Interview of Alice Cullen

By

Melissa Freally

Melissa: Hello, Alice it's a pleasure.

(her eyes bug out of her head)

Alice: You have no idea, the first things first.

Do you want every dirty detail on Edward and Bella's relationship?

This is going to be easier than I thought.

Melissa: Yes I do.

Alice: Good.

Okay so here's the thing:

Bella, is little miss plain-plain whiner baby.

She won't let me do anything remotley interesting.

I wanted to preform with my wedding ban the AAV's.

(She handed me her card)

Alice: She freaked out, I mean seriously, I preformed love shack and she had a meltdown.

It was in our old thereapist office. By the way you should really see her, she's got so much dirt on them it's ridiculous. Anyway, so we did great and total freakout.

And don't get me started on Edward. Uber-prude.

Seriously they are Uber-prude man and freak out girl.

Worst super heroes ever.

Alice: Anyway, we're preforming anyway, but not love shack.

Although I totally plan to give an emberrasing drunken toast to the "happy couple".

Melissa: Why is Edward a prude.

(she takes a long sigh and them smiles in a frightening way)

Alice: Well, he's still a virgin, I mean so is she but come on.

Anyway, she practically attacked him and he said that he wanted to wait until marrige.

I'm trying really hard not to laugh right now, I must see this therapist, she must have his weird imasculate illness on file.

Melissa: Wow.

Alice: I know, right?

Melissa: How did he propose?

Alice: Oh that was when she attacked him, why do you think he proposed, well he was going to do it anyway. They do love each other. Although my love totally pwns their's.

Melissa: Right.

Alice: Hell to the yeah.

Melissa: How did they meet?

Alice: Oh honey, you see it happened like this:

Bella: Oh look he's so gorgeous and god like.

Edward: smells good, must stay in control.

Bella: (taunt, taunt, taunt)

Edward:(brute, brute, brute)

Bella: I love you!

Edward: I love you too!

And that's what happened.

I wonder what's she's on. And if she'll give me some.

Melissa: Okay then, well can I have the name of the therapist.

Alice: Of course.

(a weird look goes upon her face, like evil plotting)

Alice: Eleanor Hamstred.