She felt confused, weak, and alone.
She felt confused because she could not understand. She just could not understand. How could someone go from being fine for two months to passing away in less than twenty-four hours?!
When The rest of their friends had arrived a few minutes after he had fallen asleep on her lap to make good their months old promise, she attempted to awaken him to greet them but no matter how much she shook or called for him, he would not react. Worried they quickly brought him to a hospital and he was put in the ICU. They were informed that he had fallen into some sort of coma, and that even the doctors were stumped as to how it even happened. He was perfectly healthy and his vitals read just fine. He was stable throughout the night but died early the next morning.
She felt weak because that's just what she was: weak. Although she knew in the beginning that he had lost his parents at a young age, just as she had lost her father. But after getting to know him she learned that he was the polar opposite of her in that respect. When she lost her father and her relationship with her mother became strained as a result she closed her self off and put up walls and a mask of happiness. He, on the other hand, was an open book. He always took everything in stride and was a genuinely happy person. He made her laugh and smile in a way she had not been able to in years.
Even when it came to just getting things done, he was stronger than her. Back when they had first met and it was HER job to protect HIM she failed him and he had to pick up the slack. So why? Out of all the times he helped her why couldn't she protect him? Just this one time?!
She felt alone because she opened herself up to him. He made her feel like the most important thing in the world and she was happy to be in a relationship with him. She wanted that relationship to change and grow. She was in love with him. But she could never have any of that. He was gone and there was nothing she could do to bring him back. The walls were back up and she had become a bit of a shut away. Only going out to work and school and then just locking her self away in her apartment. Their friends would tell her that he would not want her to act like this and that it was an insult to his memory. Deep down she knew this, but for now she wanted to be left alone...