I own nothing

River sat on the couch in the mess staring intently at the sketchbook in her hands as she furiously sketched. They were the same pictures over and over. The rest of the crew during the Miranda incident, their different expressions and different things that had happened. Besides spending time surfing the cortex and listening to Wash read the book she had given him, it was all she had done over the past few months.

It was still early and not everyone was up yet, but River, sensing they would soon wake had taken it upon herself to make coffee and while in the midst of her drawing had begun to make breakfast. She moved over to the counter near the sink, next to the stove, sketching as she watched the protein breakfast cook. Careful not to burn herself, she quickly dabbed her finger into and brought it to her mouth for a quick taste. She cringed, though it tasted as it usually did. A light bulb went off in her head when she remembered that they had some of Book's spices in the back of one of the cabinets. She quickly leaned up on the counter trying desperately to reach the top shell, frowning as she did so. "Always think the girl will break and mess things...like an infant. Girl is more an adult than they are," she huffed, growly in frustration, "Girl knows how to cook. Girl is a better cook than all of them."

River leaned farther over the edge of the counter and rose higher on her toes, when she felt eyes on her. She froze and turned her head slowly. Her gaze locked with Jayne's. He lounged against the door frame, smirking at her. "What'sa matter Moonbrain? Too short?"

River frowned at him and turned back to the task at hand. She was so close, her fingertips were merely a millimeter away from the spices.

"It is not nice of Jayne to torment the girl when she has done him a service by making coffee and breakfast."

Jayne raised on eyebrow. "Didn't know you could do that. Bein' you're crazy an' all."

"The girl is not crazy, she is just not always sure of where things are and she has to find them." She growled angrily when she made a grab for the spices and they tumbled farther back into the cabinet. "Go se!"

She stepped back her body heaving as she huffed. "Terrible tasting protein as usual it is," she sighed, looking back at the skillet, with the bland powdered substance in it. She grimaced.

"Calm down, Crazy, I'll get it," he said as he strode over and easily reached the small bottles she had been reaching for. He handed them over to her, not even bothering to make eye contact. She smiled her thanks up to him, though she knew he wasn't paying attention and began to pour different amounts of spices into the protein breakfast, testing it as she did so.

"Gorram!"

River turned to Jayne, who was staring down at the cup of coffee he had poured himself with an intense look of surprise. River turned fully to look at him as he looked up at her to find a mask of worry on her face. "What? Is it too strong? What's wrong with it? Did I make it wrong?"

Jayne raised an eyebrow at her worried expression. "No, it's ruttin' amazing! Best pot a coffee this boat's had in a while I reckon'..."

She seemed relieved. "Good, I-" She stiffened. "I said 'I'..."

Jayne frowned. "You been sayin' that a lot lately I noticed."

River's eyebrows rose in surprise. Since when did Jayne ever pay attention to her when he wasn't tormenting her? He seemed to have noticed his slip up and hurried to cover it by saying quickly, "Well, you was sayin' it a lot when ya gave Wash that book the other day, so I just figured you was still doin' it when you wasn't around is all."

River nodded, accepting his explanation for the truth. "Yes, that is a sound deduction for one to make, Jayne Cobb."

Jayne shifted uncomfortably for a while before deciding he would set the table. River followed him as he headed towards the table with a confused expression. "Thank you for helping."

"I'm only doin' it so's you'll make more a that coffee, Moonbrain. Don't think it's cause I like ya, cause I sure as ruttin' hell don't."

River shrugged. "She knows this and she will make more of the coffee, if Jayne will refrain from calling her names so often."

Jayne paused for a moment as if considering and sighed. "It is some damn fine coffee. Alright, Moo-River, I'll stop callin' ya names so much."

River smiled up at him. "Good coffee puts Jayne in a good mood."

"I ain't in a good mood. I'm normal as always, quit bein' s'darn annoyin'."

River rolled her eyes at him as she went back to the breakfast cooking. "You are so grouchy all the time. You really should try finding your bird soon."

"How am I 'sposed ta stop callin' you things like 'crazy' when you talk 'bout birds when there ain't no birds on this boat?!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" She asked, confused. He was being so weird. She was tempted to read him, but it was wrong, something she had promised herself she would no longer do. Jayne's face began to turn red and he yelled, "If I was yellin' you'd know, Moony!"

"No names, Jayne Cobb," she sing songed as she pulled a pan of biscuits out of the oven, "you would not like it if the girl called you names and you certainly wouldn't like it if she stopped making you coffee. So behave."

Jayne glared at her and collapsed in his usual chair. Instead of snapping at her, he asked awkwardly, "Ya need help, girl?"

"No, she is capable of bringing the food to the table just fine." She came to stand next to him after having brought the biscuits to the table and began to serve him breakfast before she could stop herself. Jayne made a face. "What're you doin'?"

"You liked her coffee, she is saying thank you. It is nice to have someone appreciate her efforts and praise her instead of scold her for doing something the believe she is not responsible enough to do on her own," she replied, surprising herself. Jayne frowned. "I din't like yer coffee, I love yer coffee. As far as I'm concerned, yer the only one allowed to make it now. 'Sides you ain't some li'l kid, you're a grown woman-girl...thing. Yer old enough ta do damn well anythin' you please."

River felt herself begin to smile. "If I had known you would be so nice to me because of how I make coffee, I would have started making coffee sooner."

Jayne smirked. "You used 'I' again."

She smiled. "I did," she said as she sat down next to him and looked at the untouched food on his plate. "You going to try my food or let it get cold?"

Jayne rolled his eyes as he forked a sizable bite of it and shoveled it into his mouth, River watching him intently all the while. Jayne's eyes widened and he stared back down at his plate. "Gorram, that is some good stuff. It's as good as my ma's home cookin'!"

River beamed at him, "Really?"

"You are goin' ta make some hun dan a very happy man one day," he moaned appreciatively through bites of his nearly gone meal. River giggled as he continued to groan after each bite. "Hell, I'd marry ya if'n I was the marryin' type...no offense."

She laughed her womanly laugh, and Jayne felt a shiver go up his spine. Odd.

He was in the middle of a particularly loud moan, when Mal, Zoe, and Wash came in. Wash was the first to speak. "Why are you moaning at River like that-"

He sniffed. "Ai ya, what smells so good?!"

"River cooked," Jayne said with a mouthful of food, beaming as he said so, "it's amazin'! You have ta try her coffee, too. I think River should be the ship's cook."

Mal blinked at Jayne several times. "Since when do you smile an' compliment my Lil' Albatross this early in the morning? I mean ever? You never do those things. Are you drunk?"

"He is not drunk," River answered for him, as she continued to watch Jayne eat, trying hard not to laugh, "he merely appreciates the food she has cooked. He believes she would make a good wife for someone some day."

Jayne nodded and to everyone's surprise, including River's began to pile food onto her plate. "Cook should get ta eat, too. 'Fore everyone takes it all."

"Thank you," River stuttered out. Noticing, the biscuits were too far away to reach, she snitched Jayne's biscuit of his plate. He paused and stared at her for a moment before grabbing another one for himself. River slowly began to eat as Mal, Zoe, and Wash lined up at the coffee maker, each pouring themselves a cup. They each took a sip cautiously and Jayne rolled his eyes at them. "She ain't poisoned it er nothin'."

Wash was the first to speak. "Even if she had poisoned it, I would drink it for the rest of my life! This is so good."

Jayne nodded. "I think River should be cook an' coffee maker from now on."

Zoe raised an eyebrow. "Since when do you call her by her name?"

Again, River answered for him. "She made him promise to stop calling her so many names. If he does as she asks, she will make him coffee when ever he asks."

"Way to a man's heart is through his stomach," Mal said in response. River frowned at him. "I am not trying to get to Jayne's heart."

Jayne snorted. "I ain't got a heart."

"Yes, I believe there is another stomach in it's place."

Jayne stared at her hard for a long moment before laughing. River frowned at him. She had not expected that reaction from him. This day was becoming odder and odder by the minute.

"Well, River, I for one am glad you're talking so much now," Wash said, smiling at her. "I finished the book and I believe you should look that movie up now."

"She will later," she said, nibbling on the last of her biscuit. She looked to be deep in thought. "First she must talk to Inara. She has questions."

"What kind?" Wash asked. River sighed. "They're personal."

"River, what did I say about havin' secrets on my ship?" Mal asked as he began to eat. He looked down at his food. "This is good."

"Told you," Jayne said, annoyed at their having ignored him.

"They're not secrets about girl's craziness. They're questions that need answers. Questions that are not any of Captain Daddy's business."

"Ev'rythin' on this boat is my business," Mal said. He raised an eyebrow and stared her down suspiciously. Mal had taken it upon himself to act as River's surrogate father, and as much as he would deny it, he enjoyed the role immensely. River began to pout slightly. "Not Captain Daddy's business," she insisted, "girl is not doing anything bad. She is merely confused and inquisitive about certain things."

"It's the bird thing isn't it?" Wash asked, knowingly. River nodded. "Yes, among other things. I have other questions."

Wash's expression became thoughtful. He cocked his head to the side as he stared at her. "Would it help if I told you that if I weren't married I would take you in a manly fashion?"

Jayne and Mal practically choked on their food, both staring at Wash as if he had grown another head. "What is ruttin' wrong with you?" Jayne yelled, "you don't say that to a woman 'less she asks you if she's pretty er somethin'!"

"Because I'm pretty?" River asked Wash hopefully. He nodded and smiled at her reassuringly. "Because you're very pretty and extremely normal."

River practically squealed at him. "Thank you, Ge Ge Wash!"

Wash beamed at River's sudden term of endearment and Zoe smiled at the way he puffed out his chest with pride. River ran around the table and hugged Wash. "She shall buy you a present to show her gratitude properly."

Mal frowned. "I want a present! I think you're pretty!"

River rolled her eyes at him. "You are such a boob."

Jayne snorted and finished off his meal, "Got that right."

"Hey," Mal yelled at her, "I ain't a boob, just a little...slow is all."

River ignored him. "We are close to Persephone, yes?"

Wash nodded, "About an hour."

She perked up suddenly. "Inara is awake. I shall bring her breakfast and we shall talk."

Before anyone could say anything, she had dashed off with a plate full of food towards Inara's shuttle. Wash glanced over at Zoe, smiling broadly. "She called me 'Ge Ge.' I'm someone's Ge Ge."

"And you're a very good Ge Ge, Husband," Zoe said, trying hard not to laugh. Jayne shook his head and made a face. "You are such a fruit."

"Hey, no need to call names," Wash protested and Jayne shrugged. "Gotta find someone else to pick on since I can't pick on Moonbrain so much."

Wash sighed. "Or you could go find you're bird," he said cryptically.

Jayne rolled his eyes as he headed off toward the bay for his morning work out. "Everyone's crazy. Why do I gotta be stuck with a boat full o' annoying crazies?"

Jayne reached the catwalk and stopped short when he heard hushed voices. It was Inara and River standing in the doorway to Inara's shuttle. As if sensing his presence they quickly disappeared inside. He had to admit, he was mighty curious to know what them two were talking about. His curiousity and growing interest in the crazy girl made him mad and he couldn't help growling as he stomped down into the bay.

River fidgeted nervously as she tried to figure out how to say what she needed to say clearly. Inara offered her a cup of tea and she took it gratefully.

"What is it, mei-mei?" Inara asked gently, "I have noticed the way you have been acting lately. You are confused about something."

"I feel different from how I felt before Miranda," River confided, fiddling with the hem of her dress, "different in a good, but strange way."

Inara patted the spot on the couch next to her. "Sit down Mei-Mei."

River nodded and sat down, sipping her tea. "I feel self-conscious about myself."

"Why?"

River shrugged. "Because I am not like you or Kaylee. I am not as womanly."

Inara raised her eyebrow. "Is that all this is about, River?"

River looked down at her lap. "Yes, I feel stupid for saying so."

"Actually, Mei-Mei, I've been waiting for this moment for a very long time."

River's head shot up in surprise. "Really?"

Inara nodded. "You don't have to say anymore."

"So you are willing to help me become more...womanly?"

"Of course," Inara said, standing. She pulled River up with her. "In fact, I have something for you."

She brought River to a large trunk and unlatched it. "I saw this not too long ago and thought of you," she said, pulling out a long white dress."

Inara smiled at the look of surprise and excitement on River's face. "I've noticed how much you've grown River. Inside and out."

River blushed. "You seem to be the only one."

Inara smiled and nodded, laughing, "Yes, everyone is a bit slow."

River held the dress against her body. Inara asked softly. "If you'd like, once we land, I will take you shopping."

River smiled brightly at her, hope shining through. "Really?"

Inara nodded. "Yes, I would be happy to."

River clapped excitedly. "Really? Thank you! I'm tired of Simon picking out my clothes for me."

Inara laughed. "He is rather terrible at it. He doesn't have very good taste and he tends to buy things that make you look..."

"Like a little girl?" Inara nodded in agreement. River smiled a small smile. "You understand that she is a woman and no longer a little girl. It makes her happy."

Inara merely smiled. "If you'd like, I''l fix your hair and teach you how to put on makeup."

River nodded timidly then scrunched up her face. "As long as you don't make me look like one of Jayne's painted ladies."

Inara burst into laughter. "Of course not. You will look more stunning than you already do."

They had just finished docking and Jayne had to admit, he was excited. It had been quite a while since he had had some trim and some good whiskey. He adjusted the cap his Ma had made him and stretched. He heard a sudden squeal and fought the urge to roll his eyes. Kaylee was just too damn cheery all the time.

"River, ya look so pretty!" she squealed. Jayne turned around to see what all the fuss was and stopped dead in his tracks. River was blushing as Jayne, Kaylee, Simon, Zoe, and Wash gawked at her. This had to be Inara's work and if he said so, she had done a darn good job.

"You look beautiful!"

"Look at you, you pretty thing. You pretty, normal thing," Wash said proudly. River smiled up at him, beaming. Jayne continued to stare. Her hair wasn't a crazy mess as it usually was. Instead, it was brushed out and straight, curling softly at the ends and for once, her dress fit her. It was a dress Jayne had never seen her wear. Jayne let his eyes run the length of her body. She wasn't so scrawny as he remembered. She seemed to have filled out in places...places Jayne shouldn't be noticing. When their eyes met he realized she was looking up at him expectantly. They all were and it suddenly occurred to him that he was the only one who hadn't said anything. He gestured to his face and then pointed at her. "Ya got that girl stuff on."

She nodded and he nodded back. "Ya look alright, Moony."

Zoe raised an eyebrow at him and Wash smiled as if he were in on some secret the rest of the crew wasn't aware of. Kaylee and Inara wore the same expression as Wash.

"The egg has hatched," Wash declared, eliciting a preturbed look from River.

"Okay," Mal said, as he crossed the bay toward the group. He noticed River's altered appearance immediately. "Huh, you look mighty fancy."

"Ain't it shiny, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked, beaming over at her friend, "she's so pretty."

Mal's eyes shifted to Jayne and he frowned. "You ain't seriously thinkin' on wearin' that hat off a my boat are you?"

"What the hell's wrong with my hat?" Jayne asked, clearly more than a little insulted. River patted his arm. "Do not worry, Jayne, I think you look charming."

Jayne smirked, puffing his chest out at the compliment, trying to ignore the fact that River's having touched his arm had made him felt weird. "See, my hat ain't ugly, Mal."

"Since when do you listen to her opinion an' not mine?" Mal asked, acting hurt. Jayne rolled his eyes. "Why should you care? You jealous?"

"No," Mal sputtered indignantly. "I just, you don't like her an' it's all kinds of creepifyin' that you two are gettin' along so well."

"As I said before, she makes good coffee. Gorram, Mal, you're readin' too far inta things."

"It is Captain Daddy's job," River sing-songed. She hugged Mal and he tried to frown, failing miserably. "So paranoid."

Inara laughed. "Come along, Mei-Mei, time for shopping."

River nodded excitedly and Kaylee squealed once more. "Shiny. Wait for me."

Mal rolled his eyes as the three women bounded off towards the different shops. Wash shook his head. "So glad my wife isn't that girly."

Jayne snorted. "Inara and Kaylee may be girl, but River ain't. I mean, she kills Reaver's an' beats people up. How girly is'at?"

"Yes, this is true, but she's still girly, er womany. Whatever you wanta call it," Mal said as they headed toward the bar they were meeting Badger at. There was a distinct hop in Jayne's step. "What are you s'darn happy about?"

"Do you really have to ask, Sir?" Zoe said as they entered the bar. Mal rolled his eyes. "Ah, yes, trim an' alcohol. Well, that'll haveta wait until after our meeting with Badger."

They found Badger in one of the larger booths at the back of the bar. Though he seemed to be alone, the four knew better than to believe such. Badger's men were definitely there. As they all settled into the booth, Badger looked at Jayne and snickered, "Nice hat."

Jayne let the barb slide, instead saying, "Some people happen ta think I look rather charming in it."

Badger raised an eyebrow, but didn't respond, instead turning back to Mal. "I got some property needs moving to some townfolk over on Kerry. You feelin' up to it?"

Mal noticed Jayne tense, but decided to wait until after the meeting to address it. "A'course."

"Good, got some people out there that are willing to pay big for what I'm shipping, and I'm willing to pay a little more than usual to get rid of it."

"I bet it's black market beagles," Wash whispered to Zoe, who couldn't help snickering slightly. Badger stared at the pilot, wondering if there wasn't something wrong with him. Mal sent Wash a warning look, causing Zoe and Wash to straighten up and wipe the grins off their faces. He turned back to Badger and was about to ask him how much he was willing to pay when he notcied that Badger was staring off towards a nearby table. "Ain't that your lit'le friend over there. She done changed since I last seen her. Pretty lit'le thing, she is."

"Who-" Mal broke off when he noticed Kaylee, Inara, and more importantly River sitting at the table, giggling. River took a shot of what was obviously hard liquor and wrinkled her nose, sticking out her tongue. Inara and Kaylee giggled harder.

"What the Gorram hell?"

Zoe sighed. "I'll take care of it, Sir." She sauntered over and Mal, feeling the situation would be resolved shortly, turned back to Badger, who was still eying River intently. Before Mal could say anything, Wash asked in a rather rough voice, "What do you think you're looking at?"

"I forgot you all are touchy when it comes to your women," Badger said, and changed back to the subject of the cargo. They had been talking for nearly an hour when Wash said suddenly, "Uh, Mal, they haven't left."

Mal looked over at him in confusion and Wash pointed over at the table. All four women, were completely drunk and they were attracting lots of attention from the men surrounding them. "This is so not good."

"Since when does River drink?" Jayne asked, fascinated. Wash and Mal stared at him. Wash spoke first. "Who cares, she shouldn't be. None of them should be drunk in here."

"So, River, you started checking out men yet?" Zoe asked. River giggled. "Of course, but have not found one to my liking." She felt so loose, so relaxed. The alcohol clouded her mind and stifled the opressively loud emotions of everyone. It was oddly soothing. "I should get drunk more often," she slurred, holding up her empty shot glass to stare at the bottom of it, closing one eye, as she swayed back and forth. Zoe nearly spit out her drink and let her head fall on the table as she laughed. "Simon is so going to ruttin' kill us!" Kaylee wailed in laughter as she watched River fill her shot glass till it was overflowing, sticking her tongue out in concetration.

That made them all laugh harder. "He's such a priss," River snorted. Kaylee snorted with laughter as well. "He really is!"

Even Inara was laughing hysterically, slamming her hand down on the table. River grabbed a bottle of whiskey off of the serving tray one of the waitresses was carrying and began to chug straight from the bottle. Kaylee gaped at her. "You sure you ain't drank anythin' before?"

River slammed the bottle down and nodded. "First time."

"Ya'll seein' this?" Jayne asked incredulously as he watched River chug from the bottle of whiskey. "Ta ma de," Wash gasped, "she drinks like you."

"Yeah she does," Jayne said, annoyed at how the thought turned him on slightly. Jayne tensed as a young, yet rough looking man approached the table, leaning close to River. River glanced over at the man in amusement while Zoe, Inara, and Kaylee tried to stifle their laughs. He was obviously hitting on River and not doing a very good job as River herself burst into mocking laughter. The young man bristled for only a second, but continued, trailing a finger down the bare skin of her arm. Jayne slammed his hat down on the table and before he could think, he was on his feet, storming towards the table. Zoe and Kaylee were the first to see him coming. Zoe raised an eyebrow and Kaylee's eyes widened. "Sir, I'd stop that if I were you."

"Why?" the young man asked, leering down at River. "She don't mind much."

River began laughing harder. "You're not very bright."

"Oh honey, I'm bright."

"But not bright enough to know you're not getting anywhere with me," she replied, drinking from the bottle of whiskey. He suddenly frowned and grabbed her arm roughly. River stopped, mid drink and turned slowly to meet his gaze, her eyebrow raised. The young man opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off when something yanked him up by the throat. "You better not be tryin' ta do what I'm thinkin' you're tryin' ta do, you piece a go se."

River looked up in surprise. Jayne was holding the man up at eye level and the man's feet were dangling in the air. The man looked at Jayne, panic in his eyes as he tried to think of something to say. Jayne's glare deepened. "Well?"

"I was just seein' if she wanted to have some fun-"

"Fun," Jayne repeated, his voice sounding angrier and angrier by the second, "She done told you she din't wanna have any Gorram fun with yer dirty pi gu. Which is why I'm more'n a little concerned with you're touchin' her still."

"I-I-"

Kaylee and Inara looked around nervously. People were staring and the bar had fallen into nearly complete silence. Even Zoe seemed somewhat nervous, but she was quite certain no one would attack because Jayne, she had to admit, was angrier than she'd ever seen him and she also had to admit, it scared her. River however, was watching Jayne intently, her head cocked to one side, no longer seemingly as drunk as before, though all four women had sobered up some once the scene had begun to play out.

"You don't touch her again, Dong ma?" Jayne snapped, "she's off limits."

He tossed the guys aside easily and stepped closer to River, turning to glare at every single man that he had seen looking at her in a more than friendly matter. "What in ruttin' hell are all you hundans lookin' at?! You got a problem?"

Every single person in the bar averted their gaze quickly. Jayne glared down at River. "What do you gotta say for yourself, you ruttin' idiot?"

River smiled, trying to focus on him once more and held out the bottle to him. "Sit."

Inara and Zoe watched in amusement as Jayne did as River told him to, huffing slightly.

"You ought not be here, Moonbrain. You an' Kaylee shouldn't be in a place like this. 'Nara neither. Nothing but a bunch a dirty folk in here," he muttered as he drank from the bottle. River frowned at him, her bottom lip poking out in a pout. "We can take care of ourselves."

"Yeah," Kaylee agreed, forgetting what had just happened in her drunken state.

Inara and Zoe watched Jayne closely, exchanging a quick glance. Jayne rolled his eyes, "Look, you bunch a' drunks, I ain't got no problem with you all gettin' wasted, but I ain't gonna bail you out ev'rytime some lecherous ol' hump comes over an' starts gettin' all up on you."

River smirked defiantly at him. "Who said we expect you to? Who says we want you to?"

Before Jayne could reply, River turned to Kaylee suddenly, swaying back and forth once more as she talked. "Kay..." she hiccupped and Jayne raised an eyebrow. "Kaylee," River said, trying to be serious. Inara and Zoe began to laugh again. Jayne stared at the group. How much had they had to drink? "Kaylee," River said again, as if trying to get her attention, although, Kaylee was indeed paying attention. It was clear that River and Kaylee were the most drunk. Zoe and Inara were close to tears, they were laughing so hard.

River took a deep breath. "Kaylee," she said slowly, then in a quick rush. "is it normal to want to have sex when one is drunk?"

Jayne couldn't help it. That was the last thing he expected River to say. He was aware that his jaw had dropped open in shock, but he couldn't seem to close his mouth. Inara and Zoe were now crying. Kaylee sighed in relief. "An' here I thought I was the only one."

"I'm so glad Inara bought me a toy today," River said, grabbing the bottle from Jayne angrily. "It's not nice to take things from people." She had completely forgotten she had given it to him. "Toy?" Jayne managed to get out. River nodded. She was babbling. "Yes, like the kind Kaylee has. I would go home right now to use it, but my legs are funny for some reason."

"River," Inara hissed, "probably not the best idea to talk about sex in front of Jayne."

River made a face. "Why'sat? We're all adults here."

"Toy?" Jaybe repeated, unable to get past that little tidbit. He didn't know whether he was turned on by the idea of her masturbating or mortified at being turned on. He decided both. River looked at him as if he were an idiot. "Yes, that is what she said. A toy."

She frowned up at him. "Did you buy me a present?"

"Huh?" he asked. He looked around at the rest of them, but they seemed just as confused as him. "What do you want a present for?"

"Because they're nice. I like presents." River bumped into him as another fit of drunken swaying overcame her.

"What the hell is goin' on here?"

The five of them turned to find an extremely annoyed Mal and confused Wash standing next to their table. River fell into Jayne's shoulder and smiled up at them. "Hi!"

"Hi," Mal said slowly. He turned to Inara and Zoe. "You two bein' the most responsible of the group, why is River here, drunk?"

"I'm not drunk," River protested, then promptly turned to Kaylee and whispered too loudly, "I am so drunk!"

Inara and Zoe had been trying hard to look serious, and up until that point had been doing a somewhat decent job. But once River had spoken their faces crumbled and they began laughing. Mal frowned. "Why's this so funny? I don't see what's so funny!" He turned to Wash. "Do you see what's so funny?" Wash shook his head. "Not really, Mal."

Jayne stared down at River, who was trying hard to stop swaying, her hands gripping the table tightly. "I think it's kinda funny. Ain't every day you see the Moonbrain drunk."

"I'm sleepy, but I still want sex," River said and Mal and Wash's faces slowly contorted into looks of horror and disgust as what she had said began to register in their minds. "River, no. Sex is bad. We don't talk about sex," Wash yelped. Mal glared down at her sternly. "You best stop thinkin' that way. Ain't nobody here wantin' to hear you talk about sex-"

"Captain Daddy and Ge Ge Wash are being prude," River groaned, turning to Jayne. "Where is my present?"

Before Jayne could ask what the hell she was talking about, River began to grope at him rather clumsily. He jumped away quickly, and River began to topple over. Jayne grabbed her, steadying her. "Are you ever drunk!"

River swayed into him. "Yes, she is very inebriated."

Jayne rolled his eyes as he lifted her up into his arms, wrapping one arm around her waist as he wrapped the other one under her legs and lifted her with ease. Leave it to River to use big words while drunk. "Let's get you home, Woman."

River lazily, wrapped her own arms around his neck and let her head loll against his shoulder. "You are very strong."

"I'm glad you noticed," Jayne snapped sarcastically, unnerved at the feel of her tiny form curled into his chest. Wash grabbed a hold of Zoe, helping her walk as Mal grabbed onto both Inara and Kaylee.

"Simon is going to be so mad at me," River giggled into Jayne's neck. "I wonder if he'll pass out."

Jayne chuckled. "That'd be fun ta see."

"Mmm," River sighed into his neck, nuzzling him unconsciously. The action made him stiffen slightly. "Quit it, Moonbrain."

River didn't answer. She had already passed out. Jayne groaned. Boy was he gonna have a time of it explaining this to the Doc.

go se: shit

mei-mei: little sister

dong ma: understand

hun dan: bastard

ge ge: big brother

reviews por favor!