Pain Redefined

Chapter 2

Beckett sat at her desk starring into the screen of her computer. She thought back to what Leeman and Castle had told her. The look in Castle's eyes as he told her the painful memory. She couldn't help but feel there was more to it, something he left out. As curious as she was to find out more of what happened she wasn't going to intrude, not unless it would help their case. The spinning ball that was her screen saver snapped her out of her trance. She wouldn't get anywhere if she was tired, so she gathered her stuff and headed home to try to get some sleep, but she knew that her thoughts would not let her rest.

Castle entered his silent, empty apartment. He had never been so happy that his daughter was out of town for the week. He felt that he couldn't face her right now, he couldn't put up an act and tell her that everything was fine. His mother was out of town as well, something with a play, he wasn't sure, she was telling him about it during 24, you don't talk to people during 24. He headed up to his bathroom mentally exhausted. He splashed his face with cool water hoping to wash away the shock that still lingered. The thought of a Cole Gray copycat made the dam he's stacked all those horrendous memories behind flood into his vision. The dam was breaking and so was he.

He couldn't even remember breaking the mirror. He sat on the floor of his bathroom and flexed his cut up knuckles. The stinging was nothing compared to the pain he felt twenty-years ago. He laughed to himself. Amazed that so much time can pass and yet the memories are so fresh. Sure, over time the pain of them faded, especially when Alexis was born. All the great memories he created with his daughter had canceled those out. But this sudden punch in the face from the past was to much to handle and now he wished his daughter was home just so he could hug her and thank her for being apart of his life.

After washing and bandaging his cut up knuckles he spun his cell phone in his hand. He didn't want to be alone now. He wasn't sure if he was scared to be by himself or scared of what he might do. He scrolled down his phone book and hit call. He waited three rings.

"Hey," he said as he heard the familiar voice with a little differentiation due to simply the use of a phone.

"You busy?"

"Think we could met?"

"South Street Seaport Pier 17?"

"Great, I'll be around where the Water Taxi docks."

"Okay, I'll see ya."

Castle hung up and grabbed a light coat and headed out.

Castle leaned against the railing as he watched the Water Taxi leave shore traveling in the dark river. He looked up and saw a quarter full moon, but no stars. Living in Manhattan and seeing stars was a rare event. You might see a few but a cluster of them, that's only possible if there was a blackout. He wasn't very busy but the was a crowd. The night owl crowds. He used to be in this type of crowd, then he started shadowing Beckett and found he needed sleep when he got home at night.

"Hey, man, how are you?" said the voice he talked to over the phone as he felt a hand on his back. Esposito smiled at him but Castle can see his eyes held concern.

"Hey," Castle said as Esposito joined him leaning against the railing. "Hope I didn't bother you."

"Nah, I was bored anyway, Ryan brought his girlfriend over to some garden in Brooklyn so I was just sitting at home watching reruns of Seinfeld."

"The Botanical Garden?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Probably that. It's nice there, especially when the Sakura trees, the, um, Cherry Blossom trees are in bloom."

Esposito looked at Castle. "You should bring Beckett, believe it or not she likes all the pretty color flower stuff."

"Yeah, right, I think she'd shoot me if I asked."

"Yeah, probably." But Esposito knew that it would probably catch Beckett off guard and maybe a nice time at a pretty garden will open both their eyes to a truth that they seem to be avoiding. Why they were avoiding it Esposito didn't understand it fully. Joking aside, he knew he wasn't here just because Castle wanted to hangout.

"What happened to your hand?" he asked as he caught sight of the bandage.

"Blacked out and punched my bathroom mirror." Castle said bluntly. At least he was being truthful and being Castle, he knew he would be able to come up with a believable story right on the spot. So the fact that he was truthful was an invitation, a signal he wanted Esposito to pry and ask questions.

"I know about your connection with this case."Castle shifted uneasily. "And we're going to do everything to catch this bastard."

"I know," Castle rubbed his hands together. Esposito eyed the bandaged knuckles again.

"Hey, why don't you stay at my place instead of being alone in your huge place?"

A small smile came to Castle's lips. "Like a sleepover?" There was the ten year old they all loved.

"Yeah," Esposito wrapped his arm around Castle's shoulder. He wasn't sure if Castle actually flinched or if it was his imagination due to the movement. "We'll grab out the sleeping bags, popcorn, watch a scary movie and go to sleep when the sun rises!"

"Won't Ryan be jealous?"

"He's out with his girlfriend, so if he says 'why didn't you invite me?' or 'without me?' I'll smack him. Deal?"

They both let out a heartfelt laugh. "Deal." Castle said.

The next day at the precinct Castle and Esposito let out a long yawn as they waited for the coffee machine to finish spurting out their beverage.

"Why are you two so tired?" Beckett asked as she walked in with her empty mug.

"We had a sleepover last night," Esposito said as he stifled another yawn.

"There wasn't much sleep though," Castle added as he took a careful sip of the freshly made coffee.

"What did you braid each other's hair and talk about past girlfriend's boobs?" Beckett said with a smile as she placed her cup in place to catch the addicting beverage.

"Yeah, but that wasn't why we were up all night," Esposito replied sarcastically.

"Nope, it was due to a marathon of the 1982 film 'The Thing' and 2007's 'Rec'. Damn little vicious children scare the hell out of me."

"Yeah, let alone it was that camcorder filming so it made it feel more real," Esposito said as he too took a sip of coffee.

"Esposito slept with his gun," Castle said with a laugh.

"That's a lie...because I didn't sleep last night."

Castle and Beckett laughed. Beckett grabbed he now filled mug and headed to her desk with Castle in toe. She sat down and glanced at Castle, she caught sight of his hand.

"What happened there?" she asked as she nodded towards the bandages.

"Velcro," Castle said slightly to fast.

"Velcro?"

"Yeah, scraped it along by accident and it was like blades, it really hurt."

Beckett just turned away. "Whatever you say Castle."

Castle was glad she didn't pester him about it, then again, why would she? He didn't miss the glance Esposito shot his way. Speaking of bandages.

"I'll be right back," Castle said as he hopped up from his seat a left before Beckett can even look up from her work.

He was happy to find Lanie in her usual work place.

"Hey, writer boy," she said as she jotted down a few notes then looked up at him. "What can I do for you?"

Lanie finished stitching up the last of the cuts and started to wrap up his hand in fresh new bandages.

"Thanks a lot, you're a great nurse," Castle said.

"You should've gotten them checked sooner, you're lucky they didn't get infected."

Castle just shrugged.

"Think twice before you punch out a mirror next time, the result may be worse."

"I'll keep that in mind," he said as he flexed his newly bandaged hand. "Don't tell Beckett."

Lanie threw away the gloves she had been wearing and turned to Castle, hands on her hips.

"What that you blacked out and punch out a mirror or that you clearly can't handle this case."

"Both," he said.

Lanie sighed. "You don't have to do this, Castle. I don't know what it is you expect to get when we catch this guy, but I can guarantee you, it won't change whatever you're hoping it will change."

"...I know," Castle said as he stood up and left.