Thanks for all the visitors of my story! I hope you enjoyed reading even though it was just a prologue. Sorry it took a while to write this chapter thingy.
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own Kingdom Hearts or the songs by Otep I will be using in the future chapters. I do not own Linger By: The Cranberries either.
Rated M for Masturbation (which is to happen eventually), sensual language, and profane language (or swearing).
On to the story!
Day Three:
I'm finally on the ferry to Destiny Islands after a long two days of getting all of my plans in order. It took forever to just get out of the going away party Yuffie and Aerith threw for me. Yuffie kept trying to sneak booze into my Mountain Dew but Aerith and Leon finally made her stop. I mean yeah I would have drank but I really didn't want to move in with a hangover. That would really suck. I don't think I could handle this Destiny Islands sun. I kind of wish they wouldn't have thrown me a going away party. It kind of makes me feel guilty for leaving. My heart is set on this. Maybe not my head but I remember learning to trust your heart more than anything in the third grade. Yeah another of my cheesy thoughts. Sora used to tell me how cheesy I was all the time. I guess I just got it from my dad. He was always the hopeless romantic but he passed away when I was 11... Ever since he died it's like everything is different. It's like a part of me died along with him and my mother was just never the same. She developed this irrational safe-net with me and she just stopped smiling as often. She grew a lot older in those first two years after his cancer spread and finally took over. I remember when he first told me that he had kidney cancer, I didn't know what it was. I was 10 after all. He tried explaining it to me by injecting a raw chicken breast as in example to his kidney with green food coloring and the slow tinting just burned itself into my eyes. The dark color filling up the chicken and then just completely encompassing its entirety. My dad was always smiling through all the bad things and lived life to his fullest even with his cancer.. But when he saw me just standing there staring, the effort of an actual smile just couldn't appear. His eyes scrunched up and the dark rings around his eyes were so prominent. The sadness just spread throughout the room. I began to slowly cry and he pulled me into his crisp, white collared shirt. Tears soaking it where my face was pressed. I didn't know what cancer was, but I knew that it was eventually going to overcome him. He tried to tell me that there were doctors who were trying to fix him but that didn't help the pain, it just gave you something to hold on to. Soon he started to get tired easily and his hair started to fall out due to the radiation. Our weekend trips to the movies stopped, our weekly boat races stopped, he even stopped coming into my bedroom to read me stories. Eventually all my father could do was lay there. My mother just became a zombie and either sat by my father's side or sat staring out the window. We had to hire a caretaker so I wouldn't go hungry and so someone could tell my mother to sleep. Due to the misery that was my house, I spent a lot of time over at Axels and sat on the beach. Sora would meet me in our tree house where sometimes I slept with him lying next to me. We both were miserable those nights but together we could handle everything. Sora was my best friend next to Axel. With Sora I didn't have to talk, I could just lay there and he would understand and vice versa. We both knew there were things we didn't want to talk about Except now I know Sora's problems were much worse.. I'm not saying that my dad's death wasn't terrible, I'm just saying that at least my dad cared and loved me. He even loved Sora. Sora was his favorite person because Sora always lit up the room on the rainiest of days. Sora was so devastated when my father died a year later. Everyone was devastated. He was loved by many people. My mother was the never the same. Ever. She became cold and distant, and began to go to church twice a week. She would be in the confessional every time anything bad happened and she began to stop wanting me to hang out with Sora and Axel. Axel because he was the town troublemaker and Sora because he reminded her of dad. Obviously I didn't listen. I wasn't going to stop hanging out with my friends who've been with me through everything just for little stupid things. Fuck her and her misery. God why do you have to fuck up everything? If my dad hadn't of died we would all be on a good track right now. I wouldn't be on this boat on my way to Destiny Islands, I would already be there and happy… hopefully. That's how it all plays out in my head anyway.
The air here smells fresh, the breeze is never too cold either. I just feel like I could jump into the ocean and just float away. I'm definitely going to go swimming tomorrow. Why not just take a day off and go visit all of my old hang outs? I wonder how much has changed since I've left…
Standing on the shore I spot a familiar set of vibrant red spikes coming my way…fast.
"Oh shit!" I yelled as Axel tackled me to the ground, "Ha-ha nice to see you too Axel! Now get off of me!"
"Riku! It feels like forever since I've seen you last," Axel said as he stood up and dusted himself off. We grabbed my stuff and Axel directed the helpers who were carrying my mattress to the car.
"Ha-ha yeah it has! But now you will probably see me now more than you want to. Seeing as I live here now and all. Where is Roxas?"
"He is at work. He told me to tell you he is sorry he couldn't make it and to say hey because he won't be seeing you till Thursday." Axel looked down at his feet. This is odd because usually Axel is that in-your-face type of person.
"Oh. Why won't I be seeing him today? Isn't he meeting us at my new place?" I asked confused. Axel looked up at me.
"Uh well the thing about that is.. we are meeting up with Sora at Paupu Café later," Axel went back to studying his shoes, "We figured you wouldn't want to go seeing as it wouldn't be very ideal as your first time seeing Sora. Plus, I don't think he would appreciate it. I'm not going to tell him you're here though, that's your job."
I just looked down and sighed.
"I can't do it Axel. I don't think I will be able to call and just be all, Hey Sora! Guess what? I'm here on the island and I'm living here now! Want to hang out and reminisce over the past two years since we saw each other last and about the 4 years before that? Fat chance. If I called him he wouldn't answer or he would scream at me. So the only way to tell him is for him to see me. I was kind of planning on actually planning it out or think up something to say. Possibly even buy some armor just in case he attacks me, I know I would. Plus, I don't think you two are going to want to be there," I just looked at him with my eyebrow raised and sighed. I can't believe it's this hard just to talk to Sora. One thing I know about Sora though is that he can't help but pick a fight or get defensive. I just pinched the bridge of my nose and took a deep breath.
"Well Riks we better get going. I wanna see this house of yours and we can continue talking in the car." I looked up, and noticed the cherry red Nissan Versa.
"Whoa, Axel where did this beast come from?"
"My mom decided my car was a death trap so she bought it for me. I miss my car, Roxas and I had so many memories in it. I remember the first time we had sex in it, he totally-"
"Shut it Axel. I don't want to hear your sick stories!" I said as I stuffed my luggage in the trunk. We then began to tie my mattress to the roof. Axels car was small and the ends were hanging off. I brought just a little amount of personal items I needed for the night, some food, my guitar, a notebook and pen, my mattress, blankets and a pillow, and my easel, some charcoal, and some paints. I also brought my record player. I brought along with me some favorite records of mine. It was my moms when she was a rocker in the 80's. I'm still surprised it works. I've got two of my favorite records: The Sisters of Mercy- Floodlands, Bauhaus- Crackle, and many others including Scorpions, Motley Crue, Love and Rockets, Blue Oyster Cult, Cliff Richards, Pink Floyd, Gun Club, and some random romance records. My other things won't be coming till tomorrow. Something about the truck they were delivering it in having a bad day. I don't remember, all I remember is how they took off 25% of the price because of the inconvenience.
I opened the door of my new apartment to find a shocking cleanliness. This entryway looks like heaven compared to my old shit-hole but maybe that's just because Destiny Islands has cheaper housing compared to Hollow Bastian. This place is bigger and better than the apartment I just moved out of and it has lower rent. A smile instantly pasted itself on my face. This is great and my mom is no where in a 5 mile radius.
"Oh yeah Riku, where is the Charger?"
"The ferryman said they had to wait till tomorrow to transport it because they just had a people carrying ferry today." Yes I own a Dodge Charger and yes it is a 1970 Dodge Charger. It is the sexiest thing I've ever seen. (Except the naked human body of course.) It was my dads pride and joy and right before he passed away, he had signed it over to me on his will. He knew how much I loved to ride in it and help him work on it. Also, my mom had wanted me to have it. She loves her lame car. I don't even remember what her car is. I chuckled to myself and remembered the good old days. I miss those days when everything was so much simpler. Everything wasn't so hectic..
I walked into the kitchen and put the food in the fridge and cupboards. I grabbed my water bottle, a sandwich, and went back into the living room sitting down next to Axel on my mattress. Axel was plugging in the record player. I decided to go to the bathroom but soon the sounds of my beat up record player filled the apartment. I listened closer trying to figure out what song Axel put on. Then my eyes went wide, he had put in my The Cranberries record and he had chosen the song Linger.
[1] If you, if you could return
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude
But it's just your attitude
It's tearing me apart
It's ruining everything
I hurried and finished washing my hands and when I ran back into the living room Axel was looking at me with an evil smirk.
"Axel put this back," I glared at him. Oh please don't do this. He always finds something to make fun of me about.
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
"So Riku why do you have a Cranberries album?" He continued to smirk at me and raise his eyebrow.
"That's none of your business," I quickly retorted. He grinned even wider if that was at all possible…
"Oooo Riku's a sappy girl! Come on Riku tell me! I know you and I know there is a reason behind this." I just looked at him, silently begging him not to make me say it.
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
He continued to grin and I knew he wasn't giving in.
But I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Signing, I laid down on my bed next to Axel and reached over and took out a folder from my backpack. Pulling out some papers I handed them to him and I grabbed my guitar. Laying back I waiting for the confused look on Axels face.
Do you have to let it linger?
"Why do you have the sheet music for this song?" He looked at me confused and I began to play along with the song. I've been playing it for so long that I know it by heart. Axel raised an eyebrow and then I started to sing along to the song, closing my eyes.
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
"Wow dude.. I'm guessing that this is how you feel about Sora?" Axel frowned and I opened my eyes and shrugged.
"Yeah kind of… Well.. Remember when he came to Hollow Bastian? Yeah well.. The day he left I was planning on singing/playing this song for him because..," I plucked a string letting it die out and sighed, "because it's his favorite song.."
I turned on the mattress and let my guitar lay on the floor. I laid my head on the side of the mattress, memories of that night flooding back. Sora left me without even saying goodbye. All he left was a note. I felt the bed shift.
"I'm sorry Riku…" Axel said sympathetically.
"And the funny thing is," I said angrily but making fun of myself. I turned to look at Axel. Tears began to develop and I repeated, "the funny thing is, is that now I can't stop playing the song over and over and over again. As if I have to make it perfect for him, as if he's going to fucken come back to me and I'm going to play this song for him," my voice was starting to crack and the tears started flooding over, and I turned back around to stare at the wall, "and he's going to fall in love with me."
I began to sob, my shoulders shaking and I pressed my face into my pillow. I drew up my legs to my chest, and my right hand gripped the side of the bed. Axel leaned over and began to rub my back, whispering and telling me that it was okay. That I need to just let it out.
I opened my eyes to find my apartment empty. I groggily sat up and noticed that Axel had left and the evening sun was sinking low beyond the horizon. I don't remember falling asleep. The empty feeling in my stomach decided to grown in protest. I went to the kitchen to make some soup. I figured canned food was the way to go. Sitting down on my makeshift bed, I glanced longingly at the record player.
"Fucking fine. I will listen to it!" I put the needle back on and the sounds came drifting out of the beautiful machine. I'm not one for CD's but I do have a big collection, I just prefer the old sounds of the record player. I finished my soup and grabbed my guitar and my sheet music. The song restarted and I began to play, my fingers gliding over the strings by heart.
If you, if you could return
Don't let it burn, don't let it fade
I'm sure I'm not being rude
But it's just your attitude
It's tearing me apart
It's ruining everything
"FUCK FUCK!" I yelled and then began to sing louder and not in tune, as if I was yelling the lyrics to wherever Sora was.
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger?
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn't be so confused
And I wouldn't feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I'm in so deep
You know I'm such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
I then threw my guitar down on the mattress and scattered the sheet music. I stood up and clamped my hands over my ears. The lyrics revolving around my head and the images. The images scrolling across my mind, Sora smiling, Sora frowning, Sora crying, Sora , Sora, SORA! All fucking Sora! I ran over and ripped the record off the player but making sure I didn't break anything. I then threw the record at the wall shattering it but then realization hit me and I ran over, kneeling down and looked at what I had done.
"FUCK FUUUUCCCKKK," I slammed my fists down on the ground and clasped the carpet, "Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm just so sick of this. Sora I'm so sick of this why are you doing this to me."
I closed my eyes and the tears dripped on the carpet. I then started sobbing again and pressed my face into the ground, resting on my forearms. Sounds and drool coming out of my mouth and into the carpet.
"Fuck you. I'm so sick of this," Through all of my crying and throwing I didn't hear someone knock and come inside. I didn't hear them walk up into the living room entrance either.
"So sick of what?"
I shot my body up and turned around. Standing there looking oddly at me was Roxas. He then saw the shattered record and my puffy red eyes.
"Shit Roxas, don't sneak up on people like that. Especially if you're in their house," I relaxed and looked back down at the shattered record. I should probably clean this up…
I came back out of the kitchen after putting the shards in a bag. I remembered I didn't have my trashcan here. Roxas was by then sitting on my mattress where Axel had been sitting earlier that day. Wait, I thought Roxas wasn't coming over till Thursday?
Roxas P.O.V.
"So Roxas why are you here?"
"Oh. Well I can leave if you want." I got up and started walking toward the door.
"No Roxas, I didn't mean it like that. I was just wondering why you were here because Axel said I wasn't going to see you till Thursday."
I contemplated that and then went and sat back down on Riku's messy bed. "Well, Axel mentioned what happened… and I figured I would come over and see if you were okay."
He gave me a weak smile and sat down next to me, "I'm okay I guess. This Sora thing is just eating me alive. I don't know why he won't answer my calls or write me back the letters I sent or even the emails… All those pictures I made for him, and the pictures of me I took pretending he was next to me. He probably just threw them all away. Gah, I just don't know what his problem is or why he left. I don't know because he won't fucking answer the phone! I'm seriously so close to just saying fuck it completely. If he doesn't want to talk to me then I guess I will just stop trying to talk to him. I've already stopped the letters, the emails and the phone calls. The only thing I send now are little paintings and the occasional flowers but that's only like once every 3 months. I don't even know how I'm going to approach him. Any ideas? You know him best after all." I sat there contemplating, and habitually biting my lip.
"Well….," I started but I really don't know what to say to him. Axel's always better than me when it comes to finding something to say. It's not like I can tell him what Sora has told me, but there isn't much of that anyway. He keeps himself pretty sealed up and guarded. He won't let anyone into his head besides Riku and he isn't even talking to him. I just have to try and remember anything that Sora has done recently or something he's said. Hmm…
[FLASHBACKS- Roxas thinking]
"Sora I got your mail for yooouuu," I sing-songed as I closed the door of his apartment. I set my keys on the counter and heard quick shuffling coming from the area where Sora's bed is. I walked around the corner and over to the couch.
"Sora what are you doing? What is all that stuff?" I questioned, raising my eyebrow. Sora was on his bed trying to scoop up all the paper scattered around on the mattress. They all looked like letters and drawings and there was a box of photographs that had been dumped out. Wait, those are all of Riku's letters and stuff.
"Sora stop trying to hide them. I know what they are," he looked up at me and I smiled. Sora then just released the heap in his arms and signed heavily leaning back.
"Okkaay, ugh that made my arms hurt. Ha-ha, "Sora smiled and then closed his eyes, "So what I get in the mail? More adds for healthcare, tanning salons, and people pissed at me?" Sora smirked and laughed one of his usual laughs. I started to look through the bunch of mail in my hand.
"Let's see here. You got some junk, more junk, a letter from that stalker chick, even more junk, some junk, a letter from Riku, more junk- A letter from Riku!" Sora's eyes snapped open and in one move he jumped and lunged at me.
"AH!" I squealed as we both landed on the floor. Sora sat up on top of me and quickly grabbed the letter. He studied the front of it, which was a manila envelope with Riku's fancy swirled handwriting, and had a sticker of the Big Ben on it. It also appeared to have something bulky in it. Sora then proceeded to rip open the envelope then dump out all of the contents on my chest.
"Ugh Sora get off me!" I pushed Sora off me and the envelope contents onto the floor. I sat up and Sora was already up and inspecting. The contents included: three pictures, a letter, A 'Lucky Penny' Letter Opener, A ankle bracelet that had a London bus, Big Ben, a London flag and London Telephone Booth charms on it, A Botticelli Pill Box, and a pressed Rose. The pictures were of: Riku sitting on the grass in front of Big Ben painting with Leon chasing Yuffie in the background, Riku holding his finished painting and shaking a mans hand surrounded by a group of people, and a picture of Riku in front of a painting by Botticelli at the National Portrait Gallery.
"Whoa. This is a lot of stuff. I never knew he sent you this kind of stuff!" I looked up at Sora and his eyes were just glazed over, moving over the items along with his hand. He was little touching each item as if they could disappear any minute. He then picked up the letter and just stared at it.
"Well, aren't you going to open it? He even gave you a letter opener to open it with ha-ha…," I smiled at Sora and he took the letter opener and opened it. He than began to read the letter to me out-loud.
Dear Sora,
As you can probably tell, at the time of writing this letter I was in Neverland but I am most likely back at my shitty apartment. Yuffie and Leon decided to come with me as you can see from one of the photos, and I came here because I was chosen to meet some people who wanted me to paint them a series of environment paintings around London. In the last photograph I am at the National Portrait Gallery and I wish you would've been with me because you would have loved it. It was just amazing looking at all the different styles of portraits and the whole time I was wishing that maybe someday I could have one of my paintings hung up on one of the walls. Hopefully even a painting of you.. Because everyone should see the beauty of you.
Sora began to start sniffling and I could tell he was beginning to cry.
Sora I know you probably don't care to be reading this and will probably stop reading before you get to the end but I just hope I'm not wasted my time writing this. I hope the old Sora is still there and because I know the old Sora, I know that you always had to finish what you started.
Sora please, please just answer my phone calls. You could even answer the phone and not say anything and it will let me know I'm not completely at loss in the situation. Sora I miss you. No, Sora I fucking miss you.
I fucking miss you!
You don't understand how you being silent like this is killing me. It's breaking my heart.
Sora lowered the letter and began to sob. His empty hand pressing into his cheek, as he began to slowly rock his body. I never know what to do when Sora gets like this but I am used to it by now sadly. Sora is very expressive because of what our father did to him. I just put my hand on his back and pulled him into my arms to let him know that I was here and that he's safe. He isn't safe from himself though and that's what worries me. He needs to get this issue with Riku absolved. Sora then pulled away and sniffled, wiping his eyes. He then began to read the note again.
Sora without you I just can't seem to function. This last year has been ripping me apart. Why did you leave me like you did? Well, I would say that I would talk to you soon but I know I won't be…
Killing me softly,
Riku
p.s. I sent you the pill box because I noticed that yours was creaking. The rose is the national flower of Britain by the way.
Sora closed his eyes and brought the paper up to his nose.
"It smells like him. He told me when we were little that his grandmother used to spray her love letters with perfume so her husband could smell it and feel like he was with her. So I figured it out one day when he accidentally soaked a corner of one of the letters, that he was spraying his too. It's like he's trying to let me feel like I'm with him so I'm not alone. I don't know how he does it… How he just knows me so well. How whenever I'm with him all of my problems fall away," Sora said looking down. He then stood up and grabbed one of the boxes on his bed, and sat down again.
"Then why don't you answer the phone when he calls or send him a letter back Sora," I asked as he started to place the items into the box except the pill box which he placed on the table behind him.
"Because I don't want him to fall in love with me but I can't tell him that because I don't want him to stop…"
Sora looked up at me and I saw the desperation in his eyes.
"Roxas tell Riku not to forget about me!", "Riku don't leave me!", "But I love you Riku…"
"Riku will never love me! I'm worthless! I'm fucking tainted! Riku deserves better than me…," Sora shouted and cried out as he slide to the floor, his back against the wall, "Roxas please don't tell Riku the reason I left was because I love him. Please don't."
(Age 10) "Dear God, I hope that one day it won't be wrong for me to like Riku. I hope that one day we can run away together and never come back. I promise you God, I will never love anyone more than Riku Tanada and I know it's wrong because daddy says so."
[End of Flashbacks]
"Well, maybe you could- Wait, what? Did you say you stopped sending him letters? And souvenirs?"
I looked at him with alarm and he just looked at his hands.
"Yeah.. He doesn't respond to them anyway and plus I'm probably just wasting my time and money. Why? And how do you know I sent him souvenirs?"
"Umm," I bit my lip. Ugh this is so hard! I can't tell him because Sora told me not to but how am I going to make him call Sora, "Well, I can't tell you okay. I'm sworn to secrecy and-" I just realized something. Sora accidentally left one of the items at my house today, it was a chain necklace with a crown hanging on it. He had left it on the kitchen counter while I gave him a neck rub, and I put it... in… my… hmmm… POCKET! I quickly stood up and Riku jumped a little at my sudden movement. I reached my hand into my pockets trying to find which one I left it in, and then I found it. I turned towards Riku and thrust my hand toward him.
Riku P.O.V.
I reached my hand out and took the thing dangling from Roxas' grasp. I looked in my hand and I was shocked. It was the Kingdom Hearts pendant I had bought Sora when I was in out shopping with Yuffie and Aerith. Hey, I was bored. They had mentioned that Valentines Day was coming up and that I needed to send Sora a valentine. I told them that the idea was ludicrous and that Valentines Day was just a holiday for stores so they could gain money but they had insisted. They dragged me to Mr. Scrooge's Amazing Jewels for Amazing Jewels store and told me that I had to get Sora a necklace and that he would love whatever I picked because it was simply from me. They even told me that this would definitely would make him come back to me or at least answer the phone. So I picked out this precise necklace because I just knew that he would like it and I mailed it to him with a poem. Then on Valentines Day I sent him a dozen red and white roses from Marluxia's Floral shop and five dozen pink daisies.
"Riku, you remember Valentines Day right?"
"Yes of course. I could never forget because you told me that Sora was freaking out at the amount of flowers outside his door. Plus, I remember how much I spent on this necklace for his and I wasn't even sure he was going to either keep it or pawn it."
"Well, if this helps at all, Sora was in a dreamy state all week. I just remember that he was cheerful for a week and it was great. I missed seeing my brother so happy, I almost had forgotten what it was like. I mean, I didn't even know why he was happy, I just knew he was and he had called me yelling up a storm about the amount of flowers you sent him and something about where he was going to put them all. I knew he was secretly fluttering inside though and that he cried when they started to wilt…" I looked up at Roxas smiling crookedly. This was great news! He actually kept the necklace! I now have to think of a great plan to intercept him and my move won't be for nothing. I jumped up and gave Roxas the necklace back but he wouldn't accept it.
"I want you to give it back to him Riku. I think he needs to get over the idea of letting you in. He needs you, everyone knows that but he's too stubborn to give in unless you personally make him. Don't let him try and fool you, and just be patient. He will come around." I smiled at Roxas and pulled him into a hug.
"Thanks Roxas, you're a great friend and brother," I was going to continue but Roxas' phone started to buzz against my area, "Umm, you going to answer that?"
"It's just Axel. I should probably get going so he doesn't come bursting through the door. I left him in the car ha-ha." I laughed and walked Roxas to the door.
"I'm serious Riku don't let my brothers stupidity blind you. Be careful with him. Oh and Riku, if you make him worse than he is, I will rip out your knee caps and choke you with them." Roxas gave me the scariest face I've ever seen.
"I won't! I won't! Don't hurt me," I shut the door and went to lay on my mattress. I was out almost as soon as I laid down.
Reviews are the magic word! Please, please review and that would help to know if you are enjoying the story or not enjoying it.
[1]- Linger- The Cranberries
Great song :P
Oh and if you have any suggestions I will think them through as to whether I will use them. :D But currently I have a vast idea of where the story is heading and you might want to stick around to find out!