I sat in Emy's and my bedroom, silently reading a book that I had recently started. One of my legs hung off the side of the bed while I leaned back against the pillows. The time on the clock read 8:23 p.m., and I had just finished a very awkwardly quiet dinner with Emy. I didn't at all understand why she had been so distant lately, but it was something that I tried not to worry about too much.

"Hey Sara..?" Emy asked, standing in the doorway of our room. I looked up from my book, noticing her sudden presence. How long had she been standing there?

"Can I…talk to you about something?" She asked, looking at me in a very odd way.

"Sure.." I breathed out, "Come in." I set my book down on the night stand next to me after checking what page I was on. Emy hesitated but then walked over to the side of the bed and sat down on the edge. "What's up?" I asked, swallowing the lump in my throat. I had no reason to be nervous, but the way Emy was acting and has been acting was making the room seem 2x smaller. Emy swallowed it seemed too, not looking at me.

"I wanted to…ask you about something.."

"Okay..?"

"I…I found something." She stuttered out. Emy looked up at me to see my reaction, but I didn't move. I had no idea what she was referring to. Found something? Maybe something at work? But then why was she acting like this? It must be pretty bad..

I waited a moment after she didn't say anything to reply, "….Okay?"

She bit down on her tongue, looking away from me again.

"I don't know how to even say it Sara…I found some letters-"

Letters..

"-from Tegan and-"

From Tegan?

"-I know they're yours because she used your name and-"

No. She can't mean..

"-I found them in a box in the closet." Emy didn't look at me; she kept her eyes on her hands. I wouldn't look at me either if she had found what I believed she did.

I didn't say anything.

"I know you asked me not to go through your stuff but I was trying to get something down out of the closet and one of your boxes fell. All of the things spilt out and when I started to put them all away I found some letters and…."

She found them.

"Did you read them?" I asked automatically, interrupting her panicked rambling. Emy hung her head in shame.

"Yeah…I did." She slurred.

My heart sank, and I felt my leg slide a little off the bed from my loss of trying to keep from it falling. Emy had found my long kept letters from Tegan – aging all the way back into our youth, and going up to one month ago. We hadn't written to each other lately because our words had…become actions; nothings serious though, only small flings back stage or on our free weekends. I had always felt terrible about it though, mainly because of Stacy, because I hated cheating on her. I never really felt that it was cheating though since the other person was my sister, but Stacy didn't see it that way.

Stacy had found out. She caught us one time those few months ago. I don't even like thinking about that moment because it was the day that I thought everything was going to hell. I thought she was going to tell everyone and then our career would end, and so would my relationship and friendship with Tegan. But she loved me strong enough to keep it a secret, and she told her friends we broke up for reasons that had something to do with our sex life.

I didn't know what to do with myself after that. I had no idea; I was a mess, and I was too ashamed to go to Tegan for help. So I ran to the only other person I could think of: Emy. I went to her house and just broke down, telling her everything – and I mean everything. I told her about me and Tegan; I told her about how Stacy caught us and then broke up with me…I told her every last piece. But she didn't push me away like I thought; she took me back in and cared for me when I really needed it.

But now, with her finding the letters – I felt like my world was ending again. Even though she did know, I had told her that everything was over. I told her that Tegan and I called it off after Stacy found us – but that wasn't the case. Tegan and I still 'saw' each other on occasion, and we still wrote about it. Emy and I never really declared that we were dating again, so I never felt as bad about sneaking out with Tegan; although, we were living together.

Tegan never seemed to say anything about 'us' – she kept to herself about how sneaking around felt to her, and how she thought it was affecting her relationship with Lindsey. I'd always wondered what was going through her head, and if what we were doing felt right to her, or if it was just her wanting to live a long felt fantasy.

"I'm…I'm sorry…" I whimpered out.

Emy looked up at me then, and her face changed to something that looked as though she was offended. "What are you sorry about?"

That you found out was the first thing that came to mind, but I knew she would probably slap me if I said that, but also it wasn't the truth. I didn't want her to know because I knew it would hurt her, but I couldn't just end what I had with Tegan – it had already gotten so far! And plus, we were in such close quarters all the time, it would have been harder to avoid our feelings than it would have been to hide them from everyone.

"That you had to find them…" I whispered, basically saying what I originally thought. Emy's offended face grew more distinctive.

"That I fou-"

"I'm sorry I've hurt you." I interrupted. Emy was taken aback.

I took a breath, looking down at the sheets on the bed. "I'm sorry that I lied to you and you had to find out this way. I hate myself every day for wheat I've been doing but I just can't help it…I've wanted this to happen for so long."

"But not as much as you want me?" Emy asked, her voice cracking mid-sentence. I turned to look at her; her offended expression crushed with the face of sadness.

"Emy…-"

"I waited years for my chance to be with you again Sara – I've wanted you back in my arms so badly but I never screwed up what I was already doing." Emy swallowed. "You were the love of my life Sara, but when I was ready to be with you again, I ended my relationship. I gave up someone to be with you, and I was damn hoping that you'd do the same for me!"

My fingers twitched on the bed as I watched Emy spit her words at me. I couldn't even speak to respond to her words.

She sighed, collecting herself. "After you told me about what was happening with Tegan, I thought it was just a faze; I thought once you and I started again that you and her would know to end things." She looked up at me, sucking in through her nose and setting her jaw. "I guess I was wrong.."

Emy stood up from the bed, and started towards the door. My body sprung from the other side, rising to my feet.

"Emy, wait – PLEASE!-" I yelled from the side of the bed.

"DOn't Sara!" She hissed, holding onto the frame of the door. "Just…don't."

Before she walked out of the room, she turned her head so that only half of her face could see me, and I discovered the sight of tears on her cheek.

"I'm sorry I found out; you two sound very happy. I hope things work out between you two."