Chapter 2: Blue Pelipper and More Regular Trainer Rippers!
This chapter may seem different. There are more gags and less seriousness than the pilot chapter.
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Picking up from where last chapter left off… Skylar got glomped by some girl who literally shouted that word. Now they were both on the ground, with Skylar still wrapped up tightly in the girl's grasp. "Okay, what was that all about?" Skylar snapped at the unnamed girl who appeared to be a few years older than the two non-Derrick members of the group. His annoyed response caused the girl to let go of him.
Once both of them stood back up, the glomper replied, "Because you're so huggably Uke, that's what!" "If I'm just adequate, then how am I 'huggable?'" Derrick and the new girl both let out a sigh. "She meant that you were an Uke" Derrick explained, "It's a term for something I don't really know about. All I know is that girls like to call some of the pretty boys that." "Wrong" the girl clarified, "Uke is the term we use for boys that would look oh-so-cute with a certain type of guy called a Seme. Ukes can be pretty boys, but they can also be boys that look like children."
She then double-checked Derrick. "And speaking of Semes, you've got a hot Seme right here! Just look at that edgy haircut and that manly tanktop, and the maroon short-sleeved jacket is a nice touch as well. The shorts, however, have got to go" she critiqued, referring to Derrick's black running shorts which were even shorter than Skylar's shorts, but not quite as short as what a girl would wear. "But your Uke could wear them" she said, triggering an embarrassed response from Skylar. "Uh, I can get used to Derrick wearing shorts that make even some girls jealous in order to 'show off his figure,' but there is no way that I'm wearing those. Besides, I never even agreed to this."
Patricia neither knew nor cared what was going on.
"Yeah, what makes you think we love each other?" Derrick questioned the girl. "Simple. I, Jezzubelluh" since we only had three named characters so far, from what I remember, "have figured out that you two are obviously part of a Nakama. You two are essentially family, so it makes it all the more cute!" Both Derrick and Skylar sighed, since they were both confused and disturbed by Jezzubelluh's speech. "Come on, Patricia. Let's just leave this girl here and continue on our journey" both of them said in unison.
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"Wait a minute, who's Officer Jenny?" Skylar asked this question to his friends as they continued on their path through a darkened Route 203. "I've heard people talk about her a lot because there are a lot of officers just like her, but I've never actually seen an Officer Jenny." "Well, we are in the games' continuity" Patricia replied. Derrick then commented, "All that really matters is that she's hot and she has handcuffs." Skylar and Patricia stared at Derrick and pointed at a glowing and intangible letter T. "…Because handcuffs are important when it comes to catching criminals and jaywalkers." "There aren't many paved streets or cars here in Hoenn" Patricia refuted. "I know. I've just always wanted to say that word. Haha, jaywalkers. Those guys are such rebels."
The trainers noticed an unusual concentration of light on the cleared-out north end of the route. Thus, they decided to check it out. Beyond the line of trees was a strange pit in the land and a dirt mound behind it that appeared to be covered in a thick layer of grass and foliage. Along the walls of the pit were pathways spiraling down toward the bottom. However, the most immediate aspect of the sight was a large poster attached to a tall chain link fence in front of the pit. It read: "Hoenn PokePark! The only theme park in Hoenn!" There was also section on the bottom reading: "Pardon our dust. We are making expansions to the park."
"Why'd we have to come across this place at night?" Patricia moaned, "I could use a distraction from inconsiderate morons ruining the sport of Pokemon." Skylar replied, "Couldn't we just crash here tonight and go in the morning? Besides, I heard this place had a tram to Mauville that we could take." "Aww, but now I'll have nightmares based on what I saw at today's Uberfest."
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The next day, Skylar and Patricia were continuing on the path to the park…
…Wait, what? "How is this considered strange?" Patricia debated. "Well, since Derrick isn't with us…" "Oh yeah. Why were you so eager to leave him behind anyway?" Patricia appeared to be reading a cue card behind Skylar with those exact lines, with a mechanical voice to boot. Skylar then made an artificial reply by reading another cue card. "Because, Pa-ti, he said one night that if I were to ever wake him up again for any reason, then he would kick me so hard that the footprint would turn me inside-out." "Dammit, seriously? We're expected to read cue cards?" Skylar then whispered in her ear with a response that we're not supposed to hear…
Forget this bullcrap.
"Don't you remember? The audience demands an explanation for everything. Either that or we need to justify how careless we look for abandoning one of our friends. However, Derrick did actually say that. You just weren't awake during that moment."
Now say something beyond the fourth wall, because that is inherently funny. That and lampshading everything. "There goes Derrick's fanbase" Patricia responded. "Don't be so sure" Skylar explained, "lotsa people dig characters that act like jerks." "But what if he crosses the line of evil?" "Then Arceus help us all." And now this author will get at least one comment about how I'm using "lotsa" instead of "lots of."
After a few minutes, Patricia could finally say, "Here we are." In the duo's line of sight was a massive Pokemon-themed theme park full of varied rides, attractions, and a few prominent roller coasters that towered over everything in the vicinity. "I wonder if we're finally tall enough to go on those rides" Skylar... wondered. "Well, this is technically Japan" Patricia returned, "so minimum height requirements are likely less than what the readers expect them to be, but I don't remember how tall people need to be to get on those rides since I haven't been here in a while." "Are you sure we have enough money to get in?" "Dude" Patricia retorted, "Derrick and I each have enough money to buy you. Unfortunately, we can't buy our way through a line." "What?" Patricia pointed toward the entrance of the park. The line for a ticket coiled through the queue as if it were an inconsiderate Seviper trying to hog the entire line for its hundreds of friends. Patricia then pointed at an ad above it that immediately disturbed her and Skylar. It read: "Cute couples get 30% off admission! It's like that one fictional offer in that whatever game, but this park can't exactly afford to let cute couples in for free."
"Are they really implying that we're…" Patricia and Skylar glanced at each other for a moment while blushing out of embarrassment, but each one promptly slapped the other one to bring each other to their senses. Somewhere, somehow, someone was cheering at that, fictional or otherwise. "Always be prepared in case of the 'male and female who are just friends start to develop romantic feelings for each other' syndrome" Patricia declared. "I know-"
"We interrupt this possibly romantic conversation to bring you a plot that actually matters because it's not random banter!" The duo replied with a collective sigh. "Dammit Courtney, why did you have to interrupt us when we were going to Hoenn PokePark?"
"This is actually important, Patricia" Courtney replied. He was a bit tall for his age and sported a head of short blonde hair with a contrasting large protruding forelock that just could not be tamed. His forest green eyes remained focused on the duo. "It's a conspiracy. There are poachers under this park." "…Seriously? You interrupted our trip to the park for an urban legend?" Courtney explained, "I know it sounds just like the urban legend, but there's more truth to it than you think." "…That's an urban legend?" Skylar was dumbfounded by the idea that criminals were apparently lurking under a theme park and everyone called it an urban legend.
Derrick arrived during the conversation, annoyed by the absence of his friends up until this point. "Why did you two leave me behind?" "Well, you breathe fire whenever I try to wake you up-" Skylar was interrupted by Courtney's calm explanation. "You can complain later. There are poachers below us and we're going to investigate." Derrick sighed and Patricia commented, "I know, just go with it."
"Our mission is to gather information on these poachers. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean we get to be 'super spies,' but we are spies in the more realistic definition of the term. We must explore the area and search for clues as to where these poachers will strike next."
"…How do you expect us to go on a sudden life-threatening mission just because we ran into you at an inconvenient place and time?" Skylar argued. "Are you kidding?" Derrick retorted, "Exposing a black market's plans is just what we need to actually do something in this story! Skylar, if you don't come with us, then I'll lose all respect for you and admire the fact that you've apparently become an unlikable jackass, then realize that I wasn't supposed to think that and kick your ass higher than The Flight of Rayquaza." Derrick referred to a towering green roller coaster in the distance. "Fine" Skylar scowled. Patricia added, "I'm assuming that I should stay behind in case you guys need backup?" "Actually, Derrick would be better for that" Courtney answered, "He has the strongest Pokemon out of all of us." "Fine" Derrick hissed, mirroring Skylar's earlier response.
A few minutes later (actually, more like fifteen to thirty minutes later,) the party arrived at the front of the line. Skylar and Patricia were holding hands and feigning innocent happiness. The ticket salesman commented, "My, aren't you two a cute couple!" "Why tank- I mean, thank you, Mrs. Ticket Salesperson Madame Ma'am" Skylar replied in the cutesiest, Shota-ish voice he could muster. "Yeah" Patricia added, "We are like, so totally uber kawaii desu! And we're all like, lovey-dovey and stuff!" "Cool!" Skylar interjected, "I dunno why my shorts are this long! They need to be shorter to express how truly cutesy-wutsey lovey-dovey I am!" When Skylar berated himself for wearing shorts that ended right above his knees rather than wearing shorts that would put even girls to shame, Derrick raised a bewildered eyebrow and a half when he heard that statement. Patricia added to the conversation once again. "I agree! I should be wearing a pretty dress or a blouse! Silly me! Let's all like, totally go on a keen theme park advenchuur of fan-tasy!"
"Woooooow…" Courtney commented on the previous situation as the party entered the theme park, "You two have officially somewhat disturbed me." Skylar and Patricia's expressions were frozen in the shape of pure shame with a side helping of facepalm. "Remind us to never do that again" Patricia concluded, "Acting like stereotypical children in Anime (or was that Western Animation) isn't worth a discount." "I am never going to live this down..." Skylar sulked, "Over-the-top doesn't even begin to describe how cutesy I acted back there. Let's just never talk about it again, please."
Derrick pulled out a frilly violet dress from Hammerspace and taunted, "You've just earned your obligatory Shonen hero cross-dressing scene." Skylar swiped the dress and snapped, "I'd rather look like a jerk by saying that I would throw this at The Flight of Rayquaza and somehow trigger a 'kill 'em all' death than wear this." "You deserve it for calling short shorts 'girly'" Derrick returned. "Well, they are kinda girly" Skylar retorted. "Are you kidding? Short shorts are freaking testosterone on legs! Literally! Nothing says 'look at my badass figure, ladies' like short shorts. And besides, this is coming from a character that's essentially a tomboy with a… I can't say that? Okay, 'Y chromosome,' whatever that is. You're gonna have to have a crossdressing scene sooner or later-" "Plooottt!" Courtney roared, shouting in Derrick's ear.
Back at the line, a hunched-over, beastlike boy and a pale, thin girl with dark hair and dark clothing approached the front of the line. "Sorry, you two aren't cute enough." This response triggered the boyfriend to give the ticket salesperson a threatening glare.
A while later, Courtney, Patricia, and Skylar had made it to the bottom of the hole. The underground base they had arrived at had an entrance that looked like… a front lobby. "Hello, and welcome to Blue Pelipper Traders and Co… How'd kids like you get in here?" "I'm scheduled for an appointment with one of your agents" Courtney stated. "Very well then. Name, please?" "Courtney C. Sinclair." "Ah, Albert Sinclair's son. We've been expecting you. You will meet your agent in the hallway to the right in room 119." "Thank you" Courtney responded.
The group searched the hallway until arriving upon a door with the number 119 prominently displayed on the surface. "If this goes as planned, we should have enough time to check her computer" Courtney whispered as he opened the door. Inside was an average-sized office, occupied by a desk, some chairs, and a couple of shelves displaying photos and various other knick-knacks and keepsakes. At the desk was a woman that appeared to be in her mid to late twenties wearing a black dress and sporting a blonde hairdo that was tied up in a bun. "Figures" Patricia whispered to her friends, "They always hire the hottest salesmen in the business to close the deal." The businesswoman noticed Courtney and warmly greeted him. "Hi, Courtney! It's been a while since I last went to your dad's house for dinner. Wow, you're getting tall! And look how sharply-dressed you are!" She said, commenting on Courtney's un-tucked white dress shirt with a green plaid pattern and his khaki slacks. "I brought you something. Thank goodness that there's a 'secret word' for these kinds of things, or else security would have taken it." Courtney reached into his bag and took out a lavishly-decorated box of unidentified cookies and a bottle of Pomeg Berry juice. "Oh, thank you!" the woman replied, "How'd you know what I like?" "Well, my dad knows. Anyways, let's get down to business." "And while we do business stuff, we should take a peek at what Derrick's doing" Skylar added, triggering a puzzled response from the woman.
Back at the theme park, Derrick appeared to be engaging in battle against another trainer. So far, the battle looked rather one-sided: Derrick's signature Steelix was looming over the Poochyena of an opposing trainer. "You've challenged me at the right time" Derrick quipped, "Being alone at a theme park with lines longer than hell has given me a strange desire to own newbies. Steelix, finish the Poochyena with Crunch." Steelix obeyed and slid its head backward slightly. At a moment's notice, the Steelix quickly bit the target Poochyena with its metallic teeth. The force and level difference was strong enough to defeat poor Poochyena in one move, so the trainer recalled the canine Pokemon and taunted, "Check out what I have under my sleeve! Go, Frost!" The girl tossed a Poke Ball into the center of the arena, triggering an icy flash of white light that took the shape of a giant bird. Once the white glow and the surrounding aura faded, an Articuno was revealed. "Dammit, not another one!" Derrick lamented. "Frost, show that womanizing jackass what real power is!" "Hey, don't be jumping to conclusions here! I haven't acted sexist yet-" Before Derrick could finish, his Steelix was struck by an intense Ice Beam. Though it didn't faint right away, Steelix could not deny that it had taken major damage from that last attack. "Alright Steelix, bombard it with a storm of Stone Edges!" Steelix began to summon rocky spikes and fire them at the Articuno. However, the ice bird evaded the first wave. The second wave dealt heavy damage, but not enough to take down the legendary bird. "Ice Beam him into his place." Articuno swiftly fired another Ice Beam before Steelix could fire its third wave of Stone Edges, thus defeating Steelix.
"You guys are scum" Derrick growled in disdain. "Well" his opponent suggested, "I know a place where you can get better, cooler Pokemon than that bulky Steelix-" "Shut up. I know about your noob organization, and I've hated it since day one. So does Trish… even though she hates you guys even more… but I'm not exactly biffles with your cheating organization either!"
Meanwhile, after a bunch of nonsensical negotiation…
"Yeah, we'll need a Riolu for each party guest." "Hold on. I have to go to the bathroom" the woman stated. "Can I check my e-mail on your computer?" Courtney requested, "I haven't read it in a while." "Sure" The saleswoman replied as she stood up and left the room. Courtney didn't wait a single second; right away, he leaped into the office chair and started to search the opened documents for possible clues. He broke the law by searching through the opened e-mail inbox on the computer, but he did not find anything. He then began to search an opened web page of the company's site. "Don't just stand there, make sure that I can finish this. Go distract her with some small talk when she gets back or something" Courtney commanded. Immediately, Skylar and Patricia left the room and waited out in the hallway. As the businesswoman began to return, Skylar and Patricia approached her. "So…" Patricia inquired, "Have you heard about that new resort they're opening in Mauville?" "Actually, I haven't. Is it nice?" "Yeah, it's gonna be amazing. They're gonna have a Pokemon arena, a casino, rooms as big as a 2-story house with pure gold appliances, an entire theme park on the roof, a theater the size of an opera house, a water park the size of an island, and even robotic mechanical servants!" Patricia quickly glanced behind her and noticed Courtney still working. "Ohhh… I just realized that I got the information all wrong." "Yeah. I dunno if they could even build a resort like that" the woman replied. "The truth is… It's gonna be in Cinnabar!" Both Skylar and the saleswoman fell over in one collective face fault. Patricia glanced behind her again and noticed that Courtney was just about done. "Now get back in there and negoshimate or something" Skylar asserted, "We've gotta meet up with someone." "You've gotta meet up with someone, not me" Patricia quipped.
A few moments later, Derrick was alone on a bench. In his mind replayed moments between his defeat at the hands of Articuno and now.
"So… Do you and your hotness wanna accompany me on The Flight of Rayquaza?" "Sorry" the female voice answered, "But you must be this goffik to be my boyfriend."
"Hola chica sexisimo" Derrick commented using incorrect Spanish, "Wanna-" " ~SEME!!!~ " "Ugh, no wonder all the moderates left Fangirls Certain that those two gUys/that guy and that girl are Kawaii/Cute together…"
The focus returns to Skylar. He was once again within the park, strolling through and wondering how in the name of all that is yellow he will find Derrick. It didn't help that he was the only member of his group without some sort of telephone. What he did find was a fashionably-dressed girl quite a few years older than him and about one head taller than him. Skylar gazed at her for a moment with his drooling mouth open, but was interrupted by her question. "You look like my cousin. Have you seen him? He looks like this." The girl took out her phone and found a picture stored on there showing Skylar asleep with a black visor beanie over his head and eyes along with drawings all over the visible part of his face and a T-shirt that was white rather than Skylar's current yellow shirt. "Where'd you get that photo?" Skylar inquired. "Well, this guy named Derrick, who's apparently my cousin's friend, sent it to me. "He just had to send that picture…" "What?" "Uh-"
We rudely cut to Courtney and Patricia leaving the underground office complex. Courtney commented, "Well, that was easy-" "Way to go, blockhead" Skylar scolded on the other side of a split-screen view, "Your 'lol that wuz ez' just cursed us. They'll be on our tails any minute now!" "Relax, Skylar" Courtney retorted, tempting fate, "What's the worst that could happen-"
"RAAAAAAAAUR!!!"
To be continued…