Pilot Disclaimer: In its use of intellectual property and characters belonging to NBC, Jake Kasdan, Judd Apatow, Paul Feig, Gabe Sachs, Jeff Judah, Mike White, J. Elvis Weinstein, et cetera, this work is intended to be transformative commentary on the original. No profit is being made from this work. Any similarities to other fanfiction stories are completely coincidental. A/N: I do not own anything besides Katherine and her family/back story.
"Hey Welsh, you got gum?"
The ever so common question that I heard at least three times per day came from my lovely friend Kim Kelly, who had stopped me in the hallway in between classes and was holding her hand out in inquiry. This particular afternoon had not allowed us to cross paths during our schooling, as our shared classes at McKinley High were few in general.
Not wanting to disappoint my blonde friend, I bobbed my head up and down and reached into my saddle bag to grab a piece of spearmint gum for her to satisfy her sugar cravings. For Kim, gum was the way to survive the day without allowing her vicious anger problem to bubble over and destroy everything in its path. In a sense, it was like a very slight addiction holding back a dam of emotions, but I liked to consider it a simple sugar craving instead.
Myself, on the other hand, needed particularly heavier substances to forget about my emotions. For example, there was nothing that would allow me to forget or get over this morning when I had nearly slipped on my mother's vomit on the floor – she and my stepfather boasted heavy drinking problems – other than alcohol. I used a lot of substances as crutches: nicotine, marijuana, alcohol – the list went on, but it more or less included anything I could get my hands on. Most often than not, thanks to my so called 'responsible parent's' problems, that substance ended up being alcohol that I swiped from the not-so-secretive cupboard. This morning had also been particularly rough since Daniel was still in the process of fixing his car, so I had been forced to hitchhike to school upon the realization that I was going to be late.
My anxiety ridden life was not a good one; I constantly suffered from panic attacks and had been diagnosed with nervous vomiting, an extremely sensitive issue that my long time friends – Kim, Daniel, Ken and Nick – tried to help with. My mental status was in a state of constant decline, and I found myself only being able to cling to my friends, who were more like family than my real family, to stay afloat.
"Thanks," Kim interrupted my thoughts as she grabbed the gum from my hands and shoved it in between her lips, chewing viciously only to make a disappointed face. "Ugh – it's mint?"
"Deal with it," I scoffed bravely and approached my locker, opening the combination and dumping one of my textbooks inside. It was a bit of a struggle, especially when my underweight frame and its bird arms tried to place the heavy book up top. "It's the only kind I have."
"Alright, whatever," Kim shrugged the incident off and placed one hand on my back, the gesture easing my somewhat upset stomach. "I'll see you after school, yeah?"
I nodded and watched her and her blonde hair make their way down the corridor. The feeling that accompanied satisfying Kim Kelly's gum cravings was strange; considering how she used it as an assistant to keep her anger at bay it put a weird pressure on the friends around her to constantly supply some form of the chewy 'sedative'. I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt feeding her this sort of antidote to her anger.
Trying to ease my mind of those thoughts, I distracted myself by grabbing my books for second period English and heaved a sigh. I dreaded school – I wasn't cut out for it, and I really couldn't stand being told what to do. I wanted freedom, and the thought of being chained down by tasks like reading another useless book due the next week made me feel like a dog on a leash. The only plus side to school was that Daniel happened to be in a large amount of my classes, which comforted me greatly. When he wasn't running around with Kim trying to impress her or pulling fire alarms like the classic 'bad boy' that everyone knew him to be, he was a sweet guy who cared for the well being of his friends and I was honored to have him as one of my companions.
Despite my friends casting a soothing presence in the classrooms that I frequented however, it was unlikely that they could eliminate all traces of anxiety in my chest that caused such horrid problems to arise throughout school hours.
This concept proved itself true the minute I walked into the English class and plopped myself down next to Daniel, who shot me a calm smile that did not comfort whatsoever. The growing ball of nausea tightened and tightened in my stomach as the class moved forward, and I knew that the inevitable was going to happen. About halfway through Ms. Dwyer's reading of Othello, I began to feel my throat tightening and my neck craned automatically. Gagging silently and feeling Daniel's eyes on me, I turned towards my friend looking like a sick cat with my eyes as wide as saucer plats. He motioned towards the garbage can, gaze growing in concern when I paled visibly. I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible as I rose and bolted towards the garbage can.
This goal could not be attained, of course, as I vomited as soon as I reached the black bin and the entire class was distracted by what was now a usual occurrence. Not many emitted noises of disgust; most people pitied my condition at this point and were polite enough to at least talk about me behind my back instead of my face.
Daniel had been hot on my heels as I had rushed towards the trash bin and was now placing a warm hand on my back, but all Ms. Dwyer managed to do was sigh impatiently. If this had been any other student I would have considered her reaction rather rude, but with my constant interruptions it was a less serious matter and I understood her annoyance.
"Mr. Desario," Her nasally tone filled the now-silent room as my friend and I stood near the trash receptacle. "Please escort Ms. Welsh to the nurses office again."
Daniel and I left the English class and a very miffed Ms. Dwyer as quickly as possible, travelling down the hallway at an appropriate pace to get to the washroom. I would never go near the nurse's office in fear of being sent home for health concerns, and Daniel didn't care to be in the girls washroom, so each time a teacher sent us out when I felt sick, we would go the bathroom. Daniel was usually the one to accompany me on these sick journeys, as he and I shared most of our classes together.
"Shit," I muttered as I gagged again and felt the bile rising in my throat.
Ripping myself away from Daniel's clutches I quickly veered right towards a trashcan and hurled right into it. Daniel tugged my hair back held it away from my face, a task that he had grown more and more used to over the years. I grimaced at the thought that I had put my friends through so much of this crap, ignoring the sting of the stomach acid in my windpipe until I had to pay attention to the fact that the horrid nausea was coming back and I was retching once more. By the time I had expelled whatever stomach acid could have possibly been left in my stomach, my throat was completely raw.
"Done?" Daniel stopped rubbing my back and let go of my hair as I straightened, nodding glumly.
We slowly made our way towards the bathroom, where I rinsed my face with cold water and drank straight from the tap like a parched animal. My esophagus still felt like it was on fire, even with the chilled substance soothing my throat that was causing my nausea to go down.
"I need a cigarette," I muttered as I rose from the sink and tugged my sleeves further down my scar-filled arms. I hated the fact that so many people could see how badly my anxiety affected me considering most of my puking occurred at school – where I was most nervous – and at the moment the only thing I wanted to do was be swallowed up by the ground. Unfortunately I knew that this was rather far fetched, so I had to settle for hanging out with my friends at the school's hidden 'patio', where we could sit, smoke and not be nagged by teachers who never bothered to travel back there.
Daniel passed me my messenger bag in response to this that he had tugged out of the classroom with him, and I thanked him before rifling through it for my pack of cigarettes. Cursing as my fingers simply couldn't grasp the package, I realized that I had either forgotten my pack today or Rick, my mother's awful abusive boyfriend, had stolen them.
"God dammit," I groaned pathetically as I looked towards Daniel leaning against the wall of the women's bathroom. "I'm out of cigarettes."
Daniel sighed and reached into his back pocket, opening his pack of Marlboro's and holding out a cancer stick. My hand shot up for it, but as soon as I was about to grasp the cigarette he pulled it away. I made a noise of protest in my throat, reaching for the small stick once more, but he held it high over his head with a classic Daniel grin.
"Only if you listen to my story!" He bargained, and I groaned before rolling my eyes and agreeing.
"Fine," I drank from the sink's tap once more before we exited the bathroom, making out way down the hallways towards where the patio was located. "Tell me your stupid story."
"Not stupid!" Daniel sang as he held open the door for me, ushering me through. "Alright – so get this. I was wearing Ken's shirt right? The one with the bloody axe and the guy's head all severed and shit."
"Right."
"And you know how my mom makes us go to church every week?"
"You mean how she literally drags you by the ear?" I smirked, remembering staying at home plenty of Sundays whilst Daniel was forced to dress himself in stuffy clothing and attend services. "Your mother is a tank."
"Exactly," Daniel grinned once more. "Exactly that – so anyway I get up to the door and the priest says I can't come in. So you know what I did?"
"What?" I echoed back, a sly smile spreading over my face as I realized that this story quite possibly held a happy ending.
"I told my mother that I'm a full grown adult," Daniel began proudly, a smirk lighting up his face. "And that I choose not to be religious. And you know what? She listened! The broad listened! You're lookin' at a church free Daniel, baby!"
"Yeah well," I scoffed unimpressed, pushing open the last door to the cafeteria. "You better pray to someone when she finally figures it out that you're repeating math again."
"Oh shut up," My friend playfully shoved my shoulder, shaking his head. "You're in the same boat Welsh, don't gloat."
Daniel stopped briefly to pick up some food from the lunch line that was still quiet, as most classes hadn't gotten out to eat yet and we wanted to reach the patio as quickly as possible. My friend quickly grabbed meatballs without pasta, orange snowballs – I couldn't begin to describe how much I hated the sugar filled things – and a slice of garlic bread. I didn't know how Daniel managed to stay in shape with such a diet, but somehow the impossible became achievable.
"You should eat something, Welsh," Daniel's tone had taken on a very condescending ring, and I rolled my eyes as I was forced to handle the familiar situation once more. My friends tried to make me eat as much as possible when I was around them, but due to my nervous vomiting and disordered eating I tried my very best to divert their efforts.
"Nope," My lips popped on the 'p' of the word, causing Daniel to frown at the cashier as he paid for his food.
We set off through the cafeteria in silence, and I knew that in these moments my friend was somewhat fed up and confused at the fact that I continued to resist his efforts to help me with my health. Kim had a similar problem with my eating habits, but recently they all seemed significantly more concerned with me.
Daniel tore into his food as we walked, making his way over to where the plates were stacked and dumping his on top of it. It wasn't until I looked down at the empty piled dishes on the trolley that I realized he was already half done his demented meal. I was about to speak up and say something when a very familiar voice beat me to it.
"Hey Daniel – hey Katherine,"
We both turned at the sound of Lindsay Weir's voice, a girl who we knew quite well to be the brainiac of the school that was a little more earthy than the rest of the smarties. She had recently quit the mathletes and was now adopting a large military jacket, a fashion statement that I rose my brow to as I wondered why exactly she had changed her style.
"Hey Lindsay," Daniel nodded to her as he licked his fingers clean of the juices on the meatballs he had recently gobbled down, smiling slightly at her. It didn't take a fool to see that Lindsay was slightly infatuated with Daniel, but then again everyone was slightly infatuated with Daniel. My friend was handsome, cunning and classically rebellious, all traits that seemed to draw women in like moths to flames. "What's up – where you been?"
"I-I've been uh..." Lindsay stuttered on her words, seemingly trying to search for the right thing to say. "Around."
"Cool, cool," Daniel nodded, wiping his hands off on a nearby napkin before throwing the paper into the pile of dishes and wrapping an arm around me. "Alright – let's hit the patio."
"Oh?" Lindsay seemed to hesitate at first, watching Daniel's movements closely. "The smoking patio?"
"Yeah," Daniel smiled, noting that Lindsay was clearly nervous. "It's alright – they don't bite. Except this one."
My friend landed a noogie on my head, causing me to squeak and swat his paws off of me. Lindsay made her final decision to follow us after a split second, still watching Daniel pull my small frame along curiously. We passed through one more set of doors that allowed us access to the patio, slightly hidden by artistic walls that seemed to make the teachers forget about the space we frequented altogether. Upon our arrival there were shouts in Daniel's direction, and I made my way over to the bleachers to sit next to Ken. I sighed and tried to focus on the beat of Nick's drumsticks on his thighs, whilst ignoring Ken's faulty attempts to hit on Isla Swartz by slapping her in the ass with an elastic band.
"I'm sorry!" Ken called out as she turned in disgust and spat out an insult. "Your butt was calling to me."
"I'm thoroughly ashamed," I scoffed and shook my head in mock embarrassment of the incident as Ken bumped shoulders with me in response.
"But you love us, right Welsh? And you'll stay with us forever?" Nick gave me a sloppy grin from his place in front of me, tilting back until he was leaning against my legs. I shook my head again and grinned, playfully slapping his head as we both knew perfectly well that my friends were the only good parts in my day.
"You'll never leave!" Ken feigned intensity, shaking me back and forth until bubbly laughter was spilling out of my lips in glee. "You're ours forever!"
"You guys know Lindsay?" Daniel quickly stole our attention as he introduced Lindsay to Ken and Nick, who despite looking rather passive and harmless at the moment were clearly intimidating Lindsay.
"Hi." She waved meekly, and I suddenly found myself thankful that I was comfortable amidst my close friends. I couldn't imagine being in her place and being forced to make friends all over again when she undoubtedly had abandoned her own social circle.
"Oh hey, you were in my English class last year!" Nick pointed at Lindsay with his drumstick, causing her to smile slightly. "You're the chick who got an A."
"Yeah, well what are you gonna do?" Lindsay shrugged, noticing that his comment silently asked the question of 'why are you hanging out with us if you're an A student?'.
"I dunno," Ken's blank stare took Lindsay off guard. "What are you gonna do?"
"Hey Desario," I spoke up to cure the awkward silence that was now plaguing the group as Lindsay realized Ken's wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, reaching out my hand towards my male brunette friend. "You owe me a smoke."
He tossed me the cancer stick with a smile, watching me light up and exhaling the soothing smoke through my nostrils. I sighed happily as a calming sensation flooded through my body and relaxed my bones, thanking Daniel formally as soon as I had taken another drag. Lindsay regarded me with wary eyes, unsure of whether or not I was a friend or foe to her but relaxed a bit when I shot her a shaky smile.
"So, are you guys going to the homecoming dance?" She asked, desperately trying to make conversation in an area that she hadn't redeemed herself in yet.
"I beg your pardon?"
"That's funny," Daniel grinned down at Lindsay, a light of uncertainty sparking in his eyes. "That's a joke, right?"
I stayed quiet and smoked my cigarette, tuning out the conversations of my friends around me. The only chance that I would have of going to any dance was if someone paid me, and considering my scrawny frame there was little chance of that. It was of no interest to me to listen to conversations concerning social situations such as dances or events, as I was already nauseous enough at school as it was.
My thoughts drifted to my mother, and how drunken she had been when she woke me up at 6 am this morning by vomiting loudly and then putting me at risk by not cleaning it up. Rick, her awful boyfriend and my unfortunate stepfather, kept supplying all of her alcohol and only making her habits worse. It was getting to the point where I was sure one morning I would wake up and find her passed out for good. Strangely enough, considering the fact that Rick was rather abusive both mentally and physically to the whole family, I wasn't looking forward to that day. The only thing seemingly keeping Rick from murdering both of us was my mother, so I sincerely hoped that the woman wouldn't tap out for good.
I was shaken out of my thoughts when Nick and Daniel's tiny scuffle nearly shook my cigarette out of my hands, causing my anger to flare.
"Hey! Watch it!" I scuffed Nick atop the head and blew my smoke in Daniel's direction. "What are you, five years old?"
Lindsay laughed at the tiny ruckus, until Nick noticed Millie standing at the entrance to the patio.
"Hey, check it out." He noted, nodding in her direction. "What does she want?"
"Lindsay!" Millie called softly, trying to call her friend over across the patio. "Linds..."
"Friend of yours?" Ken questioned sarcastically, wrapping a loose arm around me as I took another drag of my rapidly diminishing cigarette. "'Linds'?"
Lindsay reluctantly walked over to Millie and uttered words that I couldn't hear, seemingly trying to tell the other girl to leave. It apparently worked, because after a couple seconds Millie left and we shrugged off the incident only to continue on with normal conversation. Well – normal to us. For Lindsay, this whole situation seemed bizarre and this opinion was clear on her face. I didn't know what kind of conversations she had been having with the mathletes, but apparently our talks about whether or not Ken's mother was cheating on his father or exactly how drunk our friend Stoker had gotten at a party last weekend – drunk enough to fall head over ass down the stairs like a goddamned slinky (I still didn't know how he was standing) – were enough to keep her relatively quiet until we decided to take a walk inside.
I snuffed out my finished cigarette and acknowledged that there was a good ten minutes left of lunch, as well as the fact that Lindsay was still trailing after us as we calmly roamed the halls. Ken had disappeared for a little bit, but quickly reappeared as we stopped near Nick's locker in one of the main hallways.
"Hey," Ken quickly approached Daniel with a folded sheet of paper. "Chemistry exam you ordered?"
"Alright," Daniel smiled and took the paper from him, but frowned as he realized the pages were blank. "Where are the answers?"
"You just said to steal the test…" Ken's face was blank as he tried to realize what he had done wrong, only to come up empty handed.
"Well good work, genius!" Daniel spat and lightly smacked Ken across the head. "Way to use your brain."
"What?" Ken whined, and I patted his arm as Daniel scoffed in frustration.
I felt sympathy for him; I knew what it was like to walk into a classroom and know that you were going to fail the test, no matter how hard you tried. It was a sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that just kept growing and growing, and it didn't stop until you finally had handed in your papers and walked out of the classroom. Granted, I got better grades than most of my friends – besides Lindsay (who was actually yet to be considered a friend) – but I knew for a fact that Daniel and his report card were not on good terms whatsoever.
"I'm cutting. Who's got gum?" Kim approached our group with a neutral expression, eyes passing over Lindsay as she rose her brows expectantly. Our newest attachment began rifling through her own things to search for a beloved chewy stick, and I nearly rolled my eyes as I realize just how many pieces of gum Kim most likely went through in a day. Ken ended up being the one to find a piece first, and held out a suspicious looking stick of gum towards Kim.
"Oh yeah," Kim snorted sarcastically at the sight of the crumpled stick. "Why don't you blow your nose into some bread and make me a sandwich, too?"
"Why is everyone crawling up my butt today!?" Ken looked at the blonde girl astoundingly, disbelief coating his usually calm features as Kim merely sneered in his face.
"Hey Kim," Lindsay got my blonde friend's attention as soon as she finished insulting Ken, bravely stepping up to the task of handing her a piece of gum. She had no idea what she was in for. "I got some."
"What's she doing here?" My friend whipped around and glared at both her and Daniel, eyes accusing.
"She's our friend," Daniel gave her his classic smile, and I grimaced.
Wrong answer.
"What?" Kim teased, placing her hands on her hips and looking up at her on and off boyfriend. "Are you doing her so that she'll help you with your math homework?"
"Hey," Daniel tried to suppress Kim's attitude, and partially shielded Lindsay with his body. "Lay off."
"Hey, Kim, I –" Lindsay tried to initiate a conversation with our blonde friend once more, only to be interrupted by her seconds later.
"I wasn't talking to you brain," Kim sneered, blue eyes cold as ice as she stared down the smaller brunette girl. "Don't you have a test to take or something?"
"Hey, would you be cool?" Nick stepped out from behind Lindsay to defend her, finally. Lindsay looked confused and insulted, and I practically shielded myself behind Daniel to avoid getting any whiplash out of the toxic situation. "Please?"
"Did I do something to you?" Lindsay asked my blonde friend in shock, astounded that Kim had the audacity to behave this way towards her.
"You're here." Kim deadpanned, not catching onto the fact that Lindsay had no experience dealing with the likes of her attitude before. She wasn't going easy at all.
"Well I have as much right to be here as you do!" Lindsay fired back, and I sensed things were getting tense.
Daniel huffed and turned around, almost walking away from the situation before I held a hand out and made him stay. There was no way that he was leaving Nick, Ken and I with an angry Kim and a helpless Lindsay who, for the record, still hadn't done anything wrong. Despite this, Kim retained the awful ability to make people feel horrible about nothing, and was a fantastic bully when she wanted to be. It was moments like these that I was ashamed to call her my friend, but there were reasons behind her actions.
"Hey brain, I shoplift in your daddy's store," Kim started to advance on Lindsay, approaching her slowly and leaning down slightly so that she was talking directly into her face. "You're just some rich kid whose trying to piss off her parents. You think you can hang with these guys, huh? You think that's gonna make you cool?"
"I don't know what to tell you..." Lindsay was seemingly at an impasse, not being able to decide what the right course of action was to take. She eyed me in despair, only to witness me shaking my head and covering my face in frustration.
"You know what, I'm sorry – let's be friends." Kim gave Lindsay a very sarcastic smile, and then proceeded to dump her bag out onto the floor.
"Hey!" I reached out and tried to stop her midway, but I was too late. The contents of Lindsay's bag were spilling onto the green and red-checkered hallway, clattering and making noise as they rolled around at our feet. "Damn it, Kim! Why –"
"There," Kim growled, ignoring how I bent down and began to help Lindsay collect her things. "Now we're friends. See you at the mall."
"What are you, on your period!?" Daniel asked, arms spread wide towards a retreating Kim as he began to lean down and help Lindsay collect her things alongside me.
"Hey, if you wanna hang with your little poser friend and pretend with her, then that's your waste of time," Kim began to storm off, and I nearly took off after her before decided to finish helping Lindsay first. "Just keep her the hell away from me."
"I'm sorry about her." I made a face as soon as the blonde was halfway down the hallway and everyone had chipped in to help Lindsay collect her things. "She can be a huge bitch."
"It's okay," Lindsay muttered and thanked everyone for helping her. I nodded, and then rose as the bell rang.
"And that is exactly why I don't carry a purse," Ken muttered as soon as Lindsay was up and ready to go again.
"Right," I snorted, mood lifting a little as I thought of an insult. "It's cause you keep your tampons in your pockets."
"Oh shut up," Ken huffed, flustered upon realizing that he had no insult to shoot back at me. I could, however, detect a wisp of a smile on his face which released my own grin.
"I've gotta get to shop class," Nick scratched his head awkwardly as he began to back away from the group down the hallway. "It's the only one I can pass. I'm sorry about your stuff, Lindsay."
"Are you really gonna go?" Daniel questioned, looking up at me dubiously as I made a similar excuse. It was often that I ended up skipping periods after my phases of vomiting, acknowledging that the nervousness only got worse throughout the day.
I nodded in confirmation, and Daniel only sighed as he slipped his hands into his pockets.
"Alright, well," He seemed to slip up his words for a moment, but then sighed again. "I'll be out on the patio – come get me if anything happens."
I bit my lip and nodded along with Nick, knowing that by this he was basically telling both him and I – most likely Nick in case 'anything happened' (that being me vomiting) – to go and get him so that he could help. Daniel had always been the best at helping with my panic attacks and the most comforting, but a close second up was Kim. I didn't know why, especially considering all five of us had been a tight knit community of friends since we were little, but perhaps it was Daniel's slight accent or the soothing tone that his voice took when he dropped it several octaves into a more calming husky baritone.
"Hey, were you okay at lunch?" Nick turned to me as soon as we were out of earshot of Daniel and Lindsay, a slight frown marring his face. "You're still kinda pale – did you eat anything?"
"I'm always pale," I snorted in good humor, grinning slightly. The truth was that my throat still hurt and the only cigarette I had smoked hadn't really helped with anything except for my nausea and calming my poor nerves. "I'm fine – don't worry about me."
I spoke the words without a trace of hesitation or wavering, even though I knew – and I was pretty sure that all my friends did, too – that I was most certainly not 'fine'.
"I'm always fine."