See the warnings in Chapter 1. Thank you for reading.

Chapter 2

Mark watched as Jeff's chest rose and fell in a steady pattern. Trying to shake the image of Jeff when he'd walked into the bathroom. At first he'd thought Jeff had slashed his wrist. Mark had never been so thankful in his life when he'd realized Jeff had cut up his arm but not his wrist. Mark had cleaned Jeff up, he felt some of the cuts should have stitches but Jeff had adamantly refused to go anywhere near a hospital. Mark had offered to get a doctor and Jeff had just rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine Mark." Although he had let it go Mark doubted Jeff was anything but fine. Mark's first instinct had been to go get Matt but Jeff had pleaded with him, begged him not to. Jeff had been on the verge of hysteria all over again so Mark had promised not to tell anyone. He'd finally got Jeff asleep and now he had too many questions floating in his own mind to relax. How long had Jeff been doing this to himself? Why? How hadn't they all noticed what Jeff was doing, what he was going through? Sure Jeff was a little eccentric at times. Definitely a little weirder then the average person but that's what made him Jeff. There was innocence, a simple purity about the young man. His ever-changing hair and flare for a more dramatic style caused people to gravitate towards Jeff. Granted it was usually out of curiosity but once you got to know Jeff you were hooked. Thinking of Jeff made Mark remember a couple of lines from a Walt Whitman poem he had once read. "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself. (I am large, I contain multitudes)" Multitudes that's what Jeff was. Had he just seen another layer of Jeff Hardy tonight? Mark sighed unsure how to help Jeff but knowing he wanted to, petrified of what might have happened if he didn't help him. What could have happened tonight if he hadn't heard the pounding of Jeff's head against the counter? Jeff could have. . . He shook his head to stop the line of thoughts. Resting his head back against the chair sleep finally taking over his thoughts.

Jeff tugged the sleeves of his sweatshirt down subconsciously given himself a sense of security. Watching as Mark made his way down the hall of the auditorium looking around for a door to escape into. He had been avoiding Mark since the morning he had awoken to see Mark asleep in a chair. After realizing what had happened hadn't been a terrible nightmare, Jeff had panicked throwing Mark out of the room and deciding never to speak to him again. It had been a week and avoiding Mark was becoming increasingly more difficult. Jeff saw an open room and slid in closing the door. He leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. His eyes flew open as the door opened and Mark walked in. Jeff tried to hide the pure fear from his face and forced a smile. "Hey Jeff whatcha doing in Glen and mines locker room?" Mark questioned, Jeff internally groaned. Great he had just escaped into Mark's locker room.

"I was looking for you Mark. I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me the other night. You didn't have to do that." Jeff said lying through his teeth. Mark cocked an eyebrow looking at Jeff quizzically.

"That's kind of funny Jeff. I was almost positive you've been avoiding me. But you're welcome. Jeff, you are my friend and I care about you. Do you want to talk about what is going on? Why you were hurting yourself."

"No, Mark I'm fine. I was just having a really bad night. I was not avoiding you I've been busy." Jeff headed for the door hoping to end the conversation. Mark gently grabbed Jeff's arms to stop him. He pulled Jeff's sleeve up, tracing his fingers along the cuts on Jeff's arms. Jeff watched Mark's fingers, feeling a strange tingle in his stomach. Jeff looked up quickly his eye's meeting Mark's he suddenly couldn't breathe. He felt surrounded by safety and something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Mark smiled and tucked a strand of purple hair behind Jeff's ear. Jeff felt the tingle growing into a tightening; his jade eyes focused on Mark's lips suddenly he felt the craving to taste those lips.

"I've got to go Jeff I have a meeting with JR. If you want to talk let me now. Anytime okay." Jeff nodded unable to form an actual answer. He watched as Mark left the room. Feeling a loss as the door closed. What the hell had just happened, had he really thought about kissing Mark? Mark was a guy for goodness sakes, and Jeff wasn't gay. He had never wanted to be with a guy before. Jeff's eyes widen as he realized what he had been unable to put his finger on. He had felt desire. He had wanted Mark. MARK!! Jeff couldn't breath, couldn't think, he felt like he was drowning. Jeff dug his nails into the palm of his hand trying to stop the emotional tidal waves.

Jeff just sat listening to Matt ramble on about their match and what they were going to do. Jeff sighed unconsciously scratching at the cuts on his arms. They were starting to heal and itch. Part of Jeff was hoping to reopen them and feel the sweet taste of pain. Matt began to look at Jeff with questioning. Fuck Jeff thought he had been too obvious about his arms. "Well, Jeff?" Matt had asked him a question great now he had to admit to not paying any attention to his brother. He listened to the lecture for about twenty minutes before standing.

"I get it Matt, I need to pay more attention this is a job. I need to stop taking my talent for granted. I am nothing but a complete fuck-up. Check" Jeff stormed off leaving a very concerned Matt in his wake. "What the hell is wrong with him now?" Matt asked the empty room searching for answers in the stillness.

Jeff went to a secluded corner of the auditorium and yanking his sleeve up raking his nails roughly over the cut skin groaning in satisfaction as the scabs peeled off under his assault causing a shallow pain. Wishing he had grabbed his bag, he had a razor hidden in it. He needed more but for now settled for the brief pain. Jeff's finger began to get sticky with his blood. Jeff wished Matt could understand him. He needed someone to understand the demons that clouded Jeff's thinking. He never felt good enough, especially in the eyes of his big brother. Self-doubt should be his middle name. He didn't understand what people saw in him. He was just a rainbow-colored, green-eyed freak. Most days he would have to look in the mirror to tell you what color his hair actually was. Jeff knew he had plenty of friends but none of them even knew who he really was. The hell he went threw fighting his own mind day after day. Jeff wrapped his arms around his knees lost in his memories. It had been so long now that he had felt normal. That doubt hadn't eaten at his mind. Wrestling had once been his only solace now it seemed to be more of a burden.

Jeff felt hot tears once again streaming down his cheeks. He wished he could just get threw one day without crying. Lately it seemed to Jeff that the only way out was death. Killing himself felt like an answer to his prayers. He just was scared to leave Matt behind afraid that he wouldn't be able to deal with his brother's death. The other thing was how to do it. Overdosing, slitting his wrists, hanging himself, driving his car off a cliff. He had contemplated purposely taking a bump off one of the ladders wrong and hoping that would kill him, unfortunately he had nixed that idea as he could just end up a vegetable or paralyzed. He had started more then one letter of good-bye to his friends and family, unable to ever finish them. He prayed for a savior, an angel to take him away from the pain and remind him of how to be whole again. How to smile, laugh and live again. How to breathe again. He had a faint memory of these things. He looked up and saw a figure standing in the light. A halo seemingly appearing over there head. "Skittles" whispered a voice as Mark held his hand out. A voice in Jeff's head cried out "Trust him, he could save you."