Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

Hard to Resist

Chapter 2

Long Train Ride

The next morning Hermione woke up early to make sure she didn't forget anything. She went through her mental checklist: wand, schoolbooks, robes, clothes, quills, parchment, Crookshanks' food, a picture of her parents, and of course, her blade. She went through it a few extra times to make sure she had everything. She needed to think of something, anything else, to keep her distracted from her evil thoughts and flashbacks. She would consume herself in trivial things that didn't matter or schoolwork. It was getting easier through time but she was starting to realize that even though she had spent 3 weeks with Harry, Ron, and Ginny in the same house she had barely spent any time with them. She was always excusing herself after dinner just like last night to "do homework" even though she had finished it way before she even got to the Burrow, or "write to her parents" which she simply couldn't do unless she wanted to cry her eyes out, and last night her excuse was to finish packing even though she was done by the time Fred and George popped in to say goodbye. Her friends would constantly try to get her to play a game or simply sit her down in the same room for more than 10 minutes, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't look at any of her friends for very long without feeling like she shouldn't be there. She didn't deserve to be there because if they only knew the truth about her, they would hate her. They would hate her for being weak, stupid, and dirty.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Ginny's sudden intake of breath as she rolled over in her bed and slowly opened her eyes.

"Good morning!" she whispered, sitting up.

"Hey, Gin," replied Hermione who was fully dressed and ready to leave.

"What are you doing up so early?" Ginny asked, "You couldn't sleep from the excitement?" She giggled.

Hermione realized it was partially true. She COULDN'T sleep but not from the excitement. She's been having horrible nightmares lately and once she woke up, she didn't necessarily want to fall asleep again.

"Yeah! Of course, I'm excited," she tried to say with enthusiasm. She hoped she faked it successfully.

Ginny smiled back at her. She didn't buy it one bit but she was not going to let Hermione know that. She'll try to talk to Harry and Ron on the train about the way Hermione has been acting. Surely they have noticed. She stood up to make her bed and get ready to leave.

A few doors down the hallway, Harry was having trouble waking Ron up.

"Ron! Ron! Get up or we're going to be late!" He nudged at him forcefully.

Ron mumbled something that sounded like "5 more minutes, mum" before falling back to his steady breathing and obnoxious snoring.

"Ron! Get UP!" Harry pushed him off the bed and Ron thudded onto the floor. He opened his eyes and looked sheepishly at Harry.

"Sorry, mate," he yawned, "I guess my body wanted one last day of rest for the summer. I'll never be able to wake up on time for class tomorrow."

Ron's best friend shook his head and laughed. He fixed his glasses since the effort of waking Ron up nearly knocked them off.

"Hurry, we need to get ready for the train or we're going to miss it and we all know how THAT ended up last time -" Harry was cut short when they heard yelling from downstairs.

"CHILDREN! ARE YOU ALL READY, YET? WE'RE LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES!" Mrs. Weasley's voice was so perfect for yelling.

"Oh, bloody hell!" exclaimed Ron, "What time is it?" He asked as he put on whatever clothes he could find and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"It's almost 10!" yelled out Harry as Ron ran out the door. He decided to use the time Ron was gone to change and fix his hair with his hands.

In the bathroom, Ron went to the toilet to pee. He lifted the seat and noticed some red spots. Was that blood? Who could have bled? He noticed the tiny spots ran from the toilet to the sink. Some were smeared and some were yellow. Whoever did this was in a hurry to clean up and missed a spot or so. Whatever it was didn't seem too bad, perhaps someone got a bloody nose or cut themselves accidentally. In this house, anything could happen so he continued getting ready until it was time to leave.

The Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione were in the train station with their fully loaded carts racing for platform 9 and 3/4. When they found it they ran into the portal and saw the Hogwarts express just a few minutes from leaving. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley quickly helped the children with their things and kissed them all goodbye. Mrs. Weasley was crying and waving goodbye once the train whistled and began to move.

Hermione was in front of Harry, Ron, and Ginny as they all searched for an empty compartment. Ginny took this time to poke Ron and Harry and slowly fall behind. They looked at her strangely and she gestured for them to slow down. Once she thought Hermione was out of earshot. She whispered that she needed to talk to them in private and that she would create a distraction for Hermione since the conversation was going to be about her. They nodded and turned back to face the front, they noticed Hermione walk into a compartment and followed her.

"Finally! They should make this train longer, it feels like it gets fuller every year," Ron complained.

"Ron, you know it always takes this long to find a good empty space!" replied Ginny, throwing a small bag into the shelf on top, "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom." Ginny disappeared out the door.

It was quiet for a moment between Hermione and the other two boys who stared at her as she stared out the window. She hasn't said anything. She would usually be talking about something by now like reading the paper and making comments or correcting something she was reading in one of her textbooks. Yup, something was definitely wrong with her.

Ginny was walking through the narrow corridor, searching for something to preoccupy Hermione for a few minutes. She bumped into Neville on his way back to his compartment from the bathroom.

"Neville!" she called for him.

"Hey, Ginny! How was your summer?" This kid seemed to grow a foot every summer. It was amazing.

"It was pretty good. I didn't do much," she began, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Uhhh.. sure. What is it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I need you to distract Hermione for me for a bit."

"Why?"

"Harry, Ron, and I wanna talk about... getting her a present!"

"A present?"

"Yeah.. for you know... working hard during school.. and stuff. Just for being a cool friend. We rarely get to give her anything."

"You guys couldn't do this before?"

"Well I just thought of it this morning!"

"Oh, ok, how am I suppose to distract her?"

"Well, when I go back to the compartment I'm going to ask her to get me something from the sweet trolley and then you swoop in and talk to her, i guess, just come up with stuff, please?"

"Hmm.. all right."

"Thanks! Your the best!" She hugged him, her head barely touching his collar bone. She nearly ran back to her compartment.

Ginny stopped in front of the sliding door and sighed. She hoped this would work. She went inside and sat down. She looked at Ron and Harry and nodded, they made the slightest nod back. Hermione had barely moved from her position. Her biggest movement was her occasional sigh.

"Hermione?" asked Ginny.

"Hmm?" Hermione's head slowly turned to look at her.

"You all right?" asked Ron.

"Yeah... I'm just tired. Sorry, guys. I didn't get much sleep."

"Well, you know what helps?" asked Ginny.

Hermione shook her head.

"Getting some sweets!" Ginny told her, looking quickly at Harry.

Harry joined in, "Yeah, loads of sweets! A whole trolley-ful!" He reached into his pocket and gave Hermione a bag full of coins.

"I'm not in the mood for -" she started.

"Thanks, Hermione! You're the best! I want some Bernie Botts please!" Ron cut her off before she could say anything else.

"I'm craving chocolate!" added Ginny.

They all smiled at Hermione who stared at them. She was confused by their sudden craving.

"We can wait for the trolley to come to us," Hermione was about to sit down when Ginny lied down across the seat.

"But, Mione, she passed by a while ago. She probably won't come back for a while!"

"Please!" chimed in Ron and Harry.

"Oh... all right." She quietly left the compartment and looked for the tea trolley.

Once the door was shut, Ginny sat back up and looked at Harry and Ron. She didn't know where to start.

"Have you two noticed the way Hermione has been acting?"

Harry and Ron nodded. They knew something was wrong and it didn't seem like Hermione was going to fess up anything anytime soon.

"She's been acting rather strangely since she came to the Burrow," said Harry sadly.

"We don't know how long she's been acting like that, though, it could have been since summer started. Did she write you guys anything?" Ginny stared at them.

Harry and Ron furrowed their eyebrows together. They thought really hard.

"No, nothing out of the ordinary," breathed Ron. He sighed deeply.

"Maybe something happened at home?" questioned Ginny.

"Well, Hermione hasn't really said much about her home life since her parents got divorced last summer. She was down for a while but she seemed to have handled it pretty well." Harry muttered to them, "She seemed just fine until this summer."

"Something is definitely wrong with her. How are we going to get her to tell us?" inquired Ron.

"Listen, I have TRIED to ask her. I constantly ask her what is wrong. She always says school or some bloody crap that is obviously not true. Maybe you guys will have better luck. She probably trusts you more than she trusts me," Ginny grumbled, "since you've been friends longer."

"What should we do if she tells us the same crap she's been coming up with?" argued Harry.

"Then we're just going to have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid," Ginny whispered hearing commotion outside.

They didn't realize they were all leaning closely to each other so when they heard the door sliding open they leaned back. Ron leaned back too fast and hit his head on the wall. He was rubbing it when Hermione came in with armfuls of candy.

"Here you all are," she announced dropping the candy next to Ginny, "sorry it took long, I ran into Neville."

"Thanks, Mione, you're the best!" They all hooted.

Hermione sat down once everyone grabbed their candy from her space. She grabbed a licorice wand and munched on it. There was still a long train ride to Hogwarts. She had to sit so closely to her friends, she felt them staring at her. She didn't pay any attention. She thought back to her strange encounter with Neville. He said the weirdest things like if he was being forced to talk to her. It took forever to shake him off. She didn't feel like talking to anyone so why couldn't people leave her alone? It's not like she was doing anything to hurt THEM... just herself. Her arms were itching for attention like always. She's been wearing a lot of long-sleeve shirts and remembered to only pack long-sleeved clothes. She couldn't let anyone worry about her. She wasn't worth saving so it didn't matter. She needed to find a way to hide and stop existing. Harry and Ginny were just wasting their time being her friend. Ron... he would never love her back anyway.

"Hermione!... Hermione!"

Hermione was broken out of her thoughts. She turned to look at Harry who was looking at her with concern. She looked back out the window. It was dark outside. Had they really arrived at Hogwarts already? She needed to learn to stop getting lost in her thoughts. If her grades started slipping because she couldn't concentrate, then people would start asking questions.

They unloaded their things and once they were inside the school, Hermione let Crookshanks out of his cage and then excused herself to go to the bathroom which was empty. How could one person change her life so drastically? The broken, brown-haired girl asked herself this as she made new fresh cuts along her left arm.

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