Delfino Mayhem!!
By TRUE Unknown
Disclaimer: We all know about the "I don't own Smash Bros. Melee", and the "Nor do I own Mario Sunshine or Yu-Gi-Oh!"; and so... get outta here!
--
Where were we?
Grand Master Shoma: I do believe the others were about to land in Sirena Beach.
... Shut up.
--
(At Sirena Beach, it's your typical setting: Bubbly with the sunset, torches lit, fountains trickling and the beach calm. Until people fall to the ground very fast! The Smashers are basically groaning on the ground because of unsuspecting pain...)
Ness: Crap, man! That last step is a doozy.
Samus: Tell me about it.
Pikachu: Pi ka... [My spinal cord...]
Yoshi: Yosh... [And how.]
Bowser: (laying on back, and Mario) Um, can someone help me up here?
Mario: (wowed) Hm, I didn't-a know you cared about me.
Bowser: Are you fucking nuts!? EVERYONE KNOWS THAT TURTLES DIE IF THEY STAY ON THEIR BACKS! (Mewtwo helps him up) Thanks.
Jigglypuff: Puff jiggly jigg? [Where's the hotel?]
Mr. Game and Watch: Beep beep 'meep' beep... [Maybe the building that has 'hotel' on it]
Fox: (laughing) Ha ha ha, Jigglypuff, you suck.
Marth: Hey, where's Donkey Kong?
(Cue to Donkey Kong falling next to everyone)
Roy: Oh, there you are.
Popo: Feeling fine?
DK: *ape grunt* (realizes that he didn't speak) *panicking crazy monkey sound*
Fox: (laughing) Ha ha ha, DK, you suck.
Kirby: Ape lost his voice.
Ganondorf: Good, I never liked it!
(Cue to an Arwing pushing DK far off into the rock surrounding)
Falco: (steps out of Arwing) Hey guys! Hey Fox.
Ness: About time you showed up.
Falco: (evil smile) Yes, it is. (looks around) Where's Falcon?
Young Link: Beats the hell out of me!
Hotel Delfino Manager: (comes from the hotel; running up to Mario) Mario! Thank goodness you came back!
Mario: Why? What's-a happened?
H.D.M: We believe there's some more ghosts in our Hotel!
Mario: O.K. But first, let's-a get down to business: about the rooms--
Ganondorf: (snaps) I HAVE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH WITH THIS ISLAND!! STARTING NOW, I'M GOING TO--
H.D.M: Yes, the rooms are set, and all of you will have special access to the casino!
Ganondorf: SPARE THIS HAPPY LITTLE HOTEL!! (everyone looks at him) What!? The casino HAS to be great, otherwise, this place dies!
DK: *ape jibber-jabber*
Marth: You got that right.
H.D.M: Now, please follow me.
--
(Luigi and Bandit Keith have just 'borrowed' a boat and are heading off to the hotel. With clear skies and a sunset to top all sunsets, what will these two conniving bastards think of next?)
Luigi: So, what's at this Hotel Delfino?
Bandit Keith: Well, I hear the rooms are nice, pleasant ocean view, and-- (quickly looks back; starts looking around)
Luigi: God-a DAMMIT! You've been-a doing that, every 5-a minutes! What's up with that!?
Bandit Keith: Well, maybe to get this off my chest, I was... once a victim of mind control!
Luigi: Oh, is that-a it? I've been under mind control many-a times!
Bandit Keith: Really? Well, tell me I implore you!
Luigi: Well, you see...
--
(Back at the hotel)
H.D.M: (covering ears) You see, there's something emitting a loud snoring sound! We think it's another ghost!
Mario: Wait-a minute... WAS CAPTAIN FALCON HERE!?
H.D.M: We do have someone under 'Falcon' as a last name here.
Fox: Does Falcon know how to face off against ghosts?
Mario: THAT'S WHY I'M-A WORRIED!! (starts running up the stairs)
Samus: (shrugging shoulders) Wait up. This I gotta see. (goes after him)
Ganondorf: A-hem. And now, where is the casino?
H.D.M: Oh, down this hall.
Ganondorf: Sweet. (walks off)
(We'll get back to Ganondorf later. But for now, with Mario and Samus...)
Mario: The sound is-a getting closer!
Samus: That snoring is so annoying! Let's just kill this thing!
Mario: You don't-a have your armor on, Aran! How can you kill-a anything? You don't even have-a your armor with you... (she glares at him) Big-a mistake.
Samus: (still glaring) Yeah, you shut up.
(The two find the room where the sound is emanating from. The two tear it down to see... Captain Falcon sleeping?)
Falcon: (snoring)
Samus and Mario: I should've known!!
(Meanwhile)
Fox: Really? You want Bowser, Ness, and Nana's asses as well?
Falco: Damn straight! I could've been a Turtles Holiday Feast, no thanks to those three!
Fox: I'll help you, Falco ol' pal! What do we have?
Falco: Well, I got (pulls out some variety of explosives) dynamite, cherry bombs, "Midnight Sunrises"...
Fox: COOL!! Let's save those for later!
--
(With Ganondorf...)
Ganondorf: Strange... there's no one in this casino. Oh well, more for me!
[Warning: If there are some people who have not played Super Mario Sunshine yet (or those who have, but do not want any advice on beating the bosses) should skip by this section, because it's a guide on how to beat the Sirena Beach boss. And it's especially important if it is underlined. Thank you.]
Ganondorf: (looks above) Damn disclaimers... (looks at giant roulette wheel) Hey, how come the center looks like it could be pushed down? I better check this out. (jumps on rather big center of roulette wheel; vibration occurs) What the!? This ain't right!
(The giant roulette wheel sinks into some strange space; suddenly, there stood the freaky-looking King Boo in the centre of the roulette.)
Ganondorf: What the!? Oh, it's just a Boo. (starts getting cocky) For a second there, I thought I was gonna be worried. HAHAHAHA--(the roulette wheel starts up) NOW WHAT THE FUCK!? (the roulette sections starts spinning)
King Boo: You won't beat me, or solve my puzzle!
Ganondorf: Okay Ganondorf, let's think... (looks around; [take notes] ) For every section, there's at least one purple space. What would happen if I were to jump on those spaces? (jumps on each purple space, for there are three of them)
King Boo: (cursing) Drat! You got that part! Now, handle this!! (pulls out a slot machine; it comes out to 3 fruit symbols and happy chimes occur [if three ? marks come up, watch out for some enemies])
Ganondorf: Woohoo. What do I get? (a large collection of fruit pops out) Hmph. That's pathetic. I feel like killing myself... (grabs a chili pepper and unintentionally throws it at King Boo)
King Boo: YAAAAHHH!!! TOO SPICY!!! (starts flailing flaming tongue all over the place)
[In order to beat this boss, throw him a chili pepper; when his tongue starts to burst, throw a fruit at him; repeat at least two more times. But how Ganondorf does it...]
Ganondorf: NOW YOU DIE!! (pulls out rarely seen sword and does modified B move) ULTIMATE GANONDORF STAB!!! (Ganondorf ultimately stabs King Boo)
King Boo: NNNOOOOOO!! (dies)
Ganondorf: I beat it! Sa-weet!! That battle was pretty retarded! (realizes) Hello? Anyone up there? I'm sort of trapped down here! (interested) I wonder how I'm going to escape?
--
(Nighttime at Sirena Beach)
Young Link: How am I going to kill Ness?
Marth: Need some help?
DK: *ape grunt*
Young Link: Got you guys as well?
Marth: He has some... powerful friends.
DK: *disgruntled grunt*
(Everyone sees Ness out in the water as he is swimming around for no apparent reason.)
DK: *whimsical ape sounds*
Marth: Yeah, doesn't he?
Young Link: Whatever, I'm still going after him! I'm going... to KILL HIM!!! And I plan to do such plan, (pulls out) with my Bombos Medallion!
DK: *loud gorilla noises*
Marth: Yeah, even I think that the Bombos Medallion is too much.
Young Link: Well, I'm still doing it!! (runs out to the water)
Ness: What the?
Young Link: NESS! FACE YOUR DOOM!! (holds the medallion in the air) BOMBOS MEDALLION!!
(As Young Link said that, the ground around him starts to explode, and, unfortunately, goes into the water and starts rupturing the calm waters until water columns rise up; this sends Ness and someone else [?] up into the air; that someone grabs Ness and both land safely)
Marth: (in suspense) He's screwed. Samus was in the water as well...
DK: *ape sounds*
Marth: You're on!!
Samus: (with unconscious Ness in arms; slightly ticked off) What the fuck was that for, Link?
Young Link: Uh-oh... please don't hurt me Samus! I only wanted to kill Ness! (starts crying) That's all I wanted!!
Samus: (puts Ness down; instantly whips her cannon out of nowhere) Let's see: should I set it to 'Hyper Beam' or 'Phazon Beam'?
Young Link: (head down) I think the Hyper Beam would be less toxic--
(one firing process later; Young Link is sent flying into the air after a dome-shaped explosion)
Young Link: I MAY HAVE FAILED, BUT MY OLDER VERSION WILL FINISH THE VERSION WILL FINISH THE JOB!! (ding noise)
Marth: (cursing) Stupid fucking ape... won the bet. (hands 100 dollars to DK; DK is happy)
--
(Nighttime; when everyone is sleeping, except for Ness who is out looking at the moon on the beach and the stars shining bright)
Ness: It's such a beautiful night... You only experience this night once in a while... (gets to thinking) Why do I have these feelings for...
(all of a sudden)
Link: (as if in a trance) Ness, you must die.
Ness: Oh, go away Link. (psychically grabs Link and hurls him into the ocean)
Link: YYYAAAAHHHH!! (splash) YOW!!! It's frikkin' cold!! (gets dragged down by Cheep-Cheep) YYYAA--
Falcon: (from a window) WILL YOU SHUT UP!? THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!!
Pikachu: (screaming as well) PI CHU!! [YEAH!!]
Ness: Jeez... Falcon sure broke the sound barrier...
(All is quiet now; Ness keeps looking out at the water, seeing Link fighting off the gastronomically large Cheep-Cheep; someone sits down next to Ness)
Ness: Huh? Oh, hi Samus.
Samus: Hey Ness. (stares at the ocean) This type of night sort of really clears your mind of hardships, doesn't it?
Ness: (nods) True.
Mr. Game and Watch: (watching the two from a far) Beep beep? [What's going on?]
Ness: Hey Samus.
Samus: Yeah?
Ness: Did you know, that some of us kid Smashers have a role model we look up to?
Samus: Really? I can easily bet it's either Marth, or Roy, or even (shudders) Falcon.
Ness: (shaking head) Nope.
Samus: Hm? Well, I'm surprised. Who then?
Ness: Well, (blushes) you.
Samus: Really? I didn't think you little half-pints saw me as a figure of maturity. Unlike that shit, Falcon...
Ness: (still blushing) Not only that, but you... are a strong person, and you are fearless as well. And deep down, I know you're a nice person.
Samus: (lips coming to a smile) Thanks, kid. That really means something to me. But, I think someone lied, (turns her back) you know, about the 'fearless' part.
Ness: There is something you fear?
Samus: Well, it's the fact that--
Mr. Game and Watch: (screaming) MEEP BEEP DING BEEP!? [YOU'RE A PART OF THE COMMUNIST PARTY!?]
Ganondorf: (whom Game and Watch referred to) You know too much! Now you die!!
Captain Falcon: (screaming as if it we're day) LOOK! I DON'T CARE WHO IS WITH THE COMMUNIST PARTY OR NOT; JUST LET ME SLEEP!!
Mario: (in the next room) FALCON, SHUT-A THE FUCK UP!!
Captain Falcon: That's it Mario!! NOW YOU DIE! (goes into Mario's room; starts a Melee)
Samus: Well, we're not gonna get any sleep back at the hotel. (looks at a sleeping Ness; smiles) Good idea, Ness. He just looks so adorable when he sleeps... (yawns) Seriously, I should get some rest... (sleeps next to Ness; it almost looks like Ness is blushing in his sleep)
(Despite loud fighting, the two, along with an exhausted Link, and a battered Ganondorf {?} fall asleep in the midst of it all)
--
(Out at sea...; to fill you in, these two were attacked by a tidal wave)
Bandit Keith: Luigi, (exhausted) I'm not gonna make it...
Luigi: No! Don't speak-a crazy talk!! We'll make it! Like Bonnie and Clyde! Like Thelma and Louise! (starts to give in) Like...
(The two sink; some time later, they wash ashore...)
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