April

Karma paced up and down his room and tried desperately not to throw up. What was I thinking? he thought frantically. What was I thinking? I can't do this! Okaa-san was right. I must have lost my mind. Right? No sane person would willingly subject themselves to this. Oh, no, what have I done? Why couldn't I have picked a different school? Why couldn't I have listened to okaa-san? Why am I such an idiot?

Karma collapsed on his bed with a groan, hiding his face with his hands. Stupid, stupid, stupid! You're never satisfied with what you have, are you? You just had to rock the boat. You just had to push okaa-san too far. Why couldn't you just be happy with what you have? So what if she doesn't see you? So what if you're alone? So what if otou-san hates you? Why does that have to matter? Couldn't you have just been content with your lot? You could have been number one at any other school! But nooooo, he thought scathingly, you just need them to see you, don't you? Don't you know by now that you'll never be as good as nii-chan? She'll never see you, and he'll never care about you! Don't you know that by now? Why are you still trying? Stupid! Karma sighed and removed his hands from his face, dull eyes gazing up at the ceiling.

There's no way I'm sleeping tonight, he thought miserably.

Karma stared up at the imposing gates of Kunugigaoka Junior High and considered running back home as fast as he could. No one would care, he thought hysterically, feeling the knots in his stomach clench painfully. Okaa-san won't be home for days, and I can just call the office and say I have cancer or something. I won't have to see him at all.

But then Karma remembered the dark, empty house that awaited him, and he knew he couldn't run away. She has to see me, he reminded himself. I won't stop until they see me. If I work hard, I can show him that I'm just as good as nii-chan. If I work hard, she'll know I'm not him. I just need to work hard, right? Then she'll see. Then they'll both see. I'll beat nii-chan, and then she'll love me again. I'll show her I'm not a mistake. I'll show her she can be proud of me.

Karma glared at the gates accusingly, finally feeling his courage return. This time, he promised himself, this time I'll make her proud. She'll see me this time, I just know it.

So Karma straightened his spine, lifted his chin, and marched through the cursed gates of his father's domain.

Karma was the first one in his classroom to arrive. In fact, he had left his house thirty minutes earlier than necessary just to achieve that goal. He wanted to be able to watch his classmates trickle in, keeping a watchful eye on the hair color of every person who entered the doors. Of course, he knew the odds of him being in his class were fairly slim. He also knew that his hair color could have changed in the three years they had been apart, but he watched the door anyway. He couldn't have stopped himself if he tried.

Slowly, maddeningly slowly, students began to fill in the chairs around him. Karma was seated at the very back corner, where he had the perfect vantage point to observe the class discreetly. He quietly analyzed and subsequently dismissed them all. Will you be here? he thought to himself. Will you be here, or am I raising my hopes for no reason?

Ten minutes before class began, Karma finally spotted him.

The boy came in alone. Violet eyes flitted from student to student, dismissing them all just as Karma had already done. His spine was perfectly straight, with his lips fixed into a kind, amiable smile. His uniform was neat, almost too neat. Karma scrutinized every angle of him, but he couldn't make out a single wrinkle, couldn't pick out a single flaw. The boy smiled, greeted the students around him, and sat down in a front row seat. His posture remained immaculate; his benevolent smile never faltered.

Karma could feel his individual blood cells boiling.

The boy hadn't seen him yet. He probably judged those sat in the back row beneath his notice, or maybe Karma was just attaching unwarranted malice to him. In the end, though, that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was that the boy hadn't seen him, and Karma could reserve the shock for a little while longer. Oh, what fun that will be, he thought gleefully. Will you recognize me? Will you come and say hello? Will you ignore me? Will I crack that composed mask you have on, nii-chan?

Karma didn't know if the butterflies in his stomach were nerves or excitement. Maybe a little of both, he decided. It's been three years, after all. How different are you? How different am I? Did you miss me? Do you even think about me anymore? Are you even you anymore, or are you just a plastic shell? How much of you is still the brother I knew, and how much of you is the person father wanted you to be? So, with thoughts whirling and anticipation steadily rising, Karma sat and waited for the teacher to call attendance.

He didn't have long to wait.

The teacher made his way through the names slowly, since he also required the students to stand and introduce themselves to the class. After each name, Karma felt the adrenaline rush stronger through his body. Almost time, almost time! he chanted in his head. Are you ready, nii-chan? Hm? I hope the Akabane name doesn't throw you off. Well, Karma is such an odd name it should be fine.

"Akabane Karma," his teacher read off the list dully. "Please stand and introduce yourself."

Karma rose slowly, his heart clenching in a mixture of terror and exhilaration. He watched the boy's shoulders tense from across the room. Karma heard him take a sharp inhale of breath, almost like he was choking. The boy swiveled in his chair so fast Karma barely had enough time to paste a pleasant smile on his face before the boy's eyes were on him.

"I'm Akabane Karma," he announced. "I'm very excited for what this year holds in store for us." Karma bowed low, his heart thundering inside his chest.

He sat down as slowly as he had risen, humming quietly to himself before eventually looking up to meet the boy's eyes. He was still staring at Karma, his composed expression completely eradicated. The boy's eyes were bulging, and his mouth hung agape in shock. He seemed to have forgotten how to breathe, and Karma took sadistic satisfaction in that. Oh, dear, Karma cackled inside his head. You look so ridiculous! Try to pull yourself together, nii-chan. I'd hate to ruin your first impression.

The teacher had continued with the roll call without Karma noticing. Finally, he got to the name Karma had been waiting all day to hear.

"Asano Gakushuu," the teacher called, his tone as bland as it had been on Karma's name. "Please stand and introduce yourself."

The boy shook himself from his stupor and mechanically moved from his chair. He stood as slowly as Karma had, seeming to be struggling to peel his eyes away from Karma to face the class. "I'm Asano Gakushuu. I look forward to learning with you all." He smiled, bowed, and sat down again.

Karma scowled at his flawless introduction. Come on, Gakushuu-nii. Can't you make a fool of yourself just once? After all, it's not every day you see your little brother after being separated for three years. You could stand to be a bit more incredulous. I was hoping you'd at least stutter a word or two.

Oh, well. Maybe if I ignore him he'll get frustrated and slip up. That could be amusing.

Karma didn't need to wait long. Gakushuu cornered him at lunch.

Karma felt a sharp tug on his uniform blazer as Gakushuu clenched his fist in the fabric and slammed him against the hallway wall. "What the hell are you doing here, Karma?"

Heart beating rapidly in his chest, Karma gazed up with a fabricated expression of puzzlement. "I'm sorry, have we met?" He mustered as much charm as he could to pour into a sweet smile. "I'm really bad with faces, you see."

He watched Gakushuu's jaw clench and eyes narrow with morbid fascination. "Cut the crap, Karma. I know it's you." Gakushuu illustrated his warning by knocking Karma's head against the wall again.

Karma resisted the urge to groan in pain. Instead, he widened his eyes in a false show of cognizance and gasped, "Oh, my! Is that you, Gakushuu?"

Now that he was mere inches from Gakushuu, Karma could make out his facial features more clearly than when they had an entire classroom between them. What he saw nearly took his breath away.

Because while Karma strongly resembled Asano Gakuhou, Gakushuu was the spitting image of him.

He had his hair, even though it was a few shades lighter. Karma suspected the color would darken as the years passed. He had his jaw and his cheekbones. They shared the same skin tone and his mouth was a near replica. Perhaps the most disturbing revelation, though, was that Gakushuu inherited his eyes.

Karma had only ever seen those eyes when they were dark and cold. His father had never smiled at Karma, had never looked at him with love or joy or pride. In fact, he couldn't recall if his father had ever looked at him with any emotion. Gakuhou was a distant figure in Karma's childhood; he had seemed indifferent to his second son's very existence. To see those eyes locked on him with the heat of emotion for the very first time in Karma's life felt as if someone had ripped his heart from his chest and crushed it before his eyes.

What would okaa-san say if she saw you? Karma thought desperately. Would she see me then, if she knew what you looked like, Gakushuu? Do you think she could love me then? If I am such a monster because I resemble him, what does that make you? If I am a disappointment, are you an abomination? Have I finally surpassed you in something?

"Stop playing," Gakushuu warned, drawing Karma back into the conversation. "Why are you here? You're not even in this grade!"

Karma tutted disapprovingly. "Now, now, onii-chan," he crooned mockingly. Gakushuu, much to Karma's inner delight, flushed at the title. "No need to be so harsh! I just got so bored in my class." Mercury eyes widened in a fabricated cover of innocence. "I just wanted to catch up to my big brother, see? So," Karma shrugged as much as he could with Gakushuu's iron grip on his shirt, "I skipped a grade. Now I get to learn with nii-chan, isn't that great?" Karma smiled sweetly once more.

"No," Gakushuu seethed. "No, it's not great. What are you thinking, picking this as your junior high? Have you lost your mind?"

Why do people keep asking that? Karma wondered absently. Do I give off a crazy vibe?

"Gakushuu-nii is so cruel," Karma pouted. "If this is the greeting I get after three years, I really have to wonder about your behavior with others. Has otou-san really been so negligent with your manners?"

Gakushuu tensed, and inside his head Karma crowed with delight. Do you see me, nii-chan? Do you? I have your undivided attention right now, isn't that incredible? What a rush! I'd forgotten what it feels like to have your eyes on me. What do you see? Am I different? Do you recognize me? Or do you only see him in me too? Karma scowled inwardly. Do you see me, Gakushuu? Is it my face you see, or is it still his? Why is it always him? You don't have any right to see him in me! No, not with the way you look.

"Shut up," Gakushuu growled. His fist clenched tighter on Karma's blazer, and Karma strongly suspected it would be wrinkled for the remainder of the day. "Why would you come here?"

Karma dropped his fake smile and glared up at Gakushuu. "I'm tired of being invisible, nii-chan," he said, the last word being spat out with contempt. "So I want you to bring your very best against me, because I won't be satisfied until I've completely annihilated you." He pasted his sweet smile back on again, and inwardly knew his eyes were alight with manic glee. "Okay, onii-chan?" He purred, stepping forward to crowd into Gakushuu's space.

Gakushuu stumbled away and dropped his hold on Karma's shirt, surprise evident on his face. Even though Karma was a few inches shorter than him (Skipping grades doesn't entail being the same height as your new classmates, unfortunately.) and several pounds lighter, Gakushuu appeared almost unnerved. Yes! Karma cried mentally, adrenaline rushing through his veins. Yes, yes, yes! You do see me! Who's the coward now, Gakushuu? Don't you see? I'm just as good as you are! Soon, okaa-san will know that, too. Oh, how magnificent it is to be seen.

Karma straightened his ruffled shirt, shooting a sly look at Gakushuu. "Well, it was nice seeing you again, but I think class is about to restart. Wouldn't want to be late to that, right?" Karma brushed past him, lazily raising a hand in farewell. "See ya."

Let's play again soon, nii-chan.

June

Karma glared at the ranking sheet with complete fury in his eyes. Three points. He had placed three points below Gakushuu in the midterms, which left him in second place. Can't you get anything right?! he screamed at himself. A fat lot of good big talk will do you if you can't back it up with results! Do you expect okaa-san to see you if you perform like that? She'll never see you if you can't even beat Gakushuu! Do you really expect to force otou-san to regret throwing you away when you screw up like that? Why do you keep failing?! Are you really such a complete moron that you can't even get a tie?! Is that so hard? Is it really so difficult to answer questions?! What were you thinking?! CAN'T YOU GET SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE IN YOUR PATHETIC LIFE?!

"Karma?"

Karma stiffened at the concerned note in his brother's voice. Turning slowly, he attempted to fix his expression to disguise his rage, but suspected it remained a grimace. "Can I help you, Asano?" He bit the words out harshly, despite his efforts to hide his irritation.

Gakushuu frowned at the edge in Karma's tone, then glanced around him at the ranking sheet. A small, smug smile appeared as he read the results. "Well, that explains it." He leaned in close to whisper in Karma's ear, "I guess you have a bit to improve before you outshine your big bro, huh?" Satisfaction oozed from him as he stepped back to observe Karma's response to his taunt.

Karma felt utter wrath course through his entire being. His mouth twisted into a threatening scowl as he retorted sharply, "I hope this doesn't make you too complacent, Asano. I'll be stealing first place next time."

Gakushuu's smirk remained firmly planted on his face. "I'm beginning to think you're all talk, Akabane," he purred out. "At least tie with me before you say you'll beat me, all right?" He turned to leave, waving a hand dismissively. "Better luck next time!"

Karma glared daggers at his back. Next time. I'll get you next time. I'm not stopping until I'm the one on the pedestal, do you hear me? They will see me. I'm going to wipe that smug look off you face, Gakushuu-nii. Just you wait.

I'll show you what it's like to fail.