Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII :( :(
A/N: This chapter will cover 4 months in the story. I'm sorry if I rush things but I already have an outline (I can't live without outlines!), and in order for the story to go as I planned, this chapter needs to be like that. I will write the months in which each situation takes place so that no one gets confused (which means me haha). Oh! Italics is used for 'memories', thoughts, songs or to emphasize words blah blah blah.
August
"Where do you want to go?" Sephiroth asked as he climbed into his car, Angeal already on the passanger seat.
"Hmm…how about that ShinRa club?"
"That club your brother and his little shadow are so fond of? How is it that they get in there anyway? They're not over 21 yet"
"Zack told me that Cloud knows the owner, but I haven't been there so I don't know. Speaking of Zack…" Angeal hesitated, "could you at least be civil to the poor kid?"
"Are you asking me to encourage his…whatever he thinks he feels?"
"Seph…look, I know Zack can be a little…irritating sometimes…Okay, most of the time" Angeal amended when he caught the look his friend shot him, "But he's just a kid"
"A kid? Angeal, he's twenty years old, you've said so yourself. Talking to him will only encourage him into thinking something might happen."
Angeal knew what Sephiroth thought about the whole situation, but he didn't like being the middle man, either comforting Zack whenever Sephiroth hurt his feelings or calming Sephiroth down when Zack managed to annoy him. He was brought back from his thoughts when, after a moment of silence, Sephiroth spoke in a voice he didn't quite recognize.
"Do you want that Angeal? ...You want me to…can you seriously say you wouldn't mind…" Sephiroth swallowed a few times and it seemed like he was having a hard time getting his question across. "Do you want me to encourage him?"
Angeal looked at him curiously. Sephiroth was not the type of man who ever had a problem speaking. He was the last person to falter, to become flustered, to hesitate, and it was obvious that that had not been the question he had wanted to ask. But Angeal said nothing,turning instead to the question that Sephiroth hadmanaged to ask. He was pretty sure Zack only thought he was in love and that it would end as soon as he finally got the message that Sephiroth wasn't interested. He couldn't help wandering back to the way Sephiroth's voice had sounded just moments ago. It wasn't the first time Sephiroth had said that if he started talking to Zack, the boy would get ideas about the whole thing. He had always said it as if asking Angeal if he wanted his brother getting hurt. But this time the words and the tone of his voice had been a little different. It was as if Sephiroth had been asking how he would react if a relationship ever existed between him and Zack. Angeal shook his head, he was probably imagining things, Sephiroth was practically allergic to the word relationship.
"No Seph, I don't want you to encourage him but just…don't ignore him. Zack will get over you, just give it time"
There was a moment of silence and glancing to the side Angeal could see Sephiroth's expression, it was one of disappointment…even of sadness. Sadness? But before he could say anything it was gone and that blank expression that was unique to Sephiroth was back.
"I'll be civil, but not to his little shadow." Angeal had to laugh; he found it extremely amusing how Cloud was the only one who could get Sephiroth so riled up. There was something about the short blonde that made his friend tense up whenever they were in the same room. He noticed that they were getting closer to the club and turned to Sephiroth.
"I'm warning you, don't disappear on me again. I hate it when you leave me alone in these places; you know I don't like them."
"You suggested the place Angeal and besides, it's not my fault you sit and brood in a corner while there are men around waiting to be fucked by you." Angeal grimaced at the crude words and Sephiroth laughed.
"What happened yesterday with that co-worker of yours?" Angeal asked trying to shift the conversation away from his sex life.
"Fucked him," Sephiroth answered as he smirked, "and he moaned like a whore. What Angeal? Don't look at me like that; I'm not a girl when it comes to sex like you. I mean god, when was the last time you got laid?"
"I don't see why my sex life is any of your business."
"That long huh? What is that you want Angeal, flowers and chocolates first and then sex? Someone to read you poetry?"
"Don't you get lonely? Don't you get tired of it?" Its was rare when they had these conversations, love was not something Sephiroth like to talk about and would always get annoyed whenever the subject came up.
"Sex? Who gets tired of sex?"
"I'm not talking about sex, idiot. Don't you want something else? I don't know, I'm tired of going to these clubs with you and ending up in a bed with someone I don't ever want to see again. I want…I want more"
"You sound like a woman Angeal, it's disturbing" Sephiroth knew his teasing had gone too far when Angeal looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. "Angeal look…I don't want, no…I don't need anything more than sex. Relationships are a waste of time, you have to call the person and remember stupid dates and all that shit that I don't have the time or the patience for. In the end, someone always get hurt and for what? Just to have someone to talk to and fucking cuddle? I have you to talk to and if I wanted to cuddle I would have gotten a fucking teddy bear already."
"You're afraid of getting hurt? Is that's the reason you-"
"No, I'm not afraid of getting hurt!" Sephiroth snapped but quickly calmed down.
Angeal raised an eyebrow; it was obvious he had struck a touchy subject.
"It's not that, Angeal, relationships…love…all that shit is not for me. Fucking is easy, you get in and you get out." He laughed at his own choice of words. "Nobody gets hurt…well, that's not true. It always hurts a little but they never complain." He finished with a smirk.
Angeal managed not to roll his eyes and got out of the car as they arrived at the club.
"You're not leaving me alone tonight right?"
"No Angeal…want me to hold your hand too?" Sephiroth laughed and managed to dodge the punch that came his way.
xoxo
"I don't want to go to school Angeal! Pleeeease just five more minutes, I promise I'll get uhg! Angeal! Give me back my blanket!"
"I can't believe I'm waking you up and taking you to school. What are you, ten?"
Zack, who was currently holding to his pillow as if his life depended on it, pouted, "It's not my fault your car broke down and you took mine. It's only fair you take me to school."
"Then get out of bed! I'm leaving in 10 minutes, with our without you. I don't see why you wake up an hour early to take a shower and then fall asleep again."
"Angeal, Angeal…how do you think I accomplish this sexy just-got-out-of-bed hairstyle? Besides I need to eat, I'm a growing boy!"
"I already cooked breakfast now get up" Angeal said as he made a move to get Zack's pillow, but he just held on to it more tightly.
"Angeal don't you love me anymore? Angeal? Angeaaaaaaal!
xoxo
"What took you so long? I've been waiting for more than half an hour!"
"I'm sorry Cloudy, Angeal left me man. Can you believe it? Just because I refused to eat the crap he cooked. It looked evil. I swear it actually moved!"
Cloud rolled his eyes and sighed. It was impossible to stay angry at Zack. They were walking toward the university's main entrance and Cloud noticed the two men standing by it.
"Zack, promise you'll be good ok?" Zack looked confused for a moment but when one of the group spoke, he immediately tensed up and moved closer to Cloud.
"Well well well…look who it is…the Virgin Mary and Tinkerbell," the one speaking laughed even harder when Zack made a move to stand in front of Cloud, "Ohh look how he protects him."
Zack was about to take a step forward when Cloud grabbed his arm and pulled him in another direction. They could still hear the insults and comments from the group as they finally entered the university.
"Zack just ignore them, it's not worth it"
"I won't let them talk about you that-"
"Zack! I don't need you to protect me. I'm not a child." Zack was silent for a moment and Cloud immediately felt guilty. "I know you mean well. But I can take care of myself"
"I don't think you're a child Spikey, but I don't want them-"
"I know Zack," Cloud cut him off, "I know ok? But they won't stop. That fight last week didn't stop them and just got you problems with Angeal. Come on Zack, look at me. I don't care what they say about me. Don't go look for them ok?"
"Alright, but promise me that if they bother you you'll tell me. Promise me Cloud." Cloud looked away for a second before Zack brought his fingers to his chin and turned his face toward him. "Please, promise me"
"Yes mother," Cloud said smiling, but inside he knew he wouldn't keep that promise. They said goodbye and both parted ways, each to his respective classroom.
Later that day Cloud was walking toward the Midgar Building and he was nervous. Very nervous. A few weeks ago he had participated in the swim team tryouts and today they were posting the results. He finally arrived at the door of the building but hesitated when he saw the list posted on the wall. What if he didn't make it? He had never really participated in any sports as a child, but he had always liked swimming. His petite frame and somewhat girlish looks had always gotten him teased by others in high school and he had refrained from joining any school clubs and especially sport teams. Now starting his second year in college he had decided to try for the swim team. He was good at it and he figured that in college no one would care about his sexual orientation because they were after all in college and everyone was supposed to be adults.
Taking deep breaths he walked closer to the wall and started reading the names of the ones who had made the list. "…Almasy, Dincht, Kinneas, Leonhart…Strife"
"I made it!" Cloud managed not to squeak but couldn't stop the laughter and a little jump in the air. His little victory dance was short lived as the same guys from the morning came walking toward him. Cloud tried to walk in the other direction but was quickly blocked by one of them.
"I see you made it little shit. Are you happy now that you'll get to be with us in the locker room?"
"That's probably the only reason he joined," the other one said.
The tallest one came closer to Cloud and pushed him against the wall, "You better not join the team you hear me?"
Cloud tried to push away the hands that were holding him against the wall but his strength wasn't enough.
"Let go off me you asshole, let go! You have no right to tell me you don't want me on the team-"
"Yes I do you little faggot, I'm the captain of the swim team. I will decide if the others that made it are good enough but you…I don't want you on my team. What is that you want? To look at our cocks when we change? That's it uh?"
As he heard the other one laughing he started to feel the tears of humiliation beginning to form in his eyes and he tried desperately to hold them back.
"Let me go" he managed to say, but it came out in a whisper.
"What? You're crying now?" The one holding him pulled him closer, "You better not be in the team on Monday, or you'll regret it."
He pushed him again and Cloud felt a wave of dizziness as his head smacked against the wall. He faintly heard the other murmuring similar promises and when he closed his eyes he could feel a tear running down his cheek. "I guess some things never change," he thought. How many times had this happened already? It was the same group since he had taken an interest in the swim team a few months ago. He thought about Zack…no, Zack couldn't know about this. Zack had already gotten in trouble too many times trying to protect him and he had promised himself that wouldn't happen again. "I'm sorry Zack, I'm sorry I lied."
September
"I'm glad you finally got your car back, these walks to the club every weekend were killing me," Cloud said as they got out of the car and headed toward the "building with the big ass shiny letters" (as Zack called it). The blaring music from inside the club could be heard from outside and the main entrance was packed with people trying to get in.
"You're just getting old Spikey"
"Yeah yeah…I'm not the one turning 21 in a few months"
"Few months? Pfff…try almost half a year" Zack said and made a move to grab Cloud in a headlock.
"Ughh let go off me you brute, you're messing up my hair!" Zack chuckled and kept ruffling the spiky blond hair.
When they got to the building, they went directly to the door and greeted the two bouncers.
"Hey there Rude, Vincent…how's life treating you guys?"
Cloud smiled as he watched the two men; it was hilarious how they communicated. One rarely talked and the other was just too serious all the time. Both looked at each other and apparently Vincent lost the staring contest because he was the one who answered.
"Fine, the same as always"
It wasn't like he didn't like Zack or Cloud, but he just didn't like talking that much. And besides, Zack was just too friendly and they weren't there to be friendly. They were there too keep things calm and strike fear in anyone that wanted to make trouble. But Vincent had to admit, even if he would never do it aloud, that Zack and Cloud were good kids and that he really did like them. Cloud was shy, quiet and even though he was the younger one, he was always the one to think things through. Zack…well Zack was the opposite of Cloud. He was like a ball of energy that seemed to bounce from one place to another, never taking the time to think before acting on his instincts. He was loud and upbeat; he was just disgustingly optimistic and cheery.
"How's my cousin?" Cloud asked.
"He's fine, on one of his business trips. Actually, I'll be joining him in a month so if there's anything you want to send him I'll take it."
"What? You're leaving Vinnie?" Vincent cringed at the nickname that Zack had for him and he could see from the corner of his eye that Rude was fighting a smile.
"It's Vincent. And yes, Mr. Shinra requires my assistance but he'll send someone to cover for me in my absence"
"Is he hot?Is he? Is he?" Cloud rolled his eyes at the hopeful tone in Zack's voice.
"Her name is Cissnei"
"Her name? A chick? How is a girl supposed to be a good bouncer?" Zack asked but then he noticed the look that Vincent and Rude, even under the shades, were giving him. Oh that's right, they hated being called bouncers. "Uhm…I mean bodyguards? Keepers of the law?...Defenders of the innocent…no?"
They had never really explained what their job was exactly, but they had often made it clear that they weren't mere bouncers. Cloud knew his cousin trusted them with his own life; he had even put them in charge of keeping an eye on him and Zack whenever they were in the club. They acted like bodyguards, but Cloud knew that they were very very expensive bodyguards.
"Just be quiet Zack and let's leave them in peace. Thanks Vincent, I'll let you know if I decide to send him something"
Both Vincent and Rude sighed in relief when they saw Cloud drag Zack inside the club, Zack complaining about "why they couldn't get a hot guy."
xoxo
It was a Wednesday evening when Sephiroth arrived a Angeal's house. He wanted to run some things from work by Angeal first before handing them in the next morning. Walking toward the door he noticed it was open and since it wasn't the first time he had found it like that, he walked in without knocking. There was music coming from the kitchen and…someone was singing.
"…I want to hold you so much…at long last love has arrived…and I thank God I'm alive…"
Walking closer to the kitchen door Sephiroth was able to see Zack in front of the stove, stirring something with a wooden spoon while he added some vegetables from a glass bowl. But it was the pink apron that Zack was wearing that caught Sephiroth's attention. If he could just admit it, he would have to say the whole picture of Zack wearing a pink apron and cooking while singing was just…just-
"…pardon the way that I stare…there's nothing else to compare…the sight of you leaves me weak…"
It was at that moment that Zack, still singing, turned around and saw him. To say that he had been startled would be a big understatement. He had been frightened, surprised but also embarrassed. In his surprise he dropped the glass bowl that he had been holding and without thinking dropped to his knees to pick up the broken pieces. The only thought on his mind being: "Sephiroth is here. Sephiroth is here. Sephiroth is here and…and I'm wearing a fucking apron!"
"…please let me know that it's real…you're just too good to be true…can't take my eyes off of you …"
"Oww shit!" his thoughts came to a halt when he felt a piece of glass cut through the skin on one of his fingers. "Nice," he thought, "now I look like an idiot sucking on my thumb…in an apron. And not just any apron, nooooo, it had to be a pink one. Why does this always happen to me?"
Still sucking on his thumb, he reached with his other hand to get the last piece of glass on the floor, but another hand got to it first. Slowly raising his head his eyes met the green ones of the older man.
"I love you baby and if it's quite alright I need you baby to warm the lonely nights I love you baby…"
His eyes wandered back to his hand and he realized he was still holding on to Sephiroth's. He could feel a blush creeping up on his face and forced himself to let go of the hand. He was about to apologize when Sephiroth spoke.
"You shouldn't suck on your thumb. Don't you know how many germs the human mouth has?" His voice was lacking that usual 'I don't want to talk to you' tone, but before Zack could analyze it, Sephiroth robbed him of speech and all coherent thought when he grabbed his injured hand and gently brought him up to his feet.
"You should wash it." But instead of letting, Sephiroth walked to the kitchen sink still holding Zack's hand and turned the faucet to let the rush of water come out. He held Zack's hand under the stream of water, gently running his fingers on the small cut.
"…you're just too good to be true…can't take my eyes off of you…you'd be like heaven to touch…I want to-"
Sephiroth reached and turned off the small radio on the kitchen counter as he kept Zack's hand under the water.
"Y-you don't...you don't like the song?" Zack asked as he finally found his voice. Sephiroth didn't answer and Zack wished he could see his face, but that long and beautiful hair didn't let him. He briefly wondered if he could touch it and get away with it but quickly changed his mind as he remembered Angeal saying that Sephiroth hated people touching his hair.
"You can put on a band-aid or just let it dry. Don't worry about it, you'll survive" Sephiroth said, the last part with a hint of amusement.
Just the fact that Sephiroth was talking to him had Zack thanking every deity that he could think of. He knew he probably looked like an idiot, with his hand stretched out even though Sephiroth wasn't holding it anymore and his lips parting and closing, trying to get some words out.
"For someone who's studying to be a doctor, you certainly don't know how to react to the sight of blood. Where's Angeal?" Sephiroth asked when Zack kept looking at him as if he would disappear at any moment.
Finally Zack forced himself to think and focus on the question Sephiroth had asked. "You just missed him. He went to the store but he won't be long. You can wait for him if you want to." Sephiroth simply nodded and was about to walk out of the kitchen when Zack spoke.
"Thank you for…this," he said as he motioned to his hand, "I just…thank you." Sephiroth didn't say anything for a few seconds.
Crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the side of the door frame he finally said, "I didn't know you liked old songs. Isn't that song from the 1960's?" Zack blushed but smiled.
"My mom used to listen to these songs when she cooked. I don't have a lot of memories of my parents you know…of when they were still alive, but this I remember. I was little, maybe four or five and I used to sit on the kitchen counter while my mom cooked dinner. I always managed to grab some food whenever she wasn't looking. Maybe she did noticed, but she never said anything…she just sang and danced with me." Zack was silent for a moment but kept smiling at the memories.
"I met your mother a few months before they passed away. She was always very nice to me, she treated me like another son" Sephiroth said and after a moment he added, "You are a lot like your mother."
Zack smiled gently, "Angeal says the same thing. He says that not only do I look a like her but that my personality is a lot like hers too."
Sephiroth looked at him and without thinking said, "Yes, she was very sweet."
Zack had to remind himself how to breathe. He knew he had heard Sephiroth right. What had he meant by those words? That he thought he was also sweet? Even though his heart was thumping so hard his chest hurt, he managed to lift his head and smile at the man standing on the doorway. Sephiroth looked away and again turned to leave the kitchen.
"Wait…wait…are you hungry? Please come and have something to eat…please?" Sephiroth looked at him again and walked to the table, surprising Zack and even himself. But it only took a few seconds before Zack broke out of his shock and started serving food on a plate.
"Don't worry, I know how to cook. I had to learn if I wanted to survive with Angeal, he can't even boil water to save his own life," Zack laughed.
Sephiroth was looking at the books scattered around the table, the closest one about Computer Information and Web Design.
"Why are you taking this class?" he asked motioning to the book.
"It's a core class; every student has to take it in order to graduate."
"You're not doing very well," Sephiroth said as he brought an open notebook closer. There was a test with a 55 written at the top. Zack made a move to take the notebook but Sephiroth just moved it away.
"This is a failing grade," he said and looked up to a blushing Zack.
"Yeah well…I don't understand the professor half the time and the book is just uhg…I don't really see why we should learn this boring crap." But then he remembered that Sephiroth did that for a living. "I didn't mean it like that, I don't think is boring I just-"
"Why don't you just ask Angeal for help?" Sephiroth asked as we read over the notes. He was surprised that they were actually good notes. Why was he failing?
"Angeal doesn't know I'm not doing well in the class," Zack said as he scratched the back of his neck, "he has enough to worry about without me bothering him with homework. I know he wouldn't mind helping me but…he just got another job. He's working a lot of hours to support us both. I just…I just don't want him to worry."
"Hmph I see. Is there anyone else who can help?"
"Yeah, I just went today to the Leaning Center to ask for a tutor. There are no tutors right now for this course, but they said they would send me an e-mail if anyone turned up."
Sephiroth again found himself speaking without thinking first, "I can help you."
"Really? You can? Really?"
"Yes…I don't want Angeal worrying either. When is your next class?"
"Tomorrow, I have the class on Mondays and Thursdays"
"Very well then…we can meet on those two days if you want," Sephiroth said even though he was already regretting the offer. Zack was grinning and nodding.
"Those days are ok. So…I'm going see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, I'll be here by six. Do you have to take the textbook to class?"
"Nah, we keep it at home for homework"
"I'll take it with me then, I want to see what you've been studying." An awkward silence followed as neither had anything more to say. Well that wasn't exactly true, Zack had plenty to say. But he also reasoned that saying "you don't know how freaking sexy you look right now" and "I want to jump your yummy bones" to Sephiroth wasn't exactly a good idea. After a few more seconds Sephiroth stood and told him that he was going to eat in Angeal's room. Although disappointed, Zack recovered quickly and smiled. "Tomorrow…I'll see you again tomorrow"
November
Looking up from his homework Zack saw Sephiroth going over some document in his laptop. It was weird how things had changed in just two months. It wasn't like they were friends, but their relationship had changed and Zack was happy about it.
The tutoring sessions weren't awkward anymore for now they knew what to expect from each other. Sephiroth would explain the chapters Zack was supposed to be studying, often making comments about Zack's professor being an idiot. He then would ask Zack if there was something he still didn't understand and would explain it again if there was. Sephiroth would then choose some problems from the chapter and help Zack solved them until he was sure the he could do them by himself. He then left Zack doing his actual homework as he checked his e-mails and anything else from work on his laptop. Before leaving, he would always make sure Zack's homework was "perfect" and Zack would always blush when Sephiroth said it.
He chuckled as he remembered the first time Sephiroth had come over to help him, oh that had been awkward alright.
Zack had been nervous the whole day, torn between wanting the evening to arrive and wanting to call the whole thing off. He had always wanted the opportunity to talk to Sephiroth alone, but now that it was no longer just a possibility but something that was actually going to happen, he couldn't help but feel nervous. When Sephiroth had finally arrived, Zack was pretty sure he was hyperventilating and that he would pass out at any moment. Sephiroth didn't seem fazed with the situation; in fact he had been the one to utter the first words. Words that hadn't help Zack. At all.
"Where do you want to do it?"
"Huh?" was Zack's very eloquent reply.
"I asked…where do you want to do it?"
Nobody could blame Zack for not being able to make his brain work. The silver-haired god who occupied certain dreams that forced him to take early showers -cold showers to be exact- in the morning was standing in front of him asking him where he wanted to do it. Seriously…how could he answer that?
"Uhm…th-the living room…or…we could uhm…we could go to my room…I just…I don't have any chairs…just the uhm…the b-bed…yeah…"
"The living room," Sephiroth said as he walked out of the kitchen.
In the living room, Zack had taken a seat in the floor until he noticed that Sephiroth was still standing in front of him, a silver eyebrow arched and arms crossed over his chest."Do you expect me to sit on the floor?"
Zack had to sit on the sofa, which being a small sofa, had him sitting just a few inches away from Sephiroth. This was one of the things Zack was nervous about, being close to the man was going to make it hard to concentrate and the last thing he wanted was have Sephiroth thinking he was wasting his time. Sephiroth had started by asking questions about the class and then he began to explain the chapter while Zack took notes. As much as he tried not to, Zack would stare from time to time, always looking away embarrassed whenever Sephiroth noticed. Even though it had been uncomfortable at first, Zack found himself understanding the material. At the end of the session, Sephiroth had given Zack a small card.
"It's my phone number", he explained, "if you can't make it to one of the days we meet call me in advance to let me know"
Smiling, Zack resumed staring at the silver-haired man beside him. He loved these moments because it always gave him a chance to see Sephiroth without the other man putting up his 'blank look'. Sometimes the man would take his lower lip softly between his teeth while deep in thought, other times he would squint at something he was reading while he tapped his fingers on his leg and sometimes his nose would slightly scrunch up. And every time he did one of those things, Zack would look on enamored and happy because he was sure not many got to see this side of Sephiroth.
November was coming to an end and for the first time in his life, Zack found himself wishing the semester would go on forever. Just a few more weeks and the tutoring sessions would be over and there would be no more time alone with Sephiroth. "Just two months," Zack thought, "just two months and I can't imagine myself without seeing him like this."
The last two months had gone too quickly and Zack held on to every memory, willing himself not to forget even the slightest detail.
Just two weeks after Sephiroth had started helping him; Zack had told him he was having a midterm and that he needed an 85 or above to pass the class. Sephiroth had stayed longer, almost three hours the day before to help him review for it. When Zack finally got the test back he quickly grabbed his cell phone and wrote a simple text message:
"I got a 95! :D"
He had done it without thinking. He had thought about calling Sephiroth countless times, but had always refrained from doing so in fear that he would be told that it was for emergencies only. For a few minutes Zack wondered about the things Sephiroth would yell at him and was about to panic when his phone vibrated. Opening his cell phone, Zack saw the small envelope at the top of his screen that indicated a new text message. With shaking fingers Zack pressed the button to go to his inbox and then to view the message.
"It's 12:45, aren't you supposed to be in class? Pay attention to the idiot you call professor. A 95? I was expecting a 100. I guess I've been too easy on you. Insert angry face here."
Zack let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. And then Zack was laughing, a laugh full of relief and pure, sweet happiness. The professor had scowled at him for the remaining of the period and for the first time Zack truly didn't care.
A week after that, Zack was walking out of the science building when he felt his phone vibrating. Opening the phone without looking at the screen first, Zack answered.
"Hello?"
"Zack?"
"Sephiroth?" He had been pleasantly surprised when Sephiroth kept replying to his text messages whenever he had the courage to actually text him. But never, even in his wildest dreams, had he thought the man would call him. And that voice, oh god that voice.
"Are you done with school for the day?"
"Yeah, I was about to go home." There was a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Zack feared Sephiroth would cancel the tutoring session of that evening.
"…I'm a few blocks away from your school. Do you want me to pick you up?"
Zack stopped walking. Of all the things he had been expecting to hear, that wasn't one of them.
"Pick me up? Really?"
"Well…I'm just a few minutes away from your school and we do have that tutoring session."
"You don't mind coming for me?" There was an even longer silence and finally Sephiroth answered, his voice so husky Zack wanted to melt on the spot.
"No…I don't mind."
"Oh…ok. I'll be by the main entrance then. I'll look for you…or…you look for me uhm…we'll look for each other…I wouldn't want to-"
"Zack…I think I know you enough to recognize you"
"Hehe…ok uhm…see you in a jiffy!" Zack said trying not to sound too eager and failing miserably.
When Sephiroth arrived, Zack was trying to stop himself from squealing and grinning like an idiot.
"You could've texted me too you know," Zack saying strapping his seat belt on.
"So you could laugh at my inability to text like you've done for the last week?" Sephiroth asked with a smirk and Zack laughed. He found it hilarious that Sephiroth couldn't understand his text messages. A couple of days later after getting back his test, Zack was in class when Sephiroth texted him if he was paying attention to the professor. Zack had answered -FYI I was paying attn b4 u txt me k =( jk lol. Btw ur bff wanted 2 know if u r free b4 8 2moro? Ttyl-
Sephiroth answered with a -what the hell was that? - That day Zack had tried to explain how text messaging worked and the many abbreviations he could use. Zack had laughed when his tutoring session turned into a crash course of 'text speak 101' with Sephiroth arguing the whole time that it was ridiculous since deciphering that "nonsense" was a waste of time.
Sephiroth started driving and Zack wiggled in his seat. He didn't feel nervous as he did in the beginning when he used to stammer and stumble whenever Sephiroth was present, but he was still unsure on what were his limits.
"You can put music if you want. I have some CDs too." Sephiroth said signaling to the small compartment in front of Zack, who immediately searched for something to listen.
"You like Queen? Ohhhh we have to sing Bicycle Race!"
"I'm not singing and neither are you"
"But why? It's a good song, come on Seph" the nickname slipped out of his lips and for a second Zack wondered if Sephiroth would get angry, but the man just snorted and shook his head.
"I don't sing"
"But you have to! Listen listen it's starting…'Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride it where I like."
Zack kept singing the rest of the song, still trying to convince Sephiroth to sing along with him. He wasn't sure but for a moment he could have sworn he saw Sephiroth smile. Then another song came on and Zack laughed when he recognized it was 'You're my best friend'.
"I love this song too. Cloud hates it when I sing it to him…'Ohh you make me live whatever this world can give to me it's you, you're all I see…ohh you make me live now-"Zack was only able to sing the first few lines before Sephiroth reached and turned off the stereo.
"It's too much noise." He didn't say much after that, only answering in monosyllables when Zack tried to make any type of conversation.
Sephiroth called him the next week and offered to pick him up again, saying that the school was on his way back from work and Zack quickly accepted. Zack was often confused about Sephiroth's mood swings. He sometimes found it easy to talk to him even if he often did most of the talking. But sometimes he was confused; like that afternoon when Sephiroth seemed to be in a good mood and had suddenly gone psycho on him for no reason. They had been talking about the last few chapters Zack would have to study before his final and Sephiroth had offered to come another day until the test to study with him. Cloud came over that afternoon and stayed in the living room waiting for him to finish. Zack had being studying the definitions of a few terms when Sephiroth snapped at him for not knowing who Tim Berners-Lee was.
Cloud and Angeal weren't happy with the tutoring sessions. Angeal had argued that he could help Zack but Sephiroth had convinced him that he had more free time and that he had no problem helping his brother. Angeal finally accepted after having a long talk with Zack and making him promise that he would behave. Cloud on the other hand saw no reason for Zack to be seeing Sephiroth. He believed that Zack would only get his hopes up and Sephiroth would end up hurting him. That day that Sephiroth snapped at Zack Cloud had jumped from the sofa to yell at him.
"What the hell is wrong with you? You don't have to yell at him."
"This has nothing to do with you, so stay out of it" Sephiroth had answered angrily. Sephiroth ended leaving that day even though Zack had tried to calm both of them down.
Yes, things had changed in only two months. Sephiroth was now sitting on the floor beside him and eating the chocolate mousse Zack had made for dessert. He had finally accepted to sit on the floor since Zack would argue half the time that it was more comfortable. Zack was finding it difficult to concentrate this evening. He blamed it on the memories of the last few weeks, on the many times he had laughed at Sephiroth's bad jokes and his terrible text messages. He cherished the rare occasions in which Sephiroth picked him up from school because it gave him the opportunity to talk to him about other stuff besides his homework. The situation had become almost comfortable. He knew he had promised Angeal that he would behave and that he had assured Cloud that he wouldn't get his hopes up. But it was impossible not to imagine how it could be if he could just spend more time with the man of his dreams. Sephiroth noticed him daydreaming but to Zack's surprise refrained from reprimanding him. Some minutes later Zack was making a perfect, almost to the point of being creepy, imitation of Angeal during one of his many speeches about honor and discipline when Sephiroth burst out laughing. Zack had seen his smirk and his tight lipped smile but he had never seen him laughing like that. Sephiroth tried and failed to contain his laughter and only sobered up when he noticed Zack smiling at him.
"You should do that more often," Zack said, "you look…it's…" At that moment Zack wasn't sure about what he wanted to say and when Sephiroth looked straight into his eyes, his breath caught in his throat. "Just two months and I won't see him like this." And before he could think about the consequences, Zack raised his head and kissed him. It was a chaste kiss, lips pressed lightly against lips, and yet for a few seconds it was heaven. It was Sephiroth who broke the contact and before Zack could speak he stood up.
"This is the last time I came to help you. Look for a tutor at your school." Sephiroth started grabbing his books but Zack was by his side in an instant.
"Seph…please…don't be angry with me…I…please Seph don't leave like this…Seph" Zack gripped Sephiroth by his wrist as he picked up his book bag. "Please let me explain…don't leave."
Sephiroth pulled his hand away and Zack grabbed his coat from the sofa holding it against his chest, hoping to stop him from leaving.
"Seph,,,please listen to me…I'm really sorry…I didn't…I…you were…oh god please don't look at me like that Seph-"
"Stop calling me that!" Sephiroth yelled with such anger that Zack staggered back a step.
"But…I'm sorry I won't…I…these two months have been really nice and I thought-"
"You thought what? That we were friends? What the fuck did you think was going to happen?"
"I'm really sorry I didn't think about I was doing I just-"
"Answer my question. What did you think was going to happen?" Sephiroth asked and Zack shook his head, clutching tighter to Sephiroth's coat. He didn't know what to say or do to make things right.
"I don't know…I just…you've been so nice to me…I thought we could be friends and I'm really sorry for what I did…I'm really sorry-"
"Do you think I was doing this for fun? I had to tolerate you for two fucking months just so Angeal wouldn't have to worry. Do you know how much he worries about you? You fucking ungrateful brat!"
Zack jerked back as if slapped, slowly shaking his head. No, he couldn't be hearing this.
"W-what do you mean he…were you…were you doing this just for Angeal?"
"Of course it was for him! He's been taking care of you for years. I wanted to help him but all I've done is waste my time with you."
Yanking his coat out of Zack's grasp, Sephiroth walked out of the living room. Zack wanted to run after Sephiroth but the strength left his legs, making him fall down until he was sitting on the floor.
December
"Come on Zack, you promised you'd dance with me" Cloud said as he grabbed Zack's arm in an attempt to pull him to the dance floor, the couples around them already dancing to the music.
"I know Cloud…but I really don't want to dance today."
The truth was that he didn't feel like doing anything. The only reason he was at the club was because Cloud had insisted he needed to cheer up and relax before the final exams. Two more weeks of school, a week of finals and the semester would be over. He had been miserable the last two weeks and even though he received and e-mail that there was a tutor available at the Learning Center, he refused to go. He still had some difficulty with some things, but he didn't want help from anyone else. He tried calling and texting Sephiroth to apologize again, but no matter how many messaged he left, the man never replied. He didn't want to tell Cloud why Sephiroth stopped helping him because he knew Cloud would get angry and that was the last thing he needed right now.
"Zack you promised" Cloud didn't like dancing, in fact he hated it but he didn't know what else to do or say to get Zack out of his misery. Even though Zack refused to talk about it, he knew something had happened with Sephiroth. He felt anger toward Sephiroth and even toward himself for not being able to talk Zack out of the tutoring sessions when he had first found out about it.
"Look mister….I'm going to get something to drink and when I come back, you are dancing with me you hear?" Cloud asked and Zack was forced to say yes.
Zack laughed as Cloud made his way through the throng of people on the dance floor, his small frame lost between all the bodies. Looking to his right toward the door he could see Cissnei and Rude, their eyes moving from one place to another, always on the lookout for any trouble. From the corner of his eye he saw a flash of silver and as he did every time he thought it was him, he turned and looked for Sephiroth. Only this time, it really was him and Zack didn't know what else to do but stare as Sephiroth walked to the back of the club. This was the first time Zack had been able to see him after that disaster at his house and he didn't know whether to follow him and force Sephiroth to hear him out or to give up on the whole thing. "What am I suppose to say?" he thought, "How do I make things right?" Finally deciding on following him, Zack started after Sephiroth. Walking to the back of the club became difficult since the most 'adventurous' couples were always back there and it was harder to go through. He could see men pressed against each other, hands lost between their bodies and the music the only thing drowning the sounds Zack knew they had to be making. Zack finally made it into the barely lit corridor that led to the back room and realized Sephiroth was nowhere in sight. Refusing to give up, he made his way through the couple standing by the entrance, leather-clad men that stopped their groping only to invite Zack to 'join the fun'. Zack was glad there wasn't enough light to show his blushing face. He didn't know this went on in the club since he and Cloud always stayed close to the entrance. Cloud's cousin had ordered Rude to keep them within his reach in case they needed anything but Zack now understood why they were always kept at the front. Adjusting his eyesight to the darkness of the enormous room, Zack looked around until he saw that long silver mane that he loved. Sephiroth was leaning against one of the walls with his eyes closed and his lips parted as if breathing through his mouth. Before losing his courage, Zack walked toward him until something caught his eye that made him falter in his step. It only took a few seconds for him to understand what was in front of him and he felt his breath stop and then rush out of his mouth as if he had been punched. It was dark but Zack was able to make out the form of someone on his knees in front of Sephiroth and he couldn't look away even as Sephiroth tugged at the kneeling man's hair, pulling his head faster and…
Suddenly his vision blurred and he couldn't get enough air into his lungs as he made his way out of the room and into the corridor, murmuring apologies to those he stumbled into and receiving only hard shoves in return. He wanted to get out, wanted to get far away from the music, the smell of alcohol and away from what he had seen.
"Hey! Where are-"
"I'm sorry" Zack murmured to the person he bumped into, not even noticing it was Cloud, and continued toward the exit. Cloud was about to follow him when he heard someone call his name. Turning around he found Cissnei making her way through the couples on the dance floor.
"I'm sorry Cloud, I couldn't get there fast enough. Someone was bothering the bartender and when I got there…I'm sorry"
"Calm down Cissnei…what are you talking about?"
"He saw Sephiroth"
"What do you mean he saw Sephiroth?"
"I saw Sephiroth walk toward the back room and when I looked for Zack, he was already following him. I tried to get there as fast as I could but I…I'm sorry I just-"
"What did he do to Zack? I swear if that bastard did something I'll-"
"No Cloud…Sephiroth was in the back room…with someone else and they were…Zack saw them." Cloud looked toward the backroom and then toward the exit. He now understood Zack's need to get out of there.
"I feel terrible…I've never seen him look so sad Cloud"
"It's ok Cissnei…I'll go talk to him"
Cloud walked to the parking lot and he hesitated when he saw Zack sitting on the floor beside his car. He wanted to comfort his friend but he also wanted to go back to the club and find Sephiroth. He blamed himself for what had happened. He knew what went on in the back room, his cousin had made it clear that he wasn't allowed there, but curiosity had won and he had wandered back there once. He had been very grateful that Vincent had been watching him that time because some guy had grabbed him and refused to let him go. He had seen Sephiroth heading that way a couple of times, and both times he had managed to keep Zack busy with something else. Cloud walked toward Zack and sat beside him.
"I'm sorry Zack"
"What are you sorry for?"
"Cissnei followed you…she told me"
"I see" Cloud made a move to put his arm around him when Zack spoke.
"Don't. I'm not crying."
"Zack…he's not-"
"I kissed him"
"What?"
"I kissed him. That's why he stopped helping me. It was my fault"
"Why did you do that for Zack?"
"Why wouldn't I kiss him? I…I care about him. I know you don't like him, but he was nice to me Cloud. He picked me up from school a few times and he would tell me things about himself and about his work. He was…he was nice to me and I couldn't help it. He was really angry and it was my fault."
Cloud didn't know what to think but before he could speak, Zack continued, his voice wavering a little.
"You know…I was talking to Angeal the other day and I asked him if he had ever been in love before. He said no. I asked him if Sephiroth had ever been in love and he told me that he didn't think so. I don't understand…how do they know what I feel? How can they be so sure that what I feel is just a crush? Angeal is always making jokes about how it's just a case of puppy love. You…even you Cloud…you think that what I feel is wrong." The last words came out broken as his shoulders shook with the force of the sobs he was trying to hold back. "I know I have no right to expect him to return my feelings…I know he would never look at me that way. I've seen the men he…I've seen them." He sobbed then but continued. "Have you seen them? They're…I'm nothing like them. He's perfect and I'm…I'm just…me"
"Don't-" Cloud started to say but Zack was already shaking his head, tears running down his cheeks.
"I don't expect anything Cloud. I kissed him but I never expected anything. I know he would never…but I just…I knew…but I never thought I would see him with someone." He laughed, but the sound came out broken and full of anguish. "I knew he would never feel anything for me…but I…I can't help it Cloud…it hurts…it hurts and I can't make it stop. I can't make it stop…I can't" His shoulders sagged as he let the tears come, the force of his sobs shaking his body. Cloud hugged him then and Zack clutched at his arms. Cloud held him, without saying anything, only waiting until Zack calmed down. Only when he was sure Zack was listening did he talk.
"You're beautiful Zack. Those men…they're nothing compared to you. I don't ever want to hear you speak like that again you hear?" Zack was silent for a moment but when he finally looked at Cloud there was a small smile on his lips. Cloud kept holding him until Zack moved to stand up, extending his hand to help Cloud.
"Let's go home, I'm really tired" Cloud nodded and was about to go to his side of the car when Zack pulled him into a hug.
"Thank you Cloudy. I seriously don't know what I would do without you. I'd probably sit in a corner and cry my eyes out."
Cloud smiled at the playful tone of his friend and was about to answer back when he saw someone walking toward them. And there he was. Sephiroth was coming back from the club, probably to find his own car when he saw them. Cloud was about to look away when he caught the expression on Sephiroth's face. There were too many emotions but for a few seconds, Cloud recognized all of them. It didn't matter how fast Sephiroth tried to hide them behind that blank expression of his as he made his way to his car. Cloud saw as Sephiroth drove out of the parking lot and into the street.
Cloud thought about all those times Sephiroth had looked at him with hatred in his eyes. He had wondered a few times why Sephiroth felt that way about him. Yes, he didn't like him either and whenever they were in the same room a fight always happened but Sephiroth really didn't have a valid reason for hating him. Cloud wanted to laugh out loud. Oh God…he finally understood.
Cloud had wondered a few times if Zack only said that Sephiroth was nice to him just to reassure Angeal and him that everything was fine. He had wondered because every time he was present, Sephiroth would always snap at Zack for no reason. Now he knew…It wasn't Zack he had been mad at. It had never been Zack.
Cloud thought about that emotion he had seen in Sephiroth's face.
"How did I never recognize it? It was always there" he thought as he remembered all those times he'd had the misfortune of dealing with him.
Jealousy.
Sephiroth was jealous of him.
Sephiroth was in love with Zack.
A/N: Hmm I'm not all that happy with the last pages of this chapter. Writing in English is hard . I was getting really frustrated and before I did something stupid (like forgetting about the story), I decided to just finish it as best as I could. I've been working 5 days a week and going to school the other two days. I'm tired :( Sorry about any spelling mistakes and all that.
So poor Angeal wants someone to read him poetry? (hint!)
Next chapter: Yazoo, a jealous Sephiroth and new bodyguard.