Authors note: Here is chapter 2 of my story which has a very long name, it's just as angst as the last chapter so look out. I would like to thank my two reviewers that actually reviewed! Thanks Crazykk2 and 123HappyFrog! You guys are great so here is chapter 2 just for you! Grimmjow is still talking to himself mentally while Ulquiorra is still speaking to an imaginary Grimmjow, hope you enjoy! Only one more chapter after this!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor Ulqui-Kun or Grimmy-Kun. I do own this fic of their very depressing and angst thoughts, so I guess it'll have to do.

Do you know these feelings for him that I tried to hide? Well I learned that they were mutual. Yes, the emotionless extraordinaire felt the same way for me that I felt for him. Not much of a victory though, especially when he liked that annoying emotion almost as much as me.

So we gave it a chance, let each other know what we felt for each other. We both knew that we couldn't deny these emotions forever, even though I tried. I somehow knew that I'd have to accept them eventually, I don't even think death could've deterred this feeling known as love.

I still hate him you know, even as I say I love him every time we're together. He knows this, just as I know that he doesn't care for me. If it weren't for this emotion we'd have nothing between us, nothing but disdain and dislike. But we do have it, so we go through it one day at a time.

No one knows about this affair we've created, and no one will know. Both of us wants to keep it this way, I know that both of us never wanted to know. Neither of us wanted each other, we needed each other. So here we are, in each others embrace against our wills.

We show concern for each other though we don't want to, and we help each other though we'd rather not. I ask things of him, hoping to learn more about him. He does the same for myself though we both know we don't want to. I don't want to know about him, I don't even like him. Well except for this 'love' thing, it makes me need to know not want to know.

I feel possessive of him, to the point that I despise when Yammy talks to him. I know it's an irrational reaction but I can't help it, panthers are very territorial and I share my release form with them. Making me unbearably territorial, to the point that others has begun to notice. Thankfully they are all to dense to figure out why, that and I hide the true reason.

I also feel the need to protect him, even though as the fourth Espada he's physically stronger then myself. I find myself tensing when anyone badmouths him, and I mentally growl at them. I don't attack them, don't want them finding out now do we? And when anyone challenges him for the fourth spot? I just want to beat the daylights out of them, though I never try.

Gentleness is another facet of my being that I've never experienced, I'd randomly feel the oddest urge to be gentle to the emotionless Espada. For some reason I find myself cuddling him while I purr, it's weird and I'm not the only one who thinks that. I get the oddest stare from those flat green eyes when I give in to the urge, but I just growl at him before continuing. How can I explain it to him when I myself have trouble figuring out why I do it.

I find I like his skin the most, the pale smoothness attracts me to it. I enjoy rubbing my hands against it, though I know I shouldn't. Making it flush though is the largest accomplishment I get, especially when it's not only his face that turns a deep red. Though he too feels the need to run his hands over my skin, he seems fascinated with my muscles. He'd run his hands over them, almost as if he was categorizing each and every one.

His eyes also draw me in, they seem to spark every now and then with emotion though you have to be looking to see them. They literally glow in the darkness, and being able to rip them out? For some reason I find that attractive, though I really shouldn't find self mutilation attractive in any way.

His black hair also attracts me, I find myself running my hands through his hair compulsively. It's silky, almost like velvet. I also like tangling it up, just to see him get slightly mad over the trouble he'd have to go through to get the knots out. I don't know why I enjoy making emotions run across his face, I guess it's because he doesn't let anyone else.

I also find that the tear marks entice me, the mysteriousness of them draws me like moth to flame. I find myself running my tongue over them, though I do it mostly just because he hates it. Says he doesn't like the feel of saliva on his cheeks, though he doesn't say anything about my tongue itself.

Did I mention his power? Knowing that he's stronger then me and could kill me at any second excites me, almost like playing a deadly game of chicken. He has so much power and yet it is I who leads in our relationship, I who lays claim to him. He fights of course, though not enough to actually defeat me. He fights just enough to excite us both, making it more of a fight then anything derived from a tender emotion such as love.

I find I love marking his skin, bruises, bite marks, scratches, you name it. Though he does the same to me, I can't even count the tear marks from his nails I have down my back. And my neck always looks like I was attacked by a rabid wolf, bruised and bleeding. Though Ulquiorra himself never looks much better, it's almost as if it's compensation for finding ourselves in this mess to begin with.

We both take pleasure and pain from this doomed relationship, and it practically mutilated our pride. But that's what love does, especially if it's the kind I find myself trapped in. Though it's a cold comfort that I am not the only one to suffer from this, I take pleasure in knowing he too suffers like me.

So we both go along with this thing we call love, only because we got tired of fighting it. Taking comfort in the fact that I wasn't the only one to suffer through this emotion. It makes me feel like this relationship had a chance, even though we both know that it doesn't. It's doomed to fail eventually, because our feelings will eventually fade away. No emotion is strong enough to withstand the call of time, all I have to do is wait for that time to come.

I told you, it ate me up inside until I had to confront you over it. The surprise and fury you displayed when I told you I knew what you felt and what I myself felt was refreshing. I knew that neither of us wanted this but we got it, trapped in this relationship that had no chance.

I opened up and let you in, and you did the same. Even if you didn't realize you let me in, even if it was against your wishes I'm in and this is where I'll remain. So we got together, even knowing that it's the least thing we wanted. We needed this connection, completely against our wills.

I know you still hate me, even when you say you don't anymore. I know that, and I still feel that you don't deserve the energy from me to hate you. If it wasn't for this emotion I wouldn't even be bothered by you, there would be nothing between us. But this emotion exists, and I work my way through each day at a time.

We've kept it a secret from all of those around us, not even me nor you want to know about this mess we've found ourselves in. I didn't want you in any shape or form, but I need you in as many ways possible. I go through every day with this knowledge, knowing it can't be changed.

I feel concern for you though I don't want to, and I find myself assisting you when needed. Neither of us asked for that, but it can't be changed. We already came this far, there's no turning back now. I confide in you my deepest secrets just as you do to me, needing to learn as much about you as possible. I don't like you knowing everything about you, just as I'm sure you don't like learning about me.

I also found that I'm extremely possessive of you, just the though of anyone touching you makes me want to kill them. When others talk to you as if they were friends to you I feel the need to cero them, to make sure they don't get near you. I don't think you'd like it if I suddenly ceroed all of your fraccion. I also know that you get very possessive of me, you are a very territorial creature after all.

Protectiveness is another thing I find annoying, especially because you can take care of yourself. It gets annoying though when others challenge you, and I want to attack them for even thinking of it. And when Aizen releases his reiatsu on you? It makes me want to attack our leader, which as one of his faithful subordinates is not acceptable.

And being gentle? Not something I'd like to experience, I don't like being considerate to you. Though when you cuddle with me and purr? Very odd, especially when you growl at me when I question it. Though I guess it's just you being gentle, something I myself am not proud of.

Your skin is very captivating to me, and that tan does cover your entire body. I find that my hands like running over your skin, especially your muscles. Categorizing each one as I pass, feeling them flex under my fingers. It's one thing that I feel the need to indulge in, especially because you too like to run your hands across my skin. I know you enjoy it when my skin flushes, you'd be pleased to learn that I can't control that certain reaction.

I find I also like your eyes, the deep blue color enchanting. They always seem to be lit with rage or evilness, they are never dull like my own. I almost want to rip them out so I can keep them, though you can't regrow them so I won't. I know you like when I rip my own eyes out, though I don't know how you could enjoy an action like that.

Your wild teal mane also draws me in, how each lock seem to fly everywhere. I like tousling it more then it already is, and though it isn't long enough to tangle I try. I know you enjoy messing with my own, I know you enjoy that spark of anger I show after I learn that I'll have to fix it later. I let that show, because the smug look that comes over your face sends thrills through my body.

The green marks beneath your eyes? I enjoy telling you that they're make up, the rage you display is amusing. I know they are real, I find myself running my fingers over them as you sleep. They are so out there and yet seem to fit you to a 'T', especially the nice green color of them. I think they are very fitting to someone as impulsive as you, though I'd never admit it.

I also find that need to dominate me slightly thrilling, even though I'm obviously stronger. You take me and lay claim to me only because I let you, only because I need it like that. Though I'd never let you go about it the easy way, I fight you back as much as I think is needed. I know it excites you when I fight back, just as it excites me. I make it more of a fight then the intimate act it should be, and we both want... no need it that way.

And the need to mark my skin? I feel the same need, to mark you as well. You bite me and scratch me and bruise me while I myself do the same thing to you. I really enjoy scratching long wounds down your back, it makes you more feral and rougher. Just as I love to bite your throat, knowing that I can and wouldn't try to kill you at the same time thrilling. So we both come out looking a mess, though it's what we need is it not?

This relationship is both painful and pleasurable to us, it is also doomed. It takes our prides, tears them to pieces and leaves it to die. That's what this emotion is though, it's what I found myself stuck with. I feel slightly better to know that I'm not only going through this alone, that you too suffer from this as well.

We'll continue this hopeless relationship, muddling through this emotion they call 'love'. Though knowing you too are trapped makes it so much bearable, misery so does like company. As days go past it's almost as if this relationship has a chance, though we both know it doesn't. It's doomed to fail and wither away, as our emotions do. Eventually I will be free of you, and when that time comes I will be truly at peace. Until that time I will suffer along beside you, because for now you're all I got.

End