Chapter 2 – The Alliance of Haruhi Suzumiya
Never before had Haruhi Suzumiya felt this much genuine fear and trepidation in her heart. A true palpable sense of serious dread was dawning upon her like the blazing sun that scorched Itsuki and I. She was currently entrapped by three large overpowering creatures, which were at the beck and call of a rather unreasonable Katsuhiko Jinnai. Jinnai's unreasonableness startled Haruhi given what she learned about him prior to visiting the ancient ruins beneath Shinonome High School.
Before venturing forth into those ruins, Haruhi and the SOS Brigade had visited the mother of the Jinnai siblings. Haruhi had us do this since she felt valuable information on two of the four people missing could be gained from their parents. I had felt that the bereaved parents should be left to deal with their grief in peace, but as usual, such sensitivities were no concern of Haruhi's.
Minori Jinnai was a very nice middle-aged woman who made the most scrumptious meals, and she had been so very hospitable to us. Her cheerfulness was downright eerie and worrisome – like a person refusing to accept the death of a loved one days after the missing body is found – but she nonetheless gave us a very good impression of the Jinnai family.
Minori clearly thought highly of both of her children, and that is important to stress.
Nanami, according to Minori, was very well-liked at Shinonome, had such a great mind for finances that she handled all of the grocery budgeting and buying for the family, and hoped to be a top entrepreneur one day. Minori felt that her daughter would go far in life, but she often prodded her daughter to try to find a good man to eventually settle down with. In particular, she had frequently promoted Makoto Mizuhara as the ideal boyfriend for Nanami. Minori was nice, but she probably needed to become a bit more familiar with reverse psychology, I felt.
Constantly promoting someone to be friends with, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend with, can cause a sense of rebellion for most teenagers, and often results in the tragic trend of, say, nice girls going for all the delinquents in class. Thankfully, though, this wasn't the case with Nanami, who did indeed start to gravitate towards Makoto… though only after sending love letters to many other male students at her school, as she didn't want her mother making decisions for her.
As for Katsuhiko, he was one of the top students in school, and Minori spoke quite boastfully of this. However, she confided in us that while she was proud of her son's educational accomplishments, she often held up Makoto as a good example for Katsuhiko to strive after, as Makoto always seemed to be just a step above Katsuhiko at least as far as marks were concerned. Still, she spoke of how happy it made her when Katsuhiko was elected Student Council President. She told of us of how she told her son, "Now, finally, you have a notch on your belt that even Makoto doesn't have!"
The father of the family was noticeably absent, and it was clear that he was a cold and distant figure in general. He was a top General in the Japanese navy, and came from a long line of military officers. His involvement in Nanami's life was minimal at best, as Minori's description of him made me think that he was something of a hard-boiled misogynist, frankly.
However, he had high hopes for Katsuhiko. His desire was for Katsuhiko to follow in the footsteps of all male Jinnais by becoming a top ranking military officer, and hence stressed the importance of disciplined soldiers, physical aptitude, resourcefulness, and running a very tight ship. He was pleased with his son's command of military tactics when he grilled him on the subject. He had, however, become frequently outraged with Katsuhiko over his physical frailty. Katsuhiko's performance in one particular school racing event had resulted in a particularly harsh lambasting from father to son.
"Why aren't you more in decent shape like Makoto is!" he had shouted at him.
Now that I think of it… it's not hard to see how all of this could seriously screw up a person. Everything Jinnai lacked and wanted, Makoto had in spades… and his parents hammered this home to him, likely having the same psychological impact on Katsuhiko that constantly bringing a hammer down on his head would have on him physically!
It was not hard to gather from what Minori was saying that, around the family table, Katsuhiko constantly had to hear about how great Makoto was. Something like that has to give a person an inferiority complex even larger than Haruhi's ego is. Why do some parents place such pressure on their children like this? Don't they realize the hopelessly envious and perpetually unhappy people that are sure to result from it?
This never crossed Haruhi's one-track mind either, of course. She just thought that Makoto was an all-around great guy… but a bit dull because of it. Nanami sounded like great fun to her, and a likely candidate for handling SOS Brigade finances. Katsuhiko was the hardest one for her to peg, but he sounded like a pretty cool guy to her, his physical shortcomings notwithstanding. She liked how he was a Student Council President, and his unique laugh that his mother mentioned struck Haruhi as funny.
That laugh wasn't striking her as very funny right now, though. And her passionate desire to find extra terrestrials had been completely turned on its head, split open, and gutted like a whale. There is a great deal of irony – even perhaps a twisted sort of poetic justice – in the situation that Haruhi finds herself in. Be careful what you wish for, Haruhi, for you might just get it… and then some.
"Wait! No… please believe me" she began pleading with Jinnai, "I-I meant no harm to these marvelous creatures that are so totally cool! It's absolutely awesome how you talk to them, and how they actually listen to you! There's so much I want to learn about how you can do that, and… and…"
"While I deeply appreciate how you recognize my true personal greatness upon your very first meeting with me…" began Jinnai, openly stroking his ego while he placed his hand on his chest and made a proud smiling face, "I'm afraid that flattery alone will not save you. Hhhmmm… attempting such flattery to save yourself was certainly a smart move on your part, though. I don't suppose that you would consider defecting from the Alliance, would you?"
With that last line, Jinnai leaned down to stare Haruhi eye to eye once more, making a devilishly sly seductive grin towards her. Jinnai found this supposed "Alliance spy" most intriguing, while Haruhi was both fascinated and unnerved by Jinnai. Nonetheless, she knew what she had to do in order to alleviate her current situation.
"Like I said…" she began in consistent unrelenting reply, "I am not part of this Alliance group that you keep talking about! But… I would love to join you, and these extra terrestrials that totally rock!"
Jinnai went back to a standing upright position, and began to rub his chin thoughtfully. He was not entirely pleased with Haruhi's answer… but he saw potential there.
"Hhmmm…" he openly mused, "I don't like your continued reluctance to admit that you are an Alliance spy! However… your constant complimenting of the Bugrom may prove useful for morale purposes. Groucho… I don't usually value your opinion, but what do you think here? You did meet her first after all."
Groucho made some enthusiastic noises towards Jinnai that Haruhi didn't understand… but she could gather the gist of it from Jinnai's reaction to it.
"Y-you think that she's cute and sexy?!" replied a bewildered Jinnai.
Haruhi grinned wildly, and chuckled underneath her breath over these words.
"And you think that we should release her?" continued Jinnai, before rushing over to speak more directly to his top Bugrom lieutenant, "Ok, fine, I'll order her released and she may join us… but never fraternize with the enemy again, Groucho!"
"Yay!" shouted Haruhi triumphantly as Harpo, Chico, and Zeppo all released her.
Immediately upon being let go, Haruhi practically flew through the air, with her arms outstretched and her face exuding a sheer ecstatic joy! She glomped Groucho with a particularly stimulating show of thanks. Groucho responded to this quite appreciatively as Haruhi rubbed her face next to his.
"Ugghhh…" began Jinnai upon seeing this display, "I think that I'm going to be sick!"
"There's no time for that!" shouted Haruhi somewhat cheerfully, as she suddenly released Groucho to stand directly in front of Jinnai.
"Since you understand what these exciting to the extremeextra terrestrials are saying… but I haven't learned their language yet…" began Haruhi, before thrusting her arm forward at Jinnai with a powerful pointing of her finger, "You are going to tell me everything that you know about them!"
"W-what?" responded Jinnai in stumbling startled questioning reply, "You joined me – I didn't join you! You can't order me around!"
"Oh, did I say I was joining you?" replied Haruhi in disingenuous rhetorical question, while grinning mischievously, "Sorry about that. I really meant that you were going to join me! With my unforgivably irresponsible SOS Brigade gone missing on me – and I will be giving them all very severe penalties once I catch them! – I'm making you the new Vice-Commander of the SOS Brigade!"
"I'm not joining Roshtaria's intelligence agency!" stated Jinnai in fervently angry and incredulous reply, thrusting an arm passionately upwards into the air.
"That's not what the SOS Brigade is!" responded Haruhi, correcting him, "The SOS Brigade is dedicated to searching out every corner of the world… no, not the world; the universe! – to find and get to the bottom of every mystery that there is! The SOS Brigade will not stop until we know everything about everything; until we enliven and excite every place around; until we triumph over boredom and deliver a crushing blow to tediousness!"
Katsuhiko Jinnai found Haruhi Suzumiya's hopelessly optimistic and playful rhetoric quite bizarre… at least at first. Then, upon focusing on the phrase "enliven and excite every place around", he naturally filtered the words through his own warped warlord-centric perception of the world around him.
"Oh… I see. Ha ha ha ha!" he laughed, thinking that he understood what Haruhi was really saying when he really didn't, "You're speaking in extremely carefully worded code! That's good! Very well then. We can have a special black operations division called the SOS Brigade within the broader Bugrom Empire. You may lead this group, and I will directly oversee it through playing 'Vice-Commander' in incognito!"
"Excellent!" responded Haruhi in maddeningly naïve cheerfulness, as she was getting the real meaning behind Jinnai's words about as well as he was getting the real meaning behind her's, "Soooo… with that out of the way, I need you to compile for me a resource manual answering all of the following questions! What are these extra terrestrials called?"
"Bugrom" responded Jinnai.
"Do they each have their own names?" continued Haruhi
"I named them myself" responded Jinnai proudly.
"That's cool!" replied Haruhi, "I would have done exactly the same thing if I found them and they didn't already have names. Ok, what do they eat and drink?"
"Um…" began Jinnai, trying to remember the name for the food and drink that the Bugrom consumed.
Haruhi, now besides herself in desperate inquisitive desire, began pacing around in a circle right in front of Jinnai, raising a finger for each question that she could think of. Unfortunately for Jinnai, she was able to think of such questions rather quickly.
"When do they sleep? How much sleep do they need? Why are they in such a superb smorgasbord of different shapes, sizes, and colors? What internal organs do they have? Do they have internal organs different from ours? Do they mate with one another? How do they procreate? Do they have any cool-looking spaceships?! Can they travel between planets?! Can they…" she continued in an unrelenting barrage of questions, practically interrogating Jinnai.
Getting a very good sense of what I go through regularly, Jinnai started to nervously back away, with beads of stressful sweat seeping down his strenuously furrowed brow. His mouth was open in horror at the sight of what seemed like a demon in the form of a teenage girl! He started to seriously wonder what he had got himself into. So did Itsuki and myself, as we talked about El Hazard with the Three Priestesses after they dressed and we all gathered just outside of the Holy Fountain of Arliman.
"So there's no internet, computers, or even TVs on your world?" I began in question of the three Priestesses.
"Sorry, bud" responded Shayla Shayla, "I've never even heard of them before."
"Or baseball… or schools?" I continued.
"Baseball, no." answered Miz Mishtal, "But there is a royal academy in Roshtaria's capitol city of Florestica."
"Is that the only… school or academy you have on… El Hazard?" I asked in follow-up question.
"Um… well, let's see…" replied Afura Mann, rubbing her chin thoughtfully, "Well, there is the place that we Priestesses go to train."
"Yeah! Those were good times, weren't they, Afura?!" asked Shayla Shayla, energized greatly by such memories being raised to the fore.
"You and I had all the best practice fights, Shayla!" responded Afura with a wide smile, "Though it sometimes felt that we were seriously trying to kill each other back then, I think that we're good friends now and were made stronger for it."
Potentially homicidal priestesses with great elemental power… and a pretty good right hook, in Shayla Shayla's case at least. Just lovely, I thought to myself. Not only that, but enjoyable activities may be in very short supply. As much as it amazed myself to do so, I started to focus on the sort of activities that Haruhi might enjoy…
"Ok…" I interjected, "So you don't have many schools here. Are there any great sites to see in El Hazard at least? Any famous places?"
"Oh, El Hazard has loads of those!" piped up Shayla Shayla, "First of all there's the mesmerizing Mount Muldoon! That's where the home for we three priestesses is found!"
"It's tremendously tall and treacherous." continued Afura Mann, "Most of the mountain's surface is vertical, making it very dangerous to climb. In fact… if I'm not mistaken… Miz's fiancé Masamichi Fujisawa is the only man to ever climb the entire mountain and live to tell the story!"
"Isn't he such a man?!" exclaimed Miz Mishtal, excitedly and dreamily.
"Masamichi Fujisawa…" stated Koizumi contemplatively, "He's the sensei from Shinonome High… er, perhaps I should say from Earth… that came to El Hazard, correct?"
"That's right" answered Afura Mann, "His heroics were instrumental in our victory over the Bugrom Empire in the last war."
'A normal guy from Earth making a difference in a war involving elemental priestesses… that's strange.' I thought to myself.
"Heroics?" mused Koizumi more openly, "How was he able to help?"
"Sensei Fujisawa is the strongest guy I know!" exclaimed Shayla Shayla in a pumped reply, "He even defeated a giant grotesque Bugrom!"
"I see…" stated Itsuki, before he turned to whisper to me, "Kyon… do you know what this might mean?"
"That this sensei from Shinonome High is on the sauce? The steroid sauce, if you catch my drift?" I asked in turn.
"I think that the truth behind his heroics will prove to be more intriguing than that, Kyon." responded Koizumi, before turning his attention back to the Three Priestesses of Mount Muldoon, "Well, sorry for all the questions! It's just that as lost travelers from another world, we really do need to find out all that we can about El Hazard!"
"Think nothing of it" replied Afura Mann, "It was… pleasing to share all of our wondrous stories about El Hazard with you and your friend."
"Yeah" quickly added in Shayla Shayla, "You guys aren't as bad as I first thought! Just don't go jumping into a pool with naked women in it again… got that?"
Shayla Shayla made that last line while leaning in heavily on me, and looking me fiercely eye to eye while making what I could only call an oddly threatening smile.
"D-don't worry." I responded, "I'm usually much more cautious than that, and I deeply apologize for it. The heat exhaustion and strong desire for water must of brought out my more reckless side."
"Oh, don't worry about it!" stated Miz Mishtal, with a dismissive wave of her right hand, "You and your friend have helped to make our day. We so rarely get to talk to interesting strangers in our chosen vocations. Speaking of you being strangers… what are your names again, just so I can keep it straight?"
"I'm Itsuki Koizumi, and my friend here is Kyon." Answered Koizumi on our behalf, "We were also accompanied here by three teenaged girls named Haruhi Suzumiya, Mikuru Asahina, and Yuki Nagato."
"Unfortunately, they must have all arrived at different places in El Hazard from where Itsuki and I did." I quickly added in.
"The same thing happened to the people from your world that joined Makoto and Fujisawa." stated Afura Mann, "I trust that these three young women you mentioned are probably dressed much like Nanami was when we first met her."
"Oh, I don't know about that, Afura" came the voice of the young woman in question.
"Nanami!" piped up Miz Mishtal, as she caught sight of her walking towards us.
"And Makoto and Fujisawa" added on Afura Mann, as Makoto and Fujisawa was right behind her.
"Uunnnhhh…" added in Shayla Shayla, as though coming down with a headache, "But they just had to bring the insufferable shrimp and her lesbian lover Princess with them, didn't they?!"
"Hey!" came the hurt voice of one Alielle, just before rushing over to play with Shayla Shayla the way that Haruhi plays with Mikuru, "Don't say that, big sister Shayla! You know I only have eyes for you!"
"Ha!" laughed Princess Fatora contemptuously, "You're about as faithful as that damn cat Ura who took forever to rescue me is! Though I have to admit that I myself was hoping that the new humans from Earth that we'd be meeting here would prove to be female!"
Though Fatora was openly displeased at the manhood of myself and Itsuki, I had to admit that I liked her openness and frankness.
"Their gender isn't what matters, Princess!" shouted a young male from around my age, rushing over to greet Itsuki and I after taking up the rear of this motley crew, "The main thing is that Dr. Schtalbaugh was right! There are more humans here from Earth. Nice to meet you both! I'm Makoto Mizuhara!"
Makoto Mizuhara bowed impressively in our direction, and hence Itsuki and I made a slight bow in turn.
"Nice to meet you as well, Makoto!" Koizumi responded, "I'm Itsuki Koizumi, and this is Kyon. We've already heard a fair deal about you from the Three Priestesses!"
"Mostly good, I hope!" he added in, "So… how are you both doing? Landing in the desert must have been really rough!"
"Enough so that it caused a little incident inside…" chimed in Afura Mann with a slight chuckle beneath her breath.
"Oh, how I wish I was here for that!" shouted Fatora.
"Yeah…" added in Alielle, as she started to move about like a school girl in love, "Seeing the three Priestesses like that again would be soooo heavenly!"
At this point, I was starting to wonder if all the women of El Hazard were lesbians. I suspect that Haruhi will fit in here just fine… I started to deeply worry about poor Mikuru though.
"Anyway…" interjected Nanami, tried of trying to fit in a word edgewise, "As I was saying before… it's possible that one of your female friends from Earth is no longer wearing a typical student uniform for girls. Or, at the very least, that the student uniform in question may be covered up with something else… like a waitress uniform!"
"Why's that?" I asked, with this statement piquing my interest and causing me even greater concern for the lovely Asahina.
"When I first arrived in El Hazard, I was forced to work as a waitress in order to survive" stated Nanami, "The same fate may have befallen one of your friends!"
"Unfortunately, it is possible" added in Makoto, "And that's why we can't afford to spare much time in journeying off to the other locations that Dr. Schtalbaugh found spacial anomalies at."
"Exactly" stated Sensei Fujisawa, "I can not rest as long as any student is in need of assistance… even if it's not one from my own school!"
"That's my Masamichi!" chimed in Miz Mishtal enthusiastically.
"Besides…" began Fatora, "I simply can't wait to meet these three new Earth girls!"
"If they're as cute as Nanami is, I'll be overjoyed as well!" stated Alielle, suddenly letting go of Shayla Shayla to wrap her arms around Nanami's waist while rubbing her head against Nanami's breasts.
"Wow…" I couldn't help but state, "Are those two like that all the time?!"
"You'll get use to them over time" stated Makoto with a nervous smile.
"Not that you'll have any choice" added in Nanami in a slightly too loud whisper, annoyed by Alielle's overly forward affections but clearly determining that actively resisting them would be pointless.
"What was that, Nanami?!" asked Fatora somewhat angrily.
"O-oh n-nothing!" she replied dishonestly and nervously.
At this point, I could tell that this mostly bubbly and chaotic and colorful group would hardly present much break from the usual weirdness of Haruhi Suzumiya and her SOS Brigade activities. No, that particular curse was now the providence of one Katsuhiko Jinnai. As Itsuki and I parted company from the three Priestesses, and joined the crew of Makoto Mizuhara, Masamichi Fujisawa, Nanami Jinnai, Princess Fatora, and Alielle upon a most unique flying vessel that barely had enough space for the seven of us, the elder Jinnai sibling was barely finding enough space upon which to write the special assignment that Haruhi had given him.
"One hundred pages…" he began in tried amazement, "To think that I've already wrote out one hundred pages worth of 'Bugrom resource manual' for this crazy new ally of mine!"
"Mr. Jinnai" came the distinguished voice of Diva, Queen of the Bugrom, as she intruded upon Jinnai in his personal strategic war room, "Is there something bothering you, Mr. Jinnai?"
"Only the impossible wishes of an impertinent girl, Diva!" he replied in frustration.
"Impertinent girl?" mused Diva in response, "Do you mean Miss Suzumiya?"
"Who else could I mean?" he replied in aggravated rhetorical question.
"Well, she is a bit of an odd sort, it's fair to say." Began Diva, gently placing her right hand upon Jinnai's weary shoulders, "But then, so are you, Mr. Jinnai."
"Huh?" replied Katsuhiko Jinnai, startled by what appeared to be an insult from the Bugrom Queen herself, "What do you mean by that?"
"Well, you and Miss Suzumiya both possess an unique… charisma" began Diva in answer, "You both have a certain… zeal. An uncommon commanding presence combined with unusual optimism that we Bugrom find most appealing."
Katsuhiko Jinnai mediated on these words briefly.
"Yes… I suppose you may have a point, Diva." Jinnai responded, "Well… I guess it was high time that I made something like this 'Bugrom resource manual' anyway. After all, it was only through learning more about the Bugrom that I was able to train them to create a Super Bugrom!"
"Precisely." stated Diva, allowing her graceful hand to slide off of Jinnai's shoulder as she turned to meet him face to face, "And, likewise, Miss Suzumiya is currently training the Bugrom with other useful techniques. I believe she called them… dodge ball, and hide and seek."
Jinnai couldn't contain himself any more at these words. He began laughing uproariously, tears falling from his eyes. Diva had grown use to such laughter from 'Mr. Jinnai', and hence did not so much as flinch at it.
"She is unique, isn't she?" asked Katsuhiko Jinnai rhetorically about Haruhi Suzumiya, "Hhmmm… still…"
With that, Jinnai rose from his chair and desk, and began to walk about the room, losing himself in thought.
"Those activities, while very simple games, could help the Bugrom to become better soldiers" he began, "Expertise at hide and seek can turn to expertise at reconnaissance. Expertise at dodge ball can turn to expertise at evading rapid weapon fire! Yes… I do believe that I see the method behind Haruhi Suzumiya's madness now!"
Then Jinnai's eyes narrowed devilishly, as he purposely made the most evil of grins that he could manage.
"Yes…" he continued, in a sinister tone, "Haruhi's methods will bring me one. step. closer. to my perfect revenge on you, Mizu~hara! Bwa-ha-ha-Ha-Ah-Ha-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Katsuhiko Jinnai would not be the only threat to the peace of El Hazard, or the well-being of Makoto Mizuhara, however. For while Haruhi had tragically landed into his lair, another SOS member found herself lost to a long-forgotten hidden alien race on El Hazard with more destructive designs than anything that even the likes of Haruhi or Jinnai could conceive of!
I had learned that El Hazard lacked the internet, TVs, or computers. This is true on a societal level. But, just as on Earth, there were elites on El Hazard – special people who placed themselves higher than others, and who had gained access to technology unavailable to the average guy like myself.
To a limited extent, Jinnai was one such person on El Hazard due to his unending search for weapons of mass destruction and advanced bases from which to launch them and amass his forces.
To a greater extent, the higher echelons of the Roshtarian royal academy had access to such advanced technology.
But one particular and small group of people living on El Hazard had the most advanced technology of them all, as I would eventually learn. They were a shadowy group who lived as a closed-knit insular tribe…
The newest leader of this Shadow Tribe entered into a much secluded laboratory, firmed with three feet thick walls of the toughest metallic alloys on all of El Hazard. He looked about this lair, to see strange psychedelic lights shining down from its ceiling, and elaborate manned control panels through out. And then his gaze focused intently on a suspended animation chamber… an insidious and ghastly sight that told of how inhumane the Shadow Tribe could be.
"How is she?" he asked firmly, and straightforwardly.
"All of her medical readings are healthy and stable…" answered the lead scientists in this laboratory of shadowy horror, "No, in fact, they're better than that. She is more fit than anybody else that I've seen… anybody since Ifurita, anyway."
"So…" continued this Shadow Tribe leader with a slight smile, "Does she resemble Ifurita in other ways, I wonder?"
"Well, her design is very much unlike Ifurita's" stated the lead scientist, "At least, I suspect that her initial design was. Reports say that when she was first located at that nearby spacial anomaly that parts of her exterior flesh was actually charred off, revealing advanced electronics glittering underneath. But from what our spies have learned about her fellow journeyers, it can be safely assumed that those electronics are Earth designs, and not El Hazard ones."
"As the newest Lord of the Shadow Tribe, I obviously already know that, Professor…" this Lord responded impatiently, "Please restrict your spoken observations to new data."
"As you wish" replied the lead scientist, "Simply put, then, this young girl had her… data, I guess you could say… mysteriously corrupted through travelling from Earth to El Hazard. Her memory banks, for example, have almost entirely eroded. However, her body is miraculously healing itself… and more besides. Her body is gradually taking upon itself the features… and internal schematics… and design elements of a Demon God!"
This made the Shadow Tribe leader smile widely.
"Perfect" he stated, "She will be the ideal instrument in avenging Lord Galus' death, and in setting in motion our master plan. Soon the Shadow Tribe's highest dreams will be achieved. Soon, this accursed planet will be no more!"
And with that, Lord Nahato made his exit, content that his plans would unfurl with out flaw, and that Yuki Nagato would ensure that Lord Galus' nihilistic dreams would become reality…
To be continued…