Revenge of the Poke-Rangers
Sequel to Curse of the Poke-Rangers
By Ryan Edgerton
The Story So Far...
The Poke-verse has never seen a greater threat. Never has a more dangerous, more hugely powerful, more ironically marketable foe ever been faced. Imagine the Power Rangers with Pokemon powers, Pokemon giant robots, and a stinkin' big multi-mode giant Pokemon warrior robot. Team Rocket flunked the test against these 'Poke-Rangers', an army of gym leaders barely escaped with their lives, and not even formal protests had any effect! Can anything stop these five multi-colored terrors?
Ash seems to think so.
However, there are still many questions to be answered. Was it Misty who brought the Poke-Rangers here somehow? Or is some larger force at work here? As Giovanni goes in for round two against the Poke-Rangers, Ash has headed off to some unknown location...
And this is where our story continues.
Chapter1- Bio-Genetic Backup
"Hello? Anybody home?" Ash shouted. He was in a long series of dark caves, feeling his way around in the darkness. Suddenly, he accidentally stepped on Pikachu's head and the little rodent shocked him in blind retaliation, momentarily illuminating the dark caverns ahead. What he saw freaked him out so much Ash stained his pants yellow.
"What do you want? How did you find me?" Mewtwo asked, lighting up the caverns with his psy-powers.
"I figured out that even bio-genetically engineered Pokemon need to buy toilet paper." Ash explained. "I just followed the delivery truck to the Unknown Dungeon."
"Drat." Mewtwo exclaimed, then got angry. "I thought those Shop-Rite people said they'd keep quiet about this! OK, jerk, you've found my hideout. Now what do you want."
"Out of curiosity, do you also get the news down here?" Ash inquired.
"No, why?"
"Oh, nothing really important." Ash shrugged. "Only that there's these five super-powerful Poke-Rangers on the loose and they're dead-set at destroying the world and enslaving the human race."
"Sounds like my kind of people."
"I thought you were a good guy now." Ash exclaimed.
"I am, but in order to control my violent, take-over-the-world urges have to play a lot of games like Stratego and Command & Conquer in order to properly curb my maniacal instincts. And let me tell you something: that Mew cheats!"
"Command & Conquer? That's the best game in existence!" Ash exclaimed.
"Yeah, no kidding. But to be honest, I wouldn't mind a real-life challenge every now and then." Mewtwo stated. "Let me guess: you want me to stop those Poke-Rangers for you and save the world, right?"
"How did you know?"
Mewtwo shrugged.
"Lucky guess."
"First things first." Ash stated. "I'll need your help to get Lugia and the legendary birds on our side. Then maybe we can beat the Poke-Rangers."
"What's a Lugia?" Mewtwo inquired. "Sounds green and slimy."
"Hey," Red suddenly spoke up. "I think I see something out there."
The Rangers all around him were busy playing computer games on their various consoles, and looked up as Red spoke. Suddenly, a 'game over' sound came from Pink's console. She looked disbelievingly at the screen, then turned to Red in blind rage.
"This better be good, Marco! You just ruined my game of Poke-Rangers, the RPG! And I was about to beat King Darkhead and everything, you... you insensitive twit!"
"You're playing our own computer game?" Blue muttered, then thought to himself. 'Now that's pathetic. At least Neo-Pong is more original.'
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I see something out there." Red stated, ignoring Pink's remarks. "Looks like the Death Star, only a lot smaller."
"Didn't we already blow that up?" Green inquired.
"Three times." Yellow replied. "Let's give this thing a scan to find out what it is."
"OK, scanners show that... well well! It looks like our friends from Team Rocket are back, and their blaring some kind of music through a primitive speaker system."
"Prepare your extra-large selves for trouble!" Cassidy and Jessie shouted together, black rocket launchers with TR's logo inscribed in red down the sides of them locked and loaded on their shoulders.
"And this time you can make it more than a double!" Butch and James shouted, manning a mortar and loading shells.
"Could you idiots shut up already?!" Giovanni thundered over his orb's speaker system. Then he addressed the rest of his army. "OK, here's how we're going to do this. Everybody fire all at once and with everything you've got, but wait for my signal."
"Yes Boss." Came the unanimous response from the army of heavily-armed Rockets. Giovanni nodded in approval, then addressed the Poke-Rangers.
"We meet again, Poke-Rangers." He stated. "You may have defeated me before, but I believe this time will be quite different."
"He's up to something." Yellow stated, meditating in her seat. "I can feel it."
"So what if he is?" Blue stated. "We beat him up once before, and we'll do it again, only this time more-so!"
"I've been doing a little research on you Poke-Rangers." Giovanni stated calmly. "And I've noticed that you pride yourselves on being the greatest fighters around." He smirked evilly before continuing. "Come now, anyone can wreak massive destruction using a giant robot that evolves on demand. I wish to issue a challenge to you five; if you're so powerful, I dare you to face my mighty army *without* those robots of yours."
That got a reaction out of the Rangers. Appearing on the megazord's head, all five Rangers looked ready for a fight. Giovanni switched off the speaker system.
"Fools." He muttered.
"Hey, I think they're saying something." Jessie noted.
"If that's the challenge you're throwing at us, prepare yourself for trouble!" Red stated.
"Make that a Poke-Rangers double!" Pink and Yellow said together.
"We'll reduce you to rubble." Blue and Green added.
"Oh (censored) no! Not them too!" Giovanni groaned, annoyed. "Why did I ever write that stupid motto?"
"Red!"
"Green!"
"Blue!"
"Pink!"
"Yellow!"
"Poke-Rangers; see the rainbow." James muttered.
"Poke-Rangers kick butt at the speed of... something really fast!" Red shouted.
"Give up now, you'll never last." Yellow and Pink added.
"And... something else that rhymes with fast and last!" Green stated.
"How about 'blast'?" Butch proposed as he fired the mortar. "Eat this, amateurs!"
"Open fire!" Giovanni instructed, switching the speakers back on. He switched them back off, then leaned back in his chair with Persian at his side. "This could well turn out to be my best diabolical plan yet. If I destroy the Poke-Rangers, I'll become a world-renowned hero, and soon enough they'll practically GIVE me the world."
He laughed evilly. And laughed some more. And laughed some more. And some more. And them he laughed evilly all over again.
'How did I get stuck with this psycho?' Persian wondered to itself.
While Giovanni engaged the Poke-Rangers half the Poke-world away, Ash was busy out in the Orange Islands. He'd come here to find Lugia and get some serious backup. As it turns out, he was having enough trouble keeping Mewtwo's hands out of the extra-large bag of Skittles he'd bought when he was at that Shop-Rite.
"Haven't you had enough?" Ash muttered as Mewtwo downed another handful. Mewtwo's mouth had rainbow colors smeared all over and the Pokemon's hands were full of sticky Skittles residue. Mew shook it's head in disgrace. "With the number of those things you've eaten so far it probably won't be long before you throw up."
"What are you, my mother?" Mewtwo chastised, grabbing another handful. "Besides, I'm probably close to breaking the world record by now; there's no way I'm gonna stop until I do."
Mew rolled it's eyes as the foursome walked down the paths towards where Melody lived.
Suddenly, Mewtwo's face went green. His eyes spun has he tried desperately to hold back, even using his own Psy powers to try to fight the rush of undescribable mush that was forcing it's way up his throat muscle by muscle.
Pikachu never even saw it coming.
"Eeewwwwwwwwwww!" Ash exclaimed in total disgust. At least five quarts if not more of rainbow-colored chunks now covered Pikachu's entire body, at least a hundred or so whole Skittles scattered about the mix. The smell was so strong it could make a Vileplume collapse: imagine rotting fish mixed with beans-and-cabbage mega-fart, a hardy helping of heavily skunked Limburger cheese, a half-dozen worm-eaten rotten eggs, and just to top it all off the odor held the inescapable smell of half-digested sugar products in mass quantities.
Needless to say, Pikachu was NOT happy. Mew used it's powers to teleport most of the gunk away, but Pikachu would probably never smell right again. Mewtwo, barf dripping down his chest and stomach, little pieces still hanging out of his mouth, lay there on the ground, recovering.
Chapter2- Lugia
Deep beneath the surface of the ocean, there rested a legendary bird like none other. It was a champion amongst legendary Pokemon, the only creature that kept the other three legendary birds at balance. It was powerful, it was ancient, and it nonetheless had psy powers that made an Alakazam look like a wimp.
It also had a really dumb name.
'Lugia,...' It thought to itself as it flew through the waters. 'What kind of brain dead idiot gave me this name? I mean, look at me! I'm supposed to be the ultimate legendary bird, and yet my name screams 'legendary bird of the lugie'. I mean, do I *look* like a hacked-up bugger? Who's idea was that, anyway??'
Blame the people who translated your name into English.
'OK, I will.'
"Is he awake yet??" Ash inquired. They were finally at Melody's house, with Mewtwo laid out on a cot nearby. Ash was busy scrubbing Pikachu with soap and water, which the rodent considered a welcome relief from being super-soaker-ed by the contents of Mewtwo's digestive parts, and Mew was busy bouncing around on a pink bubble as Melody giggled in amusement. Mewtwo still had a few stray chunks clinging to him in places and was now completely unconscious. Ash had had to drag the overly-heavy Pokemon for half a mile before they reached Melody's house, and Ash was sure that his arms were going to fall off soon.
"Not yet." Grumbled Melody's old grandpa. He turned to Ash, a Poke-ball in hand. "C'mon, just let me catch him already!"
"No." Ash replied, scrubbing Pikachu's back. "Do you have any idea what he'd do to you when he woke up? For starters, he'd tear that Pokeball apart from the inside-out!"
"Aw, fooey! If you hadn't saved us all from the legendary birds I'd have every reason in the world to-"
"Grandpa!" Melody chastised.
"Red Flame Thrower!"
"Green Vine Whip!"
"Blue Shell Chain!"
"Yellow Defibulators!"
"Pink Microphone!"
The Rangers' weapons materialized in their hands, suddenly making the five seem much more dangerous. Red, as expected, had a Flamethrower mounted on his shoulder, Green had a vine-shaped razor-pointed whip in his hands, Blue had what looked like a flail with the ball part designed like a Squirtle's shell, Yellow had a pair of those things doctors used to electrically revive people, and Pink had, you guessed it, a pretty normal-looking microphone.
Suddenly, Team Rocket seemed a little less powerful.
Nonetheless, the battle began. The Rockets fired off missiles like crazy, but Yellow destroyed each one with a sudden storm of electricity. James and Butch, along with a few others, fired off their mortars, but the Rangers dodged at the last second, getting stylishly close to destruction but not quite. Blue aimed his flail at a mass of Rockets, the chain suddenly extending for a father strike. It shattered one mortar, then it's many spikes shot off like little missiles to destroy two others. Red unleashed the full power of his flamethrower, setting off Rocket ammunition left and right with massive explosions. Green busied himself whipping a few Rockets who had made the mistake of coming to close into shape.
It wasn't until Pink decided to use her weapon that the battle truly became hopeless.
We all know how the song goes. We all know what it does to anyone who hears it. Only difference was...
... this time it had lyrics.
"... This is my song, listen to my sweet song,..."
"Aahh!" Giovanni exclaimed, rushing over to the shut-off button for the speaker system, getting more and more sleepy the closer he got. Behind him, Persian curled up for a nap.
After a trip to the Pokemon center, Ash and co. were finally back on their way towards locating Lugia. After renting a boat and paddling out to where Mewtwo said Lugia was, it was at last time to put Ash's desperate plan to save the world into action.
"And what if he doesn't wanna help us?" Mewtwo inquired.
"Lugia knows me. He'll listen."
"I know you too, and I still think you're just a twelve year old kid with a big mouth, a big head, and an untrained Charizard. What if he asks what's in it for him?"
"Offer him some Skittles." Melody suggested.
"Oh no, you are not giving that overblown parakeet my candy!" Mewtwo stated, holding the bag of Skittles out of Ash's reach.
"You haven't been eating any of them, have you?" Ash probed.
"Nope."
"Oh really?" Melody inquired. "And what's that smudge of green on the corner of your mouth?"
"OK, OK, I'll give him a few, but not the whole thing." Mewtwo replied, caught in the act. He and Mew dove beneath the surface, forming bubbles around themselves to keep the water out.
It wasn't that long before they found Lugia. Actually, Lugia was more or less waiting for them just below the boat. With a sudden blast of speed it snatched the extra-mega-jumbo size bag of Skittles out of Mewtwo's hands and disappeared off into the dark waters.
"Hey!" Mewtwo exclaimed. "Come back here with my Skittles, you thief!"
"You'll have to catch me first." Lugia replied.
"Just watch me!" Mewtwo shouted, shooting off after Lugia.
Mew shook it's head in disgrace as a trail of multi-colored water drifted by.
"You may have defeated my army," Giovanni thundered through the speaker system. "But you won't find me so easy to get the upper hand on!"
With that, he slammed his fist down on a button labeled 'weapons mode', causing all kinds of weaponry to pop out all over the semi-large orb. The weapons literally covered every square inch on the ship.
"Dude..." Blue stated. "I'm almost impressed. Cool."
"Almost impressed?!" Giovanni raged. "I'll teach you punks some respect!"
"Yeah, you and every other evil supervillain we've ever come across." Red stated. "You haven't figured it out yet? WE ARE INVINCIBLE!"
"Bull(censored)!" Giovanni retorted, taking aim with his weapons.
"Ewwe..." Mewtwo mumbled at he held the bag of dripping Skittles at a distance. He leveled a look at Lugia. "Thanks a lot, 'lugie-a'. Now they're all wet."
"Hey, I don't mind wet food." Lugia replied, hovering in the air nearby the boat.
"You want it? You can have it." Mewtwo tossed the bag to Lugia, who caught it with it's talons and began to put large clusters of wet candy into it's mouth.
'That's just great.' Ash thought to himself. 'First Mewtwo, now Lugia. I don't even want to see what kind of vomit Lugia's capable of.'
Pikachu ducked under one of the boat's wooden seats for cover, just in case.
"So you think you could help us against the Poke-Rangers?" Melody inquired of the large white and purple bird.
"We're gonna need all the help we can get." Ash stated.
"Can you get me more Skittles?" Lugia inquired.
Pikachu grimaced at the thought.
"Can you get us Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres?" Ash replied.
"Deal." Lugia said through a mouthful of wet sugar and various artificials.
Giovanni's orb-ship opened fire with everything it had. Explosions covered the landscape as every kind of bomb, missile, bullet, grenade, explosive, and energy weapon ever invented lashed out at the Rangers. Soon enough, nothing more could be seen of the Rangers behind the force of the explosions. Giovanni laughed in the maniacal way.
Suddenly, though, a thick line of flames emerged from amidst the explosions, striking a grenade launcher on the outer hull of the ship and causing a big explosion that spread over the ship like a wildfire. Every weapon it touched exploded into flames, making the ship suddenly look like a hovering comet. Giovanni's jaw dropped as Red Alert systems sounded all around him.
"What the-! This... this isn't possible! I must have hit those Rangers with sixty-thousand tons of explosive weapons; how could they possibly be alive???"
The screen in front of him began to get all static as the area where the Poke-Rangers were cleared of explosions. Each of the Rangers held in their hands a Poke-ball that was white plus their color, and the little capture button on each Pokeball was glowing a whitish-blue type color, surrounding the Rangers each with their own personal energy shield. Giovanni groaned in frustrated annoyance.
"Oh, for the love of sanity! Can't they be any more cliche?"
Giovanni opened a nearby drawer, took out a bottle of aspirin, and downed a couple dozen pills. The ship falling apart all around him and Persian resting peacefully in his lap (still napping), Giovanni hit the last two functioning buttons on the console.
One was labeled Escape Pod, the other was Self-Destruct. A glass-like shield suddenly sprung into existence around Giovanni's chair as a hole appeared in the ceiling overhead.
"I need a vacation..." With that, the chair suddenly shot through the hole on rocket boosters as the ship all around him began to explode. "Maybe somewhere nice and isolated, like Panama or El Salvador."
"Ya all come back now, ya hear!" Pink shouted as Giovanni's rocket chair flew off into the night, doing her best Western impression. "What a nice guy. Best challenger we've had in weeks."
"But nobody can beat..." Red held his Pokeball up dramatically.
"POKE-RANGERS!" The others shouted in unison.
"... So,..." Blue thought out loud. "Where do we go from here?"
"Down." Replied a masculine voice out of the shadows.
"I'm picking up anti-Poke-Rangers karma nearby." Yellow said, her fingers pressed against her temples.
"No duh." Green stated, then looked out into the shadows that likely concealed the unknown personage(s). "OK, come on out here so we can kick your butts, too."
"Why should we?" Replied a rather rough-tough masculine voice.
"The bad guys always have to emerge dramatically out of the unknown, all concealing shadows and tell the audience who they are." Pink replied. "It's the best way to preserve mysterious apprehension while also giving the audience enough information to keep their attention."
"But we're not bad guys, you little whipper-snappers." Replied a very old, feminine voice.
"You gotta come out of those shadows sooner or later, so why not make it now?" Red suggested.
"Maybe we don't feel like it." Replied a younger female voice.
"But,... if you never come out of the shadows, how are we supposed to figure out who you are??" Blue pleaded.
While the Poke-Rangers were engaged in conversation, a Dragonite overhead prepared to drop it's heavy payload: a Snorlax. Even Dragonite was having trouble carrying the megaton Pokemon for much longer, and with relief it let loose it's cargo on the five rainbow-colored targets below. Snorlax fell thought dead air, headed straight for the Poke-Rangers.
"C'mon! You gotta tell us who you people are! It's not fair if you don't!" Pink wailed.
"OK, shut your mouth." Replied the first of the voices. "We'll tell you in a minute, just let us get good and ready."
At that exact moment, Snorlax hit. The five Rangers disappeared beneath it's lard-filled frame.
"Good shot, Dragonite." Lance gave his Pokemon a thumbs-up. "You think we should tell them who we are?" He inquired, turning to the other three members of the Elite Four.
"I think we'd be wasting our time." Bruno stated.
"Do you now?" Green inquired, suddenly lifting the Snorlax with incredible strength.
"Yes, we do." Loreletti replied, throwing a well-aimed Pokeball at Green's stomach. The ball hit him and at that exact moment he dropped the Snorlax, once more buried under it's huge stomach. Loreletti turned to the others. "Am I cool, or what?"
"Cold as ice, baby." Bruno stated. "Quick-thinkin', too."
"You should have seen me in my youth." Agatha stated. "I made Ms. 'deep freeze' here look like a snowflake. The power of, pardon the expression, 'ghastly' fear could put a chill down anyone's spine."
"You think they're dead?" Bruno inquired. "By the way, how did you come up with this plan, anyway?"
"Simple: His favorite movie is 'Wizard of Oz'." Loreletti replied cooly. "Thus Lance's attire."
Then, (you knew it would happen,) the Poke-Rangers were suddenly back.
"In that case, we'll get you, and your little dog too!" Red stated, suddenly teleporting into view nearby. All the Rangers, except Green, were assembled nearby.
"And we'll pelt you with ruby slippers until you scream 'uncle'!" Blue stated.
"I bet you're nothing but a bunch of scarecrows!" Pink challenged, then gave Lance a look. "But you're kinda cute."
"You five 'tin-men' are goin' down, now!" Bruno shouted.
"You're nothing but a cowardly lion." Red retorted.
While the Rangers and Elites discoursed the finer points of a movie about midgets with high voices and witches with big pimples, Green was trying desperately once more to lift that Snorlax.
"... A... little... help... here... guys...?" He huffed before suddenly losing his grip. Now half his body hung out from underneath Snorlax. "How did you guys get out??"
"We used out Poke-Ranger Poke-devices to teleport as soon as Snorlax hit." Red stated. "But I guess people like you are just too dense to figure that out."
"WHY YOU ROTTEN NO-GOOD SON OF A (censored)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Green screamed, waking up Snorlax and causing it to roll over onto his head. A muffled 'Just you wait until I get out from under this thing! I'll kick your --- so bad—..."
Chapter3- Legends in Action
"OK, enough talk." Lance stated, drawing a sword out from somewhere behind his cape. "Now we kick Ranger butt."
"He! That's what you think." Red stated, and with a silent signal he and all the other Rangers except Green back flipped high up onto the Poke-Megazord's head and disappeared inside. "OK, Rangers, let's split up and take it to em'!"
"Engaging mode 3; activating separation sequence." Yellow stated as she pushed buttons randomly.
Cut to scene outside Megazord. The different Poke-Zords split apart, glowing white. For a minute or two, they hang in mid-air, growing and transforming.
"Quick! Get them!" Lance shouted, throwing all of his Pokeballs into action. The other three did likewise as the Dragonite took aim and hit Red's Zord with a Thunder attack.
"Hey! No fair!" Red exclaimed. "They aren't allowed to attack us *during* a transformation sequence!"
"This has never happened before." Pink observed. "What should we do about it?"
"As Confucius would say..." Yellow stated, meditating and hovering an inch or so above the seat of her Zord. "SQUISH THEM LIKE BUGS!"
"Hey! Wait for me, jerks!" Green exclaimed, pulling himself out from under Snorlax and then teleporting into his now fully-'evolved' Zord. Two Dragonites, a giant Onix, a Gyrados, Charizard, Aerodactyl, two Gengars, a Haunter, Machamp, Hitmonchan, Hitmonlee, Jynx, Lapras, Dewgong, Cloyster, and Slowbrow from the Elite Four's personal collection all at once began to assault the five giant Poke-Zords.(Raichu-zord, Wiggly-zord, Blasto-Zord, Vena-zord, and Chari-zord, duh.) Green took control of the weapons systems with incredible zeal as the coffee-maker sat unmanned behind him. "Now I'll teach them not to drop big, heavy Pokemon on me! Engaging LEAF-CANNONS, NOW! DIE SCUM, DIE!!!!!"
"What's in it for us?" Zapdos inquired in Pokemon-language. "I mean, our union rights say we don't have to save the cruddy world if we don't want to."
"They have their own *union*?" Ash muttered, but apparently not quiet enough.
"The Association for Legendary Bird Working Rights, also known as ALBWR, (pronounced Alber)." Articuno stated sharply. "And our working contracts say we don't have to do anything that requires us to leave our territories if we don't wanna, so there!"
"What do you mean, working contracts??" Ash exclaimed. "All you three have to do is sit like kings on your islands and..., well... , act *legendary*! How hard is that?"
"Hey, you have no idea what we do for a living, brat." Moltres stated, Mewtwo translating so Ash could understand. "Do you think it's EASY to keep the balance of nature intact? And what's more, *I* have to attend every single freakin' Pokemon League contest each year. Do you have any idea how much I have to pay Houou to watch my island for me so those two misfits don't steal it??"
"Hey, you crummy excuse for a legendary candle flame," Zapdos challenged. "Watch who you're calling a misfit!"
"Yeah! You're nothing but a flaming chicken, and your gameboy graphic proves it, too!" Articuno added.
"Now you see why I have to keep these three in line." Lugia stated, glowering at it's rival, Houou, who had conveniently shown up for the meeting the moment it heard Lugia was gonna try to save the world again with the help of a brat kid named Ash. "And as for this one..."
"*I* take orders from NO ONE." Houou challenged, returning Lugia's glare. "I don't need no stinkin' union; I'm gonna be the greatest legendary bird of all time, and one day I'll prove it by kicking your tail feathers from sea to shining sea, you lousy water-lover."
"This is hopeless." Mewtwo muttered in-between translating. "I hope you've got a good idea."
"As a matter of fact, I do." Ash muttered back.
"So, to return to my original question." Zapdos leveled a scary look at Ash. "What's in it for us??"
All Ash had to do was say three little words, three words that made all the difference.
"I've got Skittles...!"
"I'm in!" Zapdos exclaimed.
"Bring on da sugar-filled goodness!" Articuno stated.
"Me too!" Moltres stated. He then whispered to Ash. "Ever tried Skittles caramelized? It's a taste worth dying for!"
"Oh yeah, brother! Dat's da good stuff!" Houou added, giving Moltres a flaming high-five.
"I'm gonna be broke before this is over." Ash mumbled as the legendary birds rejoiced.
"OK, this isn't working out." Lance stated as his last Dragonite got beat by twin Ice Beam-like attacks from Blasto-zord's cannons. "We need another plan."
Suddenly, seven streaks of color lit up the night. Three were intense white, two were fire-like red and orange, one was electric yellow, and the final one was an intense ice-blue.
You guessed it; legendary backup had finally arrived.
"Look! Up in da sky up there!" Bruno exclaimed, shielding his eyes.
"I think they're birds!" Loreletti stammered.
"You're crazy!" Agatha chastised. "It's an army of planes!"
Then the light faded revealing...
"It's...!" Lance started, then suddenly lost his enthusiasm. "... aw, fooey. It's just a kid with a Pikachu."
"But those ARE birds!" Loreletti stated.
Yes, they were. Five legendary birds, with Ash and Pikachu riding shotgun on Lugia. Mew and Mewtwo were there too, already taking aim with their psy-powers.
"Oh, cool!" Blue exclaimed, pointing at Mew and Mewtwo. "I've never seen Kangaroos fly like that."
"We're not Kangaroos!" Mewtwo exclaimed. "We're super-power feline Pokemon!"
"Then why do you have such big feet?" Blue inquired.
"Uh,..." Mewtwo studdered. He turned to Mew. "Why *do* we have big feet?"
Mew shrugged.
"Well, whatever the reason, we're not kangaroos." Mewtwo returned, thought-speaking to Blue. "So prepare to be destroyed!"
"I still think you're Kangaroos." Blue stated. "Don't cats have whiskers?"
"We're not kangaroos!" Mewtwo retorted. "And I don't care if we don't have whiskers, we're still cats and not kangaroos!"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! Mew's a cat, and I was created from Mew, so I'm a cat."
"How do you know Mew is a cat? Why couldn't it be a white kangaroo that thinks it's a cat?" Blue proposed.
"Because you don't name a kangaroo 'Mew'! Duh!"
"Have you ever met Captain Kangaroo?"
"Come again?" Mewtwo inquired, not sure he'd heard right.
"It's this really old kids show about this old guy who rewrites nursery rhymes and childrens' stories to amuse little kids. Come to think of it, you look kinda like him."
"You mean to say I look like an old guy who would manipulate two-year olds?" Mewtwo exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Blue enthused. "Why don't we call you Sargent Kangaroo?! That's a more original name than Mewtwo any day."
"Read my lips: I AM NOT A KANGAROO!!!!!" Mewtwo seethed.
"How can I read your lips? You don't move your mouth when you talk." Blue stated. "Hey, did you ever see those two kangaroos on Winney the Pooh?"
"I AM NOT A KANGAROO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mewtwo screamed, holding his head where his ears should be as Blue babbled on about kangaroos. "I- I-... I can't take it anymore! He's driving me out of my bio-engineered mind!!"
While Blue drove Mewtwo insane, Lugia and Chari-zord clashed violently in the sky with Flamethrowers and Hydro Pumps clashing in a violent display. Houou was taking shots at Raichu-zord, but the robo-rodent was retaliating with huge blasts of thunder. Zapdos squared off with Wiggly-zord, aiming huge Thunderbolt attacks at it, but being a metal robot the attacks just sorta fizzled out when they hit. Zapdos switched strategies, hitting the giant balloon zord with it's Sky Attack, but that barely did anything. Articuno picked it's target well, aiming huge Blizzard attacks at Vena-zord that turned it into a Mighty Morphin' frozen desert (brings a whole new meaning to the term 'iceberg lettuce', huh?), and it really thought there was absolutely no way Vena-zord could get back in the fight, but you knew that wasn't gonna be the case. Vena-zord just fired off it's Solar Cannons like nuts, sending little cubes of ice everywhere, then took aim like the Death Star and fired hundreds of blasts off at Articuno. Moltres was in the worst trouble of all as it, Mewtwo, and Mew tried to attack Blasto-zord, but quickly found themselves in trouble as a huge Hydro Pump washed over them, sending them flying backwards.
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"OK, THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!!" Mewtwo shouted in rage as it's psy-powers went to work, clearing out all the water nearby. The bio-Pokemon's body was suddenly surrounded by a huge blue energy bubble as Mewtwo prepared to attack. "NOW YOU WILL FACE MY WRATH!!!!"
Bolts of energy came streaming out of the Pokemon's shield like a million lightning bolts out of a cloud, pummeling Blasto-zord with huge blasts of psy energy that took huge chunks out of it's armor. Mewtwo's eyes glowed with so much psy energy that it almost looked like someone had attached spotlights to his face, his utter and undeniable rage building beyond belief. Mew joined at his side, and, their energies combining in lethal assault blasts, Blasto-zord went down.
"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CALLING ME A KANGAROO!!!" Mewtwo exclaimed, then turned and looked around at the other four Poke-zords. "Now who's next!!?"
Lugia and Houou got the idea and joined at Mewtwo's sides, combining their psy powers with that of the 'kangaroo' cat-Pokemon until a huge energy bubble formed that encompassed all four. Ash sure was surprised; he'd never been *inside* a psy-bubble before, but he barely had a chance to think about it before huge multi-color psy blasts came shooting out from all over the bubble's surface. Light filled the night as the awesome attack got so powerful it could be seen from orbit.
When it all cleared, each of the five Poke-zords looked pretty much blasted up and were lying, unmoving, on their sides in different spots on the battlefield. The energy bubble collapsed and faded with huge electric sparks still appearing in the air every here and there. Mewtwo, Mew, Lugia, and Houou looked exhausted but triumphant, the two legendary birds giving each other a look before collapsing to the ground, Mew deciding to join them for a *long* catnap. Mewtwo, however, was not going to just collapse when he could gloat.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah, I am bad to the bone!" He sang. "Don't mess with me, or I'll turn you into salsa chips! Ha; they never stood a chance. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I got the power! HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! I AM MEWTWO, HEAR ME ROAR!!!"
Mewtwo then proceeded to begin doing several kinds of outdated daces in mid-air, ranging from movie-style disco, Elvis impressions, and even the Moccerrana (sorry if I didn't spell it right).
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"Gimme love, gimme liberty, disco; the place everybody in the family rocks!" Mewtwo sung. "On dat day we will all be happenin' people, wit love, liberty, disco in town. Oh, gimme love, gimme liberty, disco..."
Then, you knew it was bound to happen eventually, a sudden sparkle of light appeared out by the horizon. Mewtwo didn't even notice as it solidified into a shadowed form and began to get closer and closer. But Ash saw it.
"Uh, um, uh, Mewtwo?"
"What is it? I'm tryin' to sing here, do you mind?"
"Uh,..." Ash pointed behind Mewtwo.
Mewtwo turned around.
"Oh, for the love of sanity... (censored)! It... it... it can't be!"
It was. You know that there's never *just* five Rangers in any given season. There's always that other, very mysterious, not quite like the others Ranger who comes on the scene only when things look their worst, kinda a last-resort for the writers in case they run out of other good ideas. He's that one Ranger with a power even weirder than the other five: the ability to stand on his Zord's head unmoving despite how much the stupid thing gets shook up.
Enter,...
... the White Ranger.
He stood high on top of Mew-Zords' head, a metallic-white guitar with a sword blade attached to the instrument's head held in his hands. It was kinda weird, because his guitar looked like it had a face that looked kinda like Bill Clinton,... no, it was disturbingly IDENTICAL to Clinton's face! Oh, horror of horrors! Mew Zord's eyes were black glass, giving it a creepy look to it. It's tail looked like it housed some kind of a missile-launching system. White's outfit was what one would expect: his helmet was almost identical to Mew-zord's face, his visor being the two black-glass eyes. His jumpsuit had a black Mew silhouette centered on the chest. He had gauntlets and bracers the color of purple psy-energy, and what's more he had a tail. Yes, this guy had a tail, identical to Mew's, sticking out just above his butt. Mew-zord's feet had like these pink-energy hover-thruster things on the underside of them, which was really kinda weird all on it's own because it left this pink energy trail just behind it as it flew.
"You have *got* to be kidding me." Mewtwo muttered at the Poke-Zord filled his field of vision.
Chapter 4- The Beginning of the End of the World
Misty and Brock had been watching on TV as all of this had unfolded. (Don't ask me how they got camera crews in there, they just were. Don't ask dumb questions; the media can do ANYTHING nowadays) Misty gasped in surprise as she got a good look at Mew-zord and the Ranger on it's head.
"Ahh! It can't be!" Misty exclaimed. "It's Jordash, the White Ranger!"
"We're doomed." Saamoni stated. "Why did those stupid Bandi-people have to make them so freakin' powerful??!"
"So, anyone got any ideas on how to stop this guy?" Brock inquired.
Mewtwo did, and he wasn't afraid to voice his opinion. A hoard of those capture-balls he used in Mewtwo Strikes Back suddenly appeared all around him, each opening to reveal a super-clone Pokemon. Then two balls similar to the others but painted light-blue materialized in his hands.
"I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this, but I'm not gonna get shown off by some punk with a freaky guitar. Meet my secret weapons!" He challenged as he threw the two mech-balls into action.
What came out surprised everybody but Mewtwo. First appeared a giant Alakazam, and next to it a giant Gengar. It was the same two Pokemon that had showed up in those ancient ruins outside Pallet town.
"Perhaps we can settle this in a reasonable, diplomatic way." The Clinton-guitar proposed. "How does six-thousand dollars sound to you, young man?"
"Six-thousand, huh?" Mewtwo thought it over for a second, then suddenly shook his head around violently while holding where his ears would be. "What the heck is going on here?! I'm taking bribes from a talking guitar with a big nose!! Have I lost my mind??!"
White decided to take this chance to attack. He strummed out a funky, out-of-tune cord, and Mew-zord thwapped him to the ground with it's really big tail. Mewtwo hit the ground and created a huge cloud of dust. When it cleared, Mewtwo was unconscious at the bottom of a crater. Zapdos and Articuno, the only two legendary birds left standing, gave Mew-zord one look and then turned and dashed off.
"Sorry, Ash," Articuno shouted over it's shoulder. "But we don't get paid enough to do this. We're outta here!"
"What?? Hey, where ya going?! Get back here and fight!!" Ash shouted, not able to understand a syllable of Pokemon language. But the two legendary chickens were already out of sight. "Great. Now what do I do?"
"Well done, as usual, Clint." White said to his guitar.
"It's simple, really." The instrument explained. "Once you establish relations with a foreign system, it leaves them open for you to pull anything you want and then you can argue the meaning of words until the public gets so sick of it that they don't care anymore."
"Uh,... Ok..." White stuffed a gag in Clint's mouth. "Now, let's get down to business."
He strummed another off-tune power cord on the high-tech yet ancient looking guitar, and suddenly, the Poke-Zords seemed to go into auto-repair mode. Little chunks of armor, a leg, somebody's expresso, all went in reverse until the five Poke-zords were as good as new again. Then, without apparent cause, the five original Zords glowed and fused together into Poke-Megazord mode 3 mode. Mew-zord split in half, it's head-part replacing the Megazord's helmet and the rest turning into shoulder, arm, and leg armor for the now even bigger megazord. Blasto-zord's cannons snapped onto the shoulders and Mew-zord's tail joined together with the Mega-sword to become a huge two-bladed psy/electric sword (think Darth Maul), and the sequence concluded as a bolt of on-cue lightning lit up the sky dramatically just behind the mighty Mega-destruction-zord.
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"Took you long enough." Red stated as White entered the now-much-bigger-six-seat control center, which now had shiny white walls and smooth, high-tech controls. And a phone on the wall nearest Yellow. And a built-in coffee-maker at Green's station. And had a lot of nifty little blue lights all over the place that flashed in case of emergencies. White took his seat next to Red, Clint the guitar suddenly and inexplicably gone.
"Hey, shut up already. I saved your stinkin' butts so be thankful. Besides, everybody knows I should be the leader of the Rangers."
"Says who??" Red demanded.
"Says the fans, duh."
"I think I should be the leader of the Poke-Rangers." Green chimed in.
White and Red both spun in their seats and, like they were of one mind with each other, said one word that set Green off like a time bomb.
"Milkshake."
"Why you- you- you- YOU- YOU-!!" He studdered, trying to think up something witty to say in return, but was interrupted as Blue suddenly got up and headed for the back door of the control center. "Hey; where are you going?"
"Do you mind? I gotta go to the bathroom." Blue replied, then walked out the door with no further interruption from Green. Everything was silent for several minutes, then the sound of a toilet flushing was heard from somewhere down the hall. They all waited for about five more minutes until Blue finally reentered the room. "Aah... that's better."
"So..." Red thought out loud. "With the most powerful Pokemon strike force ever assembled right in front of us, anyone got any suggestions?"
Ash hadn't hung around to see the fight. By now he knew exactly what was gonna happen, and he doubted that this fight would be any different than any other attempt to destroy the Poke-Rangers. His only option was to head back to A.R.I.R.L headquarters. When he got there he was surprised to see a few different things: #1- Jessie, James, Cassidy, and Butch were there, moaning about 'so much for protecting the world from devastation'. 2- Tracy had followed him and was busy showing off his sketches, despite the fact that no one wanted to look at them. 3- Misty now looked like something out of Cleopatra 2525, wearing black-leather armor and instructing ARIRL 'soldiers' around a glowing warboard.
"Whoa, Misty. Did you have a personality crisis or something?" He inquired, earning himself a quick 'thwap' upside the head from Misty. It was good to know some things in this mostly-destroyed world would never change. Ash got back to his feet as Misty and Saamoni began to explain what was going on.
"We've decided to take this fight into our own hands." Saamoni stated, motioning to the high-tech StarWars-Yavin4-war-room computers all around her. "We've gathered together some of the best hackers in existence and taken control of nuclear and sub-nuclear weapons systems from 3 nearby countries. Our plan is to bombard the Poke-Rangers to the point that they'll die of radiation poisoning in their coffee."
"But that'll kill every living thing --except the Poke-Rangers-- for miles!" Ash exclaimed.
"Ash, get a clue!" Misty chastised. "If we don't do something now, there'll be nothing left that lives on this whole planet! Besides, the Rangers have already scarred ever human being and Pokemon away that's within a ten mile radius of them; they're the only thing left in that area that we can hit."
"What about Mewtwo and everybody??" Ash inquired.
"Mewtwo and Mew got out of there an hour ago, along with all the other Pokemon you assembled. Nice attempt, by the way." Saamoni said. "But desperate times call for desperate measures. We're taking out those Rangers, while there's still a world to be saved."
"I sure hope you're right about this." Melody said, suddenly appearing behind Ash.
"If this doesn't work, I've got only one backup plan, and the implications of plan B could be apocalyptic, if we're lucky." Misty stated.
Misty explained what had been happening to Ash as the two made their way to 'weapons control' in the farthest part of the caves of ARIRL's hideout. Eventually, Misty had been forced to realize that it was either humanity or the Poke-Rangers in this fight, and had dedicated herself to ARIRL's cause as the force's expert on Poke-Rangers. She'd been going over plans with Saamoni on how they might just be able to save this world, and had come to the conclusion that their best bet was either to use the ultimate in atomic weaponry, or (planB) a secret super weapon that was so secretive and so scary Misty refused to tell Ash unless the nuclear strike failed somehow.
"Here we are." Misty said as the two entered weapons control. The place was swarming with people and Pokemon, large teams of Alakazams putting their brains to use to check calculations and recheck each other's math. Misty went over to a guy who was apparently the head scientist in the place and talked with him for a few minutes before sending the old guy off to his work. She walked back over to Ash. "It's time. Here goes nothing."
She turned around and nodded to the scientist guy. He pressed a big red button and all of a sudden the whole room went dark with red lights flashing like crazy. A huge computer screen switched on on the far wall and everybody turned to look at it. Misty explained the diagram to Ash.
"The red target is the Poke-Rangers. The thick black dashes are nuclear missiles. In about two minutes, we'll see if we can toast the Rangers once and for all."
Six little black 'dashes' made their way in from off screen, aimed squarely for the target and leaving a trail of blue dots behind themselves for charting purposes. They got closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer still and, you guessed it, CLOSER! The tension was thick, so thick one of the Alakazams couldn't take it anymore and went running out of the room with his spoons over his eyes. Sweat rolled off Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Melody, and Saamoni's foreheads as the nuclear strikes began to cover the last few inches of map that separated them from their targets.
And...
And...
And...
... we will have a moment of silence to increase dramatic tension.
...
...
...
...
...
... we now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Hehe.
The missiles hit their targets, or so the computer indicated. Out by where the Poke-Rangers were, though, the Ranger's scanners had seen the missiles coming and the Rangers had quickly destroyed each missile in mid-air, then shielded themselves by combining their powers. Basically, the whole stinkin' attack didn't even scratch the Zords' paint jobs. The computers in weapons control quickly relayed this information to Misty, and needless to say she was not thrilled.
Saamoni cussed under her breath as the room went into panic.
"C'mon Ash." Misty grabbed his arm as she dashed out of weapons control. "We've got only one chance left and no time to waste."
"Hey! Wait! Where are we going??!"
"What?" Prof. Oak inquired, not sure he'd heard Misty right. "How do you know about that?"
"I'll tell you later, Prof." Misty exclaimed. "But I need to use the dimensional-multi-spacial-doorway to gain access to another dimension. The fate of our world may depend on it!"
"OK, OK, keep your shirt on! Follow me."
Professor Oak lead the two trainers to a nearby empty wall. He put his hand on a spot where the wall met the corner and suddenly a secret door opened up. They made their way down a long sequence of dark stairs until they finally came to a large open lab. Gary was in one corner, using a blowtorch on what appeared to be some kind of toaster oven. In the other corner was a huge glowing vortex of weird Star Trek-style energy contained within a metal doorframe. Gary looked up at the newcomers in sudden surprise.
"Hey! What are they doing down here?? I thought I put a sign up that said 'no losers allowed'." He mocked.
"Gary, shut your trap." Ash said, then thought to himself 'I've waited a long time to say that to him, and I feel like a million bucks!'.
Then Gary noticed Misty.
"Oh, I get it." Gary muttered. "You're here to use the doorway, huh?"
"How *did* you know about the doorway?" Oak asked Misty.
"Well, I had a hunch. You see, Gary's always driving around in that fancy sports car, and nobody's ever been able to become a good Pokemon trainer without walking around in forests and stuff. I confronted him about it back when he lost at the Pokemon Leagues and I eventually got him to spill. Gary's been using this machine to jump between dimensions and change reality slightly in the process! That's why he's such a good trainer, despite the fact he rarely ever actually trains with his Pokemon."
"Gary??! Is that true??" Oak inquired of his grandson in surprised shock. Gary nodded solemnly. "I invented this machine to help mankind and reduce taxes every here and there, not change the laws of becoming a Pokemon trainer! How dare you?!!!"
"Forget that!" Misty exclaimed. "Prof., can you set the machine to send Ash and me to the dimension where all fanfics are archived?"
"Uh, sure. Just remember that while you're in there, you cannot do anything like destroy a fanfic or enter one."
"We won't need to." Misty stated as Oak and Gary set the controls to the great fanfiction universe.
"OK, co-ordinates set!" Gary shouted.
"See ya on the flip side!" Ash shouted as he and Misty dashed into the glowing void.
The universe that holds the existences of fanfiction together was really weird. As the light of the portal faded out of Ash's eyes, he suddenly realized that he and Misty were now in a huge, off-white room that stretched farther than they could see. Grey filing cabinets were arranged in long rows that probably stretched as far as the room itself, the whole room resembling some kind of massive library out of the Twilight Zone, which made sense. Each row of filing cabinets were labeled with a letter or number, going from 0-9, then A-Z, indicating the first letter in each TV show/series, book (series), video game, comic series, ect.'s title that it housed fanfics for. Awestruck, Ash and Misty walked down one row to find that each row was also, within itself, alphabetically and numerically arranged based upon titles. Each cabinet drawer housed a specific fanfic or fic series, Ash noted, because they each had a label on them with a fanfic title.
"Now what, Misty?" Ash inquired.
"Our only hope is that we can find fanfiction characters who will help us defeat the Poke-Rangers. Only the strongest will even stand a chance, so we'd better choose carefully." She explained further. "If we bring a fanfic back into our world, we should be able to activate it's characters and then we may be able to save our world. Only fanfiction characters could possibly have enough power to defeat the Poke-Rangers."
"But... where do we start...?" Ash inquired, gazing down the dauntingly long rows of fanfics...
(To be continued... by YOU!)
Ok, here's the deal. Ash and Misty need fanfiction heroes strong enough to take down the Poke-Rangers. If you're a fanfic writer, put your characters to the test by writing the ending to this series yourself, if you want. I will gladly post ALL fics (although I reserve the right to censor certain content) as 'Poke-Rangers: The [your character's name here] Solution', and they'll be an official part of the Poke-Rangers saga. Put your fanfic characters to the test! Take the Poke-Rangers challenge!
Sequel to Curse of the Poke-Rangers
By Ryan Edgerton
The Story So Far...
The Poke-verse has never seen a greater threat. Never has a more dangerous, more hugely powerful, more ironically marketable foe ever been faced. Imagine the Power Rangers with Pokemon powers, Pokemon giant robots, and a stinkin' big multi-mode giant Pokemon warrior robot. Team Rocket flunked the test against these 'Poke-Rangers', an army of gym leaders barely escaped with their lives, and not even formal protests had any effect! Can anything stop these five multi-colored terrors?
Ash seems to think so.
However, there are still many questions to be answered. Was it Misty who brought the Poke-Rangers here somehow? Or is some larger force at work here? As Giovanni goes in for round two against the Poke-Rangers, Ash has headed off to some unknown location...
And this is where our story continues.
Chapter1- Bio-Genetic Backup
"Hello? Anybody home?" Ash shouted. He was in a long series of dark caves, feeling his way around in the darkness. Suddenly, he accidentally stepped on Pikachu's head and the little rodent shocked him in blind retaliation, momentarily illuminating the dark caverns ahead. What he saw freaked him out so much Ash stained his pants yellow.
"What do you want? How did you find me?" Mewtwo asked, lighting up the caverns with his psy-powers.
"I figured out that even bio-genetically engineered Pokemon need to buy toilet paper." Ash explained. "I just followed the delivery truck to the Unknown Dungeon."
"Drat." Mewtwo exclaimed, then got angry. "I thought those Shop-Rite people said they'd keep quiet about this! OK, jerk, you've found my hideout. Now what do you want."
"Out of curiosity, do you also get the news down here?" Ash inquired.
"No, why?"
"Oh, nothing really important." Ash shrugged. "Only that there's these five super-powerful Poke-Rangers on the loose and they're dead-set at destroying the world and enslaving the human race."
"Sounds like my kind of people."
"I thought you were a good guy now." Ash exclaimed.
"I am, but in order to control my violent, take-over-the-world urges have to play a lot of games like Stratego and Command & Conquer in order to properly curb my maniacal instincts. And let me tell you something: that Mew cheats!"
"Command & Conquer? That's the best game in existence!" Ash exclaimed.
"Yeah, no kidding. But to be honest, I wouldn't mind a real-life challenge every now and then." Mewtwo stated. "Let me guess: you want me to stop those Poke-Rangers for you and save the world, right?"
"How did you know?"
Mewtwo shrugged.
"Lucky guess."
"First things first." Ash stated. "I'll need your help to get Lugia and the legendary birds on our side. Then maybe we can beat the Poke-Rangers."
"What's a Lugia?" Mewtwo inquired. "Sounds green and slimy."
"Hey," Red suddenly spoke up. "I think I see something out there."
The Rangers all around him were busy playing computer games on their various consoles, and looked up as Red spoke. Suddenly, a 'game over' sound came from Pink's console. She looked disbelievingly at the screen, then turned to Red in blind rage.
"This better be good, Marco! You just ruined my game of Poke-Rangers, the RPG! And I was about to beat King Darkhead and everything, you... you insensitive twit!"
"You're playing our own computer game?" Blue muttered, then thought to himself. 'Now that's pathetic. At least Neo-Pong is more original.'
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I see something out there." Red stated, ignoring Pink's remarks. "Looks like the Death Star, only a lot smaller."
"Didn't we already blow that up?" Green inquired.
"Three times." Yellow replied. "Let's give this thing a scan to find out what it is."
"OK, scanners show that... well well! It looks like our friends from Team Rocket are back, and their blaring some kind of music through a primitive speaker system."
"Prepare your extra-large selves for trouble!" Cassidy and Jessie shouted together, black rocket launchers with TR's logo inscribed in red down the sides of them locked and loaded on their shoulders.
"And this time you can make it more than a double!" Butch and James shouted, manning a mortar and loading shells.
"Could you idiots shut up already?!" Giovanni thundered over his orb's speaker system. Then he addressed the rest of his army. "OK, here's how we're going to do this. Everybody fire all at once and with everything you've got, but wait for my signal."
"Yes Boss." Came the unanimous response from the army of heavily-armed Rockets. Giovanni nodded in approval, then addressed the Poke-Rangers.
"We meet again, Poke-Rangers." He stated. "You may have defeated me before, but I believe this time will be quite different."
"He's up to something." Yellow stated, meditating in her seat. "I can feel it."
"So what if he is?" Blue stated. "We beat him up once before, and we'll do it again, only this time more-so!"
"I've been doing a little research on you Poke-Rangers." Giovanni stated calmly. "And I've noticed that you pride yourselves on being the greatest fighters around." He smirked evilly before continuing. "Come now, anyone can wreak massive destruction using a giant robot that evolves on demand. I wish to issue a challenge to you five; if you're so powerful, I dare you to face my mighty army *without* those robots of yours."
That got a reaction out of the Rangers. Appearing on the megazord's head, all five Rangers looked ready for a fight. Giovanni switched off the speaker system.
"Fools." He muttered.
"Hey, I think they're saying something." Jessie noted.
"If that's the challenge you're throwing at us, prepare yourself for trouble!" Red stated.
"Make that a Poke-Rangers double!" Pink and Yellow said together.
"We'll reduce you to rubble." Blue and Green added.
"Oh (censored) no! Not them too!" Giovanni groaned, annoyed. "Why did I ever write that stupid motto?"
"Red!"
"Green!"
"Blue!"
"Pink!"
"Yellow!"
"Poke-Rangers; see the rainbow." James muttered.
"Poke-Rangers kick butt at the speed of... something really fast!" Red shouted.
"Give up now, you'll never last." Yellow and Pink added.
"And... something else that rhymes with fast and last!" Green stated.
"How about 'blast'?" Butch proposed as he fired the mortar. "Eat this, amateurs!"
"Open fire!" Giovanni instructed, switching the speakers back on. He switched them back off, then leaned back in his chair with Persian at his side. "This could well turn out to be my best diabolical plan yet. If I destroy the Poke-Rangers, I'll become a world-renowned hero, and soon enough they'll practically GIVE me the world."
He laughed evilly. And laughed some more. And laughed some more. And some more. And them he laughed evilly all over again.
'How did I get stuck with this psycho?' Persian wondered to itself.
While Giovanni engaged the Poke-Rangers half the Poke-world away, Ash was busy out in the Orange Islands. He'd come here to find Lugia and get some serious backup. As it turns out, he was having enough trouble keeping Mewtwo's hands out of the extra-large bag of Skittles he'd bought when he was at that Shop-Rite.
"Haven't you had enough?" Ash muttered as Mewtwo downed another handful. Mewtwo's mouth had rainbow colors smeared all over and the Pokemon's hands were full of sticky Skittles residue. Mew shook it's head in disgrace. "With the number of those things you've eaten so far it probably won't be long before you throw up."
"What are you, my mother?" Mewtwo chastised, grabbing another handful. "Besides, I'm probably close to breaking the world record by now; there's no way I'm gonna stop until I do."
Mew rolled it's eyes as the foursome walked down the paths towards where Melody lived.
Suddenly, Mewtwo's face went green. His eyes spun has he tried desperately to hold back, even using his own Psy powers to try to fight the rush of undescribable mush that was forcing it's way up his throat muscle by muscle.
Pikachu never even saw it coming.
"Eeewwwwwwwwwww!" Ash exclaimed in total disgust. At least five quarts if not more of rainbow-colored chunks now covered Pikachu's entire body, at least a hundred or so whole Skittles scattered about the mix. The smell was so strong it could make a Vileplume collapse: imagine rotting fish mixed with beans-and-cabbage mega-fart, a hardy helping of heavily skunked Limburger cheese, a half-dozen worm-eaten rotten eggs, and just to top it all off the odor held the inescapable smell of half-digested sugar products in mass quantities.
Needless to say, Pikachu was NOT happy. Mew used it's powers to teleport most of the gunk away, but Pikachu would probably never smell right again. Mewtwo, barf dripping down his chest and stomach, little pieces still hanging out of his mouth, lay there on the ground, recovering.
Chapter2- Lugia
Deep beneath the surface of the ocean, there rested a legendary bird like none other. It was a champion amongst legendary Pokemon, the only creature that kept the other three legendary birds at balance. It was powerful, it was ancient, and it nonetheless had psy powers that made an Alakazam look like a wimp.
It also had a really dumb name.
'Lugia,...' It thought to itself as it flew through the waters. 'What kind of brain dead idiot gave me this name? I mean, look at me! I'm supposed to be the ultimate legendary bird, and yet my name screams 'legendary bird of the lugie'. I mean, do I *look* like a hacked-up bugger? Who's idea was that, anyway??'
Blame the people who translated your name into English.
'OK, I will.'
"Is he awake yet??" Ash inquired. They were finally at Melody's house, with Mewtwo laid out on a cot nearby. Ash was busy scrubbing Pikachu with soap and water, which the rodent considered a welcome relief from being super-soaker-ed by the contents of Mewtwo's digestive parts, and Mew was busy bouncing around on a pink bubble as Melody giggled in amusement. Mewtwo still had a few stray chunks clinging to him in places and was now completely unconscious. Ash had had to drag the overly-heavy Pokemon for half a mile before they reached Melody's house, and Ash was sure that his arms were going to fall off soon.
"Not yet." Grumbled Melody's old grandpa. He turned to Ash, a Poke-ball in hand. "C'mon, just let me catch him already!"
"No." Ash replied, scrubbing Pikachu's back. "Do you have any idea what he'd do to you when he woke up? For starters, he'd tear that Pokeball apart from the inside-out!"
"Aw, fooey! If you hadn't saved us all from the legendary birds I'd have every reason in the world to-"
"Grandpa!" Melody chastised.
"Red Flame Thrower!"
"Green Vine Whip!"
"Blue Shell Chain!"
"Yellow Defibulators!"
"Pink Microphone!"
The Rangers' weapons materialized in their hands, suddenly making the five seem much more dangerous. Red, as expected, had a Flamethrower mounted on his shoulder, Green had a vine-shaped razor-pointed whip in his hands, Blue had what looked like a flail with the ball part designed like a Squirtle's shell, Yellow had a pair of those things doctors used to electrically revive people, and Pink had, you guessed it, a pretty normal-looking microphone.
Suddenly, Team Rocket seemed a little less powerful.
Nonetheless, the battle began. The Rockets fired off missiles like crazy, but Yellow destroyed each one with a sudden storm of electricity. James and Butch, along with a few others, fired off their mortars, but the Rangers dodged at the last second, getting stylishly close to destruction but not quite. Blue aimed his flail at a mass of Rockets, the chain suddenly extending for a father strike. It shattered one mortar, then it's many spikes shot off like little missiles to destroy two others. Red unleashed the full power of his flamethrower, setting off Rocket ammunition left and right with massive explosions. Green busied himself whipping a few Rockets who had made the mistake of coming to close into shape.
It wasn't until Pink decided to use her weapon that the battle truly became hopeless.
We all know how the song goes. We all know what it does to anyone who hears it. Only difference was...
... this time it had lyrics.
"... This is my song, listen to my sweet song,..."
"Aahh!" Giovanni exclaimed, rushing over to the shut-off button for the speaker system, getting more and more sleepy the closer he got. Behind him, Persian curled up for a nap.
After a trip to the Pokemon center, Ash and co. were finally back on their way towards locating Lugia. After renting a boat and paddling out to where Mewtwo said Lugia was, it was at last time to put Ash's desperate plan to save the world into action.
"And what if he doesn't wanna help us?" Mewtwo inquired.
"Lugia knows me. He'll listen."
"I know you too, and I still think you're just a twelve year old kid with a big mouth, a big head, and an untrained Charizard. What if he asks what's in it for him?"
"Offer him some Skittles." Melody suggested.
"Oh no, you are not giving that overblown parakeet my candy!" Mewtwo stated, holding the bag of Skittles out of Ash's reach.
"You haven't been eating any of them, have you?" Ash probed.
"Nope."
"Oh really?" Melody inquired. "And what's that smudge of green on the corner of your mouth?"
"OK, OK, I'll give him a few, but not the whole thing." Mewtwo replied, caught in the act. He and Mew dove beneath the surface, forming bubbles around themselves to keep the water out.
It wasn't that long before they found Lugia. Actually, Lugia was more or less waiting for them just below the boat. With a sudden blast of speed it snatched the extra-mega-jumbo size bag of Skittles out of Mewtwo's hands and disappeared off into the dark waters.
"Hey!" Mewtwo exclaimed. "Come back here with my Skittles, you thief!"
"You'll have to catch me first." Lugia replied.
"Just watch me!" Mewtwo shouted, shooting off after Lugia.
Mew shook it's head in disgrace as a trail of multi-colored water drifted by.
"You may have defeated my army," Giovanni thundered through the speaker system. "But you won't find me so easy to get the upper hand on!"
With that, he slammed his fist down on a button labeled 'weapons mode', causing all kinds of weaponry to pop out all over the semi-large orb. The weapons literally covered every square inch on the ship.
"Dude..." Blue stated. "I'm almost impressed. Cool."
"Almost impressed?!" Giovanni raged. "I'll teach you punks some respect!"
"Yeah, you and every other evil supervillain we've ever come across." Red stated. "You haven't figured it out yet? WE ARE INVINCIBLE!"
"Bull(censored)!" Giovanni retorted, taking aim with his weapons.
"Ewwe..." Mewtwo mumbled at he held the bag of dripping Skittles at a distance. He leveled a look at Lugia. "Thanks a lot, 'lugie-a'. Now they're all wet."
"Hey, I don't mind wet food." Lugia replied, hovering in the air nearby the boat.
"You want it? You can have it." Mewtwo tossed the bag to Lugia, who caught it with it's talons and began to put large clusters of wet candy into it's mouth.
'That's just great.' Ash thought to himself. 'First Mewtwo, now Lugia. I don't even want to see what kind of vomit Lugia's capable of.'
Pikachu ducked under one of the boat's wooden seats for cover, just in case.
"So you think you could help us against the Poke-Rangers?" Melody inquired of the large white and purple bird.
"We're gonna need all the help we can get." Ash stated.
"Can you get me more Skittles?" Lugia inquired.
Pikachu grimaced at the thought.
"Can you get us Zapdos, Articuno, and Moltres?" Ash replied.
"Deal." Lugia said through a mouthful of wet sugar and various artificials.
Giovanni's orb-ship opened fire with everything it had. Explosions covered the landscape as every kind of bomb, missile, bullet, grenade, explosive, and energy weapon ever invented lashed out at the Rangers. Soon enough, nothing more could be seen of the Rangers behind the force of the explosions. Giovanni laughed in the maniacal way.
Suddenly, though, a thick line of flames emerged from amidst the explosions, striking a grenade launcher on the outer hull of the ship and causing a big explosion that spread over the ship like a wildfire. Every weapon it touched exploded into flames, making the ship suddenly look like a hovering comet. Giovanni's jaw dropped as Red Alert systems sounded all around him.
"What the-! This... this isn't possible! I must have hit those Rangers with sixty-thousand tons of explosive weapons; how could they possibly be alive???"
The screen in front of him began to get all static as the area where the Poke-Rangers were cleared of explosions. Each of the Rangers held in their hands a Poke-ball that was white plus their color, and the little capture button on each Pokeball was glowing a whitish-blue type color, surrounding the Rangers each with their own personal energy shield. Giovanni groaned in frustrated annoyance.
"Oh, for the love of sanity! Can't they be any more cliche?"
Giovanni opened a nearby drawer, took out a bottle of aspirin, and downed a couple dozen pills. The ship falling apart all around him and Persian resting peacefully in his lap (still napping), Giovanni hit the last two functioning buttons on the console.
One was labeled Escape Pod, the other was Self-Destruct. A glass-like shield suddenly sprung into existence around Giovanni's chair as a hole appeared in the ceiling overhead.
"I need a vacation..." With that, the chair suddenly shot through the hole on rocket boosters as the ship all around him began to explode. "Maybe somewhere nice and isolated, like Panama or El Salvador."
"Ya all come back now, ya hear!" Pink shouted as Giovanni's rocket chair flew off into the night, doing her best Western impression. "What a nice guy. Best challenger we've had in weeks."
"But nobody can beat..." Red held his Pokeball up dramatically.
"POKE-RANGERS!" The others shouted in unison.
"... So,..." Blue thought out loud. "Where do we go from here?"
"Down." Replied a masculine voice out of the shadows.
"I'm picking up anti-Poke-Rangers karma nearby." Yellow said, her fingers pressed against her temples.
"No duh." Green stated, then looked out into the shadows that likely concealed the unknown personage(s). "OK, come on out here so we can kick your butts, too."
"Why should we?" Replied a rather rough-tough masculine voice.
"The bad guys always have to emerge dramatically out of the unknown, all concealing shadows and tell the audience who they are." Pink replied. "It's the best way to preserve mysterious apprehension while also giving the audience enough information to keep their attention."
"But we're not bad guys, you little whipper-snappers." Replied a very old, feminine voice.
"You gotta come out of those shadows sooner or later, so why not make it now?" Red suggested.
"Maybe we don't feel like it." Replied a younger female voice.
"But,... if you never come out of the shadows, how are we supposed to figure out who you are??" Blue pleaded.
While the Poke-Rangers were engaged in conversation, a Dragonite overhead prepared to drop it's heavy payload: a Snorlax. Even Dragonite was having trouble carrying the megaton Pokemon for much longer, and with relief it let loose it's cargo on the five rainbow-colored targets below. Snorlax fell thought dead air, headed straight for the Poke-Rangers.
"C'mon! You gotta tell us who you people are! It's not fair if you don't!" Pink wailed.
"OK, shut your mouth." Replied the first of the voices. "We'll tell you in a minute, just let us get good and ready."
At that exact moment, Snorlax hit. The five Rangers disappeared beneath it's lard-filled frame.
"Good shot, Dragonite." Lance gave his Pokemon a thumbs-up. "You think we should tell them who we are?" He inquired, turning to the other three members of the Elite Four.
"I think we'd be wasting our time." Bruno stated.
"Do you now?" Green inquired, suddenly lifting the Snorlax with incredible strength.
"Yes, we do." Loreletti replied, throwing a well-aimed Pokeball at Green's stomach. The ball hit him and at that exact moment he dropped the Snorlax, once more buried under it's huge stomach. Loreletti turned to the others. "Am I cool, or what?"
"Cold as ice, baby." Bruno stated. "Quick-thinkin', too."
"You should have seen me in my youth." Agatha stated. "I made Ms. 'deep freeze' here look like a snowflake. The power of, pardon the expression, 'ghastly' fear could put a chill down anyone's spine."
"You think they're dead?" Bruno inquired. "By the way, how did you come up with this plan, anyway?"
"Simple: His favorite movie is 'Wizard of Oz'." Loreletti replied cooly. "Thus Lance's attire."
Then, (you knew it would happen,) the Poke-Rangers were suddenly back.
"In that case, we'll get you, and your little dog too!" Red stated, suddenly teleporting into view nearby. All the Rangers, except Green, were assembled nearby.
"And we'll pelt you with ruby slippers until you scream 'uncle'!" Blue stated.
"I bet you're nothing but a bunch of scarecrows!" Pink challenged, then gave Lance a look. "But you're kinda cute."
"You five 'tin-men' are goin' down, now!" Bruno shouted.
"You're nothing but a cowardly lion." Red retorted.
While the Rangers and Elites discoursed the finer points of a movie about midgets with high voices and witches with big pimples, Green was trying desperately once more to lift that Snorlax.
"... A... little... help... here... guys...?" He huffed before suddenly losing his grip. Now half his body hung out from underneath Snorlax. "How did you guys get out??"
"We used out Poke-Ranger Poke-devices to teleport as soon as Snorlax hit." Red stated. "But I guess people like you are just too dense to figure that out."
"WHY YOU ROTTEN NO-GOOD SON OF A (censored)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Green screamed, waking up Snorlax and causing it to roll over onto his head. A muffled 'Just you wait until I get out from under this thing! I'll kick your --- so bad—..."
Chapter3- Legends in Action
"OK, enough talk." Lance stated, drawing a sword out from somewhere behind his cape. "Now we kick Ranger butt."
"He! That's what you think." Red stated, and with a silent signal he and all the other Rangers except Green back flipped high up onto the Poke-Megazord's head and disappeared inside. "OK, Rangers, let's split up and take it to em'!"
"Engaging mode 3; activating separation sequence." Yellow stated as she pushed buttons randomly.
Cut to scene outside Megazord. The different Poke-Zords split apart, glowing white. For a minute or two, they hang in mid-air, growing and transforming.
"Quick! Get them!" Lance shouted, throwing all of his Pokeballs into action. The other three did likewise as the Dragonite took aim and hit Red's Zord with a Thunder attack.
"Hey! No fair!" Red exclaimed. "They aren't allowed to attack us *during* a transformation sequence!"
"This has never happened before." Pink observed. "What should we do about it?"
"As Confucius would say..." Yellow stated, meditating and hovering an inch or so above the seat of her Zord. "SQUISH THEM LIKE BUGS!"
"Hey! Wait for me, jerks!" Green exclaimed, pulling himself out from under Snorlax and then teleporting into his now fully-'evolved' Zord. Two Dragonites, a giant Onix, a Gyrados, Charizard, Aerodactyl, two Gengars, a Haunter, Machamp, Hitmonchan, Hitmonlee, Jynx, Lapras, Dewgong, Cloyster, and Slowbrow from the Elite Four's personal collection all at once began to assault the five giant Poke-Zords.(Raichu-zord, Wiggly-zord, Blasto-Zord, Vena-zord, and Chari-zord, duh.) Green took control of the weapons systems with incredible zeal as the coffee-maker sat unmanned behind him. "Now I'll teach them not to drop big, heavy Pokemon on me! Engaging LEAF-CANNONS, NOW! DIE SCUM, DIE!!!!!"
"What's in it for us?" Zapdos inquired in Pokemon-language. "I mean, our union rights say we don't have to save the cruddy world if we don't want to."
"They have their own *union*?" Ash muttered, but apparently not quiet enough.
"The Association for Legendary Bird Working Rights, also known as ALBWR, (pronounced Alber)." Articuno stated sharply. "And our working contracts say we don't have to do anything that requires us to leave our territories if we don't wanna, so there!"
"What do you mean, working contracts??" Ash exclaimed. "All you three have to do is sit like kings on your islands and..., well... , act *legendary*! How hard is that?"
"Hey, you have no idea what we do for a living, brat." Moltres stated, Mewtwo translating so Ash could understand. "Do you think it's EASY to keep the balance of nature intact? And what's more, *I* have to attend every single freakin' Pokemon League contest each year. Do you have any idea how much I have to pay Houou to watch my island for me so those two misfits don't steal it??"
"Hey, you crummy excuse for a legendary candle flame," Zapdos challenged. "Watch who you're calling a misfit!"
"Yeah! You're nothing but a flaming chicken, and your gameboy graphic proves it, too!" Articuno added.
"Now you see why I have to keep these three in line." Lugia stated, glowering at it's rival, Houou, who had conveniently shown up for the meeting the moment it heard Lugia was gonna try to save the world again with the help of a brat kid named Ash. "And as for this one..."
"*I* take orders from NO ONE." Houou challenged, returning Lugia's glare. "I don't need no stinkin' union; I'm gonna be the greatest legendary bird of all time, and one day I'll prove it by kicking your tail feathers from sea to shining sea, you lousy water-lover."
"This is hopeless." Mewtwo muttered in-between translating. "I hope you've got a good idea."
"As a matter of fact, I do." Ash muttered back.
"So, to return to my original question." Zapdos leveled a scary look at Ash. "What's in it for us??"
All Ash had to do was say three little words, three words that made all the difference.
"I've got Skittles...!"
"I'm in!" Zapdos exclaimed.
"Bring on da sugar-filled goodness!" Articuno stated.
"Me too!" Moltres stated. He then whispered to Ash. "Ever tried Skittles caramelized? It's a taste worth dying for!"
"Oh yeah, brother! Dat's da good stuff!" Houou added, giving Moltres a flaming high-five.
"I'm gonna be broke before this is over." Ash mumbled as the legendary birds rejoiced.
"OK, this isn't working out." Lance stated as his last Dragonite got beat by twin Ice Beam-like attacks from Blasto-zord's cannons. "We need another plan."
Suddenly, seven streaks of color lit up the night. Three were intense white, two were fire-like red and orange, one was electric yellow, and the final one was an intense ice-blue.
You guessed it; legendary backup had finally arrived.
"Look! Up in da sky up there!" Bruno exclaimed, shielding his eyes.
"I think they're birds!" Loreletti stammered.
"You're crazy!" Agatha chastised. "It's an army of planes!"
Then the light faded revealing...
"It's...!" Lance started, then suddenly lost his enthusiasm. "... aw, fooey. It's just a kid with a Pikachu."
"But those ARE birds!" Loreletti stated.
Yes, they were. Five legendary birds, with Ash and Pikachu riding shotgun on Lugia. Mew and Mewtwo were there too, already taking aim with their psy-powers.
"Oh, cool!" Blue exclaimed, pointing at Mew and Mewtwo. "I've never seen Kangaroos fly like that."
"We're not Kangaroos!" Mewtwo exclaimed. "We're super-power feline Pokemon!"
"Then why do you have such big feet?" Blue inquired.
"Uh,..." Mewtwo studdered. He turned to Mew. "Why *do* we have big feet?"
Mew shrugged.
"Well, whatever the reason, we're not kangaroos." Mewtwo returned, thought-speaking to Blue. "So prepare to be destroyed!"
"I still think you're Kangaroos." Blue stated. "Don't cats have whiskers?"
"We're not kangaroos!" Mewtwo retorted. "And I don't care if we don't have whiskers, we're still cats and not kangaroos!"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure! Mew's a cat, and I was created from Mew, so I'm a cat."
"How do you know Mew is a cat? Why couldn't it be a white kangaroo that thinks it's a cat?" Blue proposed.
"Because you don't name a kangaroo 'Mew'! Duh!"
"Have you ever met Captain Kangaroo?"
"Come again?" Mewtwo inquired, not sure he'd heard right.
"It's this really old kids show about this old guy who rewrites nursery rhymes and childrens' stories to amuse little kids. Come to think of it, you look kinda like him."
"You mean to say I look like an old guy who would manipulate two-year olds?" Mewtwo exclaimed.
"Yeah!" Blue enthused. "Why don't we call you Sargent Kangaroo?! That's a more original name than Mewtwo any day."
"Read my lips: I AM NOT A KANGAROO!!!!!" Mewtwo seethed.
"How can I read your lips? You don't move your mouth when you talk." Blue stated. "Hey, did you ever see those two kangaroos on Winney the Pooh?"
"I AM NOT A KANGAROO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mewtwo screamed, holding his head where his ears should be as Blue babbled on about kangaroos. "I- I-... I can't take it anymore! He's driving me out of my bio-engineered mind!!"
While Blue drove Mewtwo insane, Lugia and Chari-zord clashed violently in the sky with Flamethrowers and Hydro Pumps clashing in a violent display. Houou was taking shots at Raichu-zord, but the robo-rodent was retaliating with huge blasts of thunder. Zapdos squared off with Wiggly-zord, aiming huge Thunderbolt attacks at it, but being a metal robot the attacks just sorta fizzled out when they hit. Zapdos switched strategies, hitting the giant balloon zord with it's Sky Attack, but that barely did anything. Articuno picked it's target well, aiming huge Blizzard attacks at Vena-zord that turned it into a Mighty Morphin' frozen desert (brings a whole new meaning to the term 'iceberg lettuce', huh?), and it really thought there was absolutely no way Vena-zord could get back in the fight, but you knew that wasn't gonna be the case. Vena-zord just fired off it's Solar Cannons like nuts, sending little cubes of ice everywhere, then took aim like the Death Star and fired hundreds of blasts off at Articuno. Moltres was in the worst trouble of all as it, Mewtwo, and Mew tried to attack Blasto-zord, but quickly found themselves in trouble as a huge Hydro Pump washed over them, sending them flying backwards.
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"OK, THAT'S IT!!!! I'VE HAD IT!!!!" Mewtwo shouted in rage as it's psy-powers went to work, clearing out all the water nearby. The bio-Pokemon's body was suddenly surrounded by a huge blue energy bubble as Mewtwo prepared to attack. "NOW YOU WILL FACE MY WRATH!!!!"
Bolts of energy came streaming out of the Pokemon's shield like a million lightning bolts out of a cloud, pummeling Blasto-zord with huge blasts of psy energy that took huge chunks out of it's armor. Mewtwo's eyes glowed with so much psy energy that it almost looked like someone had attached spotlights to his face, his utter and undeniable rage building beyond belief. Mew joined at his side, and, their energies combining in lethal assault blasts, Blasto-zord went down.
"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CALLING ME A KANGAROO!!!" Mewtwo exclaimed, then turned and looked around at the other four Poke-zords. "Now who's next!!?"
Lugia and Houou got the idea and joined at Mewtwo's sides, combining their psy powers with that of the 'kangaroo' cat-Pokemon until a huge energy bubble formed that encompassed all four. Ash sure was surprised; he'd never been *inside* a psy-bubble before, but he barely had a chance to think about it before huge multi-color psy blasts came shooting out from all over the bubble's surface. Light filled the night as the awesome attack got so powerful it could be seen from orbit.
When it all cleared, each of the five Poke-zords looked pretty much blasted up and were lying, unmoving, on their sides in different spots on the battlefield. The energy bubble collapsed and faded with huge electric sparks still appearing in the air every here and there. Mewtwo, Mew, Lugia, and Houou looked exhausted but triumphant, the two legendary birds giving each other a look before collapsing to the ground, Mew deciding to join them for a *long* catnap. Mewtwo, however, was not going to just collapse when he could gloat.
"Oh yeah, oh yeah, I am bad to the bone!" He sang. "Don't mess with me, or I'll turn you into salsa chips! Ha; they never stood a chance. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I got the power! HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! I AM MEWTWO, HEAR ME ROAR!!!"
Mewtwo then proceeded to begin doing several kinds of outdated daces in mid-air, ranging from movie-style disco, Elvis impressions, and even the Moccerrana (sorry if I didn't spell it right).
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"Gimme love, gimme liberty, disco; the place everybody in the family rocks!" Mewtwo sung. "On dat day we will all be happenin' people, wit love, liberty, disco in town. Oh, gimme love, gimme liberty, disco..."
Then, you knew it was bound to happen eventually, a sudden sparkle of light appeared out by the horizon. Mewtwo didn't even notice as it solidified into a shadowed form and began to get closer and closer. But Ash saw it.
"Uh, um, uh, Mewtwo?"
"What is it? I'm tryin' to sing here, do you mind?"
"Uh,..." Ash pointed behind Mewtwo.
Mewtwo turned around.
"Oh, for the love of sanity... (censored)! It... it... it can't be!"
It was. You know that there's never *just* five Rangers in any given season. There's always that other, very mysterious, not quite like the others Ranger who comes on the scene only when things look their worst, kinda a last-resort for the writers in case they run out of other good ideas. He's that one Ranger with a power even weirder than the other five: the ability to stand on his Zord's head unmoving despite how much the stupid thing gets shook up.
Enter,...
... the White Ranger.
He stood high on top of Mew-Zords' head, a metallic-white guitar with a sword blade attached to the instrument's head held in his hands. It was kinda weird, because his guitar looked like it had a face that looked kinda like Bill Clinton,... no, it was disturbingly IDENTICAL to Clinton's face! Oh, horror of horrors! Mew Zord's eyes were black glass, giving it a creepy look to it. It's tail looked like it housed some kind of a missile-launching system. White's outfit was what one would expect: his helmet was almost identical to Mew-zord's face, his visor being the two black-glass eyes. His jumpsuit had a black Mew silhouette centered on the chest. He had gauntlets and bracers the color of purple psy-energy, and what's more he had a tail. Yes, this guy had a tail, identical to Mew's, sticking out just above his butt. Mew-zord's feet had like these pink-energy hover-thruster things on the underside of them, which was really kinda weird all on it's own because it left this pink energy trail just behind it as it flew.
"You have *got* to be kidding me." Mewtwo muttered at the Poke-Zord filled his field of vision.
Chapter 4- The Beginning of the End of the World
Misty and Brock had been watching on TV as all of this had unfolded. (Don't ask me how they got camera crews in there, they just were. Don't ask dumb questions; the media can do ANYTHING nowadays) Misty gasped in surprise as she got a good look at Mew-zord and the Ranger on it's head.
"Ahh! It can't be!" Misty exclaimed. "It's Jordash, the White Ranger!"
"We're doomed." Saamoni stated. "Why did those stupid Bandi-people have to make them so freakin' powerful??!"
"So, anyone got any ideas on how to stop this guy?" Brock inquired.
Mewtwo did, and he wasn't afraid to voice his opinion. A hoard of those capture-balls he used in Mewtwo Strikes Back suddenly appeared all around him, each opening to reveal a super-clone Pokemon. Then two balls similar to the others but painted light-blue materialized in his hands.
"I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this, but I'm not gonna get shown off by some punk with a freaky guitar. Meet my secret weapons!" He challenged as he threw the two mech-balls into action.
What came out surprised everybody but Mewtwo. First appeared a giant Alakazam, and next to it a giant Gengar. It was the same two Pokemon that had showed up in those ancient ruins outside Pallet town.
"Perhaps we can settle this in a reasonable, diplomatic way." The Clinton-guitar proposed. "How does six-thousand dollars sound to you, young man?"
"Six-thousand, huh?" Mewtwo thought it over for a second, then suddenly shook his head around violently while holding where his ears would be. "What the heck is going on here?! I'm taking bribes from a talking guitar with a big nose!! Have I lost my mind??!"
White decided to take this chance to attack. He strummed out a funky, out-of-tune cord, and Mew-zord thwapped him to the ground with it's really big tail. Mewtwo hit the ground and created a huge cloud of dust. When it cleared, Mewtwo was unconscious at the bottom of a crater. Zapdos and Articuno, the only two legendary birds left standing, gave Mew-zord one look and then turned and dashed off.
"Sorry, Ash," Articuno shouted over it's shoulder. "But we don't get paid enough to do this. We're outta here!"
"What?? Hey, where ya going?! Get back here and fight!!" Ash shouted, not able to understand a syllable of Pokemon language. But the two legendary chickens were already out of sight. "Great. Now what do I do?"
"Well done, as usual, Clint." White said to his guitar.
"It's simple, really." The instrument explained. "Once you establish relations with a foreign system, it leaves them open for you to pull anything you want and then you can argue the meaning of words until the public gets so sick of it that they don't care anymore."
"Uh,... Ok..." White stuffed a gag in Clint's mouth. "Now, let's get down to business."
He strummed another off-tune power cord on the high-tech yet ancient looking guitar, and suddenly, the Poke-Zords seemed to go into auto-repair mode. Little chunks of armor, a leg, somebody's expresso, all went in reverse until the five Poke-zords were as good as new again. Then, without apparent cause, the five original Zords glowed and fused together into Poke-Megazord mode 3 mode. Mew-zord split in half, it's head-part replacing the Megazord's helmet and the rest turning into shoulder, arm, and leg armor for the now even bigger megazord. Blasto-zord's cannons snapped onto the shoulders and Mew-zord's tail joined together with the Mega-sword to become a huge two-bladed psy/electric sword (think Darth Maul), and the sequence concluded as a bolt of on-cue lightning lit up the sky dramatically just behind the mighty Mega-destruction-zord.
Meanwhile, Tracy watched from a distance.
"I gotta get a sketch of this!"
"Took you long enough." Red stated as White entered the now-much-bigger-six-seat control center, which now had shiny white walls and smooth, high-tech controls. And a phone on the wall nearest Yellow. And a built-in coffee-maker at Green's station. And had a lot of nifty little blue lights all over the place that flashed in case of emergencies. White took his seat next to Red, Clint the guitar suddenly and inexplicably gone.
"Hey, shut up already. I saved your stinkin' butts so be thankful. Besides, everybody knows I should be the leader of the Rangers."
"Says who??" Red demanded.
"Says the fans, duh."
"I think I should be the leader of the Poke-Rangers." Green chimed in.
White and Red both spun in their seats and, like they were of one mind with each other, said one word that set Green off like a time bomb.
"Milkshake."
"Why you- you- you- YOU- YOU-!!" He studdered, trying to think up something witty to say in return, but was interrupted as Blue suddenly got up and headed for the back door of the control center. "Hey; where are you going?"
"Do you mind? I gotta go to the bathroom." Blue replied, then walked out the door with no further interruption from Green. Everything was silent for several minutes, then the sound of a toilet flushing was heard from somewhere down the hall. They all waited for about five more minutes until Blue finally reentered the room. "Aah... that's better."
"So..." Red thought out loud. "With the most powerful Pokemon strike force ever assembled right in front of us, anyone got any suggestions?"
Ash hadn't hung around to see the fight. By now he knew exactly what was gonna happen, and he doubted that this fight would be any different than any other attempt to destroy the Poke-Rangers. His only option was to head back to A.R.I.R.L headquarters. When he got there he was surprised to see a few different things: #1- Jessie, James, Cassidy, and Butch were there, moaning about 'so much for protecting the world from devastation'. 2- Tracy had followed him and was busy showing off his sketches, despite the fact that no one wanted to look at them. 3- Misty now looked like something out of Cleopatra 2525, wearing black-leather armor and instructing ARIRL 'soldiers' around a glowing warboard.
"Whoa, Misty. Did you have a personality crisis or something?" He inquired, earning himself a quick 'thwap' upside the head from Misty. It was good to know some things in this mostly-destroyed world would never change. Ash got back to his feet as Misty and Saamoni began to explain what was going on.
"We've decided to take this fight into our own hands." Saamoni stated, motioning to the high-tech StarWars-Yavin4-war-room computers all around her. "We've gathered together some of the best hackers in existence and taken control of nuclear and sub-nuclear weapons systems from 3 nearby countries. Our plan is to bombard the Poke-Rangers to the point that they'll die of radiation poisoning in their coffee."
"But that'll kill every living thing --except the Poke-Rangers-- for miles!" Ash exclaimed.
"Ash, get a clue!" Misty chastised. "If we don't do something now, there'll be nothing left that lives on this whole planet! Besides, the Rangers have already scarred ever human being and Pokemon away that's within a ten mile radius of them; they're the only thing left in that area that we can hit."
"What about Mewtwo and everybody??" Ash inquired.
"Mewtwo and Mew got out of there an hour ago, along with all the other Pokemon you assembled. Nice attempt, by the way." Saamoni said. "But desperate times call for desperate measures. We're taking out those Rangers, while there's still a world to be saved."
"I sure hope you're right about this." Melody said, suddenly appearing behind Ash.
"If this doesn't work, I've got only one backup plan, and the implications of plan B could be apocalyptic, if we're lucky." Misty stated.
Misty explained what had been happening to Ash as the two made their way to 'weapons control' in the farthest part of the caves of ARIRL's hideout. Eventually, Misty had been forced to realize that it was either humanity or the Poke-Rangers in this fight, and had dedicated herself to ARIRL's cause as the force's expert on Poke-Rangers. She'd been going over plans with Saamoni on how they might just be able to save this world, and had come to the conclusion that their best bet was either to use the ultimate in atomic weaponry, or (planB) a secret super weapon that was so secretive and so scary Misty refused to tell Ash unless the nuclear strike failed somehow.
"Here we are." Misty said as the two entered weapons control. The place was swarming with people and Pokemon, large teams of Alakazams putting their brains to use to check calculations and recheck each other's math. Misty went over to a guy who was apparently the head scientist in the place and talked with him for a few minutes before sending the old guy off to his work. She walked back over to Ash. "It's time. Here goes nothing."
She turned around and nodded to the scientist guy. He pressed a big red button and all of a sudden the whole room went dark with red lights flashing like crazy. A huge computer screen switched on on the far wall and everybody turned to look at it. Misty explained the diagram to Ash.
"The red target is the Poke-Rangers. The thick black dashes are nuclear missiles. In about two minutes, we'll see if we can toast the Rangers once and for all."
Six little black 'dashes' made their way in from off screen, aimed squarely for the target and leaving a trail of blue dots behind themselves for charting purposes. They got closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and closer still and, you guessed it, CLOSER! The tension was thick, so thick one of the Alakazams couldn't take it anymore and went running out of the room with his spoons over his eyes. Sweat rolled off Ash, Misty, Brock, Pikachu, Melody, and Saamoni's foreheads as the nuclear strikes began to cover the last few inches of map that separated them from their targets.
And...
And...
And...
... we will have a moment of silence to increase dramatic tension.
...
...
...
...
...
... we now return to our regularly scheduled programming. Hehe.
The missiles hit their targets, or so the computer indicated. Out by where the Poke-Rangers were, though, the Ranger's scanners had seen the missiles coming and the Rangers had quickly destroyed each missile in mid-air, then shielded themselves by combining their powers. Basically, the whole stinkin' attack didn't even scratch the Zords' paint jobs. The computers in weapons control quickly relayed this information to Misty, and needless to say she was not thrilled.
Saamoni cussed under her breath as the room went into panic.
"C'mon Ash." Misty grabbed his arm as she dashed out of weapons control. "We've got only one chance left and no time to waste."
"Hey! Wait! Where are we going??!"
"What?" Prof. Oak inquired, not sure he'd heard Misty right. "How do you know about that?"
"I'll tell you later, Prof." Misty exclaimed. "But I need to use the dimensional-multi-spacial-doorway to gain access to another dimension. The fate of our world may depend on it!"
"OK, OK, keep your shirt on! Follow me."
Professor Oak lead the two trainers to a nearby empty wall. He put his hand on a spot where the wall met the corner and suddenly a secret door opened up. They made their way down a long sequence of dark stairs until they finally came to a large open lab. Gary was in one corner, using a blowtorch on what appeared to be some kind of toaster oven. In the other corner was a huge glowing vortex of weird Star Trek-style energy contained within a metal doorframe. Gary looked up at the newcomers in sudden surprise.
"Hey! What are they doing down here?? I thought I put a sign up that said 'no losers allowed'." He mocked.
"Gary, shut your trap." Ash said, then thought to himself 'I've waited a long time to say that to him, and I feel like a million bucks!'.
Then Gary noticed Misty.
"Oh, I get it." Gary muttered. "You're here to use the doorway, huh?"
"How *did* you know about the doorway?" Oak asked Misty.
"Well, I had a hunch. You see, Gary's always driving around in that fancy sports car, and nobody's ever been able to become a good Pokemon trainer without walking around in forests and stuff. I confronted him about it back when he lost at the Pokemon Leagues and I eventually got him to spill. Gary's been using this machine to jump between dimensions and change reality slightly in the process! That's why he's such a good trainer, despite the fact he rarely ever actually trains with his Pokemon."
"Gary??! Is that true??" Oak inquired of his grandson in surprised shock. Gary nodded solemnly. "I invented this machine to help mankind and reduce taxes every here and there, not change the laws of becoming a Pokemon trainer! How dare you?!!!"
"Forget that!" Misty exclaimed. "Prof., can you set the machine to send Ash and me to the dimension where all fanfics are archived?"
"Uh, sure. Just remember that while you're in there, you cannot do anything like destroy a fanfic or enter one."
"We won't need to." Misty stated as Oak and Gary set the controls to the great fanfiction universe.
"OK, co-ordinates set!" Gary shouted.
"See ya on the flip side!" Ash shouted as he and Misty dashed into the glowing void.
The universe that holds the existences of fanfiction together was really weird. As the light of the portal faded out of Ash's eyes, he suddenly realized that he and Misty were now in a huge, off-white room that stretched farther than they could see. Grey filing cabinets were arranged in long rows that probably stretched as far as the room itself, the whole room resembling some kind of massive library out of the Twilight Zone, which made sense. Each row of filing cabinets were labeled with a letter or number, going from 0-9, then A-Z, indicating the first letter in each TV show/series, book (series), video game, comic series, ect.'s title that it housed fanfics for. Awestruck, Ash and Misty walked down one row to find that each row was also, within itself, alphabetically and numerically arranged based upon titles. Each cabinet drawer housed a specific fanfic or fic series, Ash noted, because they each had a label on them with a fanfic title.
"Now what, Misty?" Ash inquired.
"Our only hope is that we can find fanfiction characters who will help us defeat the Poke-Rangers. Only the strongest will even stand a chance, so we'd better choose carefully." She explained further. "If we bring a fanfic back into our world, we should be able to activate it's characters and then we may be able to save our world. Only fanfiction characters could possibly have enough power to defeat the Poke-Rangers."
"But... where do we start...?" Ash inquired, gazing down the dauntingly long rows of fanfics...
(To be continued... by YOU!)
Ok, here's the deal. Ash and Misty need fanfiction heroes strong enough to take down the Poke-Rangers. If you're a fanfic writer, put your characters to the test by writing the ending to this series yourself, if you want. I will gladly post ALL fics (although I reserve the right to censor certain content) as 'Poke-Rangers: The [your character's name here] Solution', and they'll be an official part of the Poke-Rangers saga. Put your fanfic characters to the test! Take the Poke-Rangers challenge!