It's Not That Kind of Thing – Chapter 2

By MyNameIsCAL

-Fang's POV-

Iggy never shed a single tear over the fact that he was going to die. I had done all the crying for that. The only crying he ever did was for me.

I still remember the day well. After the doctor had broken the news to us, he insisted we go to the beach and take a walk. All the way to the beach I said nothing. I couldn't speak a word because I was fighting the tears. We walked all the way to where the ocean met the sand.

"Fang," he had said quietly after I had set up the blanket for us to sit on. "Fang, everything will be okay."

It was then that I burst into tears. He held me until I couldn't cry another tear. That was when he pulled out the ring. I couldn't believe it, but I said yes of course.

I did a lot more crying after that. For the first month after knowing, it didn't take much to make me break down. Iggy had been so patient, even when I got angry at him for being so calm. Even when I wanted to hate myself and everyone else. Even when I cursed God for being so cruel.

Max had fallen asleep on the couch, so I left her to go to my bed. I wasn't tired though.

"Fang, you have to sleep."

I glanced up to see Iggy standing at the end of my bed.

"We can't live like this, Fang."

"We don't have to live. I don't have to be trapped here without you," I replied.

He shook his head. "Fang, I'm nothing but a figment of your imagination. One day you'll wake up and you won't be able to tell what's real and what's fake. I don't want that. I want you to be happy. I want you to move on."

I just stared at him, fighting the tears now.

Iggy sat down next to me, his hand resting on my cheek now. "You promised me, Fang. You promised you wouldn't torture yourself."

I shut my eyes. "I know, Iggy."

"I will always be here for you, Fang." He pointed to my heart and then dropped his hand into his lap. "But I don't want to be here all the time. You'll make it through. I know you can. I know you're strong, Fang. We'll be together again someday, but for now, you have to live. Live for me, Fang."

I nodded as the tears streamed down my face. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone.

The next week I tried to clear my head. I walked in the morning and went out to eat for lunch and dinner. Iggy was there though. He walked beside me, he sat across from me, and he'd be in there next to me in bed before I fell asleep. I was desperately holding on to nothing. The glances the people gave me when I passed were over my head. I wanted to refuse reality and replace it with my own. It wouldn't last. I always knew it wouldn't last, but I denied that too.

Whatever part of my mind Iggy was coming from was obviously my rational side. He kept telling me I needed to talk to Max, that I needed to tell her that I needed help. It was all so real though. I told him I'd much rather go insane than face the truth.

It was by accident that I noticed my phone plugged into its charger on top of my dresser tonight. I had unplugged the landlines. Max called every day. My inbox was full when I flipped my phone open.

"Fang, call her back. She's worried about you." Iggy appeared next to me. "She loves you, Fang. Don't shut her out."

"I'll call her in the morning." I shut my phone and buried it in my sock drawer.

And like most nights, I'd go lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. Iggy would stay sometimes, and other times he would go.

When I woke up the next morning, I'd look at his side of the bed. It had been made for weeks even before he had died. I inhaled. The bed sheets still smelled like him.

You said you'd call Max, his voice seemed to whisper. Yet this time, he didn't appear.

I dragged myself out of bed and called Max. She answered right away. That wasn't a surprise.

"I just wanted to check on you," she said, but she sounded relieved. "Do you want to come over for dinner? Or I can get you food..."

"What time should I come over?" I asked her.

"Whenever you'd like. We'll be eating at six. Dylan just went out to get groceries." She paused. "But really, whenever you want."

"I've got to shower and change." I touched my face. "And shave. I'll be over in an hour maybe."

Max, like she said, was the only one home when I got there. She greeted me with a hug, and maybe I needed it because we stood there for a while like that. When we broke apart, she lifted her hand and then dropped it.

"What?" I questioned.

"You shaved," she said.

"Iggy…Iggy hated it when I didn't." I let out a breath.

She gave me a small smile.

"Are you sure it's ok for me to be here?"

"Of course," she insisted. "C'mon let's go to the kitchen. Do you want something to drink?"

Coffee. I wanted coffee. I wanted the coffee that Iggy made.

"Water's good."