March 20, 2032. Marshall and Lily's apartment. 1:12 pm.
Marshall is sitting on the couch, looking at his e-tablet. NB Marshall is bald as we have seen in flashforwards. The doorbell buzzes.
MARSHALL: Television, front door security!
ROBOT SECURITY VOICE: We have Theodore Evelyn Mosby. Date of birth: 4-25-1978. Social Security Number: 297…
MARSHALL: Okay let him up.
5 minutes later. Enter Ted and Luke. Luke has a sullen facial expression.
MARSHALL: Hi, Ted. Hey Luke.
TED: Hi Marsh.
MARSHALL: What's the matter with Luke?
TED: He's angry that I won't let him stay at home alone.
LUKE: Dad! I am too old for a babysitter!
TED: I'm sorry, but 15 is still too young in my book. I can't let you stay in the house all by yourself.
LUKE: Grandma Virginia and Grandpa Alfred told me they used to let you stay home alone when you were my age. Even Grandma and Grandpa McConnell used to let Mom stay home alone when she was my age.
TED: The suburbs were a lot safer in the 1990s than they are now. I'd feel better if you were with someone else who is an adult. Good thing Daisy just turned 18 last month.
LUKE: [sigh] Mom would have fought this!
TED: [smirking] I don't think so, son. [to Marshall] Sorry about Luke's attitude, Marshall. Penny is expecting to leave for college next year, so she want to maximize her quality time with her future stepmom…in case she ends up matriculating somewhere outside the New York City area. So she decided to accompany Robin to her bachelorette party. So I didn't want to leave Luke in the house all by himself.
MARSHALL: Fifteen sucks. You're not old enough for anything and you're not young enough for anything!
LUKE: You got that right, Uncle Marshall.
Enter Daisy. She is a little smaller, having Lily's build. Except she has brown hair like her dad used to have.
DAISY: Hi Dad, hi Uncle Ted, hey Luke!
TED: Hi, Daisy. Thanks for offering to watch Luke tonight.
DAISY: Anytime, Uncle Ted. [to Luke, noting his sullenness] Hey, Luke. I hated being 15 myself too. But hey! In one more year, you're gonna get you driver's license. It's better than waiting three years from your age like Marvin and recently I!
LUKE: That's true, Daisy. Just to let you know, I have nothing against having to stay with you while they're gone. It's just the whole babysitting concept that blows.
DAISY: That's fine. I've got plans, so you'll have a good time.
Luke and Daisy converse inaudibly.
TED: So, Marsh, what's the agenda?
MARSHALL: First of all I hired a limo! Ranjit has retired, but his grandnephew, Dinesh, has taken over the business and he has agreed to be our chauffeur tonight. First, we will spend a few hours at Dave and Buster's, the adult Chuck E. Cheese's. Then we will have dinner at the Russian Tea Room. Hope you are in the mood for caviar tasting!
TED: Mmm. You're going all out.
MARSHALL: It's not every day that a guy becomes a best man for his best friend's wedding for the second time. [pauses] Then I have got the three of us tickets to see The Book of Mormon.
TED: A nice musical about the chosen people!
MARSHALL: After the play, we go to the Hoser Hut and sing some tunes.
TED: But we're all American. Will they let us in?
MARSHALL: Barney has Canadian ancestry!
TED: Oh yeah! That's right! [laughs] Speaking of Canada, have you and the family gotten your tickets and updated your passports?
MARSHALL: Yep, all set! A little wary about the sasquatch, but I won't let that get in the way of my best friend's wedding.
Doorbell buzzes again.
MARSHALL: Television, front door security!
ROBOT SECURITY VOICE: At front door is Barnabus Julius Stinson, Date of Birth: May 9, 1976. Social Security Number: 086…
MARSHALL: Okay, let him up.
5 minutes later. Enter Barney and Ellie.
ELLIE: Dad! I don't want a baby sitter!
BARNEY: Too bad! Mom is too sick to watch you and I can't let you stay at home by yourself! You're only 12 years old! What if you fall and break your leg?
ELLIE: I won't walk!
BARNEY: What if you get food poisoning?
ELLIE: I won't eat!
MARSHALL: The day the kids didn't want to be babysat! You're having problems too Barney?
BARNEY: Tell me about it. Number 31 has the flu, so she can't keep Ellie this weekend. And we agreed we didn't want to get Ellie sick either. I hope Daisy doesn't mind watching her too.
DAISY: No problem, Uncle Barn.
ELLIE: [seeing Luke] You know what, Dad? I'm sorry. I think I'll have a good time staying here with Daisy.
LUKE: [seeing Ellie] I'm sorry too, Dad. I'll be fine here with Daisy! You three go and have a good time.
TED: Thanks, son.
BARNEY: Hey Daisy, make sure Luke keeps his dirty hands off my daughter.
DAISY: [laughing] Sure Uncle Barney!
BARNEY: So guys! What's the agenda?
MARSHALL: Well the limo should be arriving soon. First stop Dave and Buster's. Then Russian Tea Room. Afterwards, we go watch The Book of Mormon. After the musical, we cap it all off with some karaoke at the Hoser Hut.
BARNEY: [sarcastically] Aww, what clean wholesome fun! Though The Book of Mormon is hilarious and profanity-laden. Wait a minute-the Hoser Hut? How will we get in? We're American!
MARSHALL: With your Canadian ancestry we'll have no problem getting in!
BARNEY: I am NOTHING like our neighbors to the north! I don't put the British monarch on my money! I say "SAW-ree", not "SOH-ree". I hate hockey!
TED: So have you gotten your and Ellie's passports updated?
BARNEY: Yep!
TED: What about your Canadian passports?
BARNEY: I refuse to claim Canadian citizenship! I am going to your wedding with a US passport! So is my little girl! USA! USA!
MARSHALL: You could have an easier time at the passport control and customs in Vancouver Airport!
BARNEY: I don't care! The party hasn't started yet, and you've already ruined it!
MARSHALL: [looking outside window] Oh, our limo has arrived! We better get going. Bye kids. Take care!
DAISY: Have a good time, guys!
BARNEY: Most likely not…bachelor party, my ass!
MARSHALL: Dude! Language! Our kids can hear you!
Exit Marshall, Barney, and Ted.
DAISY: [to Luke and Ellie] Okay, guys. Little Marshall is staying over at a friend's place this weekend, so he lent us his video games for you guys to play. I will order some pizza or Chinese food for us later tonight. I saved a lot of money from my summer jobs at Dad's courthouse. If you guys behave (just kidding, you guys are cool), I have got us tickets to see the Summer of '69 musical at Times Square tonight!
ELLIE: The musical with the songs of Bryan Adams? Legendary!
LUKE: That's Aunt Robin's favorite musical! We're gonna have a great time tonight!
ELLIE: Sorry about earlier, Daisy!
DAISY: It's all good. I was 12 once too!
ELLIE: Yeah, but you're not an only child. Mom and Dad get so overprotective of me to the point where they don't know when to quit.
Cut scene to front sidewalk. A stretch limo is parked out front. Standing in front of the right passenger door is a chauffeur of subcontinent descent. It is Dinesh in a chauffeur uniform.
DINESH: [Shaking Marshall's hand, he speaks with a US accent since he grew up in the US] Hi, Mr. Eriksen? I'm Dinesh Singh, Ranjit's grandnephew. Uncle told me to take good care of you guys.
MARSHALL: Thank you Dinesh. I'd like you to meet my friends, Barney…
BARNEY: [shaking Dinesh's hand] How do you do?
MARSHALL: …and the groom-to-be, Ted.
TED: [shaking Dinesh's hand] Nice to meet you! Tell your great uncle we said hi!
DINESH: [opening door] Guys, go make yourselves comfortable.
The guys enter limousine.
BARNEY: [entering limo] Okay Marshall, you won…
When they enter limo, they see a stripper who looks so much like Tracy. (Visualize Cristin Milioti in stripper garb.) Marshall's and Ted's jaw drop. Barney is seated with a giant smile. Ted and Marshall see the stripper's resemblance to Tracy, Barney appears oblivious.
BARNEY: You one sad, pathetic loser!
MARSHALL: Déjà Vu?
BARNEY: Guys, this is Angel!
TED: [still in shock] Angel is right!
End of Act 2.