimer: I wish….

Note: Thank you everyone who favorited and followed and reviewed, I'm still going through a difficult time, and seriously having no support, and I'm sorry if this story isn't that good.

Chapter 2: That Isolated Soul

Merlin didn't know how to name it, he couldn't name it isolation not really, he was surrounded by loving family and friends. But there were these moments, and there was no other way to describe them other than feeling isolated. He may have been surrounded by these loving friends and family, but he couldn't bring up his troubles. He couldn't express his thoughts, they couldn't understand, especially Arthur. Merlin couldn't fully explain this emptiness that rested within his bones, his very soul. He felt so alone in this world, so, so, so alone. How could he bring this up, how could he express this emptiness to anyone else, without bring up the whole magic thing…

Merlin had joined the Druid Rebels a month ago, it had been a long shot and sorta a bad idea, but after his cousin Will had been killed due to suspicion of magic—Suspicion—Merlin couldn't resist the idea of joining. It was Gili that had brought him to the rebels (and look how that had turned out for him) and presented him with the idea of fighting back. To show Camelot and the rest of the world that magic wasn't a choice, that it wasn't an evil. And Merlin had fallen in love with that idea; instead of believing in the idea that magic was evil consequently causing Merlin to be a monster, he began to realize that he could be good, that his magic was given to him as a gift, not as a punishment for being a bastard child. Merlin had been sold on the idea the minute they offered to teach him control.

True Uncle Gaius did teach him, but it wasn't about control, but rather containment. Magic wasn't evil, but it was dangerous, and Gaius knew it. He made sure to force Merlin into training on containing his magical instincts, to keep them chained down and not tied to his emotions.

Merlin hadn't brought the idea of the Druid Rebels to Gaius…maybe thinking back on it, Merlin should have. But it was too late, he couldn't undo what he had already done. Merlin felt as if he was trapped within a bubble of his own making. He couldn't open up to anyone. He had cornered himself, there wasn't any escape, but he was pretty sure no one truly cared. Plus he couldn't bring any more attention to himself than needed, if anyone were to find out about the magic—there was a reason Merlin was terrified of fire, just like so many others. Merlin had seen the horrific sights that the fires had caused. He didn't want to think about it, but they were carved in his mind, Will, Edwin, Gili, and Freya—oh Gods Freya—

Ring…

Merlin turned to see his cell phone go off, he had gotten carried away with his thoughts. Which was bad, thinking was bad, it got Merlin into trouble. Merlin picked up his phone to see he had received a text from Gwen.

'Hey Merlin! The Knights got a game tonight, wanna watch it with me?' Merlin couldn't help but smile, even though Gwen knew nothing she was still sweet and a good friend. Merlin quickly replied with an okay, maybe getting away from his thoughts was just what he needed.

Merlin quickly stepped away from his desk in his bedroom, pulling on a jacket to head out. As he walked out his door he caught a glance at the empty work room. Gaius was most likely at the emergency room again, his job as an important surgeon (despite being as old as he was) was quite demanding. Gaius was rarely home, although he did try. Merlin couldn't help but feel that emptiness deep within himself as well.

He needed to just head out, that was all, he didn't need Gaius to worry about him, he couldn't have Gaius worry anymore than he already was. Merlin wouldn't add onto his workload or stress levels that he already had. Merlin hugged his jacket closer to himself as he passed headed out the door, taking a deep breath as he felt the icy dry air attack his lungs. Merlin shuttered in a quick gasp as he began to walk down his porch to so his bike laying down in the grass. Merlin quickly righted it, and walked it out onto the sidewalk. Merlin then sat himself down on the cold bike and began to pedal down the sidewalk. He'd probably get there early, but that was okay, Merlin was always alone, this wouldn't be any different, but right now he didn't—he couldn't—he just…

Ugh, his head hurt, he just needed to clear his brain. Merlin quickly shook his head, pumping his legs to peddle faster. Exercise would be a good option for him, then he couldn't think.

Merlin continued to peddle as hard as he could, he could feel his lungs expanding, and hurting, his thighs felt heavy but he kept pumping his legs. His body felt overrun with the lack of oxygen but he kept going, he just needed to get somewhere fast.

~Time Skip~

"Hey Merlin" Gwen smiled politely as she leaned over to gaze at her exhausted friend. Merlin lay on the floor, his bike discarded on the floor where had stumbled. His breath was labored and his lungs released air in the form of gasps. His body heavy and buzzing with the extraneous exercise he had done.

"You get enough exercise?" she smiled kindly her eyes beaming with amusement, Merlin gave out a breathy laugh at Gwen's comment. He simply nodded not trusting his voice to work due to the fact his lungs were so overworked.

"Come on Merlin, the game's going to start." Gwen smiled as she helped Merlin up from the ground. Merlin smiled at Gwen as he attempted to catch his breath. Gwen then began to lead Merlin to the stadium, the crowd of people swarmed around the stadium buying food and all looking for seats. The noise was so strong it almost pushed Merlin back, well almost if Gwen wasn't dragging him along.

"I'm seated over here" Gwen insisted pointing to an empty section on one of the numerous benches. Merlin sat down next to Gwen to see the players all stationed at their line up position. Merlin could see Arthur and the other 'knights'. They all looked so determined, Merlin always admired that. Son the game started, and a frenzy occurred on the field. Although Merlin couldn't honestly tell you if that was good or not, he didn't really follow sports…or understand them…or care for them really.

Although for his friends' sake he still loved to see them work hard. Merlin loved their determination, it was always inspiring; If only…if only they weren't so determined to stay loyal to that idea. If only Merlin could've convinced them that…

Honestly how many times was Merlin going to be caught up in all this drama, he just needed to st-

"YEAAAAAAAAH!" Gwen stood up and screamed, as did the rest of their side of the stadium. Merlin cheered as well; Arthur had scored, or made a point, or made a touch down, or got a basket…? Merlin sucked at this. Merlin couldn't help but smile when he saw the 'knights' all laughing and patting Arthur in their pride.

~After the game~

Merlin couldn't help but grow sad when the game ended. He didn't want to go home just yet, but the game was over. He enjoyed his time with Gwen, Gwen was always so sweet and considerate, and even though Merlin understood absolutely nothing about football he couldn't help but fall in love with the sight of his friends working hard together and succeeding.

Merlin smiled softly when Arthur and the others exited their locker room, they all looked exhausted, but they each held a smile on their faces; all laughing at some inside joke Gwaine had told while in there.

"Nice Job!" Gwen and Merlin exclaimed happily to their friends.

"Thanks, but honestly you should have expected this." Gwaine whispered, wiggling his eyebrows with a smirk, "We ARE awesome, you know."

"Yeah I'm sure." Gwen bantered back with a smile.

"Yeah well, you guys did play amazing out there." Merlin smiled, trying not to use to many technical terms that would most likely get him humiliated.

"Of course." Arthur answered back with a matter-of-fact voice. He held a small smile his mouth.

"Well we gotta head out." Leon stated as he shifted the weight of his bag more on his left shoulder. The other group of their friends nodded.

"Well I'm gonna head home with Elyan, and the others, you gonna be okay on your own?" Gwen asked Merlin softly, the other boys already wrapped up in their discussion about the game, there was to many terms in there that Merlin really didn't comprehend. He didn't speak football.

"Yeah I'll be good, go on, Bye!" Merlin called out, waving goodbye to the others, as he began to turn away towards the parking lot, where he had left his bike.

"BYE!" the others chorused after him, Merlin felt himself smile, but quickly had it fall off as Merlin watched the others pile into Leon's car and drive off. Merlin turned towards the area he had dropped off his bike, and began to walk, Merlin felt exhausted, maybe it was the over stimulation of being with people.

That's when the day got a hell of a lot worse.

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Merlin's bike was gone.

Most likely stolen. Merlin didn't even have the heart in him to feel angry of sad. It was just gone. Merlin stood there for a while looking at the space his bike should have occupied, but alas it was gone.

This day was utter shit. That was all to it.

Merlin sighed softly, running his fingers through his hair as he turned and started walking home, he couldn't call anyone, they were probably to busy to get him anyways. This was probably the worse thing that could happen to Merlin, he just wanted to stop thinking.

He didn't want to think about yesterday night.

He didn't want to think about the Druids.

He Didn't want to think about Gili.

He DIDN'T want to think about that Knight.

He just wanted to stop all of it. All the images, all the thoughts, everything.

Merlin began to run.

When Merlin got home Gaius was already passed out on the couch, a now cold cup of tea in his hands, his breath already in snores, the TV on, displaying the news of the horrific events from last night. Merlin turned off the TV he didn't need another reminder of that night. He then grabbed a blanket and pulled it over his uncle, then grabbing his cold cup of tea and placed it in the kitchen sink before heading to his room.

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There was a Druid meeting tonight.

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.

.

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And Merlin didn't know if he wanted to go, not after what had happened…

But maybe that was why he needed to go, to see who had made out. To see who to mourn.

Merlin nodded, determined. He then walked to the center of his room and pulled up the loose floorboard, taking out the black paint and very slowly dipped in his fingers and began to paint his face and arms. His magic working almost as s stencil form him to make sure the paint didn't smear and come out perfect. The lines and swirls and dots made Merlin look more ethereal than usual. Merlin then pulled out his cloak and wrapped himself up in it, shuddering when he saw the left over splatters of blood from that night.

Wow, thank you to everyone who has liked my story and even read it, and also ESPECIALLY thank you to the reviewers, thank you, this story is based off a few real events in my life,

I'm attempting to get this all out soon, but I feel as if maybe my writing is just plain inadequate, but I digress. Thank you again everyone!