Thanks so much for those of you who are reading this! And a great big thanks to the few of you who reviewed. Not to sound ungrateful but I was a little surprised at the few number of reviewers only because I got so many hits so I hope that some of you silent readers could leave a few words...they truly are really helpful to writers. But again thanks so much for reading especially because this is kind of depressing. Here is the first official stage: Denial.
1. Denial
"Not today Taylor, I'm not really in the mood," Sharpay stood in the doorway of her very spacious house, refusing to let her best friend in.
"Are you sure? Because we haven't gone for coffee in a while," Taylor replied as she stood outside; coffee was practically a daily occurrence for the two best friends and it had been for years.
"I've just got other things to do today, maybe some other time," Sharpay went on to close the door but Taylor held it open with her hand, just barely avoiding it getting slammed in the door.
"You're not even going to invite me in?" She questioned innocently.
"Like I said, it's not really a good time."
"Well, when is it a good time? I call you like everyday and you don't answer my calls. Or if you do answer you make up some excuse and say you'll call back but you never do Sharpay."
Sharpay shrugged, lying was taking up so much of her energy, "I've been busy."
"With what? You don't do anything, you don't talk to anyone. I know that you aren't talking to Kelsi or Martha or your friends from work. You just sit at home, when was the last time you left your house?"
"I have to go, Emma's calling me," Sharpay began; she didn't want to hear it, not from Taylor, not from anyone.
"I don't hear anything," Taylor put her hands on her hips; she was trying so hard not to back down on this. She was so worried about her best friend, they all were.
"She's sick, a really bad fever. I'll talk to you later, I promise," And with that Sharpay slammed the door in her best friend's face without a second thought.
Taylor sighed and walked back to her car, once she had pulled out of the driveway she pulled out her cell phone, "No go."
"That's what I was afraid of," Troy sighed as he pulled his SUV into his own parents' driveway. "Hey listen, thanks for trying."
"You're welcome; I just wish that I would have been able to get her out of the house."
"I thought it was getting better…"
"Troy, it'll be alright, she'll come around in her own time."
"I'm not sure; I've never seen her like this."
"Trust me, she's just going through a hard time, she's grieving."
"I know."
"How are you? How are you doing? I know this is hard on you too."
"I'm alright; I'm just worried about Sharpay." He was just as upset as his wife was but he didn't have the luxury of isolating himself from everyone around him. He did have another child who at least needed one functioning parent; he had to be there for Emma.
"You're a wonderful husband, she loves you, you know."
"I know. Listen I'm picking Emma up from my parents' house so I'll talk to you later. Thanks again."
"Wait, you're picking up Emma? Sharpay said that she was sick."
"Is that what she told you?," Troy sighed, "I'm so sorry."
"Its alright, I guess she really wanted me to get out of there," Taylor forced an awkward laugh.
"At least she acknowledged the fact that she has another child even if it was one of her many, many excuses."
"Troy," Taylor began, she felt so bad for her friends but she didn't know how to make it better. And it was killing her, she was the go to friend for advice but now she couldn't do anything to help and it just made her feel so completely hopeless.
"It's alright, Tay but look, I've really got to go."
"Call us if you need anything, Chad and I are here for you."
"I know, thanks," Troy threw down his phone before running a hand through his unkempt hair; he thought for sure that if Taylor came to the house Sharpay would have gone out with her. Boy was he was wrong; Sharpay hadn't left the house since their son's funeral. He was beyond worried about her but she barely talked, even to him.
Sharpay climbed down the stairs after a little afternoon nap; she had been taking more and more of those lately. She could hear voices coming from the kitchen which was her future destination.
"Hi," Troy greeted Sharpay as he took their two year old daughter, Emma, out of her high chair.
Sharpay acknowledged them both with a nod of the head before opening up the wine cooler that stood next to their walk in pantry. She grabbed the first bottle of wine that caught her eye.
"I thought we were saving that for a special occasion."
Sharpay shrugged as she grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets.
"Are you sure that's a good idea? You haven't eaten anything today have you?"
"You know, the last time I checked was a grown woman so I really don't think that you need to make any decisions for me."
"Sharpay, I wasn't trying….I was just saying," Troy sighed; this was hopeless and was only going to end in an argument if he continued to talk. Sharpay didn't want to hear anything that he said these days or from anybody else for that matter.
"Mommy," Emma tugged on Sharpay's pajama bottoms, she wanted to show her the new doll that her grandparents gave her.
"I'm going upstairs," Sharpay not only grabbed her glass of wine but the whole bottle too.
Troy frowned as he saw the disappointed look on his toddler's little face. He bent down and picked her up, "Mommy's not feeling well princess."
"No Mommy's sad," Emma said as she wrapped her arms around Troy's neck.
"Mommy's sad?" Troy questioned as Emma nodded, his little girl was so perceptive.
"She miss my broder!"
Troy swallowed hard and felt a tear come to the surface, "Yeah she misses Justin a lot."
"Me too, I miss broder."
"I miss him too," Troy hugged Emma closer, needing to feel the warmth his child. "But we're going to be alright, we are."
"Cookie Daddy?" Emma asked as she lifted her head up and smiled.
"Yes you can have…."
"Troy!" Sharpay's shriek from upstairs stopped Troy from what he was going to say.
He grabbed one of the homemade cookies that his mom had sent when he picked up Emma. Troy promised Emma that she could have a cookie if she ate all of her lunch, which she did. "You want to watch a movie while Daddy goes to see what Mommy wants."
"Yeah I wuv da movies," Emma mumbled as she nibbled on a bite of cookie.
Troy chuckled; Emma really was his only ray of sunshine right now. He would never forgive himself if he let her down, she needed him right now. He carried her to the family room and placed her down on the couch before turning on the T.V. and simply pressing 'play.' There was always a children's movie in their DVD player. "I'll be back soon princess, be careful with that cookie." He didn't know why he said that, he didn't really care if she was messy. It was Sharpay who was the neat freak; she hated finding crumbs in the cushions. But these days there could have been a million crumbs all over the couch and Sharpay wouldn't have noticed one bit.
"Otay Daddy," Emma had already focused her eyes on the T.V.
Troy gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before running up the stairs to see what Sharpay wanted. "Pay, where are you?"
"In here," in here meant their son's room, Sharpay didn't dare utter his name.
"What's the matter?" Troy asked as he walked into the room.
"What the hell is this?" Sharpay was sitting in the middle of the room and next to her were several brown boxes. One of them was filled with stuffed animals and toys.
"I started packing up his things," sometimes it was even hard for Troy to say his name.
"How could you do that?" Sharpay was beyond furious.
"We said before that we were going to pack everything up and possibly give away some stuff."
"Well I changed my mind; I want everything to stay where it was!"
"Sharpay," Troy began, he had a feeling that this might happen. He was hoping to get everything done before she even found out, hoping to spare her from more heartache.
"No," Sharpay interrupted him. "I swear to God Troy if you touch anything else in here, I'll…" Sharpay trailed off as she closed her eyes.
"You'll what?" Troy questioned as he crossed his arms against his chest.
"Just get out," Sharpay began to take out the toys from the box.
"Fine, if you want everything to stay, we'll keep it all. I'll help you ok."
"I don't want your help," Sharpay spat.
"I did it, I'll help put them back," Troy bent down next to her and reached into the open box. He was trying his best to stay calm and be supportive of his wife but moments like these made it pretty difficult.
"Stop!" Sharpay swatted his hand away hard; it hit Sharpay's glass of wine which spilled onto of the stuffed animals that Sharpay just recently took out. "Oh my god! Look at what you've done!"
"Sharpay relax, it's just a bear honey."
"It's not just a bear! It's his favorite stuffed animal, he's going to be so upset that it's ruined!"
"Sharpay," Troy stared at her for a moment as she wiped the bear against her pants, furiously trying to get the dark red stain out. "Sharpay," he said firmly as he grabbed the bear from her frail hands. "You need to stop this."
"Stop what? I'm just trying to make it better, he hates it when his toys get all messed up, you know that!"
"Sharpay, Justin's not going to be upset because…"
"Stop," Sharpay frowned, "just stop right now." She pulled her hands back.
"He's gone Sharpay and he's never coming back."
"Go to Hell!" Sharpay stood up and stormed out of the room.
Troy cringed when he heard their bedroom door slam. Her anger still didn't stop him from barging into the room. "I'm sorry alright Sharpay but you've got to snap out of it."
"I so don't want to talk to you right now," Sharpay sat at the bay window, staring out at their huge backyard.
"Fine you don't have to talk, just listen." Sharpay ignored him. "I know that you're hurting but you're not the only one. I'm upset too, I lost him too. But you're pushing everyone away; you're isolating yourself from all of our family and friends. I know that you go into his room at night Sharpay. I know how you feel but…."
"Feel? You know how I feel?" Sharpay spun around to face him. "You don't know a damn thing about how I feel."
"He was my son too Damnit!"
"I never said he wasn't! But you didn't carry him for nine months, you didn't feel his midnight kicks, you didn't nurse him. He came to me when he got hurt, we had morning snuggles when you were at work. I was everything to him, that's what a mother is to her child!"
"I know that what you had with him is special."
"Have! What I have with him is special!"
"What about Emma? Didn't you do all of these things with Emma too?"
"Yeah so what."
"Well she still needs them; she's only two for Christ sake! She still needs a mother, I can't do it all. Do you know how much she wants you back in her life? You have another child and she needs you desperately! She doesn't understand what's going on."
"How can I help her if I don't even understand how the hell this could have happened? I can't believe that this is my life! You think I want to feel this way, to live like this every day? Well I don't but I don't have a choice, no matter what I do I can't feel better."
"I'm always here for you Sharpay, I want to make you feel better, that's all I want Pay."
"It's not enough," Sharpay cried. "Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and never open them again. It would just be so much easier if I never woke up."
"I can't believe that you just said that," Troy sucked in a deep breath before wiping his sad eyes.
"I'm sorry but its how I feel, deal with it alright! I do everyday when I open my eyes and he's still not here. I just want to open my eyes and have him staring right at me with his big blue eyes and that beautiful smile."
"He's always going to be with us Pay, he's not here physically but he'll always be in our hearts."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because that's such a load of bullshit."
"You know what? I just…I don't know what to do anymore; maybe you should see a therapist. I want to help you, I really do but I don't know how."
"You want to help me? Then give me back my son!"