A/N: I'm back! Thanks for the reviews, because of you it's now Kaname's turn to get a Sassy gay friend talk! I changed the title of the story because now Zero isn't the only one who gets a gay friend! So if anyone else thinks there fav character or just a character in general of Vk needs a Sassy gay friend then just let me know! Oh yeah and P.S I have only vaguely read the Manga so if some of the information is off I am very sorry! But again this is all for fun so I hope you enjoy it!

Disclaimers: I DO NOT! Own the characters they belong to Matsuri Hino, and the creators of the sassy gay friend on you tube, the story idea doesn't even belong to me only the situation they are in. Anyways enjoy the story!

What Might have happened if Kaname had a Sassy Gay friend

Meet Kaname Kuran, he is about to Kill Aidou-Dono and try to start his train of complete power, then continue on a murderous path. This fate could have been avoided if he had a sassy gay friend.

"Aidou-dono I'll tell you something right now," Kaname said as he lifted his sword about to pierce Aidou-dono's heart.

"L-lord Kaname what-" Aidou-Dono started before someone else cut him off.

"What, what are you doing!" the sassy gay friend exclaimed jumping between the two grabbing the sword from Kaname's unsuspecting hands pushing Aidou-Dono to make a run for it.

"He saw me kill a pureblood," Kaname said angered that this fashionably acceptable man let his prey escape. "And I need to get rid of all threats to Yuuki and gain as much power as I can."

"Kaname, you don't need to kill everyone you see to gain complete power!" he said exasperated as if he were talking to an insane person. "If I killed everyone to get what I wanted then Ricky Martin's cute little financial analyst 'partner' would not be analyzing a whole lot for very much longer," he said resting his hand on his hip.

"I don't have to listen to you. I have more power then you could ever imagine and I am not doing all of this just to-"

"Are you listening to yourself? Listening to your-self!" he repeated a little louder. "You need to calm this crazy hormonal train, you're like a toddler in his 'mine' stage. The world is not your little marionette doll eagerly waiting at your fingertips for their next command, because that is what crazy people expect. And being crazy does not look good on your profile."

"I'm not doing all of this for the critics I am doing it for myself," Kaname defended himself while still keeping his cool and cold façade.

"Really you're not?" the sassy gay friend asked unconvinced. "Look at your life, look at your choices, are you really happy with how things are going? I mean you have the looks of a Greek god, yet you act like a mediocre waiter at 'Tacky Jacks Tavern and Grill'. Do you really think killing to get everything you want is flattering? If I were you I would audition for a herbal essences commercial to show off that perfect head of hair instead of scrapping at the bottom of the barrel!" he scolded shaking his finger at the pureblood.

"I don't think you understand," Kaname said coldly as his eyes turned a dark shade of red. "Everything I do is planned to perfect precision, and they are always planned out to my benefit."

"Really?" the sassy gay friend gasped sarcastically placing his hand against his chest. "Because in my eyes you always seem to take everything two steps too far! A rude letter explaining why someone is annoying you is fine, destroying them and turning them into dust; excessive!" he exclaimed unimpressed.

"…" for once Kaname did not know how to respond as his eyes returned to their normal brown colour. Were all his choices really that…excessive?

"And that whole 'protecting my girl' thing needs to stop. She is your great great grandchild for gods sake and you are in her late brothers body!" he spat disgusted. "There are only a few things that come to mind when I hear that, one incest and two mutant offspring! Sure it's what you purebloods do to keep the 'pure-blood' running through your body, but you could do so much better then that absent minded girl with the butch hair cut. I mean come on you don't want a girl with shorter hair then you!" he gasped horrified.

"Yuuki is perfect the way she is, her hair grows out so do not-" Kaname stopped when he was interrupted once again.

"Oh and that reminds me, if I didn't just stop you from that crazy killing non sense, she would have witnessed you at your worst. Now fix your bangs because they are driving me insane and clean that blood of your shirt. I mean really? Who wears white to a mass murder? I thought you Mr. 'I plan everything out to precision?'" he mocked. "I would hate to see what you would wear to themed brunch," he sighed waving his hand.

"You don't know she'll be there watching," Kaname replied ignoring the comment on his clothing.

"I read the chapter Kaname, any minute she will be standing there staring at the monster which is you." Kaname stared at the man worried that what he said might be true. Both men stood across from each other waiting, and waiting, until the Sassy gay friend looked at his watch and remembered something.

"I'm a stupid bitch," he smiled hitting his forehead with the palm of his hand.

"What?" Kaname asked shortly.

"Well I talked to Zero earlier and he must have confessed to her. See Kaname, you don't want someone who will leave you for some emo with poor style. You want someone who will love you for your perfect hair and ass."

"But how will I know who that is?" he asked surprised he didn't feel anger towards Kiryuu for taking away his precious girl, this man seemed to be making good sense to him now.

"That's all apart of the surprise, and do you know what that surprise is called?" he asked as Kaname shook his head looking at him. "It's called life, life my friend."

"Life, I have lived longer then you could imagine and-"

"Have you been happy?" The sassy gay friend asked.

"N-no," Kaname stuttered. "I'm not."

"Then I think someone needs a change in scenery. Kaname you are going to leave this place, go do some modeling, spread your secrets on that perfect hair, and meet new people who don't act like they are high on antidepressants."

"You think that will work?" Kaname asked liking the idea.

"I know so, so go soak your wild oats and explore this amazing world," he said passionately.

"I will!" Kaname spoke with reverence.

"Good you stupid bitch!" he said excitedly. "Now you go while I have a few words with Yuuki about her life choices!" he sung waving his hand.

A/N so umm haha hoped you liked it! I had fun writing it so I hope it's as funny to you guys as it is to me! And again check out the 'Sassy Gay Friend' videos on you tube because they are hilarious! Especially the Adam and Eve one! Anyways hoped you enjoyed!

~Somebody new~