How to Save a Life

Two Days Later

"Sweetie wake up. I told you I would be back. And you know I always keep my promises."

I groaned as my deep slumber has been disrupted. I sighed and rolled back to the other side of the bed. It didn't feel familiar or warm like the one in Tarzana. It felt cold and awfully too big. "Loren, sweet, wake up."

I tried to distinguish the hoarse voice of the person. A man. I shook the thought away and fell back into sleep. Then I suddenly felt chills go down my spine as frigid cold hands forcedly stroked my waist, then my thighs. I fluttered my eyes open as the said person was breathing heavily down my neck. I held my breath as I felt the revolting scent of alcohol. I shut my eyes close and prayed for all of this to be over soon. But my prayers and wishes were to no use. His grip on my waist intensified as I felt the bruises and injuries his nails were causing. I shook my head and he covered my mouth with his icy cold hands to stop my pleading screams. I swallowed and I felt my heart beat brusquely out of fear.

Is this it?

"Look at me."

I didn't comply. He violently shook me and in an instant, I felt his weight on top of me. I whimpered and tears quickly rolled down my cheek. One after the other, but I didn't dare to open my eyes, not even for one glimpse of the nightmare that could kill me if he wanted to. His nails dug deep into my skin, my body was unable to move and I couldn't fight him back even if I wanted to. Even if I tried to. All fight and energy was washed out of me. His hand was still covering my mouth and his repulsive smell lingered, stealing all air away from me.

"Look at me!"

I gasped as I felt his freezing hands wrap around my neck. They squeezed all the air out of me. I opened my eyes at the unexpected action. Lifeless brown met menacing brown. I tried kicking him on his groin but he had me in a lock. Both of my legs were pressed together by his powerful ones. I was immobile. In an attempt to escape from his hold, I clutched his wrist. My nails mauled into them, but he overpowered me.

He was killing me, choking me until my lungs could no longer function.

Where's my lifeline?

I gave up. I couldn't get out of this even I attempted to do so. This is it, I thought. And I wanted to laugh, and cry, and scream, and stop altogether. I let go of his wrists. My hands fell to my sides. My body laid limply below his. It was my way of saying, I give up. And he tightened his hold on my throat. I closed my eyes and waited for the nightmare to be over.

Take me away.

Save me.

Then I heard a distant sound. It was like someone was calling my name and it sounded foreign, but yet so painfully familiar. I tried to decipher who it was and I concentrated on that voice. Pleading with anguish terror. The yelling was constant and I felt like it was reaching for me. And it did. I was soon wrapped around a strong pair of arms with hands stroking my body in a caressing manner, reassuring me everything will be okay. He was warm and I wanted to stay like that until the end. He held me so closely to him and I wanted to die like that. In his arms.

But my time was up. I was back into my nightmare. My lungs were begging for air and I had none to give it.

And slowly, I'm fading.

I heard the frantic and desperate call of my name again. This time I did open my eyes.

In an instant, I am up and panting for air. I clutched my hair and tried to contain the whimpers. I didn't want to wake my mother up and have her try to calm me down so late in the night. I let out muffled cries as tears gently flowed down. I swallowed and shook my head trying to forget about everything. About this nightmare.

It's just a dream, I reassured myself. It's just a dream.

It's not real, it didn't happen. He is gone and can never hurt us again. He can't- right?

I bent my knees, and brought them closer to me. I wrapped my arms around them and pressed my forehead on my forearm. I craved heat. I needed heat. It was something this room took away from me with its rigid cold. I rocked back and forth and my body trembled as the constant memories of him and all the pain he inflicted came rushing back.

No-No-No. No more.

And suddenly I am the same fourteen year old crying in her room to stop all of this. I can't seem to let go.

How can you heal when you can't let go of your nightmares?.

One Day Later (Saturday)

"Honey you should eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

I gripped the fork in my hand forcibly. My hand was turning white from the pressure. I stabbed the pork with the fork. I heard my mother heave a sigh and placed her utensils on the plate. She cleared her throat in authority and I reluctantly looked up at her, forcing myself to meet her concerned gaze. I pressed my lips together.

"What's wrong?"

I shrugged. "Nothing," she narrowed at my white lie. "I'm just not hungry."

It was all of the sudden tense. I leaned back against my chair and took the fork out of the piece of meat. I grabbed the butter knife and sloppily cut a small piece. I popped it into my mouth and reluctantly ate the medium-well pork. I chewed, and swallowed the tasteless meat. I met her gaze again and she looked at me with a pained expression. Her eyes were glossy and she pushed back her plate. She shook her head in an unsatisfied manner. I, eyes cast down, stared at my hands turning into fists.

"Honey, are you having nightmares again?"

My mouth parted slightly but I closed it back again. I laughed humorlessly and avoided her gaze. She stood up from her seat and walked over to me. She gently kneeled down and looked up at me. I smiled weakly and she smiled back understandably.

"We're okay, right?"

I searched her eyes for answers. All I found were brown orbs on the verge of tears. I searched them over and over again. Maybe looking for any hesitation or doubts, but she continued smiling.

"He can't hurt us any more, right?"

I felt a fat tear roll down my cheek. Even after all these years, I'm still left so broken. I wiped the tear away and my mom just looked at me with compassion. Her smile was still there, not fading anytime away.

"He-he will never come back. He can't touch us no more," I darted my gaze away from her not being able to stand her smile. "Because he's where he belongs and-and I-I-" I was a wreck of tears, and sniffs, and she just kept smiling, "we don't have to go through all of that all over again because it's over, right?"

Silence followed and she still didn't say anything. I wanted her kind and soothing words reassuring me that everything was okay. That we were okay. She didn't, instead she continued to look at me.

"Right mom? It's all over. We can finally be happy? Yeah, happy. And we can finally live and make up all those years of-of pain and hurt and-and-we-"

I felt her arms softly wrap around my trembling body. A soft whimper escaped and I quickly embraced her back. Her hold on my small figure tightened and I smiled through the endless stream of tears as she whispered with a tremor: "Right. He can't hurt us no more."

Next Day (Sunday)

I walked down a long row of cemented pavement. Unlike the many other sidewalks around, this one was grey and lacked colorful whirls of lines and funky objects. I walked down a slow pace and ignored everything. I placed my hands on the pocket of my white, thin jacket. It was the perfect temperature to stay home and lay in bed all day today, but my mother insisted on me getting gulps of fresh air. I was about to argue with her that it's rather inutile to go out for fresh air alone considering how polluted the world has become in the last decade. But her stern look made me shut my mouth and skid quickly away from her I-don't-have-time-for-crap look.

So that's how I ended up somewhere in a shopping plaza in Tarzana. I've never gone out that much except for school and grocery needs and sometimes-though rarely- shopping for clothes. Anyways, point is that I've never been in this part of Tarzana. I was planning on walking around the block of my house for thirty minutes, but my mother came out of the house after ten minutes and demanded me to get away. I had gone twice around the block when I skidded away from her look.

I took careful and deliberate steps. Remarks of angry passerby's were blocked out. I looked away from the color deprived sidewalk to look at the gloomy sky. Artificially planted trees took most of the view, but I still noticed that obnoxiously gray clouds were covering the sky. My eyebrows furrowed together and I began walking again when someone bumped into me. I hadn't even noticed I stopped walking.

I exhaled roughly. The nightmares are coming back. Even though he is gone for good, he still finds a way to torture me. He haunts me through my dreams. It all consists of restless nights and/or waking up screaming at the vivid images of him. Memories that I've wanted to forget but found I could not, have been used up against nightmare after nightmare.

When is it all going to end?

When can I finally be able to fall back asleep and not have his revolting memory?

Why can't I heal all these wounds and broken dreams?

I took a deep breath and continued walking. Don't think about it, I tell myself. Let it go. Let it all go. I sometimes pull all-nighters to have a day without those dreams. It's futile because he manages to creep into my mind. A picture or a noise ricochet memories to me.

I just have to let it go. It's so simple. That's all I have to do. Forget about it all. But I can't. Not when there's too much pain. It's too much misery and I don't know how get out rid of it. I'm supposed to be fine. He's finally out of my life and I'm supposed to be saved. Then why? Why do I still feel like I'm drowning? I could feel his calloused hands wrap around my neck, and they're cold. Just like always.

I swallowed all my tears away and continued walking.

I can't save myself.

My hands went straight to my empty stomach when I heard a growl. Maybe I should've ate more than that piece of pork. I came to stop at a gigantic tree. It was located next to a boutique store. It was decorated with a lot of pastel colors and the front windows all had heart shaped ads tape on. A lot of girls rushed in hastily, and a lot of girls came with big smiles glued on them. A saw a couple of boys shyly go in the pink store. Probably buying getting something for their girlfriends. They were all around my age. I looked at them like a creepy weirdo for another minute. I was about to turn away when a blond boy caught my eye. He looked familiar.

I was interrupted from my not-so-discreet ogling. Something when insanely crazy in my pocket and started vibrating. I took it out and looked at the screen staring at the unrecognizable number. I hesitantly answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

I had no idea who it could be.

"Hi. Who's this?"

"You forgot about me already?"

"I don't know-"

"Turn around."

The person hung up and I slowly complied. I was completely taken by surprise when I met his sparkling brown eyes and not some creepy old man with a mustache. Eddie smiled and I waved awkwardly. He was standing a few feet away from me, but that was all diminished when he took three graceful strides towards me. I looked around nervously as I must've looked like a wreck.

When did I care about that?

The smile was still on his face as he stood in front of me. He gently caressed my cheek, a gesture that he is only able to do. He-along with my mother and now Melissa- is the only one that I allow to even get close to me. The only one that can touch me without me flinching in reaction. I have been always been paranoid about little things, from loud noises to a person accidentally touching me. I have been like this since Trent. Eddie, he just brings all of that down. And I feel completely at ease when he's around. I hate it. I hate that effect he has on me.

He pulled a strand of hair back to my ear. His eyes found mine and I felt his hand slid down my waist, securely clutching it. And he brought me into an embrace. I melted into his arms and inhaled his scent. Crisp and fresh. When I realized what I was doing, I pushed him away and quickly got out of his hold. He looked hurt but rapidly masked it with a sheepish expression.

"Hey, beautiful."

Beautiful? I wanted to roll my eyes at that. I didn't though because I blushed at that instead. I gave him a smile but did not dare to look at him. He stepped closer to me once again and this time, he didn't pull me into another embrace. Instead, he entwined his fingers into mine and pulled me for a walk. I didn't even have time to protest before he dragged me deeper into the plaza. I groaned and he chuckled. I was about to walk back home before he came.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

He smiled.

"You know," I said slowly, "Chloe Carter?"

"Chloe who?"

"That blond girl from the other day."

"Oh, her?" He shrugged. "She's history. I told you I would break up with her."

"Why?"

"I met someone else." He looked at me and slowed down our pace. His hold on my hand tightened as he gently pulled me closer to his side, making our arms touch. Although my arm was covered, I still felt a quiver run down my body. I looked at him curiously. There was a blush delicately placed on his cheeks. His eyes slowly trailed down to stare at something on my neck. I reflexively took a hold of the necklace. I was planning on giving it back to him but that thought flew away when I notice his eyes cloud with sudden adoration and a soft look formed on his face.

"Really? Who?"

He cleared his throat and laughed nervously. His eyes flicked away from the necklace. The grip he had on my hand stopped blood from circulating around that area and he scratched his head. I assumed he was either nervous or didn't want to tell me. He settled down with sighing, smiling and looking away from me.

"You'll know soon."

"Oh, so mystery girl?"

"Something like that."

And that was that. We continued walking at a slow, steady pace. I slipped my hands away from his as soon as he had loosened his death grip. I put them back in the pocket of my hoodie. I saw Eddie nod disappointedly.

"What are you doing for Valentines?" He wasn't looking at me still.

"Um, nothing."

"Really?"

"No. I'm the most socially inept person alive."

"Not even a secret admirer?"

I snorted. "Not even one of those. I bet you have a dozen lining up for you, Eddie Duran."

"Well Loren Tate, I know for sure you have guys begging on their knees for your attention."

"Why would you think that?"

"Must I state this again? Because you are beautiful."

I smiled bitterly. Again with this? "Yeah, right." Eddie suddenly and stared at me for a long moment. I looked away instantly and then I noticed the other stares. Every single person that walked by looked over at us, said something to the person walking next to them, then looked at us again. Some even took pictures, and hesitated on coming over to us with paper and pen. I looked over at him curiously, ready to ask him why there was so much attention directed towards us.

But I had remembered then what I had forgotten: Eddie is famous. I was ready to make a break from him and not so gloriously escape. I was about to run down the gray pathway when I noticed he was deliberating on something.

His gaze was on me. I saw his eyes flickered back that moment, and he shook his head. Then I was being dragged to a nearby clothing store for the elderly. We entered and he pushed me to the dressing rooms.

"Eddie, what are-"

He spun me around and I blinked a couple of times to only find myself looking back at me. Eddie stepped to the side, crossed his arms and observed me intently. I sighed and stared at my reflection on the mirror.

"Look at yourself on that mirror. Look at every part and tell me what you see."

I averted my gaze to him and he smiled sweetly at me. What is wrong with you? I wanted to ask. But I didn't. I let out an exasperated sigh and shrugged as I studied myself. From my oversized hoodie; to my red converse; to my straight brunette hair; to my hazel eyes; to my pale face; and finally, to my khaki capris.

"I see a girl who needs to-" I stopped. "Someone who can't-" I bit my lip and looked at him. He gave me an encouraging smile with pain written on his irises. My eyes drifted back to the girl on the mirror. And I gave a dejected shrug.

I can't do this. I shook my head and bit my lip again. My eyes found the floor. The green carpet with little fibers sticking out was more interesting than the girl on the mirror. I closed my eyes for a second, and when I opened them, Eddie's shoes were positioned in front of mine.

"Hey, look at me."

He cupped my cheeks and lifted my face up. I met his eyes and they burn with sympathy. I was about to step away from him and run. I looked at the door and the idea shut down. It was locked and Eddie would be able to grab me before I opened it. I was thinking of kneeing him on his parts, but then he smiled.

"You want to know what I see?"

I shook my head, but he continued. I prepared myself for the worst.

"I see someone who has gone through a lot. I see someone who is lost and confused and in the most inevitable way, hurt. This someone has been fighting for too long and she's slowly fading. She's loosing herself and she doesn't know how to get back up. She doesn't know where to start from." My eyes were watery and I wanted him to stop. I blinked a couple of times to step them from rolling down. Eddie wiped a few with his thumb. He held me so gently, so comfortingly that I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. His hands caressingly cupped my cheeks. I wanted him to stop talking, but I the same time I didn't because then it would mean that he would have to let me go. I didn't want him to let go.

"I see someone strong, who has had enough but at the same vulnerable and at the peak of breaking. I see someone broken. I see all of these but," he let out a shaky breath, "I also see someone beautiful. When she gives away one of her rare smiles, there's a light in her eyes that captivates anybody. It's enchanting and I could look at them forever. Her laugh, so sweet and gentle, is priceless because you know she's not hurting at that moment. I see someone beautiful but she doesn't see it." I opened my eyes, and he was looking at me. His gaze soft. "She doesn't see what I see."

Millions of thoughts ran through my mind. Millions of fears rushed back. But hope-hope at that moment-was slowly igniting within me. And as we stood there, him gently caressing my cheeks, me clutching his shirt and a few centimeters separating us, I feel like I can be saved after all.

And I wanted to ask him about how to save a life so broken like mine.

Next Day (Monday)

"Get in the car!"

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm picking you up
so we can go to school."

"How do you know where I live?"

I stared at Melissa's brown eyes. She smiled mischievously. First she forces me to go shopping. Now, she's stalking me to my house and forcing me tag along everywhere she goes. Melissa simply shrugged and patted the passenger seat. I twitched as she coaxed me to hurry up. Sighing, I walked towards her car. I opened the door and silently got in. She drove away and I scrutinized her oddly giddy behavior. She's too excited, more than usual. As soon as she stopped at a red stoplight, she quickly turned to me and let out a high pitch squirm. I flinched and she couldn't hold it anymore and began rambling. I stared at her amused as she tried to catch her breath between her obscurities.

"Melissa-"

"And I just can't wait and-and-"

"Mel!"

"Oh, this is so going be fun!"

"Melissa!"

"Loren, you're going to have the time of your life."

The light turned green and she began driving. "Okay? Care to explain how and why?"

"Two words: Eddie. Duran. Concert."

"That's three actually."

"Whatever! You're missing the point."

"Which is?"

"We're going to have the privilege to see him in concert live."

"Didn't he finish his world tour already?"

"Oh, yeah. Well, this is like a mini concert he is giving in his Dad's club two weeks from now. And it's all ages! I already have the tickets. I had them preordered. And I was freaking out because they were suppose to come last week. But didn't. And now they're here and life is good! So missy you cost me $150. But it'll be so worth it."

"What if I don't feel like going?" Melissa snorted at my question and laughed mockingly. "Oh, but you're still coming. I already bought the tickets with the intention for both of us to go, so it's not a matter of wanting to come. Either way, you're still coming to see Eddie Duran and his hotness."

I didn't argue anymore. What for? When Melissa wants something, she gets it. So what's the point of putting a fight when you know she'll win regardless of what you say? The car ride became quiet and I touched the jewel of my necklace with delicacy. I lifted up the heart shaped necklace and gently felt the small diamond engraved on it. The necklace Eddie gave me. I smiled at the memory of our encounter after two long years. Then yesterday. A blush appeared and I shook away the thought of his laugh and his smile and I wanted to see him again. I bit my lip and continued twisting the necklace between my fingers softly. My mind wondered of to thoughts that I would've never imagined myself to be thinking off.

I rapidly shook my head. What the hell am doing?

"That's a cute necklace."

"Hm, yeah…"

"Who gave it to you?"

I smiled a small one when his face came to mind. "Eddie." I looked at her, letting the necklace fall. She raked her brains for all Eddie's she knew. Only one came to mind for her.

"Duran?" Melissa asked sarcastically. Though her mocking smiled dropped when I nodded and took hold of the heart again. Melissa almost chocked. Then kept driving but she looked at me from the corner of her eyes looking at me in disbelief. "You met him?" She asked slowly. "When?"

I shrugged. "Like two and half years ago. And again on Thursday at the mall. And then, yesterday."

"He was at the mall?" She asked and then her eyes sparked in recognition. "He was the guy talking to you?" She looked back at the necklace, "and he gave you that necklace?"

"Yeah, it's his mom-"

"He gave you his mom's necklace to a complete stranger."

"I didn't want to take it, but he basically put it on me."

"Wow," she blew a soft whistle, "Eddie Duran and you."

She turned quiet all of the sudden, then a smile appeared out of nowhere. It made me slightly uncomfortable. "What's wrong?"

"Well, it's completely beyond my knowledge as to why this doesn't bother you. Loren, Eddie gave his mother's necklace to a girl who he has only met briefly four times."

Not briefly, I wanted to defend. "He said Happy Valentines when he gave it to me."

"So he declared you as his Valentine indirectly and you're oblivious to it?"

"What?" I didn't know where she was going. She was smiling knowingly.

"Loren Tate you're Eddie's Valentines."

Song: "How to Save a Life" by The Fray

Gah. I love you guys for sticking up with me since the beginning and to new readers: I love you :)

P.S. Reviews are nice ;)