Floyd hadn't been dating Liz for long, but she was already superior to every woman he ever dated. She was a little older than most of his exes, she had a stable job, she loved eating, and she was crazier than him. Some people thought that was a deal breaker, but Floyd wanted to seem sane compared to someone.

A former alcoholic with an emotionally abusive father, Floyd was in a constant strive for acceptance. After seeking help, he decided to embrace the "straight man" persona, like people on TV. Those were never the "problem" characters. They weren't racist, or annoying, or alcoholics.

Not only did Liz get this (that might be the fault of the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting she walked in on), she accepted it and even loved it. Her adoration and childhood connection to TV (he saw pictures of how she spent her Saturday night as a teenager) made her love the "straight man" Floyd became. He really liked that about her.

So their official first date, post fireworks, post Alcoholics Anonymous, and without Pete should be fine, right?

Floyd chose to go to a pizza place. A lot of women would be disappointed to go to get pizza. Liz was not one of those women. This was a very good thing, because Floyd loved pizza. He woke up in pizza more times than he could count. You didn't have to dress to the nines to go get pizza. In fact, it was a little dickish if you did.

He didn't pick up Liz. She had to work late (something about Frank, Toofer, and Lutz taking a fart sketch too far), a good move for how to not expect much.

The waiter, or waitress (they wore hair extensions and makeup, but the tag said "Paul") came up to him. The restaurant had a friendly atmosphere, but Paul looked pretty shady in comparison to everyone else. "What would you like tonight, sir?"

Floyd shrugged. "Two colas, please. I'm meeting someone tonight. A woman. A pretty woman. But not like the hooker or Julia Roberts."

"Oh, and you're going to impress this 'non hooker' with cola?" Paul said. "Smooth move, pussy boy."

"Should I get the cola with mozzarella sticks, too?" Floyd asked. He was a little flustered, it probably effected his thinking. "Or maybe I should get Sprite?"

"Do whatever you want, honey, you're a lost cause." Paul was being kind of sassy, and looked a little familiar, somehow.

"Are you trying to look like Jenna from The Girlie Show?" Floyd asked.

"You can tell, can't you," Paul said, "I've been trying for weeks!"

"I know her! I'm dating her friend!" Floyd was getting excited.

"The frumpy, Greek one?" asked Paul. Floyd nodded. "I know both of them. I used to work for this sickly prince, they went to his party, the prince died from Champaign bubbles, now I live here and can dress as I please!"

"Ok, I know what I want, buddy," Floyd said. The thing about the prince gave him an idea. "Two extra large suicides and a plate of mozzarella sticks!"

Paul's face fell into an annoyed expression. "You're lucky you're cute, because you're pretty clueless."

This confused Floyd. "Thank you?"

Minutes after the suicides and Mozzarella sticks made their way to the table, Liz arrived. "Holy crap, Floyd! You sure know how to please a woman!" Floyd shot a "suck it" glance to Paul, who barely took notice.

Liz and Floyd ate and drank their refreshments, adding two large pizzas on top of their already full stomachs. "Do you want me to walk you home?" Floyd asked, bashfully.

"I'd like that," Liz said, "I'd like that a lot."

They walked, talking with the same rhythm as before. Laughing and admiring as they always did, until they got to Liz's door. "I'd invite you in, but Pete is still here."

"I get it," Floyd said. He kissed her on the cheek. "Good night, Liz."

Within minutes of leaving Liz's apartment complex, Floyd heard her familiar voice call out, "He left!"

"What?" Floyd called back up.

"Pete isn't in here. Come up so we can make out or something."

And Floyd did come up. He made out with Liz, he petted her hair, and they had sex.

"You were better than Dennis," Liz said, referencing her creepy ex boyfriend.

"Oh, yeah?" Floyd said. "What makes me so special?"

"Dennis didn't last as long, he wasn't as long, and," she smiled, "I'm letting you cuddle me tonight."

"Hell yeah!" Floyds wrapped his arm around Liz, careful not to knock her in the head or boob. Evidently, it wasn't pleasant for women. He asked delicate questions until he fell asleep.

"How was your dad?"

"Plesant enough, but he had a temper."

"How was your mom?"

"A little cynical, but so am I."

"Do you wish you stuck to acting?"

"Sometimes. I think I would fail. I always thought I would fail. I mean, I quit so I guess I did fail."

"I bet you were great."

"I bet you would change your mind."

Liz's breathing slowed. She fell asleep in Floyd's arms. This had never happened to him before. He was relieved he peed before crawling into bed with her.

He woke up several hours later, holding Liz, sorry to go. It was time to go to work. He left a sticky note, kissed her on the forehead, and left.

I find it abnormal that I'm not updating as much.

I don't find it abnormal that I'm 16, my eyes are bloodshot behind my glasses, it's 3am, and I have a glass of apple juice next to me as I type that looks like scotch.

I think I'm giving Liz some friendship next chapter